Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video, we’re gonna talk about complacency in relationships and then your ex breaks up with you. So it probably happened to a lot of you that your ex broke up with you because of course, she wasn’t happy with you. Now, why was she not happy with you? There are typically two reasons. Maybe three reasons.
Before Starting The No-Contact Rule: Reasons Why Your Girlfriend Broke Up With You
Either you have a really huge fight, it just becomes very confrontational, it’s like you hate each other, or alternatively, it becomes kind of boring, you basically don’t go on many trips anymore. You don’t do very exciting stuff anymore. It just becomes like you’re not even a couple anymore. You’re just friends. You are basically platonic friends. Maybe the sex is also not very exciting anymore. You’re just roommates, essentially. And number three is kind of similar. It is basically that you are very complacent. You’re no longer growing. You’re no longer having ambition. Such as climbing the career ladder, building a house, for example..
That big dream that you had either as a couple, or both of you separately, and you’re basically very stagnant now. No woman wants to be with a man who is stagnant, who’s not exciting, who’s basically very passive, and is, let’s call it, not necessarily happy with his life, but just he doesn’t want to grow further. He doesn’t want to move forward. Complacency is okay when you are happy with your life. You got your shit figured out, you have a nice house, you have a nice job, everything is cool, and you don’t really have to do much more. That’s fine. But everybody wants to grow. Every person has the innate desire to grow. And women want to be with a man who wants to grow, who wants to challenge themselves, who wants to push the boundaries. Women want to be excited because otherwise, they’re going to get really bored because guess what? There are a lot of men out there who are full of potential, who want to achieve their goals, who are just hard-working. Really crazy hard working. They challenge themselves. They have ambitions. They’re alpha males. They want the challenge. And a woman wants to be with a man like this.
And if you don’t challenge yourself and if you don’t challenge her as well, she’s going to get really bored and she’s going to leave at some point, because she can see that these other men, either some random guys that she meets out on the streets when she’s God knows where… If she’s out for dinner with friends or she’s on a party, she sees these guys who are really amazing. Maybe they have really incredible careers. Maybe they are living very much out of their comfort zone and she’s going to be intrigued by that. Or maybe her friends also have relationships like that and she’s comparing them and she can see okay my relationship is kind of boring. So if you don’t grow, if you are very complacent, if you are very stagnant, and if you just don’t make sure that the relationship, in general, is exciting, then your woman is going to get bored and probably at some point, she’s going to break up with you. So that was a lot intro. I have a situation from a guy who has exactly that situation. His ex broke up with him and essentially, she got well, bored, or you could say that she just felt uninspired by him. So let’s see what is my advice.
Complacent Relationship: Lack Of Ambition Is A Deal Breaker For Women & It’s Why She Broke Up With You
Hey coach, my ex broke up with me three weeks ago because she said that I had become complacent and that I was just too unambitious all the time, which I think is just not fair. I think that’s just not a good reason to break up and I have a feeling that it was just an excuse so she wouldn’t have to tell me what she really feels.
So I already had a long introduction about this. Why would you feel that this is not a good excuse? That sorry, this is just an excuse. Why would you think that if you are becoming complacent and there’s no passion, no intrigue in the relationship, why is this not a good reason? Now, look, sure… Maybe there was something else behind that reason, right? So if she’s really bored or she’s not inspired by you and she compares you with other guys, maybe she’s been talking to other guys that could be the case, but ultimately, it is a really good reason. Actually, this is not even something that only women would do. This is also something that for example I would do. If I am with a woman who just doesn’t excite me, then I can’t date her.
I have actually gone through this challenge myself in the past. I’ve been living by the beach for a long time now, except for getting stuck in Germany during COVID, but basically, I’ve been a beach guy, a nomad-ish guy and I’ve dated incredible women, and so ever since I’ve been dating these nomadic women who have their shit together, who can work online, who can work from wherever, who are not afraid to step out of their comfort zone, these women intrigue me. And so when I date women who are kind of corporate and they are afraid to open a business, for example, it doesn’t excite me. I want a woman who challenges herself in some kind of way because I know that if I am with that woman and she wouldn’t challenge herself, I will also step down. I will become complacent and at some point, let’s just be real, when you become complacent, for us guys we screw up. We make mistakes. We become insecure. And when you become insecure, there is no trust, and at some point the woman will then leave you because you are not feeling secure with yourself, because you’re just becoming worse, and worse as a man. And you’re comparing yourself to other men. And to your friends, for example, who are moving forward in life. And that complacency is not good for your psyche.
And then at some point it will reflect in your relationships. So typically, being with a complacent person, whether you are a man or a woman, will not be attractive. There are slightly different reasons for it. For me and I think for a lot of men who are very ambitious, they want to be with a woman exactly because they want to be challenged. They want to be with a woman who challenges them. With women it’s more, it’s a bit different. They want to be excited by it because of course, women don’t want to challenge themselves as much as men do. We men we are obsessed with challenges. Women not so much. They don’t have testosterone. Not as much testosterone. So of course, there is a bit of a different balance. And women love that we have a lot of testosterone. That we push forward. And so yeah, I don’t think it’s a bullshit reason. It is a reasonable excuse.
She just felt very bored, most likely, and we’re gonna go through this in your message the way that she tells you why she’s breaking up it’s basically, it’s a signal that she just felt like asleep in that relationship. She has been really bored and she just doesn’t want to do it anymore because it’s so uninspiring. It’s like if you’ve been in a job that just bores you to death and you have to do it every single day. Then at some point, you’re just like fuck it, I cannot do this anymore! I would rather quit this job and do something that pays me less, for example, but it’s more exciting. So that’s the same thing how a woman feels in a relationship. Where it’s just fuck…! …The same routine, the same shit, and we’re not moving anything anymore. There’s no difference in our relationship. The way that it was like a year ago is exactly how it was today. So yeah, you gotta keep moving forward or your woman will at some point probably leave you.
Best Strategy To Get An Ex Back: Become The Man Your Ex-Girlfriend Wanted You To Be
She was unhappy that I was no longer hitting the gym and that I rejected a promotion by my boss but I just didn’t want to do that. I thought she’d understand it because getting promoted meant more work, so less work-life balance, but she said that she didn’t feel like she felt as if she could still grow with me in the relationship. Is that really a good reason to break up? Shouldn’t she have instead tried to motivate me to actually get these things done if they matter so much to her? Sometimes you just can’t understand women. They want you to be there for them but then when you turn down a job promotion that you know will give you less time for them, they’ll be unhappy.
Well, your thinking is a little bit flawed here. Well, first of all, you are correct of course, it makes sense that a woman wants you to spend time with her. That is obvious. But you’re thinking that if I take this promotion then I’m gonna work way, way, way, way more. But it’s just maybe that you’re working wrong. I mean, you gotta earn more money, right? Let’s say you wanna have a family, you wanna go on more trips, you’re getting older, you have to pay more for health care, and all kinds of unexpected expenses, that’s just the reality of life. So you gotta earn more money. You gotta improve your career. And if that means that you are less available for your woman, that is not her fault. That is most likely your fault because you’re choosing the wrong jobs, the wrong career, the wrong boss, the wrong kind of environment, and for sure, you’ve heard it before: Work smarter not harder.
Of course, she doesn’t want you to work all the time at this company, but of course, she also doesn’t want you to not earn more because let’s say hypothetically maybe she has been thinking about having children. Maybe you didn’t know about this but it’s on her mind all the time because the clock is ticking and she’s thinking about finances. I had a video about a guy recently with a woman who he’s been married to her and she was very worried about the finances. Women can be very worried about this stuff and maybe you just didn’t know about it. And maybe it was very subconscious even with her. And she didn’t even know that it was worth mentioning, but it still lingered. And the second thing that also is kind of flawed here is you’re asking yourself should she have motivated you? No, no, no, no. That should be your job. A woman doesn’t want to babysit you. She doesn’t want to treat you like her little son. No. It should be the exact opposite.
If she treats you like her son then it’s like she’s protecting you. But it should be you who is protecting her, who is taking care of her, who’s showing her that she’s safe with you, but instead, if she feels like… Imagine if you have a son and you have to tell your son all the time “Hey, it’s time to do your freaking homework. You haven’t done your homework yet,” and you have to remind them all the time. That would really annoy you, wouldn’t it? And of, course a woman doesn’t want to treat you like that. A woman wants to know that you know without getting a push you get some stuff done. Okay, sometimes she needs to give you a little bit of a push, but if she needs to give you a push all the time, it’s frustrating. She wants to see that you just take that action yourself. She wants to see that you instinctively know that you have to be a leader in the relationship, in your life, in your career. And if that’s not you, well, I’m sorry to say it but there are a lot of guys who are leaders and that’s the kind of men that women gravitate towards. So yes, she of course wants to spend time with you but she also wants to trust that you could take action to have a better career and that you’re a leader.
That you know how to assert your needs and your work-life balance won’t suffer so much. I’ve been talking to a friend of mine. His girlfriend or the girl that he’s dating, he’s been telling me that she doesn’t know how to assert herself at all. She’s getting paid very little and she also has to work all the time, so much that they barely see themselves lately, and that’s obviously a really horrible situation that you don’t want. And why is his girlfriend like this? Or the girl he’s dating… Because she’s not a leader! So a woman wants to be with a leader who has the balls to assert his needs. To get everything. Balance in life balance. And work. And if he doesn’t get it then he’ll say no, sorry, I don’t accept that. Either you pay me right, either I have reasonable work hours, or I’m going to walk away and I’m going to find a boss who accepts me, who not accepts me, who appreciates me! So yes, that’s what a woman expects from you. Especially, because that is a quality that she doesn’t have, or at least she doesn’t have it on the same spectrum as you do, or as you should have at the very least.
Maybe I didn’t make it clear but she didn’t break up when she heard about the promotion. At least not right away. Rather, our relationship had become stale and I could feel her becoming more disappointed with where things were going but I felt comfortable the way things were. But for her it seems like it was a big issue. Bigger than I could have anticipated.
Yeah, you probably just didn’t pay attention. That’s why you didn’t anticipate it.
She Broke Up With Me Out Of Nowhere: Ignoring Your Girlfriend’s Warning Signs Of A Breakup
Anyway, the breakup came kind of unexpected. There wasn’t something that triggered it. We were literally just at home and she was reading a book and I was watching YouTube or something like that next to her on the bed. She looked at me and just asked me if we could talk and then she said that she wanted to break up and she mentioned the reasons from earlier. She felt like our relationship wasn’t exciting anymore and that she didn’t really know if we were right for each other.
Yeah, so what I mentioned earlier right… So it sounds almost like cliche, there’s this episode in the Dexter tv show, and there’s this girl, and she breaks up with her boyfriend, and i think they’re sitting on the bed as well and she just looks at him and she wants to break up outta nowhere. It’s just a lingering knowledge that something is wrong. She was bored probably, and look, maybe she was bored with reading that book, and you’re just watching YouTube. That sounds like a very boring routine. I know, of course, sometimes you’re at home and you’re just reading books and sometimes just watching YouTube, then maybe if the woman is very introverted, she might actually like that, right? Not every woman wants to go out all the time and go on trips and this kind of stuff, and let’s do and see something exciting.
But even a woman who’s relatively introverted enjoys quality time with her boyfriend were you are not just roommates. I mean, this is basically the definition of being a roommate. Now I’m not saying that just because she read a book and you were watching YouTube, this is why she broke up. Of course, that’s not the reason. But it is a good analogy or metaphor for how boring and stale the relationship has become. So she just felt probably in that moment “What the fuck are we doing? What am I doing? This is really boring. I could be by the beach right now. I could be going on a hike. I could be in a national park.” Something like that. She could be doing something new. She could be exploring her life. Of course, if you don’t explore with her, if you don’t do exciting things, she’s gonna grow really bored.
And then she felt she bored and she thought about the other things that have been bothering her lately, such as the thing with the promotion, and she felt that this relationship is not going anywhere. And for sure this has been building up for a long time and she finally found the courage to tell you “I don’t want this anymore,” and that was must have been painful for her to find the courage to say that, but at some point she’s she manned up, of course, and she said what she felt. And you believe that this is a bullshit excuse but no, that’s just how she felt. She felt uninspired and bored. And this was no longer serving her.
I Haven’t Heard From Her Since No Contact: What To Do To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back With You
When she broke up, I began begging and told her that whatever is making her happy is something we could talk about. She told me that she doesn’t know if he could make it work again in the future, but she felt that she wanted more out of life than the way we had been living. Because she didn’t want to make things work, I began no contact and it’s now been almost exactly one month since we broke up. No contact has been going on for about two weeks now, but it’s really hard on me, because I haven’t heard anything from her. I don’t think that no contact is having any impact on her yet, so I have no idea what she’s feeling or if it’s even working at all. If she has felt like our relationship was stagnant, then won’t she just find another guy and be happier with him?
The answer to that question is yes, most likely. The problem is while you don’t know what she’s thinking, she could be missing you, of course, but it’s also very likely that she has kind of been giving up on this relationship for quite some time. Now, guess what she’s gonna do? It’s exactly as you say: She’s gonna find another guy who will make her happier. And I’m not saying long-term happier. She’s gonna find a guy who is gonna be exciting. And the reality is any guy who’s new is going to be exciting for her because she doesn’t know that guy. She’s gonna explore that guy. She’s going to discover all of these interesting things that she’s never thought of that she’s never seen in a guy. And that will be exciting for her. And if she compares it with you right now, of course, it’s going to be really boring. So the thing is, you’re telling yourself, shouldn’t I put it in her face? “Look, we can fix this. Look we can fix the stagnation in our relationship!” and you’re thinking “I have to do something because I can’t see that there’s any effect,” essentially, but that’s not what you need to focus on at all. You need to focus on your growth. She felt that you’re stagnant.
So now it’s time to reflect: Was she actually right? And look, there are always two sides to the coin. Now, perhaps you’re completely fine with the life that you’re living. Maybe she just wanted too much. Maybe her expectations were too high. That could be. I don’t know. I don’t know the entire context and everything that has been going on. I think she’s relatively reasonable and she just wanted a little bit more. She wanted to be with a guy who excites her. So you should question is there something that you’re not pursuing in your life right now? She’s gone, you can’t do anything about that, so instead, you should focus on what is the stuff in my life that is stagnant? And is there something wrong with it? So for example, the promotion… That sounds pretty good if you get a promotion handed to you. That’s a really good thing. I know it can be stressful. It can be scary but it must come with a really big pay bump, basically.
And let’s be real: Money does buy you happiness to some extent. So ask yourself was that promotion actually good for you? And did you just turn it down because maybe you thought too much about her? Maybe you didn’t think enough about your needs or your desires? Maybe you found this exciting but you said no because of her? I don’t know, but you should question yourself and take some action. You need to improve yourself and figure out how can you do things that are a little bit more exciting again, for example, I’m just giving you an example about me… So right now I’m relatively new in Bali. I don’t have my business set up here yet and one of the things that really sucks is I can’t own my own motorbike. So one of the first things that I’m gonna do once I set up my business here is I’m gonna buy something like a scrambler. Like a really nice motorbike. And Bali is really great for just cruising to the mountains, through the jungle, the rice fields, and just live a really badass life, and then go on trips with a girl, and just go fucking anywhere. Just explore, go to the beach, go to diving, go to surfing, go to some kind of lake. Whatever. There are so many cool things in Bali. So I want to explore. I want to do really exciting stuff. And any girl that I’m going to bring on any of these trips, she’s going to be really freaking excited.
So what are some things that you can do that are exciting to yourself that could also be exciting to your ex? But also in general, to any woman, really, because right now you don’t know what’s gonna happen. If she comes back. So you should develop yourself into an exciting man who will mesmerize any woman. Otherwise, women just don’t have any reason to be with you. And if you’re not exciting, if you’re not mesmerizing, it’s gonna work out for a while like we’ve seen in your relationship… Did you mention how long it lasted, the relationship? I don’t think you did, but in the first one, two, three years, she’s probably going to be fine with it if there’s not enough variety because it’s very new, it’s very novel, she hasn’t seen anything yet. She hasn’t seen everything of you yet, but at some point, it’s always the same and you gotta put some variety in your relationship, and in your life, and with that said…
Best Method To Get Your Ex Back: She Will Come Back When You Move On — Overcome Your Complacency!
Shouldn’t I do something and take action to prove to her that we can bring back the excitement into our relationship and figure out how we can chase new goals together? I hope you can give me your two cents because I find the whole idea of no contact very contradictory and I am very conflicted right now with the process, and it’s killing me. I can’t deal with all of this without going absolutely insane. I think I lack an action plan on what to do to win her back. Just doing no contact sounds to me like it’s not enough. Thanks.
Well, yeah, you’re going insane most likely, because you are not taking action, and so you’re just sitting at home, and you’re not doing anything, and it must be very depressing, demotivating, but you have the right inkling here. Shouldn’t I take some action to prove to her that we can bring back the excitement? Yes. But you shouldn’t go over to her house. You shouldn’t talk to her. You shouldn’t message her. Or say here’s what I’m doing. Or blast it really obviously into her stories, or something like that, for example. Let’s say you are connected on Instagram and you never use stories for example, and all of a sudden you start posting stories… It’s kind of obvious that you would be doing it for her, right? So do it for yourself. Just prove to yourself that you’re going to bring back the excitement into your life.
And look, over time she’s going to miss you. She’s going to reach out to you. And she’s going to notice if there’s something different. It is not about faking it. It is not about showing her this narrative that is not really true. You should just take actual action, then you wouldn’t be busy with proving it to her with essentially words, which are not really actions. So what you really gotta do is… Look, right now she thinks that you are boring. You’re not exciting. She can’t grow with you. Right? She thought we’re stuck here, and I want to go further, but she’s stuck here with you. Now you’re broken up, she’s probably dating some new guys… Guess what’s gonna happen when she dates some new guys? She thinks she’s gonna move further but most likely she’s not because she’s just wasting her time with these guys. They’re probably gonna break up again, or maybe she doesn’t date at all, who knows.
And if you move forward and now all of a sudden, you actually made a move forward but she barely moved forward, guess what? She’s gonna notice and she’s gonna be like “What the fuck happened?! He actually learned his lesson and he made a change!” … So then of course, what happens? She wants you back. So it’s not about taking action to prove it to her directly, rather indirectly. Maybe she finds out from friends that you’ve changed. Maybe she finds out from some of your social media posts and yes, maybe she looks at your stories and stuff like that every now and then. She can tell that something’s different with you. You woke up when the breakup happened. It’s like what the fuck??? It’s like a light bulb went on and all of a sudden you learned your lesson. Don’t be complacent and now she can see okay he’s changed his life. Now I want to be part of this life again. So that’s what you gotta do. That’s all you can do, really. So that’s my advice for you. Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within.
