Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
Getting ghosted by a woman can seriously break a man’s brain. Sometimes a woman disappears gradually because you made a mistake, whereas some others disappear out of your life in an instant as if they just decided to cancel their fast food order. Getting ghosted and then trying to make sense of why she ghosted you is about as non-conclusive as watching a ghost hunter TV show and trying to figure out if the ghosts in the episode were.
In the end, you’ll never get a 100% clear answer. Sometimes it’s better to accept that you don’t know the full reality of what happened, rather than questioning your own reality and wondering endlessly why you got ghosted. But of course, most guys will do the exact opposite when they get ghosted or ignored by a woman.
Instead of walking away from a woman who ghosts them, they keep on trying to find a solution to the solution. Everything seemed fine, so there must be a good reason why she is currently not messaging you. And because you have a kind heart, you’ll start to wonder:
- Why did she ghost me? Did I say something wrong? Was I too needy or acted like a beta male?
- Is she super busy right now and should I wait to hear from her?
- Did I come on too strong? Was I too pushy or too easily excited with her?
- Is she playing hard to get right now?
- Maybe she’s going through a tough time?
- Is she testing my persistence right now? Does she want me to chase her?
Is the answer to some of these questions “Yes?” — Possibly. It could even be very much likely that you did one of these things wrong. And yes, it could even be possible that she is “busy” but in the end, no communication from a woman is a female red flag. Even the busiest woman with all kinds of terrible things going on in her life will eventually let you know what’s going on with her, instead of ghosting you near-indefinitely.
Often, a woman’s ghosting behavior is more a reflection of her communication and behavior style rather than a reflection of your failures. Yes, when a woman ghosted you, she lacked interest from the get-go or she lost it quickly after she started dating you, but a decent woman won’t disappear as fast as a Russian in Thailand disappears when he found out that he impregnated the local Thai Lady. It does not take one to be a Saint to know common politeness courtesy. Some things are universally wrong and when a woman ghosts you without zero remorse or zero fucks given, then you should do the same: Say “Fuck you! I deserve better than this,” and carry on. Keep calm and carry on when women ghost you.
Don’t get me wrong, self-reflection is crucial in dating to succeed with women. If you always get the same results with a woman, then it’s probably you. Either because you always make the same mistakes, or because you always date the same terrible low-quality women. So when there’s a pattern, you should identify what leads to your dating failures and quickly address them. But if you can’t find a clear pattern of why you got randomly ghosted, then it’s best to cut your losses and move on to the next woman. Ultimately, no matter how a woman rejects, ghosts or leaves you — you can’t change that she is no longer interested.
So, I got a situation from a guy who got ghosted by a girl and he’s trying to make sense of it all. Can we solve the enigma? Let’s dissect the problem!
She Ghosted me after the First Date: Why was I Ghosted by her when we had Great Chemistry?
Hey Andi, this is my last resort to figure out what the hell is going on with this girl that I have been interested in. I hope you can figure out what’s happening. I generally don’t know what to do. I met this girl on a dating app a couple of weeks ago. We had an amazing connection, talking quited a bit back and forth and then had a great first date. Everything was so natural. She pulled all the first moves and ended the night with some kisses before she left. We texted a lot after our date and even talked on the phone that night.
So, everything seemed nice. But it almost sounded too good to be true. Now, don’t get me wrong. In a best-case scenario, this is exactly how it should go down. The woman that you’re talking with should crave talking to you. Anything else could already be considered a failure and will likely end in a flake. But if you had a lot of chemistry, there usually should not be any ghosting or anything else happening. I can count on less than one entire hand that I had gone on dates with a woman who was actually into me during the date but then pulled away from me after some time.
There are two things that bother me about your situation. First of all, she was a bit too aggressive by making the first move on you. That’s too easy for my taste. This is something that you as the guy have to earn and fight for. If you play your cards right, she will allow you to take it to that level on a first date. But when a woman is too easy or aggressive, be careful, because most women would not go out of their way to make out with you!
Most women are conservative, or rather reserved when they start dating a man. They won’t put all the cards on the table and will make the man work hard to open her up emotionally. She expects you to make the first move, go for the first kiss, invite her over to your place, and so on. A woman wouldn’t want to be seen as easy, so be careful if she makes it too easy for you! It’s the man who leads the woman into the bedroom, but she was the one taking the lead. That could be a red flag that she’s not relationship material.
The second problem is that you had a missed opportunity. Now, given that we ignore the fact that she was a bit too easy, you did not make the most out of the situation. If she really wanted you, and in a perfect scenario, isn’t easy about it but instead, you are the one who gets her turned on, then you should have taken the opportunity to seduce her. Always try to have sex with a woman when it is obvious that she wants you. You can easily see that in her body language, how she reacts when you kiss her, and so on. A woman who’s into you will typically moan already while you’re making out with her.
Now, will that always work? No, of course not. Some women will be too shy, conservative, reserved, and so on. And to be honest, that’s the woman I’d prefer you to date. A woman who wants you badly but won’t open up to you on the first date is a good woman. That’s the woman who will be long-term relationship material without drama. But, that’s not to say every woman who takes it to the next step is a bad woman. There’s simply a higher chance for drama later on. But you didn’t take your chances. You didn’t even try to make your move. It would be much better to make your move, see how she reacts, and then you know where you stand with her, and you also get a good idea of what kind of woman she is.
And if she is the one who engaged with you via text right after the date — assuming that you weren’t needy or pushy — then that would suggest that she was really into you during that night. And you could have probably gone further with her. That, or you were too pushy, you didn’t realize that she didn’t want to keep talking to you right after the date, and that’s precisely what turned her off. It’s up to you to judge which scenario it was.
What does it Mean when she Ghosts you: She Ghosted me and then Came Back — Why?
4 days later we made plans for a second date. And so far everything was good, but the day of the second date is when things became odd. She texted me in the morning, super normal and then Bam!… I was left on read. No texts or calls throughout the day and then the date didn’t push through because I didn’t hear from her. But she kept viewing my story on IG. She kept leaving me on read for about two days after that.
Until eventually she texted me again when I posted a story on IG. So she surprisingly gave me a mature wholehearted apology. She even called me to talk about it and when we talked she said that she was scared because she’s not looking to get into anything serious right off the bat, which, of course, me too. She said her last relationship didn’t end well and she didn’t want to rush. We literally were on the same page. The conversation eventually led us to say let’s take it day by day because she said she’s interested in where it goes with her and I. Apparently, with me, she didn’t expect to like me so much and be romantically interested in me.
Alright, so you’ve been flaked on and then even ghosted by her. That is a big warning sign, but it’s not irreversible. So there are a few ways how to look at this. Ok, she ghosted you and she made a mistake. She apologized for her mistake and that is a good thing. Maybe…
- she has attachment issues
- her ex boyfriend treated her poorly
- she wasn’t ready to date yet
Any of this could be true, and it’s good that she apologized. The average woman wouldn’t have the courage to apologize. So perhaps there is enough attraction on her side left to go out of her comfort zone and admit she screwed up. But the only thing that matters in the end is if a woman makes an effort to see you. Anyway, she apologized, so that’s more than you’d get from most women.
Now, in a perfect world, that would be it and from then on, everything has to be spot-on with her. When a woman rejects you, flakes on you, ghosts you, etc. then she gets one chance to make it right. If she doesn’t make it right afterward and everything remains drama, stressful, frustrating, and so on, then you walk away and never look back.
Now, I got to say though, your scenario is very extreme and I may have completely already walked away from this. Not only did she leave you on read, she then didn’t show up to the date, and then she also never even got back to you for a long time. That sounds like a very big red flag to me and we’re going to see as I continue through your message that her red flags are deeply ingrained.
When you are starting to date a woman who has a lot of red flags, she will rarely fix them for you. Most people don’t change when life is convenient and pleasurable — they change when life is inconvenient and painful. A new woman with red flags has no reason to change her bad behaviors if you’re essentially affirming her bad traits. Quite the opposite, it’s a sign for her that she can keep doing this to you, while she probably couldn’t do this to other guys.
When a Girl Ghosts a Guy: What to do when a Woman Ghosts you and she Says she is “Busy”?
So we planned for another hangout. We hung out at the beginning of this week and it was great. We didn’t kiss, but we cuddled and held hands. Super casual stuff. When she left things were good. We texted all day and talked on the phone at night. We then planned for another hangout. The day before she was supposed to come by I asked if she was still free to hang.
She said she was currently busy and also she was getting cold feet again. We then talked on the phone about what was going on. She hits me with a complete 180, saying “I don’t know if we should go this route. I’m not ready for a relationship.” It just confused me because I thought we were just being casual like we established. I never mentioned being in a relationship with her. I told her that in the far future a relationship is something I wanted, in general though.
Now she’s leaving me on read again, which is so confusing because I feel like I’m being played. I respect how she feels about the relationship thing, but don’t get how she can go from being intimate right off the bat to getting cold feet and doing semi-intimate stuff again and then ghosting again. I seriously don’t get what this is… Playing hard to get on purpose or what?
Well, let’s first address the obvious elephant in the room: You said that things were good when she left. You should seduce a woman if there’s great chemistry while she was at your place — you failed if she left despite that. So either things weren’t as good as you thought they were, or you once again did not make a strong enough move on her. She’ll lose attraction for you if you didn’t make a move on her when she really wanted you.
In a scenario like yours, you should have woken up to her the next morning. You didn’t even kiss her. So you were passive. It sounds to me that you lack the confidence to kiss her, touch her, and seduce her. This was yet another missed opportunity and the average woman will get tired of this real quickly. Almost all women want a guy to make a move on them and undress them — even reserved & conservative women.
Now, that’s not to say that every woman will open up to it right away. Some women can be very conservative and sleeping with such a woman requires more patience & care. But even a reserved woman has her needs. Every woman wants to give herself to a man that she feels comfortable and safe around. It’s only a matter of time for how long it takes for her to open up. Even the most conservative woman will be driven crazy by the anticipation of being undressed by the man that she loves.
Building up anticipation with a woman but then not converting it into sexual energy is like foreshadowing the climax of a movie only to leave out the big spectacle in the end. You’d never watch the sequel of a movie that massively disappointed you because what it promised, in the beginning, didn’t match up with the boring ending.
On top of that, you are much too focused on texting and talking to her. Now, it was actually her initially who made a move on you. So she is either a very sexually confident woman, or she’s too easy. But whichever way you’d want to categorize her, she must be the type of woman who wants her guy to push her buttons and seduce her. A woman who wants to have sex with you will get bored or frustrated easily if she comes over to your place but you treat her like a friend rather than a lover. She’s not your penpal or friend. You’re too much focused on trying to warm her up, when she’s already hot like an oven.
What you should have done is get her over to your place. Maybe have a good dinner together. Have fun, cook something together. Or order some delicious takeout food. Grab a bottle of wine, watch a good movie, and get physically close with her. Once she’d loosened up a little bit, you’d then should have seduced her. But I think you wouldn’t even have needed alcohol based on how she made the first move. She wanted you initially.
Being busy and getting cold feet are just excuses. I don’t think that she doesn’t want anything serious, but rather, that she wants nothing serious with you anylonger. Perhaps you are pushing too much via text, but at the same time, you’re not pushing when it counts. She has lost attraction for you and at this point, she can’t be bothered anymore to still go out with you. I don’t think she’s playing hard to get at all. She made herself available to you but when she did, you didn’t collect your price.
The bottom line is that you are being ghosted or getting ignored again. The first time, if you made a mistake, it’s fine. On the second time, you could of course still blame it on your behavior. And I’m sure your lack of seduction skills plays a part in this, but ultimately she does not respect you or your time. She is a repeat ghoster. She never had enough attraction for you to call this a relationship so you should walk away from her.
The truth is that given how she made herself available so easily, she’s most likely currently dating other guys and they most likely already seduce her or at the very least they are more proactive than you are. If a woman has a choice between two men — one man is a passive beta male and the other one a proactive alpha male — she’s always going to choose the man of action. You probably screwed this one up and drove her in the arms of another man, but that should not bother you because her repeated ghosting behavior should be a red flag to you. Two things can be true at the same time: You can mess up with a woman and it’s your fault, and a woman can mistreat you and that’s her fault.
A Man Walks Away when he’s not Loved: Whatever her Reasons for you Being Ghosted, Don’t Accept Them!
How she talks and acts are so different in text versus in person. I really do think she’s a great woman, except for how things are going down right now of course. I want to respect her as much as I can. I just hate that when I express my side of how I feel she disregards it and leaves me on read.
She tells me she has a lot of anxiety about the stuff, plus her job keeps her busy. For some reason I want this girl to be in my life. Crazy enough. Our connection is quite intense. Can you tell me what’s truly going on with her relationship anxiety?
Look, here’s what to do when you get ghosted by a girl. I would suggest to you that you move on from this woman. When you’re young or inexperienced you tend to have more tolerance for bullshit and it’s an important skill to learn to be bullshit-resistant with women. If a woman leaves me on read multiple times, or if she completely ghosts me, I’d simply move on with my life and find the next woman who absolutely adores me. Rule number one in life is this: A man walks away when he’s not loved.
There are plenty of fish in the sea. You can date so many women if you’re abundant and learn to recognize how many women are into you. Open Tinder Premium, do some super swipes to increase your exposure to women, and you’ll have plenty of options. Go out regularly and socialize, and you’ll have plenty of opportunities to run into women who want you. It’s about recognizing your value and walking away from the women who don’t value you.
The king is already winner. You always have to see yourself as a king and realize that you have a lot of options. Most men think the opposite and I’m sure you are also too focused on a woman who only leaves you on read because you think what you have with her is unique, when in reality you can have something unique and create with another woman in a month from now. because a lot of men don’t think that they have a lot of options. A man with an abundance mindset won’t give his attention to a woman who flakes, tries to control him, shittests him too often, ghosts him on the regular, and so on.
When dating a woman, draw the lines of what’s acceptable early enough. In general, you would simply walk away from such a woman and not even call her out on her behavior. In an extremely obvious scenario where she is obviously playing and disrespecting you to an extreme degree, I might call her out or let her know that you don’t think this relationship is good for you. You could say something like:
Hey look, I understand you don’t want to be in a relationship with me and I would love to hang out, just casually get to know you but you’ve been leaving me on read more than once and that’s not cool. I think it’s best we don’t date anylonger. It seems you’re not interested to go out with me. I wish you all the best.
A subtle jab at a woman’s poor behavior and character can be an effective tool to teach her a lesson, and also to learn to assert yourself and fight back when you’re not being treated good enough. Does something like this change her mind? No, but hey, as a man you need to learn to call out people for their bullshit and hold them accountable for it.
And regarding her reasons, such as having anxiety about relationships, being too busy with her work and so on, all of these things could be true but if a woman adores her man, she’ll move mountains to spend time with him. You can’t do the job for a woman to make herself available to you. Whether she dated creepy guys or got other issues, it’s her who has to reconcile whatever issues she might have.
We all have issues in life. How often does it happen to you that you will not choose to date a woman because you got some tough things going on in your life? I assume it’s a rare occasion. Maybe during your worst times, but on average, you will make time for the woman you like, despite your stressful life circumstances. Or to be more precise, you’ll make time for your girl because of your stressful circumstances — because she will make everything feel better.
I suggest you to listen to the song “Quiet” by Jason Mraz. It’s a good song that summarizes this mindset. We choose relationships exactly because they make us feel better about the things that are going on in our lives. If she doesn’t spend time with you, she’s just not attracted enough to you and everything else is a poor excuse.
And in the off-chance that I’m wrong about this, it’s still a red flag that she cannot manage her problems and date you at the same time. If she can’t overcome what is holding her back, then that’s not your problem. If she’s going back and forth with you all the time, and ghosts you, goes hot and cold, and so on, then you’re in a dangerous territory of narcissism and narcissistic supply, where a woman has poor character and only uses you for temporary validation.
Why do women ghost? Usually, it’s because they simply don’t have enough interest in you. If she’s not toxic, then I guarantee you that she will meet a guy in a few months from now where she won’t be doing any of this behavior. This behavior of hers is a choice. Whether she does it because she’s an attention-seeker or because she just doesn’t care about you. You’re not a priority to her, so walk away from her and make another woman your priority.
Cut your losses and take the lesson that I just taught you. You didn’t make a move on her when you should have. You probably also acted more like a penpal than a lover. Try again with another woman and see if the same bad behavior patterns repeat. If you get the same results one or two more times, then it’s clear that you are messing up, rather than the women that you’re dating being attention seekers.
Anyway, walk away from this woman. When a woman ghosts you, that is an answer. No answer is also an answer.
