Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In this video we’re gonna talk about rejection. And I didn’t think that I would be talking about something personal today, but rejection in a way is essentially just you not getting what you want. So you’re not getting the woman that you want, for example, right? And I have a situation from a guy here. We’re gonna get into his situation in a moment but first I wanna talk about rejection in general, quickly. So if you read my book, one of the lines in my book is rejection is only redirection. So today, I have like one of the worst days possible. So this video is kind of like a built-in therapy for me today and you know, we can’t really choose what we have to be grateful for. Right, sometimes we get rejected. Sometimes we don’t get the things that we want in life and we have to live with that. We have to grow up with that. We have to become strong and realize, well, sometimes things don’t go our way. And you know when life gives you lemons, what do you do if you want lemon juice but your juice maker doesn’t fit lemons? Well, then you’re gonna trade your lemons for oranges And you’re gonna have to make orange juice. That’s just how it is.
You can’t always get what you want. It’s an important mindset that you have to apply in dating. And I want to read something in my book and this is actually something from the last chapter about relationship maintenance, but it applies really well also for rejection. So let me just read you this small passage here:
Rejection is only Redirection: To Handle Rejection from Women Start Developing an Abundance Mentality
So couples can choose to avoid and escalate a conflict, or they can choose to embrace their rough edges and turn those negative moments into positive outcomes. Our mindset dictates almost any result we want to achieve in life. We should try to look at everything as a gift, not a curse. Some always see something negative in everything. And then there are those who can be appreciative even in their greatest misfortunes.
Living in the Philippines has taught me a lot about gratitude. During Yolanda, one of the most devastating typhoons to ever strike the Philippines, 6300 lives were lost. Filipinos, who had just lost their homes, livelihoods, and even family members still managed to speak of hope. The Filipino ‘resiliency mindset’ has its problems as well. Endless positivity and lack of accountability can stagnate growth, but there is a lot to learn from the mindset of the average Pinoy. My Filipino friends have taught me that you don’t get to choose what you are grateful for. Nothing in life happens to you. It happens for you.
Many people will excitedly invite the good things into their lives but do not appreciate the bad things in life. You can’t choose to only embrace the good things in life. Just as good experiences help us grow and move forward, bad ones are also teaching moments that often lead to spiritual awakening and new insights we’d never receive without the darkness. Especially the darkest times are those who teach us the most about ourselves.
Quite fitting for rejection and for the mantra “rejection is only redirection” What rejection really does is, it teaches us more about ourselves, about the women that we’re dating, and it brings us closer towards finding the right woman. Like I said, when life gives you lemons, well, if you don’t like lemon juice, then trade the lemons in for orange juice. Make the most out of it and get redirected towards the right woman. So that’s just what I wanted to share. Like I said, I have a really shitty day today but I get to choose what I do with my emotions. I can choose to be really grumpy and upset. And I am upset! But I try to channel it into something positive as much as I can and when you get rejected by a woman, you can sulk, and be upset, and can be depressed, and so on. And that doesn’t lead to anything. You should redirect your focus on something more positive. Get back out there. Try to date another woman as soon as you can. Obviously, I’m not telling you not to be a little bit depressed or sad about getting rejected. It hurts, obviously! But get yourself out there as soon as possible again and then you will probably meet a really attractive great woman. Okay, so let’s get into the situation of the guy.
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Hello coach, I would like to ask you for advice on my dating situation. To give you some context about me: I am fairly shy and introverted. I am 23 years old and I have had two short-term relationships in the past, both lasting about one year long. There’s one more relationship but I kind of consider it as if it doesn’t count because it was pretty bad and didn’t last very long. Now for my dating problem. I guess you could say that my problem is a mix of having a dating drought and getting rejected by women and I have no idea what I should do about it. The last girl that I dated was almost one year ago and my last relationship almost three years.
I kind of became frustrated in the last years with dating because I had been rejected by several girls, where I couldn’t even get further than one or two dates. Anyway, so there’s this great girl I met but she turned me down, which really hit me out of nowhere because we seriously got along very well. More than I usually do with women. When I first got to know her it was online through OkCupid because of lockdowns. I decided to swipe across the border because I was curious to see what the girls looked like in Las Vegas. I live in Vancouver in Canada but it’s always been my dream to live in Las Vegas and I just graduated so I was like ‘fuck it let’s give it a try!’ and I decided to TAKE A GAMBLE, pun intended.
That’s kind of funny. You have to say that’s kind of hilarious. So you have humor and girls like humor. So if you don’t get the pun. I myself, I do like puns as well, or dad jokes. Take a gamble. Las Vegas, right? The city of gambling, essentially. So yeah, that’s funny.
I matched with this super cute girl and we actually had a really, really good chemistry. I was actually very amazed by her positivity. She was a nurse and so she told me about her stories from the hospital but this girl just wouldn’t be defeated, even though she was working like crazy. She had a really generous spirit and a great sense of humor.
First of all, kudos to all the nurses out there for all your service. Thank you so much. And this is something that you admire about this girl. You know, she must be having a really hard time, right? Like today I’m feeling like shit, I’m having a tough time but this girl probably must be having a tough time all the time these days because of the pandemic. So this girl must be quite awesome and that’s why you’re sending me a message, I’m assuming. So kudos to all the nurses out there. If anyone is watching who’s a nurse, you rock.
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We actually talked a lot. I have to say that I took your advice by heart and asked her for her number after just a bit of back and forth messaging on OkCupid. I told her ‘hey I really hate OkCupid. Do you have WhatsApp?’ and when she gave me her number I felt like I had scored first base! In the past, I used to always be very timid about asking for a girl’s number but I was very direct this time and it worked like a charm!
Nice job. So one thing that I suggest to any guy: Stop messaging and being on OKCupid, and Tinder, and Bumble, and so on, non-stop! Don’t message all the time. A lot of girls, actually especially hot girls, they’re so tired of this shit! They just wanna quickly talk and then they want you to take action and ask them out for a date. You know, a lot of guys who are shy and introverted like him, they would do the opposite. They would be messaging non-stop and they wouldn’t even get her number on WhatsApp. And if you ask a girl out for her number it basically is the first sign or signal that she likes you because if she gives you her number, that already shows you okay, she’s okay with talking more with you. So your first barrier overcome! So now you know “okay, she kinda likes me so I can probably ask her out on a date really soon” So good job asking her for the number right away! You’re taking action and she probably liked that.
As I said, our chemistry was amazing we spent a lot of time talking with each other and there was never any dull moment in our conversations, or any awkwardness, or anything of that kind. She also sent me a lot of really cute pics of her lying in bed where you could see a bit of naked skin of her neck and shoulders. So she was definitely teasing me. The pictures weren’t naughty but I guess she knew how to get a guy excited. My brain filled in the blanks with her pictures and I was super excited that she was showing signs of being really into me because she looked picture perfect.
That’s kind of like another pun. I’m not sure if that is intended, doesn’t look like it. Picture perfect, she’s sending pictures. So you got that right. That girl knows what she’s doing. You know, she’s sending you some pictures where it sounds like you can almost see her cleavage, or her boobs, basically. You don’t even know! Maybe is she naked or not? So she’s teasing you a little bit. But it’s not too promiscuous. So she’s doing it in a classy way but she knows that when she sends you that picture in her bed lying in bed, it probably looks harmless, but she knows what she’s doing. So it’s a sign that she actually likes you because why would you send anyone… first of all, why would you send anyone pictures in the first place if you don’t care about them? You know, why would you share anything about your life with them if you just want to move on to the next guy? So she likes you. And then she also sends you pictures that are quite revealing. A lot of girls wouldn’t do that. So she clearly has interest and the fact that she’s teasing a little bit is like she wants to reward you for the fact that she likes you. So it’s going quite well at this point!
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But then something unexpected happened that really caught me off guard. One day, we were talking and she says ‘hey I really like you but I don’t think I want to talk to you any longer.’…” Ouch! “I just don’t want to wait and talk a lot back and forth since there’s just no way to see each other right now. I hope you understand.
So she’s super direct and you have to keep in mind, he lives in Vancouver, so up north, and she lives somewhere in the middle of the USA, so they can’t see each other/ I’m not sure what is the situation with going between borders. It’s one landmass but I’m assuming maybe that is tricky in itself. And so she just realized, well, I can’t see this guy so why am I even doing this? And maybe she’s kind of doing like preventive measures of “well I actually like this guy but if I keep talking with him I’m just going to get emotionally invested. I can’t see him right now.” So I actually have to give her a little bit of respect here. Kudos! She’s clear on what she wants. She’s not able to get what she wants right now and she’s very transparent. She’s probably a really good communicator. You know, she’s very respectful about it. She’s not being mean or anything like this. She could just ghost you but she’s not ghosting you. So she’s probably a keeper. That’s probably also why you like her. It’s a shame!
I was very surprised to hear her say that. I said ‘yes it’s okay. I understand. It’s not a problem. Thanks for letting me know. It was really nice getting to know you.
That’s it. That’s all you said and I guess that’s it. Then you probably didn’t message anymore, I assume. So it’s good thing that you just accept it and that you’re not trying to convince her otherwise because that would show neediness on your part and it seems like you’re okay with her just saying “hey I can’t do this” You can’t change her mind after all and well, I would have done it slightly differently. I would have said “it’s not a problem. So all cool. Thanks for letting me know. I liked talking to you. Great getting to know you.” And then I would have added “if you ever change your mind, just reach out to me. Message me. I think you’re pretty cool so I would love to get to know you in the future.” So a tiny detail that I would have changed here but overall good response, and ultimately, even though you didn’t say that if she wants to get to know you again in the future, if she changes her mind, she’s gonna reach out.
I have two questions about this. Number one: Is there any chance I can make it work with this girl in the future? I obviously cannot change her mind right now but it’s just really sad because we had a lot of compatibility despite the fact that I as an engineer couldn’t possibly relate to her as a nurse.
So you’re kind of technical, I guess. And she’s relationship-driven, people-driven. But despite that you say “It went very well. I usually only connect with other more technical people and women, but we really never had any boring conversations.” So the chemistry must have been really great. You can’t even properly relate to her as her career, you’re just very separate or different in what you do in terms of your vocation, but it’s just really right. So it must have been really good. So I don’t think that there was any problem on your part of she didn’t like you, or anything like that because you’re not telling any bad signs here. And I can’t tell any red flags. Maybe the only red flag that I could tell is that obviously, you didn’t have a proper physical date and I also can tell if maybe you didn’t do something like a skype call, or like at least a virtual date.
That could have been improved, probably. But overall everything was fine. So can you make it work with her in the future? Yeah, like I said: Wait for her to reach out again and change her mind. Hopefully in the future, or since you always have been interested in Las Vegas anyway, and you just graduated, I mean you could always try to find a job in Las Vegas. I wouldn’t suggest to move to another place for another woman because that’s kind of simp-ish and beta male-ish but as long as you’re doing it for yourself, and you met her in the first place because you were curious about Las Vegas… So I mean she’s fucking perfect. You like her. She likes you. But the distance was a problem! You always wanted to live in Las Vegas, you know, I just would try. I don’t know how difficult it is to find a job in the US as a Canadian citizen but it’s worth considering and aside from that, yeah just wait for her to reach out again.
So he then the second thing that he wants to know is:
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I just don’t know what to do with my dating situation in general. I am really frustrated. It’s not like I invested a lot of my time in this girl. We talked for roughly two hours. It’s not like I am heavily invested in her but then on the other side, on the other hand, I kind of am. Because I was excited to get closer to her. It’s like the last few years I’ve been getting to know some really nice girls then we talk, they reject me, and I have to start all over. And typically, I don’t date again right away because it’s really disheartening to get rejected. I only dated three girls in the last years. Four, if i include her. That isn’t that much if you think about the fact that none of them became my girlfriend. I suppose I am hesitant to date more often because it can be really depressing getting rejected and it makes you feel like shit. I wonder if I did something wrong with this girl. I think everything was okay between us but then out of nowhere she basically goes completely cold and it’s gone. It’s an awful feeling. I’d love to hear your advice on what I can do, especially with this last girl.
So like I just said earlier: Rejection sucks and especially if everything went so well and you say it yourself. You become hesitant after dating, to after rejection, to date again. But like I said in the beginning. It really depends on what you make out of it. Rejection is always redirection. If you didn’t work with her, the worst thing that you can do is to have the typical one-itis mindset that most guys have, where they get hung up on this girl for too long. And if you think about it. You’ve only known this girl for a few weeks. So it wouldn’t make sense to be hung up on this girl for a whole year or not date for a year. I get it. It’s really painful and you really get your hopes up because she’s so great and then you don’t even want to start reinvesting again. But that’s what winners do. Those who repeat, succeed. And we just have to get up back on our feet and keep on trying and the reality is the more often you date, the more likely you’re going to actually succeed in dating. And not just with other women but also with women where it didn’t work out with. Or women that you’re dating right now because they can feel when you have an abundance mentality.
Meaning, that you can tell “Well, I can have other options. I can move on with my life. Rejection is only redirection. I am going to carve my own path towards the right woman who will make me happy.” And I’m actually not even saying that she wasn’t the right woman. In this case, it was actually just the wrong timing, the wrong circumstances. But these circumstances could change. Her opinion could also change in the future. So the worst thing you can do is become bitter, or sad, or depressed, and then stop dating. I suggest keep on dating. Don’t be so disheartened. I know it’s really tough to do this but it’s all in your head. Like I quoted earlier in the book. You don’t get to choose the things that you’re grateful for. We have to be also grateful for the shitty things because we learn something from it. And imagine if you would be really negative right now, and then you stop dating, and maybe because of that you become a little bit depressed, or moody, whatever! And then she comes back and now you’re a completely different person and now she doesn’t like you anymore because all of a sudden it’s like she’s talking to a completely different person and since she’s not that heavily invested in you yet, she then thinks “hmm wow! I remembered him kind of differently. I guess I’m gonna date someone else because he’s not that cool as I thought“…
But imagine if you stay positive and she comes back and well, she’s gonna feel your energy. She’s gonna feel your vibrations. She’s gonna feel really positive about you. And then because she changed her mind, she’s gonna be like “okay you know what? Screw it! This guy is really nice! And we have such a good chemistry and I love talking to him! Let’s just go on a date.” And you obviously have to facilitate the date. That’s how it is. So that’s my advice for you. I think if you want to consider moving to Las Vegas, I think that’s up to you. In this case, this is a rare scenario where I would say it’s fine. It’s not bad because it’s kind of aligned with your goal, anyway. And then you know, if you get to move to Las Vegas, which is your dream city and then you get to bang your dream woman, and get to be in a relationship with her eventually… I mean, dude! It’s fucking awesome! It’s like a double win, right?! Think about it! I mean I can just tell from your message how happy you were just to get those pictures from her where she was teasing you. You must really like this girl and I mean just think about it. If you get to live in your dream city, it must be the best thing in the world, right?
Now, me myself, what I mentioned in the beginning of the video. I’m stuck here. I’m really just not having a good day and one of the reasons why I’m having a bad day is I’ve been stuck in Germany for so long and I got multiple bad news again about traveling. And I’m just really fed up and I would kill to be back home in my dream place where I want to live, where I tend to live. Which is by the beach. It’s a nice surf beach. And you know, if I would be back there, oh my God! Life would be fucking perfect! So think about the possibilities and think positively. If you get to live in Las Vegas and then you get to date her, or you get to date other women from there, I mean what the hell, dude! Isn’t that awesome?! So I suggest go back on OkCupid and see if there are other girls there and maybe she’s going to message you in the future and that’s my advice for you. Stay positive. Stay sharp. Remain a king. Never become a sad depressed tyrant who’s butthurt and always angry, and stuff like that. And you seem to have a lot of good energy! She has a lot of good energy! Keep it up and I wish you all the best.
All right, so let me know in the comments below what you think about my advice. Of course, give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and let me know what’s your take on this? Do you agree with my opinion or do you not agree? What should he be doing? And if you need some more help, there’s a few more ways how I can help you. Everything with me is about helping you unleash the king within. So obviously, my book “Unleash The King Within” can help all of you to remain positive and have a good energy that attracts high-quality women. So I talk a lot about these mindset ideas. It’s a dating book but I talk so much about how to stay positive and how to remain the kind of king who attracts any kind of woman. You can also enroll into my training programs “Confidence King” or “Financial Freedom King” and of course, you can always book a coaching session with me. And with that, I will see all of you kings in the next video. I’m Andy Graziosi and I help you unleash your confidence and become the man that women love. I’ll see all of you kings, soon.
