Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video we’re gonna talk about having the confidence to say no to a woman. To leave a woman behind who’s toxic. Who always gets upset. Who always gets jealous. Who always finds reasons why she wants to start a fight. It’s very difficult when you are with a woman like this who always causes fights. Maybe you’re also repeatedly breaking up and there’s been studies on this actually… It’s called an on-off relationship where you’re constantly on and off. These kind of relationships are really not healthy for you. So let’s get into situation. I have a message from a guy who is in a situation or in a relationship with a woman that he should just leave behind. She’s fucking awful and it’s time for him to move on and find a better woman. It’s about finding the confidence to say “I’m out of the situation! Why am I even dating you?! I don’t want to be with you! There are women out there who can make me much happier.” So let’s get into his message. Let’s see what is my advice for him.
Hello coach, I need your help so much because of my girlfriend who has been on and off with me repeatedly for what feels like an eternity and I just don’t know what to do anymore with her.
So like I said, on-off relationships are very stressful. And stress is freaking awful if you stay in a toxic relationship forever and you never leave. And you say here it has been going on for an eternity, or what feels like an eternity. Then you know you’re just making yourself unhappy. You’re actually causing a lot of health problems to yourself. Stress in relationship actually leads to high blood pressure for men, at least! And for us men, it’s not healthy if you have high blood pressure. That can lead to strokes, heart attacks. You don’t want to be in a relationship like this. You want to be with a woman where it’s effortless. Where it feels smooth. Where it feels comfortable. Where it feels like heaven, quite frankly.
And this woman sounds like it’s always on and off. If it’s always fighting, if she’s always breaking up with you, or you break up with her, it’s super stressful. That can’t be good for your health. And I don’t know how old you are, but the older you get, the more dangerous a relationship like this is, because eventually, you never know… you might get a stroke. Do you want to have a stroke just because you choose to be with a shitty woman? Probably not. It’s not a nice feeling. I’ve been having a lot of health problems in the last two years because of all of these travel restrictions. Actually, this guy has similar problems and it’s just not a good feeling. So you should know how difficult it is to be in a constant state of stress. Don’t be with a woman who makes you feel like you’re constantly under attack. It’s not a good thing. So let’s see what is this problem.
Before I tell you the exact problem she has with me, here’s the gist of the issue. I keep on telling her that she needs to stop being so agitated and to stop blaming me for not paying attention to her but nothing I say or do is having any effect, and sometimes I feel like I am talking to a stone wall.
A stone wall… So that might mean that she is stone walling. This is actually a technique. Stonewalling basically means that one partner turns away, doesn’t listen to anything that’s being said. You know the cliche thing is that you just sit next to your partner, the woman… You’ve probably seen some stock photos where the woman is just really angry at her boyfriend and she just doesn’t want to talk to him… That is stonewalling, actually. When one partner doesn’t want to listen and uses that as a form of punishment, that is not a good thing to do. So she might be stonewalling because you feel like you’re talking to a stone wall. That is not a good sign!
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Nothing I say or do ever breaks through her and it is as if she’s not listening to me at all and we repeat the same cycle over and over. I’m so tired of it.
Exactly! What I just said. She’s not listening at all. Stonewalling, clearly. She must be stonewalling and you’re really getting tired of this. So you are acknowledging that there’s a huge problem, which is actually interesting because most of the time, it’s the exact opposite. Most of the time, it’s actually the women who feels that there’s a huge problem and they just want it to be resolved and they’re trying to resolve it in very healthy ways. Most of the time. But we guys, we often don’t know how to handle it and then it leads to problems.
But it’s the exact opposite problem here, actually I think. Probably, my assumption is that you know exactly what’s going on. You understand how unhealthy she is but you’re deluding yourself. You’re trying to figure some way out. You’re trying to figure out how do I take the high road here? But it’s just a cycle that makes you grow really tired and it’s exhausting. So let’s see why is it so exhausting.
FYI right now we have broken up again.
So you can see on and off. Broken up again. So that already sounds really bad. Let’s just make an assumption that you’ve probably broken up at least a few times. Two times, three times, four times. I don’t know the exact number but just imagine even if you’re just broken up three times with a person, with a woman… that is freaking stressful! There are some couples who do this over, and over, and over, and as I said, it’s really bad for your mental health! It’s really bad for your physical health.
There actually even have been studies on this, that when you have a lot of stress in a relationship, when you’re married, and you have children, that stress that you have with your partner, it even has a profoundly dangerous impact on your children’s health. So this kind of stuff has negative impacts, like stress really has a profound negative impact on your health, in your entire family, in your entire social circle, actually most likely also with your friends. So it’s not a good thing to go down that route. So you should be very careful with this.
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FYI right now, we have broken up again but she usually messages me after a while of being mad at me. So now to explain the actual issue that she has with me. I suppose the problem is that I am very busy with my work schedule, plus she often says that I am talking to other women. She gets very jealous of women who I don’t care about, or sometimes barely know at all.
So she’s very insecure. Clearly, there’s another red flag here. She’s stonewalling. She’s always blaming you. Now it’s also another case of getting jealous and you say it here that she gets jealous about women that you frankly don’t care about at all, or you barely know at all. So they’re probably just acquaintances or something like that. Or maybe women that you’ve just met. If that is the case, that is a major red flag. Yes, your girlfriend can get jealous if she sees you talking to a stranger that you basically have never met and it seems like you’ve been flirting. Sure, that can happen from time to time. If that happens in a rare scenario… Yeah, she might get jealous, but if it’s just some women that you don’t know… Acquaintances.
Maybe Facebook friends that you’ve known for an eternity. Just think of your friends that you haven’t talked to in the longest time because of the pandemic… because I’ve been stuck here in Germany far away from all my friends. I haven’t talked to a lot of my friends and acquaintances for the longest time. I don’t really know them that much anymore and if something in my life would happen, they wouldn’t care that much. If something in their life happens, I wouldn’t care that much or I don’t even know that it’s happening. So these kind of acquaintances. Imagine if a woman gets jealous about someone like that where you just have no emotional investment in them. It’s a red flag. So again, it shows you that she’s insecure and her insecurities are causing problems.
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We’re currently in a long-distance relationship.
So that’s probably giving her a lot of stress as well. She’s probably anxious about this because she seems like she’s a jealous type of woman. So long-distance relationships with a woman like this is really difficult to make work.
We used to be together spending most of our time together in Australia before all the flight bans. The last two years have been very stressful to me in many ways because I got stuck in the UK. So I also couldn’t see her and she couldn’t see me because the travel bans had been extremely strict in Australia.
So you and I are actually in quite similar situations. So if I just put myself in your shoes, we’re almost neighbors. Actually, I’m stuck in Germany, you’re stuck in the UK. It sucks to be stuck in a place where you don’t want to be stuck. So again, you have a lot of stress already now. If you add that stress that your girlfriend gives to you dude, that’s fucking awful. I wouldn’t want to go through this. If I would be stuck here, all the stress that I have to go through already, plus I would be dealing with a woman like this, I would go fucking insane, and what I would have done with a woman like this, I’m gonna say this already up front before I finish your message…
I would have broken up with her a long time ago because I wouldn’t see myself having a future with a woman like this, where I just can’t see myself being happy with her. I actually had something similar like this, that I had a toxic ex reach out to me multiple times during the pandemic while I was stuck here and that stressed me so much. She did something that’s called hoovering and at some point, I just blocked her because I was like “I’m done with this. I don’t want this stress anymore.” Do you want this stress for yourself? Being with a woman who always stresses you? You’re already stressed because of the pandemic. You’re stressed because of travel bans. I don’t know what happened with your job. There are so many factors why you’re already stressed and then she adds it on top of it, it’s like the icing on the cake of all the clusterfucks. And look at this…
Do you want more stress? If you’re still in the UK right now, there’s a lot of shit going on in Europe right now. You want to be with a woman where you feel like she’s a safe haven. She’s the place where you go home to, where you can talk to her, and you’re so relieved to talk to her. Not the other way around. Why would you be with a woman where you just feel stressed all the time. That makes no sense. So food for thought.
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She keeps on blaming me all the time that I’m not responsive enough, or that I’m not attentive and loving enough, and that if I would pay more attention to her, things were better between the two of us.
So that’s kind of a form of gaslighting and basically it’s all your fault. Maybe you have some faults here, but she’s always blaming you. She’s always causing fights. From the sounds of it you haven’t told anything here counter to that. Of course, maybe you’re not telling the full picture here, but if she’s always causing the problems, if she always gets jealous, if she’s always angry that you’re not responsive enough and not attentive enough and she blames it all on you, maybe she’s actually projecting her problems onto you. Her insecurities are being projected onto you. That’s another red flag. Gaslighting really freaking sucks.
Actually, what I just mentioned earlier about the ex of mine who messaged me multiple times who I blocked, she did the same thing. She would message me, say something like “Hey I wanna figure out what went wrong between us” and then she would say messages like “you gave me no choice because you didn’t treat me right” or something like this. This is gaslighting. Yeah, we all have our flaws. We all have our faults in the relationship. You’re not perfect. You’re probably doing some things wrong. You could do things better for sure, but if she always blames everything on you… Well, it takes two to tango. And again, in my opinion, it’s the kind of woman that you should dump and leave behind. Move on.
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I keep on telling her that I can’t always message her right away, especially because of client work and our time zone differences, and sometimes I just need to stay in the zone for work, but she just cannot comprehend how I work.
That makes sense. You obviously can’t message all the time. You’re not available all the time. Sometimes you gotta focus on your work. That’s just how it is and a healthy woman will understand that and she will understand that she will give you the time that you need, and then you can take the time when you find the time to message her “Hey babe, I’ve been thinking about you,” or “hey, sorry that I couldn’t message you earlier. What’s up babe? Love you” and you sent her something sweet and then you ask her and you talk with her and she’s going to be happy. A healthy woman is going to be fine when she reaches out. She wants to know what’s up with you. She misses you. She wants to get some validation that you care about her, and even though you’re busy, you take five minutes out of your day, eventually after your meeting or whatever to say “Hey babe, I’m currently doing this. What are you up to? How’s your day going?” Something like that. Just pay some attention to her. That’s all that’s needed.
But a woman who’s very unhealthy, she will always get angry about this because she thinks everything revolves around her. But that’s just not how life works. Yes, you should focus on each other and make time for each other but you know you’re still two separate people and you can’t always make time for each other. If she can’t understand that, maybe it’s time to leave her behind.
I really don’t know what I should do with her. She just won’t understand that our problems aren’t because of me not being attentive enough but rather because she’s always causing problems, always up my ass about something that I did wrong here and there, bringing up some random woman that I don’t even know very well, stalking any woman that I am in touch with. It’s an ever repeating circle that never gets any better.
So one more red flag. So she’s also stalking random chicks that you know… So it sounds like she’s trying to figure out who are you talking to, like maybe Facebook comments or social media comments in general… whatever… I don’t know how she’s stalking these chicks but dude, that is super toxic! That is just a major red flag at this point! She’s a crazy! Have you ever seen this meme… What was it called… Crazy attached girlfriend. I’m gonna put it in somewhere here. It was just a joke actually, and you don’t want to be with a woman like this who’s crazy and stalks you, or stalks other women. I mean how do your friends, or the women that you know who might just be acquaintances, maybe they are even work acquaintances or people that you work with, or work relationships… If you talk to these women and then they are getting stalked, maybe they find out. It just would be way too much for me. I think you should dump this woman and you say it very nicely here:
You say “she just won’t understand that our problems aren’t because of me not being attentive enough but rather because she’s always causing problems“… So you are well aware that it’s a vicious cycle and basically she’s blaming you for not being attentive enough, which I’m sure you probably are not, and then since because you’re just tired of this shit… But the reason why you’re basically losing interest or being less attentive most likely to her is because probably you’re avoiding her because you don’t want to deal with this bullshit all the time. If you basically know that as soon as you’re going to message your ex you’re… Well, she’s your ex right now, your girlfriend, and you’re on and off all the time… There’s always drama. There are always problems.
You’re basically just waiting for the moment when you ask “Did I do something wrong again? What did I do this time? What is it this time? Why didn’t I pay attention enough again? Like what? I didn’t send a message to you?” Or whatever in the morning. Something like that. What the fuck did I do wrong this time?! This is super toxic! Why would you want to be with a woman like this again. As I said you should move on from a woman like this. In the trash. She belongs in the trash. Some people would say she belongs to the streets. I just think she doesn’t belong with you because you’re a king. You should always unleash the king within. You deserve to be with a woman who is not crazy. I don’t believe that I have to say this but you know, I think well, we’re gonna get to this… What I think is your big problem in the next paragraph. This is how he wraps it up and this is why I think he keeps on staying in this relationship that is not good for him.
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I am now finally flying back to Thailand for now to recover from all my emotional stress in the last two years and she’s angry at me again for not going to Australia, but I didn’t know that Australia reopened and right now we’re not even together. She broke up with me again. Why is it that some women just cannot be pleased no matter what? And what should I do with her to make her see some reason?
I don’t think that you can make her see any reason at all. What I think… You would probably have seen that she is batshit crazy if you wouldn’t have been stuck in the UK and all of this shit wouldn’t have happened. So I educate myself a lot on relationships, right? I always try to think rationally. I try to think not so much with my heart because if you think too much with your heart, it’s easier to develop Oneitis. Make the wrong dating decisions. Too impulsive dating decisions. And for example, this ex of mine who always messaged me who got really toxic, I really cared about her and if I wouldn’t have educated myself so much especially because I was so vulnerable with everything going on around the world, I would have probably reciprocated this. But at some point I was like “I’m done with this,” because rationally I knew it’s the right thing to do.
I think you’re in a much more dangerous spot because of course, you’re not a relationship expert. So you’re very vulnerable and you don’t know always what is the right thing to do. Sometimes your emotions just get the best of you and if I look at it basically now you get an opportunity to go back to wherever. You could actually go to Australia, I guess now… Maybe. Are they not open again? You could probably go back to Australia. Yeah, you actually said it. You could go back to Australia and see her now but anyway, you decided to go to Thailand and you decided “I need to de-stress.” You’re probably going to go somewhere like Phuket or what is there… Koh Samui. These beautiful beaches and you’re basically just going to sit back, sit, relax have some coffee, have some beers, have some cocktails, go to the bars, sit on the beach, get your feet in the sand, and just enjoy life and you’re basically going to process all of this shit that happened and you want some peace and quiet. And you know what? This is the peace and quiet that you need!
Unleash the king within. Become happy with yourself. Become happy with your surroundings. Be happy with your life. And if you would be happy with your life, you would probably never entertain a woman like this. I think the only reason why you actually still entertained her even though she’s clearly freaking toxic, I think there were four different red flags that we had in this email and you probably would have realized eventually “Why am I even with this woman?” Because there are much better women out there. You know, what I think you need? You need some pussy. You need some good Thai pussy.
Go to Thailand. There are a lot of hot chicks there. I know some hot chicks from Thailand myself. They’re sweet. You’re gonna have some fun. Have some sex. Enjoy yourself. Maybe you’re gonna find a Thai girl there who’s not so freaking jealous and no matter what kind of woman you’re gonna find there, or also even if you would go to Australia, I can guarantee you that you would find a better woman anywhere. I think you’ve just been prolonging the inevitable. Maybe you got forced into this long-distance relationship and you told yourself that it’s going to get better when we see each other again… Yeah, maybe it’s going to get better when you get back to Australia. Yeah, that could be the case, but despite everything, I think even if you’re back in Australia and see her again, you get back together, I think there’s still going to be a lot of toxic bullshit!
I think you should ask yourself what was she like before the long distance relationship and I think you’re probably going to find out that she was still very insecure and she was not right for you. So what do I suggest for you? Leave her behind. Move on. Have some fun. Travel. Meet some new women. You’re going to discover that there are a lot of great women out there who can make you much, much happier, and like I said… Stress for men is awful. You don’t want to end up in the hospital at some point. It’s just not a good way to live your life. So find yourself a woman who appreciates you, who is appreciative of the fact that you’re making time despite the fact that you’re busy with work. You said it yourself:
Sometimes your work schedule is demanding and you want to be with a woman who understands that and who finds compromises with you. It’s about being a couple, a team working together, not working against each other. You don’t want to be in constant battle. You want to be with a woman who you can hug. It’s all about embracing your lover. And if your woman doesn’t understand that principle, then just freaking dump her because she’s not worth it. Fuck her! Sorry to say it so bluntly but I don’t think she’s good for you. So that is my advice for you. Let me know in the comments what you guys think about this woman. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within. And for everybody, well, anywhere in the western world, stay freaking safe!
