Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video we’ll talk about a very cliche topic. It’s about the fact that you’re not sure what the heck is actually going on with my girlfriend?! Why is she mad?! Maybe you’ve heard of this cliche line… She says everything is fine but then it turns out nothing is fine! You can’t make sense of what is going on. She says one thing, but she means another thing. She says one thing but does the other thing…. You’re like: What is going on?! And the reality is, sometimes you just cannot know.
Men’s And Women’s Needs In Relationship: Women’s Emotional Needs In A Relationship Are Built Differently
We are wired differently than women and there’s no shame in not knowing 100% what a woman wants! Even me. I’m a normal human being. Of course, I am very well educated with relationships. I try to learn so much about relationships. As much as I can. I read a shitton of studies about relationships, but honestly, if my girlfriend would say something that is just wired differently, I would just not know what she’s saying and that’s just human nature. But what you need to learn with relationships is, even if you don’t have the right answer, even if you don’t really know what does she really want, even though she said it’s fine but then it turns out not to be fine, it’s all about just poking and trying to break through her defenses.
Basically, it’s not about being Mr. Perfect who knows exactly what she wants because that’s unrealistic. It’s really just about making the effort to try and understand her because often what’s going on when something’s not fine but you can’t make sense of it, it doesn’t really matter that you didn’t understand what it was, but it clearly shows you that there’s something going on. There’s something that doesn’t make her happy. There’s something that’s bothering her. Maybe she feels neglected. Maybe she misses spending time with you. Maybe she feels like she’s not appreciated. Maybe her ego is currently very low and maybe she’s having trouble at work, or some of her friends said something negative, and for some reason, she’s not happy with herself, or with you, and she needs some reassurance that everything is fine. She’s a great woman and you’re going to make an effort to understand her and to say “Hey, whatever’s bothering you, I’m here for you, and let’s get through this.“
And it’s not about being a therapist, a counselor, a dating coach, being so smart about all of these principles for relationships! Yes, it’s nice if you try to educate yourself as much as possible, but that’s not what it is about. It’s all about listening. Couples who stay curious will never become furious! So if she is weird, if she’s making no sense, it’s all about just listening and trying to figure out “Hey babe, what’s going on?” So I have a situation from a guy who is just like “What is going on?!“… Let’s go through his message and let’s see what is my take on it. And spoiler alert: As we go through this message, you’re going to see that me as well, I can’t 100% tell what is going on. That is your job to figure out! What is going on with her because the only person who knows what’s wrong is her. So you gotta talk to her! All right, so let’s get into it.
When A Woman Says It’s Fine: She Says She’s Fine But She’s Going Insane — Why Is She Angry At Me?
Hey coach, I really hope that you can give me your two cents on my relationship with my girlfriend who’s confusing me so much right now. We’re going through something right now that doesn’t make any sense to me and I just can’t comprehend how a woman will say one thing but then she actually means the exact opposite and gets super mad at you, even though she said it’s all fine. It’s like what the fuck bro?! Women are tripping sometimes!!!!
Yeah, so you shouldn’t let this get to you. If a woman says it’s fine, you’ve heard this cliche line for sure, I’ve said it also on my channel a few times… If she says fine, it’s typically not fine and she wants to make sure that you poke and figure out what is actually going on. She really cares about you making an effort to figure out what is going on in her heart. Women sometimes are very emotional. Sometimes we just don’t understand how they’re wired and how they’re processing a lot of things much more emotionally than we do. We men, we are very rationally wired. We just see everything with logic and this does not make sense, right? This is not logical! She says it’s fine, but it’s clearly not fine. Where is the logic here? That doesn’t make sense to us as guys, but it’s not about logic.
Women sometimes are very irrational and I’m not saying this in the sense of being derogatory or putting them down and that there’s something wrong with them, or they’re batshit crazy, or they’ve lost their marbles. No, that’s just how women operate. They are a little bit more emotional. Their emotions. They are a bit more fluid. They don’t care so much about logic. They just care about their emotions. That’s actually what makes them special. This is why we love women! For me, as a man, this is the greatest thing about a woman. I always find inspiration in the way how women just express themselves in much more variety, but of course, that variety can also sometimes just drive us freaking insane, and when you’re driven insane, it’s important that you don’t lose your marbles and just keep at it and don’t get so frustrated when all of a sudden, one day she wants this, the next day she wants this. There could be all kinds of reasons.
Maybe she has her period. Maybe she’s being emotional because something at work happened. Maybe her friend said something that she doesn’t like. There could be so many reasons why all of a sudden something’s wrong, and then it’s your job to figure out what is it? So don’t be so worried! You wrote here “we are going through something right now,” and we are going through something to me sounds like you think it’s super, super bad. I don’t know how bad your situation is at your house if you’re living together, but I don’t think that you’re going through something super bad. It’s just that she expected something different from you that she’s not getting right now. That’s all there is to it, and you just have to figure out what is that thing. All right, so let’s continue.
Why Is She Suddenly Mad At Me: Why Do Females Get Emotional For No Reason If You Did Nothing Wrong?
So I don’t know if this makes any difference, but just so you know, my girlfriend is 23. I am 25. Aaaaand she’s so mad at me right now! And has been pouting / stonewalling for more than a day because she’s angry with me that I’m going out of town next week because I got invited to be a speaker at a conference with all travel and accommodation costs covered. So it’s pretty sweet! I get to teach some stuff, it’s an all-expenses paid trip, it’s good for my reputation, etc… I don’t really get why she is mad. We are going on vacation literally when I’m back from the event. Shouldn’t she be excited for us to spend time together?!
So first of all, we gotta acknowledge that she’s quite young. She’s 23. Maybe sometimes her emotions just get the best of her. Maybe you haven’t spent so much time together and she was really looking forward to that trip to reconnect with you. Now, it makes no sense… You’re like wait huh? We’re going on this trip, so why would she be so mad that I’m just out of town here for this trip? Now that is just my assumption, that maybe she feels like she was looking forward to spend a little bit more time with you… Maybe she also has to organize something for the trip, maybe you are out of town right before the trip and she doesn’t like that. There could be all kinds of reasons and ultimately, you have to ask her, but here’s where he basically gets confused and where he’s saying what is going on?!
Relationship Principles: When A Woman Says Fine She Really Means “Go Investigate Why I Am Mad At You”
Here’s the part that I just don’t understand, man! I asked her if she’s cool with me going to this conference a long time ago. They invited me to be a guest speaker weeks ago and we talked about it and she said that it’s fine if I think that it’s going to help with my reputation. But now all of a sudden she’s starting to act all weird and she said that ‘I’d rather go to some stupid event than spend time with me’ and I’m just like what the fuck man?? We’re literally going to spend all our time together for an entire week, right after I’m back! Dude, it’s honestly… I have no words to describe this, man! What is up?!
So clearly that shows you there is something going on. Two options here… Either she was never okay with this in the first place but she didn’t want to say it. Maybe you couldn’t read it from her tone of voice, how she was talking to you, that it wasn’t really fine and she didn’t really want this but you didn’t pick up on it. That could be one scenario. Or ever since you agreed, since then, maybe your relationship has a little bit deteriorated and she just doesn’t like the idea anymore of you going to that event now. Clearly, you need to figure out what is going on, even though this doesn’t make any sense to you. That doesn’t matter. The point is you have to figure out why is it going on? What is the sense here? What is her reasoning? Even if her reasoning doesn’t make any sense, you gotta figure it out.
So for example, I might have a hypothesis, or something that I would do in a situation like this, for example, you are going on this event to be a speaker… When I used to live in the Philippines, I have been a speaker at some events a few times… Maybe actually quite a few times… I’ve been invited a few times to go out to some of these college events from Google as a speaker and typically, if I remember it correctly, I could be wrong about this but usually, these events would always be on weekends. If you’re invited to something like this, often it’s during the weekend because people just can’t go to conferences or events during the week.
Most of the time, especially, if you’re being invited as a speaker and you’re not getting paid for this, as it sounds to me, that means it’s not a professional event where they basically pay a shitton of money to the speakers. So that means it’s probably a weekend trip. You’re there on maybe Friday, Saturday, Sunday… Probably not all days. Maybe just one day. The bottom line is they’re paying already for this. You could ask, for example: “Hey babe, what’s up? Why are you so mad about this? Do you want to come with me to this event? Look, we can drive up there together. Why don’t we do that?” And if there’s something that you still have to take care of, then you can talk through it. Like maybe you still have to get some.. I don’t know, plane tickets, or rent a car, or fuck I don’t know what you have to take care of… Book some tour package, or whatever. Just talk with her if there’s something that is worrying her.
“Are you mad because I’m not here with you before our trip? What is the matter of it? Do you want to come with me? Do you want to spend some time with me before our trip? What’s up, babe? I really care about this. I don’t want you to be mad. I want to make sure that everything is fine between us before our trip. So tell me babe, what’s up?“
And then you just gotta poke a little bit more. And not poke in an aggressive term. You just try to persistently get through her defenses. Keep on asking her. You don’t have to be aggressive. Just cuddle with her. Hug her. Give her some kisses. Maybe tease her and figure out “Babe, what is going on? Come on, babe. You don’t have to be like that. What is going on, babe? Don’t be upset with me. I want to know what’s going on. I want to know why you’re so angry with me. I care about you. I want to spend time with you and I want to make sure that we have a good time on our vacation. So come on, babe, just tell me what’s going on” and eventually, she’s gonna tell you because she’s going to see that you actually care, and then for example, maybe you figure out that yeah, she just wants to spend more time with you and she will say yes, okay let’s go on that trip together. Or maybe she doesn’t agree to that. Maybe it’s something else.
Maybe she says something like “Nah I don’t want to go with you on this trip. I was just hoping to spend time together,” and you figure out what is the big deal and then you say “Hey baby, I didn’t know that this bothered you so much. You know what? When we get there, to your destination, let’s go to a spa, or I’m gonna give you an extra great massage.” Something like that. “I’m gonna treat you to something.” Doesn’t matter what. Just show her that you care and even if it really wasn’t 100% your fault, and even though she agreed to it, just show her “Look babe, I’m sorry that you’re so upset about this. I know you want to spend time with me. I also want to spend time with you. Look, let’s make the best out of this. I’m going to make this up to you. I know you miss me. I love you, babe. And let’s figure this out. I’m gonna figure something out how we can have the best time while we are on our trip.“
What To Do When A Girl Says She’s Fine: Show Her That You’ll Love & Lead Without Being Afraid Of Her
Can you please just tell me what the hell did I do wrong for her to all of a sudden be angry at me? it’s not like I did anything wrong, no? So obviously, for some reason that I just don’t get she’s really tense and disappointed and I don’t understand what’s going on and what I should do because our vacation is coming up and she’s acting upset and I’m about to leave soon and then when I get back, I fear that our vacation is going to be a total shit show! So dude, I’m just so lost! Please help and explain what the hell is going on?
So to wrap this up, I want to go full circle back to what I said in the beginning. I named this video “men will never understand women but that’s okay!” and that is the harsh truth! I have no idea what is up with her. There could be all kinds of reasons and you also… if I were in your situation, I probably also wouldn’t know exactly what’s going on! It’s okay to never fully understand a woman. The point is you just have to figure this out… You said it yourself… You are about to go on this trip and you’re basically worried that now she’s going to be mad at you and then you come back you’re going to be anxious and you don’t want the tension. You don’t want to go on this trip and then have a fight or something like that.
So the thing that you have to do is ask her! Just ask her what is up, and keep at it. You should try to figure out before you leave what is going on. And if she can tell that you are at least trying and you’re basically saying look, “Babe, I’m not gonna leave here before I know what’s up with you, I don’t want you to be mad at me. Come on, let’s figure this out,” then eventually, she’s going to tell you because clearly, she is upset. Clearly, she’s angry that she’s not spending time with you and the 100% reason is not clear, but you have to break through her defenses and she will tell you. You can then ask her “Babe, what is the matter? Why did you tell me that it’s fine? Did you not want me to go on this event? Just tell me, babe. Look, I obviously can’t cancel this event anymore, but if it bothered you, at least let me know so that I know in the future if stuff like this bothers you and let’s see what we can do about this.”
And like I said, maybe you could invite her to join you to go with you on that trip. It’s just a weekend trip, so it shouldn’t cost that much. She can come with you, whatever stuff you still have to organize to make the actual vacation happen, you could probably also do it from there. So maybe you just have to show her “I care about you. Look, hey, if you don’t want to be separated from me before our trip, hey babe, just come with me!” Sometimes these small details matter and I know anyone who’s watching this is like ah this makes no sense! Women are just irrational sometimes! And that’s just what it is! We are just completely differently wired and men will never understand women, but that’s okay! But actually, you could phrase it differently. Men will never understand women in the moment! When a woman does something right in the moment, we will never understand it.
Man, there’s always a scenario where we’re like… “What is happening?!” That’s fine! It’s just about being able to understand her after that. So if you don’t understand what’s going on in the moment and you’re just completely flustered and you’re like “The fuck, man! What’s going on?! I don’t get it!“… It’s fine, man. That’s just the reality of dating women. But you then, basically just are chill, you don’t cause any drama, because there’s already drama! She’s already upset but you show her that you are a king. Unleash the king within. You show her this doesn’t bother you. You’re basically not freaking out. You’re not getting angry. You’re just very calmly trying to figure out “Hey, baby, look… I love you! Tell me what’s going on” and then you basically just inquire until she will definitely tell you. So the bottom line is, I don’t have the magic bullet answer for you!
Honestly, it could be all kinds of reasons! What I do know is that you need to ask her! You need to spend some time with her to figure it out and just by spending time with her, she’s going to feel that you care about her. That’s probably already going to solve the problem, because she just wants you to talk with her about it, and it’s all about this concept here: Embrace your lover. It’s an important concept. It’s all about getting to know her! Couples who stay curious will not be furious. So just the fact that you stay curious will show her that you love her. That’s all she needs to know. So you should stay curious! That is my final advice for you. Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within!
