Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video we’re gonna talk about confidence, for sure in relationships, but also with an ex. I have a message from a guy who has basically done a lot of needy stuff with an ex or with his girlfriend. He’s turned her off so much. He put her on a pedestal and of course, eventually, she broke it off with him and so this video, maybe it’s more of a commentary advice, but I think this guy already knows everything that he’s done wrong. He shared the situation with me. I’ll give my two cents on it. So let’s see what is my take on it and can he still turn this around. So let’s see.
She Tested Me: When Your Ex Doesn’t Respect You, Can You Get Your Ex Back After Being Needy?
Hey coach, when I say that I did everything wrong. I did absolutely everything wrong. I met my ex-girlfriend through a mutual friend back in January 2021. We dated for six months and over the course of our relationship in the small frame she tested me all the time. As a result I got insecure and needy. I was doing everything in the relationship and it got to the point where it was really affecting my mental health.
So I’m gonna be real with you, if your girlfriend or your ex has been shit testing you very early, all the time, like in this first six months, that is kind of a red flag. Yes, every woman shit tests. Every woman wants to see that you’re secure. She wants to make sure that you can actually provide for her, that you can take care of her, that, for example, you can defend her in front of other people, that you’re not afraid to speak up, and that you’re willing to do the hard and right things when it matters the most. So yes, women do shit test, but if this happened all the time, like you said, in just the first six months, where everything should be peachy, and it really affects your mental health, that is kind of a red flag and I would ask myself is this actually the right woman for you? I know you did a lot of insecure things and you’re blaming everything on you, and yeah, you gotta be secure, you gotta be a king, you gotta get your shit together, and of course, if you’re not confident, if you don’t have your shit together, you’re going to attract women like this, and also you’re always gonna get into trouble with women in relationships. Even if she’s not really toxic.
But like I said, I would never date a woman like this if she just does these shit tests all the time. If I could tell after two months that she does this weird shit all the time, that’s just way too intentional, where I can tell that it’s kind of devious, it’s kind of mean, it’s not really to test whether she wants to know “Is he the right one for me?“… She just wants to get closer to you. That’s what a shit test is, ultimately, for she wants to make sure that she does the right choice, that she’s making the right choice. But of course, if she does that all the time, just to fuck with you, that’s not the right woman for you. And so you should just think twice if this kind of woman is the right one for you, because I have a feeling that you can date a woman who’s much better for you. So food for thought!
Putting Your Ex On A Pedestal: How To Get Your Ex Back After Being Clingy And Being A Nice Guy
I never really spoke up. Lifted her up on a pedestal, and basically tried to make her happier than I wanted myself to be happy. I did absolutely everything for this woman. I’m also the one that told her that I loved her and asked her to be my girlfriend, ugh,
… and by the way: That ugh was from him, not from me, but I could have reacted the same way. I guess, you’re probably a little bit codependent. You’re trying to make her happy because you’re giving too much value on her. You probably think that your value derives from that woman, because otherwise, you just wouldn’t give a shit! Yes, it’s nice to be with a great woman, but if she doesn’t want you, if she’s not happy with you, if she doesn’t appreciate you, if she can’t be thankful, for example, for the things that you do for her, then you know, I would just walk away from that! I will never ever do this ever again! I used to date women like this in the past and I’m just done with this kind of life, because you feel so weak, you feel like a little puppy, but I want all of you to feel like lions, to feel like kings! To feel strong!
And your woman should just absolutely cherish you and if you do something good for your woman, she should reciprocate, she should show you that she’s happy, a true great woman. It’s always a back-and-forth. It’s like a team sport. You’re working together and you’re not there to prove you’re worth to the other person. You already appreciate and see the worth of the other person. So if you’re in that mindset where you’re trying to prove your own worth to that woman, then I would question yourself, actually ask yourself why did you do that? Why are you going down that route? It sounds to me like you’re trying to please her too much and by the way: You mentioned that you said that you’re the one who told her that you loved her, and asked her to be your girlfriend. So first of all: You should never ask her to be your girlfriend. Just date her. At some point, she’s gonna bring it up. It’s just gonna come up naturally. At some point, she’s gonna wanna know.
The other thing that I want to talk about that you mentioned is that you told her that you loved her, and I found a really interesting study recently that shows that this is very counterintuitive and not what a woman wants. So there are studies that women need about, I think it was two or three more months longer than a man to express that they love him. So basically, by the time that you’re head over heals into her, she’s basically still making up her mind. She’s still not sure. She’s still trying to evaluate you. She’s trying to figure out if you are the right long-term boyfriend. So you should never tell that you love her so quickly. Honestly, you should actually wait for her, most likely, because if she’s ready for it, you know, that is the right time to be boyfriend and girlfriend. It’s easy to just give into your emotions, and that is why it’s so important as a man to have self-control. Emotional self-control. Discipline! We all want to do this!
We are with a great woman, maybe she’s hot, maybe she’s exactly what you want, maybe she’s smart, funny, witty, she says all the right things. You have similar values, and she’s like one of a kind! You only meet this woman like every two years. Every three years. And now you’re like “I gotta have this woman!” but you gotta stay patient! You gotta have self-control. And wait for it because as soon as you become weak and needy, as soon as you show her “I need you so desperately” she can tell and once she can tell, she doesn’t want to be with you. And eventually, she’s going to notice this in your relationship. So you got to be careful. And it’s not about her being bad or anything. Don’t be careful because she’s dangerous or whatever. It’s about actually you, yourself. You are dangerous to yourself.
So it’s all about your own internal self-control because typically, it’s you who screws it up. It’s not your girlfriend. And I’m not saying that women can’t screw up. Of course, women can screw up. I’m just saying that typically all the bad things that happen in our lives, they are produced by ourselves, by our wrong beliefs, by our insecurities. We project everything out into the world and then we fuck it up. So you gotta get yourself in control. That’s a lesson to be learned. Next time when you’re dating a woman, don’t say you love her first. Wait for it. Wait for her. Wait for her to show you signs that she actually wants to be in an exclusive long-term relationship because at that point, it’s done. The deal is sealed and you can actually go for it. So you know, it was a mistake. So let’s see what comes next.
We Got Back Together And Broke Up Again: My Ex Didn’t Want To Have Sex And I Became Insecure
After our breakup, we got back together a week later, which only lasted six days. The week we got back together she still wouldn’t have sex with me. I got angry and stormed out of her place.
So again, that is kind of no emotional self-control. I understand that you’re angry and obviously, you’re not happy with it, but I wouldn’t get angry. I wouldn’t show my anger and I wouldn’t storm out of her place. I would just say: “Hey, what is up? I mean we’re back together. What’s the problem? What’s the matter? Come on, babe, what’s wrong? Is there something that’s bothering you?” You should just try to talk to her about it, or if that’s not working, or if you don’t want to talk about it, then you just tell her very calmly “Hey babe, I don’t understand what’s going on there. We’re back together. What is the problem? I want to have sex with you but you don’t want to be with me. I mean what is the matter? I love you but if you can’t do this, then I don’t like this. This is not for me. So what’s up with you? What do you feel? What’s on your mind?“…
And that’s it. And you leave it at that. Or perhaps you’re not gonna address it much at all. You just say “I’m kind of disappointed that you’re not attracted to me anymore. I’m just gonna get some air to think about this“, and then she’s probably gonna think about it as well, because you told her very clearly how you feel about it. You’re not really mad at her. You’re not angry at her. You’re just telling her “This is not making me happy and maybe you’re not happy either, so think about this. And when I’m back, maybe you want to talk about it.” So I wouldn’t have stormed out, actually. So I wouldn’t have stormed out. I would have just walked out and that is the difference, of course. Self-control, again.
Get Your Ex Back By Being Friends: Friendzoning Yourself When An Ex Doesn’t Want You Back
About 45 minutes later, I texted her that I’ll be her friend. I’ll give her what she wants. Thinking her feelings would come back. So for the next three months we were still acting like a couple, going out and doing things, holding hands, and all of that. There just wasn’t any physical intimacy.
So basically, completely total friend zoning route. It never works and essentially what you do with that is she can have everything that she had in the past with the relationship’s emotional support. Maybe you live together. Maybe she gets some convenience, like small things, like if you’re living together. She gets to have breakfast. You make breakfast, for example, or you take care of certain things. So she gets all of that good stuff. She can talk to you about her problems, but no intimacy. Now, I’m not gonna go as far as saying that she got the intimacy from someone else, but she could. Basically, she’s holding you on a leash. She knows that you’re not gonna run away. She’s keeping you there and she doesn’t really care as long as you’re not barking. So it’s like a dog on a leash. And when the dog is not obedient and it pulls too much, then it feels uncomfortable, but if the owner is in control, because the dog is like a small puppy and will do whatever the owner says, then of course, the owner is happy and of course, if the owner is happy, that’s the status quo. So that’s how it’s gonna stay.
However, if the dog is on the leash and the dog is pulling, and just won’t listen to whatever the owner says, guess what the owner is gonna do? The owner is gonna try to fix it! The owner is gonna try to figure out how to make this work. But because you are on a leash and you’re behaving nicely, she’s not giving you any physical intimacy. She doesn’t have to fix anything. And that’s why the friend zone never works. And then, of course, because you are like a dog that’s always obedient, always on the leash, and she can do whatever she wants and you’re going to stay there, you’re going to stay on the leash, she might even get bored and then she sees another dog, and she’ll be like “Oh, I want to play with this dog!“… Some other guy. And maybe she wants to give that guy some physical intimacy because it’s a little bit more exciting. So I’m sure that the friend zone route was not the right way to go. So lesson learned. I hope you don’t do it again.
Reigniting The Spark With An Ex: My Ex Girlfriend And I Fight A Lot And Have Little Romance
In October I agreed to go to her friend’s wedding and it was an absolute nightmare of a weekend. We fought every night. I tried to be intimate with her on two different nights and she declined. The following week we had a really great weekend together and there were some light elements of romance, however, nothing happened again.
So first of all, there’s a little bit of a lack of awareness. If it was such a nightmare weekend, it was so bad, you were fighting so much, why would you actually try to seduce her? That makes no sense. You should try to open her up emotionally because that’s when she opens her legs and voluntarily. So instead of trying to force it, you just get her in the mood, but if you’re fighting, of course, she’s not in the mood. So then trying to force it just makes it worse. So instead of that try to figure out how can you avoid these fights. What are you fighting about? Why are you fighting about these things? You probably should first focus on conflict resolution.
So for example, trying to talk with her about these issues and trying to, for example, do parroting. I don’t know what you’ve been fighting about and what exactly was going on, but instead of getting angry at each other, you could say “Hey look, babe, I want to understand what’s really going on. I want to understand how you feel and why you’re so angry. Clearly, I can tell that something is really bothering you and that’s why you’re getting so loud or so angry or so agitated. So can you tell me why do you actually feel that way?” And then she’s gonna say something and then instead of responding with like an attack or a defense, blaming, reversing it to her, instead of that, you say “Okay, tell me more about that. I mean, what do you mean? What is it that really makes you so angry? Why do you feel that way? I want to understand your feelings.”
Because once you understand her feelings and once she’s in a good emotional state, that’s when sex is going to happen. And you even said that the following week you had a really great weekend, but there was no intimacy. So okay, there was no intimacy, of course, that was bad, but the week was better. You said. Let me just read this again. You said there were light elements of romance. So something was right on that weekend. So I would suggest: Ask yourself what was it that was right on that weekend? Because something must have been different on that weekend where things were okay. So okay, you didn’t seduce her. That sucked. But overall things were good. So if you would have had let’s say one more weekend like this, or two more weekends like this, maybe you might have had enough romance again to seduce her. So ask yourself what went right on that weekend? I have no idea. You didn’t mention it here but that’s the kind of thing that you should replicate. You should figure out what are the things that work between you? What are the things that don’t work?
And of course, you want to repeat the things that actually do work. And a lot of couples make the mistake that instead of doing that, they always focus on the things that just don’t work. And so they always focus on the things that they don’t like. That is obviously a disaster for relationships. It’s a recipe for disaster. It just cannot work if you always focus on the negative. You’re always going to get negative results. But if you always try to focus on the positive in the relationship, guess what? You’re gonna get positive outcomes in your relationship. And most likely also great sex.
I Suggested No Contact: I Chased My Ex Girlfriend And Pushed Her Away Over And Over Again
Over the course of our relationship I suggested that we take time away from each other to figure out what both of us wanted numerous times. And I was the one that always came back. Whether it was 7 days later, or 30 days later. Her big thing was that she lost a spark for me. I understand it’s because of my behavior and desperation that pushed her away.
Yeah, so what you should have done is just, say look, you know, that’s actually a good thing to say “I need some space. I want to figure out is this the right thing. How do we feel about this?“… That’s not a bad thing. That’s honesty. And if you think this is better for both of you, yeah, why not?! The problem, of course, is that you are not congruent with your words. I don’t know why you said this and why you then reversed, but I guess you felt insecure without her. I guess you felt like it was the bad choice. I guess you felt that she’s gonna run away or that she’s gonna find someone else. You probably thought that you fucked it up. I don’t know what you thought was the outcome what was gonna be from that, but clearly, you changed your mind. That’s not congruent. If you make a decision in life then stick to it. Sometimes it’s really hard, but you gotta let time do its thing. Because if you decide to, for example…
I just moved to a new country and making that decision took forever. And I have a friend right now actually who also moved to Bali, kind of with me. And he’s not liking it at all. And he tells me a lot of times that he doesn’t like it. I’m liking it a lot. I’ve only been here for less than a week yet so far and I’m liking it quite a lot. The area that I’m in is great. At first I felt a little bit insecure in the new environment but now I’m slowly starting to open up and I told him dude, you need to give it some time. And now he’s actually going to move to a different area, where maybe he’s gonna like it more. So sometimes you gotta stick to a decision, check it out first, see how you feel.
Sometimes your emotions are just gonna change over time, like, for example, if you would have stuck with it, right, if you would have stayed with let’s say no contact, or whatever you wanna call it, and you would have not dated her for 90 days, maybe you would have realized: Hey, you know what? This was actually for the better! Or maybe you would have realized “I still want her back but I realized these negative things are no longer part of my life“, and then when you get back to her, you can actually take all of that time, all of that reflection and talk about the things that didn’t work out. But it sounds to me that you just… I don’t know what you’ve been doing there, but I don’t think that you’ve been doing enough reflection in that period of time. So you didn’t really use the time wisely, essentially. So it’s not very congruent and that’s why she’s turned off.
Ex Girlfriend Is Dating Another Guy: I Got Needy Again And Asked Her For 60 Days No Contact
In November she had already started dating again. For her, our relationship ended in August, but for me, it ended in November. So it was harder for me.
Obviously.
We were trying to be friends, which I know is obviously the wrong move and she kept asking me to go do things but I knew that she was already with another guy. So I told her that I needed 60 days of no contact to get my shit together.
Yeah, it’s still the same thing. She basically wants you as a friend. She’s not really attracted at all. There’s no spark. She’s really turned off. But it’s kind of convenient to have you and you’re gonna take care of her. She can go out with you if she’s bored. If she’s not feeling great, maybe if something isn’t going right with some guy who she’s dating as well, then she can always come back to you. You’re the fallback. That way she never has any consequences. She never has to feel bad. She basically gets the convenience of two guys for one. So obviously, that’s never gonna work out, and you really shouldn’t have told her that you needed 60 days of no contact. I’m not sure if you said it exactly like this. I would have just said “Look I don’t want to be friends with you. I know you’re dating someone right now and I don’t really like that. Obviously, we’ve been a couple in the past and I still have feelings for you and I think I’m just gonna do my own thing right now,” and that’s it.
I wouldn’t make it so needy and say in 60 days I’m gonna be back. I would have just said “I’m out of here! I really appreciated our time together but that’s also why I don’t like this and I wish you all the best, and if you ever change your mind, if ever this doesn’t work out for you, then maybe we can date in the future, but right now this is not the right thing for me, and I’ll probably see you at some other point in time.”
You always see each other twice in life, so look, you know, that’s how you should have handled it. Giving her a little bit of a consequence because she already knew after 60 days you’re gonna be back. So she’s like yeah okay, I’m just gonna bang this guy and no worries! And then in 60 days, I guess I can have you again. She can have you again. So there’s no consequence for her. Nothing to worry about. You’re just always there basically. So that was not the right move. It was the right move to try to get your shit together but you should only get your shit together for yourself. So completely forget her. Say “I’m out of here. I’m done with this.“… If you see her in the future, that’s great! But just get your shit together, focus on yourself, and then maybe you start dating some other women! Maybe she comes back. The bottom line is, it’s all about you. You’re happy again and that’s all that matters.
I Broke No Contact Too Soon: When You Make Your Ex Girlfriend Fall For Another Guy
So as I did before, I came back early. This time in January of 2022. Instead of 60 days, I came back after 31 days. By then she was so disgusted at the sight of me and so into that other guy that I basically helped her get over me and made him look great. We were taking a walk and having a good conversation but she kept checking her phone and when I asked her about it she told me she had a phone call to make and I knew it was obviously that guy or it was about that guy. So it just led to another huge argument and I hit absolute rock bottom and this is where I started to plead and beg her for her to be with me.
So yeah, okay, first of all, you should have never be even been with her. You shouldn’t have gone for a walk with her. Why would you do that?! She’s fucked some other dude! That’s just… She has no respect for you at this point and then, of course, you become insecure and you have an argument. If you can’t help it, if you’re there for the walk for whatever reason, and then you see she has a call with some other guy that she’s dating, it’s cool, whatever! Maybe you have a call an hour from now with another chick who cares about you. See, you shouldn’t let it get to you! And as soon as she can see that it’s getting to you, she doesn’t care. Sometimes you can actually spend time with an ex and it can actually help, but for that to help, and for that to work, she needs to be able to tell that you know you don’t really care anymore. You’re okay with spending time with her and that doesn’t really affect you. You’re not emotionally attached to her, and you’re actually fine with being friends with her, because if she can tell that you don’t care, and you’re just like okay, yeah, I guess I just want to be friends, then she realizes “Oh shit if he just wants to be friends, that means I can never have him back again.”
It’s easy to get someone back who you just broke up with and you haven’t talked to them for a while, versus someone just doesn’t care. You’re just friends and no emotional feelings whatsoever. Well, emotional feelings as a friend, but basically, it’s all platonic, nothing romantic. That is scary to a woman, but she can tell you were still really invested and so she has no reason to first of all get back with you. And, of course, she’s kind of annoyed by it at this point, as you said, because it’s just a repeating pattern and it doesn’t even matter how much the other guy might be screwing up or not, you’re probably screwing up more. So even if that guy is a pretty big loser and he’s not that great, maybe he screws up only a little bit here and there, you’re making so much more mistakes so that no matter how bad this guy might be, you’re always going to look worse in her eyes. And so yeah, it’s like you said, you’re basically driving her into the arms of maybe even a complete loser. So you gotta stop this, dude, and I hope you already stopped it by now. So that’s important for you to remember.
My Ex And I Still Follow Each Other: Will Posting On Social Media Make Her Miss Me?
We still follow each other on Instagram, although I’m pretty sure that she muted me because I muted her and I know that the guy she was seeing, which lasted probably about two and a half months, just ended a few weeks ago. I still haven’t heard from her. It has been a little over three months since we last spoke or saw each other. I obviously understand from watching your videos that she needs to come back to me because she’s the one who dumped me, walked all over me, and basically threw me away like trash since November. I have been focusing on my purpose, which is launching a company with my friends, and I also have been hitting the gym hard, even linking up with a few companies on Instagram to sponsor my fitness journey. I rarely used to post on Instagram but now I do it a lot and I’m wondering if she thinks I’m doing it for her.
Well, it doesn’t really matter if she thinks that you’re doing it for her. She can’t really tell. And look, if she thinks so, whatever man! You’re doing great. You’re doing great with your company. You’re doing great with your fitness journey. Keep that up. If she comes back because she doesn’t really care about it, and she just thinks it’s awesome, but she doesn’t care that you’re doing it for her, perfect! The thing is she can never fully know. So even if she might think wait is she doing this for me?! She’s still at the back of her mind thinking “Wow look at him, he’s changed a lot! He’s doing his fitness stuff! He’s doing his company stuff! He’s getting sponsorships! What the hell?! He has changed a lot!” So how is she gonna know? She can’t really know. So it doesn’t really matter what she thinks. The real problem is here that you’re making her your priority again. So you’re doing great. You’re posting all of this stuff and while you’re doing this, you’re thinking about her. Who the fuck cares, man? It doesn’t really matter. Fuck her! I know you want her back. I’m not saying that she’s bad or that she sucks. Obviously, you turned her off like crazy, when I say fuck her, I just mean whatever, man! Let her think whatever she wants to think.
You’re doing awesome. Other women can see that. Other people can see that. The companies that want to sponsor you can see that. So why would you spend your time thinking about this woman and if she approves of you? So that tells me that you still have approval-seeking behavior. You’re still thinking about what does she think about all the stuff that you’re doing. So my question for you would be: Are you actually doing this for her? Obviously, I get it. You want her back and you know it’s great to focus on yourself and it helps you with her as well, but it has to be more for you than for her. She should just be like a sideline.
At some point, you should get to that state, where you just don’t even care about her anymore. You don’t even realize anymore that she exists, and at that point, that’s probably when she’s gonna come back, but while you’re thinking about her, most likely, maybe you give off that vibe. Honestly, maybe she can actually feel it. Now, I’m not saying that this is the case. It’s kind of hard to tell that over the internet, but I’m just saying as long as you have that mindset that you still think about her and like what is she thinking, how does she respond to this, how does she respond to this post, how does she respond to the fact that I’m doing xyz… As long as you do that, it’s never gonna work out because right now things are great for you, but as soon as she comes back, guess what? That approval-seeking behavior is just gonna get worse and worse. So you gotta just stop thinking about her. Stop trying to please her. It doesn’t matter!
Please yourself! Please those sponsors! You’re doing fucking amazing, so keep on being pleased with yourself. Don’t please her. Be pleased with yourself! That’s what I want for you. So think about that. And the next time that you’re asking yourself a question like this, I want you to ask yourself why am I even asking myself this? Does this actually matter what she thinks? And then reflect on that! Does it matter?! I don’t think it does. Because right now she’s not your girlfriend. So if she would be your girlfriend, it would obviously matter, but you don’t have any commitment to her, she doesn’t have any commitment to you, so it doesn’t matter.
Is No Contact Hopeless: Convince Her To Give You A Chance When Your Ex Lost Attraction For You
Because I killed her attraction, respect that she may have had for me over the 11 months of being with her and the fact that she’s already gone on dates with multiple people and had a two and a half month fling with this other guy, have I lost her for good? I’m just kind of wondering if I should bail on the hope that she might come back. There’s actually more to the story and other things that I did wrong but I just don’t really want to share it at all on a public forum. I appreciate the help and I love your channel. I’m going to pick up your book on my next payday as well. Thanks, Andy.
Okay, so first of all: Thank you for picking up my book, of course! Now, what about her. By the way, I should say this if you read my book, please leave a review behind because it really helps to reach more people. All right, so what about is she gonna be back? I think so. Most likely, yes. You screwed up a lot, for sure, but if you’re doing so much better now, she can eventually see that, if she checks out your IG regularly, or every now and then, and she can tell that you’re doing freaking great.. Dude, I mean that is a great sign! I can just give you an analogy of my own life. Obviously, I have a lot of ex from the past where I just didn’t really have my shit together back then, because I didn’t know what I was doing at all before I dove really deep into relationships. And now my, well, I don’t have Facebook anymore… I used to have Facebook. I disabled it recently because I fucking hate Facebook at this point. But my profession says relationship coach, and people can see my work. People are like “wow, this is pretty cool! What you’re doing!” How many people are relationship coaches? And my exes can also tell that I have my shit together. And that’s attractive! And guess what happens? My exes reach out to me and I could have sex with them, but I don’t want to have sex with them. So your exes can tell when you’re doing great.
Now, is she going to be back anytime soon? Hard to tell! She could be back literally next week or she could also be back in three months from now! Should you bail out? Yes, because you don’t know when is that going to be. I think she’s most likely going to come back at some point but I wouldn’t of course have a… Don’t place a guarantee in your mind there! Because I think you’re making it too much still about her. So you’re still thinking about her and trying to please her. And so you have to essentially forget that! I’m telling you! Once you hit that point where you don’t realize that they exist anymore, or you don’t think about them anymore, you don’t care if it pleases them or you don’t care if they think about you, or you don’t care if they’re going to be back next week at that point they can notice that you’ve moved on, that you’re happy, that you’re content, that you’ve changed yourself, that whatever kind of weak and needy behavior that you had in the past, that is gone now. Only the positive sides of yours are left. And you fixed all the stupid shit that she didn’t like.
And then she’s like, “I really liked him. He was just kind of insecure a little bit but he fixed that.” She has attachment to you, so you’re an obvious choice. So that’s what you gotta do. Bail out of it, yes. Look, that’s actually what everybody should do. Nobody should do no contact with the thought of trying to get her back, actually you’re one of the guys who replied on my email asking for getting the beta for my get your ex back coaching program, right, and one of the things that I mentioned very strongly in this program multiple times… Actually, I made it kind of like a repeating mantra that I want you to repeat as you go through this program, is to say that you’re doing this for yourself, not for her. That’s so important! Because once you have that mindset, once you do it for yourself and you stop forgetting her, that’s typically when they come back. So that’s my advice for you, I just want to wrap it up with how you end it, because I found it really funny!
Thanks Andy — anonymous needy dude
So I think it’s great that you’re actually recognizing that you’ve been a needy dude. We all fuck up. You’ve learned your lesson and maybe you’re gonna repeat this lesson more than once. You get more and more secure over time right, so you go from batshit crazy, insecure, needy to a little bit less needy, and depending on how hot the woman is, it can happen again or not. It happens to the best of us depending on how we feel in the moment. Self-control is really hard! It’s something that you have to repeat and practice over and over. And over time, you get really good at it. So look dude, I know you screwed up and you feel bad about yourself, you say to yourself you’ve been an anonymous needy dude, and so you probably think “Fuck how was I ever doing something like this?! What the hell was wrong with me?!“… And that’s normal, dude!
With all the growth patterns it’s all a growth process. It takes time. I think whatever happens now, you’ve made some really good steps forward, so any relationship that happens in the future, or if she comes back, it’s gonna be so much better. You’ve learned an important lesson, now you can apply a lot of these things. So look keep doing what you’re doing. I think your fitness stuff and your company stuff is amazing. Keep pushing forward with that and I hope that she comes back in the future but if she doesn’t, it doesn’t matter. Open up Tinder, man, and just have some freaking fun. Alright, so that was my advice for you! Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and of course, never forget to unleash the king within.
