Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In this video we’re gonna look at a man who actually has been my client about a year ago and he has been a bit of insecure with his dating life in the past. He got friend zoned by a woman in the past. A lot of rejections. And so this video is a good sign of how you can turn your life around and how easy it actually is to improve your dating life. So let me get into his message. He says… Let me just zoom in a little bit here… Getting old!
Alpha Males don’t Chase: Once you Stop Caring, she Starts Chasing — Make her Choose you & Come to you
Hi coach, I just wanted to give you an update on my dating situation and tell you about the woman that I am currently dating. You helped me a lot with my dating life and I was trying to figure out my next steps. In case you don’t remember we had one coaching session about a year ago about a woman who had friend zoned me. Back then you helped me understand that I was too nice to the woman I was in love with. I kept on chasing her and doing nice things for her even though she always shut down any attempts by me to set up dates with her. I followed your advice and stopped chasing her. You were right that I was too focused on a woman who didn’t value me and I didn’t see that there are other women out there who love what I have to offer.
So yeah, if you are dating a woman or if you are into a woman and she just is not interested and she just treats you as a friend, as a convenience, and you are clearly showing her that you want more and she probably can see that and then she’s not giving that to you, why would you wanna date that woman? So if that happens, as a king, you say “nah, thanks I can do better. I deserve better. And why would I do this to me? I’m not gonna chase you.” And he has been chasing this particular woman too much. That makes you unhappy. If you are chasing women or if you are chasing relationships and love that doesn’t make you happy. Why would you do that if there are millions of people, millions of women in the world who can make you happy?! It just doesn’t make any sense and so I told him that he should stop chasing this particular woman and focus on himself.
Ever since then I started being more assertive with my emotional and physical needs, just like you suggested. I have to admit it really wasn’t easy at first especially because of covid and feeling lonely and isolated for too long. I tried to be too accommodating and too easy to wrap around a woman’s finger but after a few months, I slowly became better at following your advice of “don’t play hard to get, be hard to be impressed” Then I started working on the goals we identified together. I stopped chasing women and started spending more time on my own goals, especially when women wouldn’t show me enough interest or played hard to get.
So in my book, if you haven’t read my book “Unleash The King Within“, I have this advice you shouldn’t play hard to get. You should only be hard to be impressed. So what that means is, a lot of people, they play hard to get because obviously based on social science that actually works. It increases your value. You become more scarce and then people perceive you as more valuable, even if maybe you are not. But in the end of the day, that is actually a manipulative tactic.
It should come from a different frame of mind. It should come from the frame of mind of being hard to be impressed. That means that well, you raise your standards of what you want from a woman and if a woman doesn’t reach those standards, well then why would you give her all this attention? And why would he do all these nice things for her, right? And that way you’re not being distant with a woman just because you’re an asshole who’s trying to manipulate her into having sex with. You you’re just doing it because you realize, well, she’s not that great compared to other women. And I should give most of my attention to the better women, right? That’s just how it is.
A lot of men do the opposite. They put the status of a woman, of low status women, so high that they don’t even realize what they deserve. And so because they put these not so great women way too high, they chase them, and they chase, and chase, and chase, and they never realize that this is actually not what’s going to make them happy. And if you always chase this happiness that actually doesn’t make you happy, it’s never going to work out. You’ll always run out of this happiness because you’re not dating the woman that you’re supposed to date. It’s never going to make you happy and overly chasing these women doesn’t work anyways, because they will realize he’s kind of needy. He seems like he treats me like I’m the only woman that he can date.
If you have high standards, you realize: “Whoa! There’s a lot more women out there that have potential that I could be dating. Those are the women that I’m going to chase” and then you don’t put yourself into that place where you say “wow there’s only these few women, very low standard, that I believe I deserve.” No, you deserve a lot of women. You deserve a lot of great women. That’s what a king does. He deserves a queen. He deserves a lot of queens. There are a lot of queens out there and you can get those queens. You just have to be less easily impressed by every random woman that you run into.
Dont Chase her: Dating the Most Beautiful Women Start with Developing an Abundance Mindset
For the last year I spent a lot of time improving my lifestyle and my social status. I actually got a better paying job. You still remember, I was afraid to ask for a higher salary because I thought I wasn’t experienced enough and I live in a poor country so working online and asking for a lot of money isn’t something we are taught when you grow up. I’m now getting paid more than 50% of what I got paid at my last job and it really shows.
Awesome, dude! And it’s the same thing with dating. You’ve basically been conditioned that you don’t deserve what’s your birthright as a king. You live in Peru, right? And it’s a relatively poor country and people from the US for example will hire you for a low salary. So you’ve been conditioned to believe that you’re not worth more. Same with dating. You’ve been conditioned that you’re not worth the attention from these really amazing women and now you’re changing your frame of mind. And you realize “Hey I deserve so much more” and here you are! You’re getting it. And now you get paid 50% more than before. That must be a lot in Peru if you’re working online.
Needless to say my quality of life in Peru has improved a lot because I got a lot of extra cash. I bought some basic calisthenics home equipment last year and I think I look a lot more attractive after not even one year of working out and the chicks dig it 🙂
Yeah, for sure! You look hotter, you look more content, you look happier, you’re probably less stressed because you’re making more money, you probably have an aura of confidence around you. Women love this. Now they want to know: “Why is this guy doing so well?”
And you’re probably less needy because you feel so good about yourself, that you don’t need that approval from all of these women and so that attracts women to you, ironically. As soon as you no longer care about getting results with women because you’re already happy with what you have in life, that’s when they all come swarming. That’s just how it is.
Recently I’ve gone on some dates with some really cute women. One is really hot and we go on dates every few weeks. With her it’s really easy. It’s almost like I have to do nothing. She’s almost always the one who reaches out to me and I just invite her to do something with me and we banter a lot. I think I made a really good strong impression on her because I didn’t treat her like I used to treat women before. If you still remember, I always gave women too much attention and chased them literally around the room when I’d go out to bars. With her I really did it differently. I let her come to me and she seems to love my confidence. Although of course, a big part of me still sometimes feels like I want to chase her more than I’m doing LOL
So you still have a little bit of insecurities there. You still feel like “should I pursue more or not?” but as long as she can’t tell that, it’s all good, dude. We all have our insecurities. That’s just how it is. Even the strongest man will have some insecurity with a really hot woman. You’re dating a great woman now. It’s great! You don’t want to screw up. It’s cool. Just keep on playing it cool. She likes your confidence. She reaches out to you. You’re setting up dates. Perfect! You’re having fun. It’s exactly how it should be.
Then on the other hand this other woman that I matched with a while ago on Tinder. Man, she’s fucking hot! I don’t want to be mean to the other woman that I just mentioned. She’s really great, but this woman is just on another level. She’s probably one of the hottest woman I ever talked to.
Nice! It feels so good when you just start dating these really hot women. So yeah, it’s not mean. I’m sure the other woman that you’re dating is also really attractive but this one must be a bombshell, a 10/10, probably. And you feel good about yourself. I mean who wouldn’t feel good about that when you start dating these kind of women?! But here’s his problem.
Things Confident Men NEVER do: Never Chase Hard to Get Women — even if she is a Literal Supermodel!
But she’s kind of similar to my previous issues. She’s not really paying enough attention. She’s playing hard to get a LOT. First of all her, messaging was really on and off all the time. Very inconsistent. But I keep my cool and just keep on talking with her without any pressure until I finally got her to go on a date with me. But then she flaked on me and rescheduled our date. She did it almost last minute…
Cliche!
…and said that she was on her period and wasn’t feeling too good.
It’s always the fucking period! Especially with the hot women. There’s just always the fucking period somehow. What a coincidence!
I told her ‘Don’t worry about it. Let’s just meet some other time when you’re feeling better.’ but she hasn’t suggested an alternative. Now I don’t know what to do next. I haven’t messaged her ever since but I am not sure if that’s a mistake or not. I figured that if she really likes me she will show me. On one side this woman is really a catch and she’s just so smoking hot. But I don’t want to chase after her either. So I’m in the dilemma that I don’t know if she is worth it or not.
So look at that mindset shift! Before he didn’t believe that he even deserves a woman like this. Now he’s even considering “is she worth my time?” because she’s not treating him right and he has a lot more options now. This woman probably also must have a shitton of options because she’s smoking hot. So every man wants her. So she has that really long line of men who want her. And she can very carefully choose from, right? And she’s gonna pick the man who is the best. Who’s the least insecure with the highest social status.
I would assume you probably have relatively high social status now because you’re getting paid a lot more than before. You work online in Peru. So if you’re getting paid 50% more, maybe you’re not getting paid the US rates yet but you’re getting close to it, right? That means you have a lot of income. You provide a lot of stability to women. So you have a lot more to give to women now. So you also in return have a lot more choices with women now. So now his mindset is shifting and he’s also thinking “is this woman worth it or not?” and you know, obviously, he’s probably thinking with his dick because she’s super hot. So he still wants her, of course, but he’s not coming from a place where he needs her, he needs her validation.
If he can’t have her his life is not falling apart because he has that other woman who’s making him relatively happy. It’s going well. Obviously, he would love to date this really hot woman but if it doesn’t work out it’s not like he’s losing out on something, essentially.
But either way I guess it’s still a huge improvement from my dating situation before because in the past I would have definitely drooled all over this kind of woman and there’s no way I could have been able to resist her. I still hope you can give me advice on the next step with this woman. It’s not like things are bad. Things with the other cute girl I’m dating are going in a good direction. I guess I just have a little bit of FOMO, fear of missing out with the really hot one. What’s your suggestion what I should do next?
It’s kind of understandable that you have FOMO with this hot woman if she’s the hottest woman that you’ve ever dated, or one of the hottest. Whatever you said. You want to know what it’s like. And there’s nothing wrong with trying to experiment and discovering more, and seeing how far can you take it, right? But of course, at the end of the day, we don’t necessarily always need to date a bombshell type of woman, right? So if this other woman is quite hot as well, let’s say she’s an 8 out of 10 and it’s really fun, it’s easy, it’s also great.
Obviously, we care about looks as men and if it’s a 10/10 we would all go for that. But it’s not everything. High quality of character, integrity, honesty, not being manipulative, being respectful, right? All these things matter. So the question is did she flake on you on purpose? Was it manipulative? Was she playing hard to get? You say she does that a lot so you can assume that maybe she did it. This kind of excuse with the period comes often, but at least it wasn’t one of these bullshit excuses like “I had to take care of my grandma” or some bullshit like that. So maybe she really had her period. You can’t know. What I would do is just let her reach out again.
She didn’t suggest an alternative, so she needs to come to you. She has to earn another shot with you. If she really wants to get to know you more. she’s really interested, she’s gonna message you. Maybe she’s even gonna suggest “hey let’s hang out” because she hasn’t heard from you for a while and she’s going to wonder “Why is he the only guy who’s not doing that? Why are all the other men chasing me but this guy, he’s not?” And if she then flakes again, then you can pretty much say that she’s very, very likely playing hard to get on purpose, and alpha males don’t chase women. We don’t chase women who play hard to get because you change your mindset. You have a lot more options. Now, if it works out with her, great! If not, it works out with the one that you’re also dating on the side.
Or maybe you start dating more of these hot women, like these 10/10s. Keep at it. Keep on improving your dating life, and keep on doing what you’re doing that has been working. Your workout and you your job is doing well, so just keep on improving your life and your happiness and the women will follow. And they’re already following, so if she doesn’t make a move, whatever, man! You know it’s fine. Give it another try but then if she’s playing hard to get again, then she belongs in the garbage dump and that’s it. That’s my advice that I would give you. It’s really great to see you making progress in your life and especially with your dating life. I know how you feel because now you’re dating really high quality women and hotter women. That’s awesome! So you must be quite happy. It’s awesome for you.
So that’s my final verdict. Let me know what you think in the comments below. Do you agree with this take or not? Give me a thumbs up, of course, and follow my YouTube channel. And if you need some more help, there are a few ways I can help you. You can get my book “Unleash The King Within” from Amazon. I talk a lot about these mindsets how you expect more from women, how you become hard to be impressed. You say “hey you’re not even that great, so why should I give you my attention, right?” so a lot of great ideas in this book.
You can also get my training programs “Confidence King.” Confidence King is a lot about this, exactly. About being confident in life and love. And you can also get my other training program “Financial Freedom King” which is a cryptocurrency trading program, which teaches you how to make money in smarter ways. Because like you see, this guy here he’s making more money now. He’s feeling better. Builds social status. That helps you with women. So this is how I can help you. You can also book a coaching session with me and with that I will see all of you kings in the next video.
