Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In this video we’re going to talk about rejection and I want to talk a bit about principles. I have a message from a man who basically has been rejected sort of by a woman or he thinks so things are not going well and he doesn’t really know what to do next and so if you’ve been reading my book “Unleash The King Within“, I have this one idea in my book. One of my chapters is titled “The king is already a winner“. So the idea with that chapter or in general is that you have to always see yourself as a king. And kings are by default already winners. That means that women are automatically attracted to you. Women automatically want you and you just have to use that attraction that a woman has for you to make things happen and to seduce her.
And eventually, if you want to be in a relationship with her, so one of the important principles that I want to talk about in this video is the law of assumption. It’s actually an idea that I don’t mention in my book. I just stumbled upon this idea a few months ago. It’s similar to the law of attraction and I want to quickly talk about the law of attraction and the law of assumption. I want to introduce these two ideas.
Law of Attraction & Law of Assumption for Love: How the Law of Assumption by Neville Goddard can Help
Most of you probably already heard of the law of attraction. The law of attraction is essentially: You think about something that you want and then you’re going to receive it. So, for example, if you want to have beautiful women, then you have to think of beautiful women and you have to take some action to surround yourself with beautiful women. And the idea behind the law of attraction, roughly speaking, is that everything in the universe vibrates on the same frequency. So for example, what does that mean if you hang out with lazy people? Well, guess what? You’re going to be lazy. And same, if you’re going to be lazy, you’re only going to meet lazy people.
If you are going to be hardworking and if you’re going to be interested in entrepreneurship, you’re probably gonna meet a lot of entrepreneurs. And same, if you don’t care about this stuff, you will never hang out with these amazing entrepreneurs. Same thing, if you don’t hang out with beautiful women, you will never meet more beautiful women. And same way, if you’re not a positive man, for example, someone who’s always positive thinking, always happy, not grumpy, has a lot of gratitude, if you are someone who has a lot of gratitude, all of these good qualities, then obviously you’re going to vibrate with another woman who has similar qualities. So like attracts like. We vibrate in the same frequency and that is essentially the law of attraction. So for example, if you want to have a high quality woman you have to be a high quality man.
It’s pretty straightforward. Quite simple. Now, the law of assumption is something that I stumbled upon recently, which is very similar, but it has a bit of a different take. The law of assumption is very simple. It essentially just says, okay, whatever you believe to be true is going to happen. So if you assume that you’re going to fail your job interview, guess what’s going to happen? You’re going to fail the job interview because you’re going to be nervous. If you assume that you will not be able to talk to hot women in the club, well guess what’s going to happen? You will be nervous and you won’t find the courage to talk to hot women in the club. So the idea is whatever you assume will become your reality.
And that’s very similar to ideas such as neuro-linguistic programming, where our thoughts basically determine our actions and how we present ourselves in the world. So these two ideas, law of attraction and law of assumption, are quite similar if you think about it. Basically, both, they’re both essentially saying “hey you have to be conscious about the things that you think about, and what kind of person you are, and if you always have negative assumptions, then you’re gonna have negative outcomes.” So obviously, if you have negative assumptions about a woman, if you do believe that things are not going great between the two of you, well, what do you think is going to happen? The things between the two of you will actually turn to shit.
And it could actually be that things are not so bad but because you assume that things are not going great, that’s why they’re not going great. This could be the same thing if you want to get an ex back. I should probably make an ex back video in the future as well about this. If you assume that your ex just hates you, if you assume that your ex doesn’t like you, if you assume that your ex doesn’t want to talk to you, or if you assume that your ex hasn’t forgiven you, or whatever. Whatever negative self-talk that you have, then that’s probably gonna happen because you’re going to have certain reactions to your ex. It’s the same thing with dating, of course, as well.
So I just want to read a quick quote from… his name is Neville Goddard, he is the one who came up with the law of assumption and then we’re going to get into the message of the guy who had the problem, who has essentially been rejected. So the quote goes like this:
The world is yourself pushed out. Ask yourself what you want and then give it to yourself. Do not question how it will come about. Just go your way knowing that the evidence of what you have done must appear and it will.
So basically, it’s just saying: What you believe on the inside, that’s exactly what you’re going to reflect out into the world. So if you on the inside believe that you are not a king, then this is what you’re going to reflect to women, for example. And like I told you in the beginning of the video: The king is already a winner. So if you believe that you are a king and if you believe that things are going great, then you have no other choice than to eventually reach that result because you’re going to be confident, you’re going to believe in yourself, and through that you’re going to meet people, you’re going to meet women who will be attracted to this kind of king who has that confidence. Because a lot of men they walk through the world not having that confidence. They constantly question themselves. And so let’s get into this message of a guy who essentially is questioning himself.
Signs of Male Insecurity that Turn Women Off: Assuming Too Much is Why Women Reject You
Yo coach, you da dog. Thanks so much for the advice you post. I was hoping you’d give me some advice with a woman I dated until three weeks ago. I feel like whatever I do with women is wrong. I’ve been rejected so many times it ain’t even fitting on one hand anymore. Because of that I keep on overthinking way too much. I know that’s not a good way to go but I just can’t help it.
So he has a pattern of this happening over and over and now he’s overthinking. Maybe it didn’t start out this way, I don’t know. It could just be that the first time that you meet a woman, she rejects you and you were incredibly confident but then obviously, if this happens more often, and then you might start to overthink and you start to build up assumptions that there’s something wrong with you. There’s something that you’re doing wrong. For some reason women don’t like you and of course, there’s always some kind of variable. So the first woman that you ever date, even though you’re completely confident, everything about you is right, there could be whatever reason why she doesn’t want you. Doesn’t really have to do anything with you. It could be her because she just wants someone with a different type of character. Maybe you are too impulsive. Maybe you’re too energetic. Maybe she prefers someone who’s more introverted. It could be 20 000 variables. So you should not overthink and make assumptions that women won’t like you. So you should not be overthinking this too much.
This last woman I dated was so damn gorgeous. She was hella fine! You should have seen her curves! They they were sweet and they just made you want to smack them, you know what I’m sayin’?
I know what you’re saying. For those of you who like to smack some asses, I know what you’re saying. So this woman must be quite attractive and you’re really into her, and of course now you want her. Now you’re probably in the danger zone of overthinking “Am I going to screw this up? Because look at those damn curves! Man, I want to ride those curves but if I screw it up then it’s going to go wrong and she’s going to reject me.” So don’t overthink it.
For your info I am 27 and she’s 24 and just for the record I am not only about the looks. She wasn’t just hot. I also liked her aspirations a lot. Man, this woman had dreams! And we vibed real good when she started talking, but unfortunately I think I screwed it up with her and turned her off too much. I’mma be real with you I was very insecure after our first date.
So you really vibed before quite well and he uses the word vibe, actually, interestingly. So what I mentioned earlier with the law of attraction. Things vibrate in the same frequency. So in the terms of the law of attraction things seem to be going right. You are similar. You have probably similar aspirations because you like her aspirations. So in terms of the law of attraction everything is vibing on the same frequency. It’s perfect! But we’re going to get into this. The law of assumption is your problem here. You are making false assumptions about what’s going on with this woman.
Law of Assumption Dating: She Lost Interest but only After you Became Too Insecure about Dating Rejection
The first date was really fun. She invited me for dinner and we had a good time. I did tease her a little bit during the dinner, just to not seem so overinvested in her. She said this one thing about photography which really shocked me. I have a little bit of photography experience with my own DSLR although it’s just for a hobby. She’s a professional model photographer but she told me that she’s never edited her photos and lets someone else do it haha. I was shocked and teased her about it and said something like ‘oh my god! Hell no! I could never do that! I can’t believe you don’t do photo editing! I don’t know if we could get along.’ I basically just made a bit of fun of her of her surprising way of working as a photographer. I don’t know. I think it was okay but maybe I pushed it a bit too much.
So it’s a good approach in general to not be too people pleasing, not being too women pleasing. So it’s okay to neg a woman. Neg a woman. And they call this negging. When you’re on purpose being a little bit mean or throwing a little bit of a… you don’t approve of what she’s doing. So you’re not approving of the way that she’s doing the photography. So it’s okay to make a little bit fun of it. Obviously, you don’t want to do it too much. You know, a little bit of teasing actually goes a long way. I would probably not have said “I don’t know if we could get along.”
Some people, some dating coaches will say something like this is okay. I personally wouldn’t say this kind of stuff just because it’s actually very manipulative and calculated. And this is just not what I’m about. I’m just about have fun and be natural with your conversations. And you can be teasing and having fun without remembering some line like a specific line that you want to say to a woman like “I don’t know if we would ever get along.” That seems very staged, kind of, to me. But overall, good job. It’s a good thing to tease her a little bit and just have fun. Don’t be so serious. That’s part of a relationship. As long as you don’t put her down, essentially. As long as you’re not doing something or saying something at the expense of her because then she’s not going to feel good about it.
Anyway, the dinner was okay but not perfect. I think I had a few insecure moments and fuck! Did I mention how hot she was? You should have seen her eyes and hair. Damn! It’s hard not to doubt yourself with such a hot woman.
So there we go. You mentioned it again. It’s about the doubt and it’s basically happening all in here in your head. It seems like the dinner was overall fine. You don’t really know okay how did it go with the teasing her a little bit but it wasn’t so bad, really. So you’re just telling yourself that things weren’t that great. But it seems like it was quite fine. Maybe it wasn’t the most perfect date because if it would have been the most perfect date, you most likely would have either kissed her or you would have quite frankly seduced her. She would have invited you to her place or you would have invited her to your place and you would have continued the night there, and whether sex would have happened or not it doesn’t matter, but it would have taken a step further, basically.
Where things went wrong was after our date. We were talking on IG and I played it cool. You know, not messaging her all the time. Letting her come to me. A few days after our date she replied to one of my stories and then we started chatting.
So it’s a good thing. She’s obviously interested in you. She’s the one reaching out on Instagram stories, or Facebook stories, whatever. They’re great ways to just throw out a little bit of signals or ways of how a woman can engage with you. You know, she can just respond to a story or react to it and then you can start a conversation.
This is when I fucked up and our conversation ended really weird. So my story was a clip from Jordan Peterson talking about the gender pay gap and feminism and all that stuff. She didn’t fully agree with what he was saying so we talked about it but it wasn’t really like she was mad or anything like one of those crazy feminists. She gave me an example of salaries of female photographers compared to men and said that there are so many male photographers and that there was a lot of bad representation. So anyway, we basically had differing opinions on that. I kind of caved a bit because I felt insecure when we were talking about the subject because I didn’t want to turn her off or make her think I’m anti-female… anti-feminist, or anything like that. And you know she had good points as well and it’s not like I wanted to downplay her experience as a female photographer.
So now you’re basically concerned because you’re scared that she is going to think, well look at this guy, he’s a misogynist and he doesn’t respect women but Jordan Peterson has always a lot of good arguments and it seems that you had a reasonable conversation about this. So I wouldn’t doubt myself so much and in the end, at the end of the day even if you maybe do not agree on this, right, woman has very different experiences and she also has very different biases and very different ideologies. So you will probably never see eye to eye on something so controversial as the gender pay gap. It’s just how it is and I wouldn’t overthink this, but if you post a story like this and you believe in it then don’t go back on your word or on your opinion.
Obviously, you can change your opinion after a reasonable discussion, right? People can change your mind, your opinion with more facts that make you reassess your point of view and that’s fine. But don’t just basically change your opinion for her. You should change her opinion because of her, because she gave you some valid points that you actually agree with, and well “okay I didn’t consider this point about the gender pay gap. I’ll give you that. I agree with this but I still agree that this, and this, and this, is more accurate on Jordan Peterson’s side.” Something like that.
Digging your Own Grave: Making Too Big of a Deal out of a Dating Mistake — The Things that Turn Off Girls
The moment where it got weird was actually not how we talked about it or her being mad, or whatever. Actually, it’s more how I responded to her after a bit of back and forth. I guess you could say the topic was done but I was acting a fool and started following up and saying ‘Yeah I just googled some photography statistics and you were right that there’s a bit of an issue here.’ Basically, after looking into the statistics I realized she had some good points. So then I said I didn’t want to be anti-feminist or anything like that and I apologized with a few more follow-up messages. I said ‘I am sorry if I offended you with that and of course I don’t think that women deserve to be paid less’ and then I sent one more message ‘I hope you don’t think that I’m like one of those misogynistic guys who hate women’
So now you’re basically justifying, and apologizing a lot and you say it yourself. She was not really mad. You had a reasonable discussion from the sound of it and people can disagree on a subject like this. And you know, some of you maybe have dealt with raging feminists in the past. I deal with this every now and then. Sometimes I make controversial stories on Instagram and a woman might message me and be like “Yo what the fuck are you saying?! This is super misogynistic! Or this is degrading of women.” or stuff like that and if you talk to a reasonable woman you can have a reasonable discussion about it and then you can either agree to disagree, or she can agree to realize “hey, actually I misrepresented what you said you have some valid points.” but if you ever dealt with one of these crazy feminists, you can’t change their minds.
But it seems like she wasn’t like one of those. She wasn’t angry. She wasn’t trying to attack you. So maybe she was just actually testing a little bit and seeing “well, how is he going to respond to this?” It could actually have been a shittest. She probably does agree with what she’s saying, right? So she probably doesn’t agree as much with Jordan Peterson’s opinion, just as she states, but maybe she’s also using this as a test to see how is he going to respond to this. Because he posted something. “If I now tell him this is sexist or anti-feminist what is he going to do? Is he going to cave? Is he going to give in?” Could be a shittest quite frankly.
She said ‘it’s fine, it’s not like I completely disagree with everything he (Jordan Peterson) said. I just think it depends from case to case.
So yeah, she’s being quite reasonable. She has a fair point. It depends from case to case. You can’t just make very generalistic statements. It always depends, right? So she probably has some good points with her photography stuff and the statistics that you researched as well. She’s not mad at you. You had a good conversation and it seems like there was no arguing or anything like that. So she’s cool, actually. She doesn’t really care so much.
So anyway, basically, I kept on reiterating and mumbling about how I changed my opinion a bit after doing some research on photography gender differences statistics and I think it kind of annoyed or bored her after a while. She said ‘Um it’s okay now…’
She’s getting annoyed. She’s like “let’s move on. I don’t want this conversation anymore.” So she’s basically saying “it’s fine now“… Like, “just, it’s okay, just shut up” You know, she’s in a polite way saying “okay I’m not mad. Relax. It’s done!” So if this would be a shittest right now, this would be the moment where she would have realized “oh shit, I challenge him one time and look what happens! Be becomes incredibly insecure, and he chases after me, and he apologizes, and becomes basically really weak and needy.” And it would show to her that you can’t have your own opinion. And obviously, you wanna as a couple, you wanna agree on certain things, you know, certain values you should agree on, but you can’t always agree on everything And sometimes it’s actually important that you not agree with your woman because you have to hold her in check. And she also has to hold you in check. You want to challenge each other and help each other grow.
And so if you always give in to her or to her opinion, then you can’t tell her when she’s doing something wrong. And it’s the same way with her, of course, as well. She wants to tell you when you’re doing something wrong and if both you can’t do that, then you can’t rely on each other and she wants a man that she can rely on.
She said ‘Um it’s okay now’, to which I said ‘yeah I’m sorry. I guess I was overthinking and she just said ‘it’s cool’
So she’s keeping it really short now. And you’re basically apologizing again. “Sorry, I was just overthinking” and she’s like “Dude, relax! It’s cool!” So you are assuming that she is mad. You’re assuming that this conversation didn’t go well, and you’re assuming that you have to make up for it. But even well, even if she would be really angry, you wouldn’t have to apologize for that. You wouldn’t need to be “I’m sorry that I offended you so much with my point of view” Why would you do that? It’s your point of view! It’s not your fault. Sometimes we do offend people because we say stupid shit and then it might be really reasonable to apologize, sometimes we make statements that we just… we don’t consider everything. And then it makes sense to say “oh wow I didn’t think properly. This part here that I said, that was not good. I apologize for this. And I apologize if this offended you.”
It doesn’t necessarily mean that you actually change your opinion, but it’s okay to apologize for offending someone because it just shows that you want to mend the relationship. But you shouldn’t cave, though. And in this case I wouldn’t have apologized because there wasn’t even much offending going on. You had a healthy back and forth discussion about this and maybe you’re just telling yourself, maybe you just assume, since it is such a heated topic. The gender pay gap is a huge topic with the whole social justice warrior stuff, and liberals, and the left’s currently controlling a lot of the social discourse. Maybe you’re thinking “Oh I don’t want to look bad in front of her.” Maybe that’s it, I don’t know.
I am very liberal, me myself. But I also share certain viewpoints very, very strongly more with the right and I just don’t really like the social justice warrior stuff so much. I think people should take more responsibility for their actions, and their thoughts, and I don’t apologize for those viewpoints. That’s what I think and if I think that someone else is wrong then I will call them out for that as well. You should do the same. You should stand up for your perspectives in life without being mean, of course. Just because you have different perspectives in life doesn’t mean that we have to insult each other.
After She Rejected You: Why you Can Use the Law of Assumption to Get Her Back by Returning to Baseline
So I really turned her off big time with my insecurity. I could really tell how her last messages were kinda distant. It’s like she saw how insecure I was in that moment and she didn’t focus on it but I guess she just wanted me to shut up. She really didn’t like that side of me, I think. You’re feeling me?
Yeah, I’m feeling you. It’s very accurate. She just felt turned off. If a woman can tell that you are insecure, she’s gonna walk away from that situation and the best thing that you can do in such a case is to stop doing anything because you’re already in the insecure state. You’re just gonna screw it up more. You can step back, distance yourself, let a little bit of time pass, maybe a few days. Depends on what happened and then eventually you can come back together again and you probably won’t even remember what happened. That’s just how it is.
And if I think about it I was really dumb. That must have looked real sus, (suspicious) to her. I overthought the conversation way too much and then I said so many things and kept on defending myself so much even though I didn’t have to and she wasn’t even angry or anything.
Yeah, it was all in your head. You just assumed that things were not going in the right direction and then you try to rectify, you try to course correct, but there wasn’t really anything to course correct. Then she realizes “hmm this guy is, he’s telling himself that I don’t like him, or that I’m mad at him. He’s kind of insecure.” And a woman who trusts discovers her lust. If she can’t trust you she won’t want to have sex with you. She won’t even want to get to know you. So by you showing this insecurity, and showing her that you’re overthinking, she’s really losing trust for you and you know, it’s okay to overthink. We all overthink all the time but very often, women just can’t see that. They can’t even tell that you’re overthinking, or maybe they can tell a little bit but they don’t care.
But in this case because you’re assuming so many bad things, you’re really shoving your insecurity and your overthinking in her face. It’s like you’re holding a giant poster saying “insecurity, hello! Overthinking! I’m an overthinker!” and that’s gonna make her run for the hills real, real fast. She doesn’t want that. She wants a strong confident man who believes in himself and who doesn’t question everything that he says or does. So he then wraps it up let’s see…
It’s been over a week and we haven’t talked ever since. She still watches my stories but she stopped reacting to them, or messaging me. Not sure what I should do next since I fucked up. Should I message her? It feels weird to message her now because I think she’s still turned off from me. I don’t know what to do. I’m ready for your truth bombs. So on a scale of 1 to 10 how bad did I screw this up? Can I get her to like me again? As I said, this lady is the bomb.
So it’s been about over a week since you haven’t talked and she hasn’t reached out but she’s still watching your stories. So that means you didn’t screw up that badly. So on a scale of one to ten how bad did you screw up? It’s hard to say to give you an exact number but let’s say maybe you screwed up on a like, maybe, five or a six. It wasn’t that bad. A 10 is really fucking awful. Maybe it’s not even a five. Maybe it’s a four. You screwed up a little bit, she could see your insecurity, but she’s clearly still watching your stories. So she probably is going to forget about this eventually. She’s probably going to forget that you had this insecure moment. But what is important is that eventually when she reaches out again that you don’t repeat it, of course. What I would suggest to you is the next time when she reaches out to you, and I would assume she will eventually do it, I would not reach out to her.
I would not just respond to her stories because you are the one who turned her off. So if you now chase her you just make it worse because you kind of reduced her attraction for you a little bit. So now you have to give her some space to realize “well okay he had a bit of insecurity there but he’s not messaging me” It’s like “What are you up to? Is he going on other dates? What’s going on?” and as long as she’s interested in what you’re doing, so if you post an interesting story about something that she like I said, vibes with, law of attraction, then she’s probably going to reach out eventually. And if she doesn’t, maybe eventually you could try to reach out. Maybe after like a month or so you could give it a shot but overall, typically I would just typically never message a woman.
I personally would never do it because I would always let a woman come to me because I want to know that she’s interested and especially now you need to know is she interested enough to actually forgive you for that little fuck up? And if she messages you again, she reacts to one of your stories that tells you okay, there was a lot of chemistry and yeah, she didn’t like that one interaction. She told you… What did she say… “it’s okay now and it’s cool” You know, like, relax, it’s fine. So she can forget that eventually because if she really likes you and she thinks you’re hot, and you’re smart, and entertaining, and funny, it seems like you had a good conversation on your first date about the photography. You have like kind of a shared hobby, sort of.
Obviously, for her, it’s her job but you can kind of relate to her. That’s you’re on the same wavelength. You vibrate the same way. So she’s probably gonna reach out again. So did you screw up too much? Well yeah, you did screw up, of course, but it’s not that bad. So just wait for her to come back and you shouldn’t do anything right now. The only thing that I suggest to you is when she reaches out set up a physical date because it seems that the physical date where you sit face to face works better. Okay, some would say… some of you will probably say “wait, wait but if I’m face to face I have to interact with her in real-time and that that makes it even worse because I don’t know what to say” but the truth is most of the time when you’re just talking to someone right there then, and there you don’t even properly think what you’re thinking about because your problem is exactly that you are overthinking, you are assuming that everything is wrong.
But if you’re just talking face to face with her it’s gonna be a lot more natural and you probably even won’t have the time to overthink because you’re just gonna have a good conversation and then, of course, when you have the date, what do you do? You go to your place. You seduce her, and if this is too much for you because you’re insecure then at least try to kiss her. But the best thing always that you can do is, date. You did a dinner date. That’s fine. Not the most amazing thing. I would first do some activity. Maybe do some activity and then do a dinner date and include some wine or beer if she likes that, or cocktails. It doesn’t matter and get her a little bit tipsy so that her attraction for you raises a little bit.
And then you suggest to go to your place and “Let’s continue. Let’s have more wine over there.” Or you say “hey you want to check out my camera? You want to check out my camera and you want to show me how you use it?” I would probably say that. “You want to use my camera? I have a really nice lens, you know.” I’d be a little bit cheeky, a little bit cocky. Maybe she might like that. So yeah that’s what I would do. That’s my final advice for you. So let me know what you think and don’t forget “the king is already a winner” Never forget that you are a king and the king is already desired by a lot of women. This woman already wanted you, otherwise, you would have never had your first date in the first place. So things were okay. You just have to make sure that you don’t turn her off by assuming and telling yourself, and being so stuck up here in your head. You should quite frankly be.. a lot of women probably don’t want to hear this… you shouldn’t be up here. You should either be here, or you’re going to be down here. This is how you should think, okay? Don’t overthink.
So if it was helpful then of course give me a thumbs up and subscribe to my YouTube channel. Let me know in the comments what do you think. Do you agree with this take or maybe you don’t agree with this? What should he do? What’s your advice for him? And if there’s more help that you need, there are a few ways how I can help you. First of all, of course, you can get my book “Unleash The King Within” from Amazon. I talk a lot about this confident stuff and I should probably make a small edit in my book to mention the law of assumption in there as well, because I have a story in here that is a bit similar. So this book might help you a lot. Especially someone like you, if you’ve been watching this and you’re overthinking. I have a lot of ideas here how to not be so much up in your head and just go with the flow.
You can also get my “Confidence King” training program or my “Financial Freedom King” training program and of course, you can always book a coaching session with me. And with that I will see all of you kings in the next video. I’m coach Andy Graziosi and I help you unleash your confidence and become the man that women love. I’ll see all of you kings in the next video.
