Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video we’re gonna talk about well, I guess not failure to not do no contact, but basically, not doing no contact for a long time because you didn’t even know about it, and then the question is of course, once you learn about no contact, or if you haven’t been doing no contact for a long time, let’s say several months to six months, half a year, or so… Is it ever too late to start doing no contact? Or should you just give up? What is the right approach after something like this? Should you just accept that you screwed it up? Or do you try it one more time, or well, for the first time? What’s the right approach? I have a situation from a guy who is exactly in this spot. He basically was too busy, he had a master’s thesis, I think, and he didn’t know about no contact. And he tried all the wrong approaches to get his ex back, or basically get her affection back. And that didn’t work. So let’s see what is my advice for him now that he knows about no contact and he’s wondering & wants to know… Well, is this still a good idea at this point?
Starting No Contact Late: I Begged For My Ex Back Is It Too Late? I Tried The Friendzone Route
Hello Andy, thanks for doing these video responses. I hope to get your thoughts on doing no contact really late when you didn’t do it for the longest time. Unfortunately, I did not research about breakups at first because when my breakup happened I was in the middle of my master’s thesis, and with everything that was going on I spent close to no time on YouTube. Because of that, I didn’t know about no contact when my girlfriend broke up with me and so I didn’t do no contact. Quite the opposite to be honest.
At first, I was begging her to take me back but when that didn’t work I tried to go down the friendship/friendly route which I now know was a really bad move and I just generally stayed in touch a lot with her even though she’s the one who broke up. So there was never any period of no contact and I kept on chasing her for attention for nearly six months. Not desperately, mind you, but I guess the end result was the same.
So yeah, obviously, that didn’t help at all. Now I have to say it’s kind of, in quotes, good that you were busy with your master’s thesis. So at least you weren’t simping. Right? You weren’t completely desperate about her. You were more focused on yourself. Of course, you wanted her back but it seems that you weren’t completely consumed by her, which is a good thing. And a lot of guys who actually Google or YouTube search for break up no contact stuff and these kinds of things, they are really obsessed with their ex, and some of the videos on YouTube are completely designed for that. Like the titles and the content of what is being discussed in them… It’s all to feed that addiction. I try to steer away from this and I think you’ve done a good job of steering away from your addiction to your ex as well.
Of course, the friend zone route was completely wrong. That doesn’t work at all and you hope that “If I stay friendly with her we can make it work again“… That happened for six months but here’s the thing: It is never too late to show her that you are gone. Now, are you gonna go no contact? Or are you just going to push it back a little bit? Well, it wouldn’t matter in this case. She would see that you’re slowly fading away but I would suggest still do no contact. It is definitely not too late. It has only been six months after the breakup. Anyway, so most likely, she’s forgiven you, or she’s let go of whatever resentment there was… The reasons why you broke up and all that stuff. And now she’s not angry at you anymore. So now, if you pull back, if you do no contact now, she is no longer angry at you, but she then has to miss you. But first, let me first go into the details of what you say here of what is the problem.
Gain Your Ex’s Trust Back: In The Friendzone With An Ex Girlfriend Doesn’t Work — Make Your Ex Chase You
I was the one who tried to gain back her trust and attraction by always being in her life. I helped her when she needed something. I treated her almost like she was still my girlfriend.
All right, you were simping a little bit.
All the while, I was blind to the fact that she didn’t want me in her life, or at least, she didn’t want me as a boyfriend. So then after six months, I realized that she still had no interest in me when I found out she was seeing someone new. And that’s when I finally hit up YouTube and went down the rabbit hole, so to speak lol.
So yeah, this is basically her rebound, or maybe it’s a new relationship. It’s already been six months. So it’s not it’s not necessarily a rebound. She has basically had a lot of time to grieve, while still having you. Now she’s ready to date someone new. Now the question is: Is this too late? This relationship can for sure fail. And after six months, I would argue that she’s still very vulnerable, and she probably hasn’t fully healed yet from the breakup. And it most likely won’t work out. It could work out with them as well, for sure, but you shouldn’t be worried about this new guy. You should just go no contact. You should stop focusing on this guy and just focus on yourself. And especially, stop focusing on her.
So you’ve basically treated it like you were still in a relationship, or at least, you wanted her to still be in your life and she wanted the same but only for emotional support. But you wanted her as your girlfriend, obviously. So there was a different expectation. Now, I think it’s important for you to just detach from this outcome right now. You should do no contact because yes, it can help, and maybe in the future, you can rekindle this. But you also need to detach from the thoughts of “Am I going to get her back?” … It’s about you. And I’m guessing you’re done with your master’s thesis, so now, focus on whatever is important to you.
Is It Too Late For No Contact After 6 Months: Can You Still Re-Attract Her Or Should You Give Up?
Even though it was already six months after the breakup, to me it kind of felt like it was just yesterday because I was still emotionally attached to her and didn’t even properly process how I felt because of my thesis. So the problem that I have now is that I never did no contact. Even now I am still in contact with her, although I haven’t messaged her for a few weeks and I just found out about no contact and I’ve been watching a lot of videos about it. But I’m not sure if this still makes any sense at this point. The damage is done. It’s been six months and she started seeing someone else. So I’m in between two places.
No, you’re not if you are applying no contact properly, and that is not being obsessed with your ex. Not doing it just to get her back. Then it is not too late and you’re not in between two places and the damage is not done. She has probably forgiven you. Now she’s clearly not attracted to you but that would be the case anyways. You probably didn’t make it easier on you. I mean, maybe she would be back with you if you would have done no contact from the start. That could be. But we can’t know that for sure. Yes, of course, you kind of helped to drive her into the arms of another guy but that as well again could have been the case anyways. Maybe she would have done a rebound sooner if you would have done no contact, certainly, but ultimately, she’s gotta go through this period right now and learn that yeah, this guy is not as great as you. And there was something important between you, I assume, otherwise, you wouldn’t have been staying together for so long. And she cares about you and you care about her.
That is not so easy to replace and with your thesis most likely done, you gotta focus on yourself because you say that you’re still emotionally attached. So you haven’t really detached from the reality that it’s over because you treated her still like your girlfriend, right? So you had really the wrong expectations. I am not sure if she knew that. She probably knew it subconsciously that you basically still acted like you were a couple in a way. Because she could ask you for help and stuff like that. You were basically still there for her, so for sure, she abused that. Whether that was conscious or subconsciously, it’s not like she didn’t like it, right? So it was convenient for her while she was still healing, then while she’s probably still healing at this point, but now she feels ready to date someone. You gotta now do the same thing that she is doing. Be ready. She’s ready to move forward. She thinks that she can move on.
Now it’s done and now she’s dating some new guy but it doesn’t mean that she’s gonna forget you. That doesn’t mean that you don’t matter to her. That doesn’t mean that she won’t realize that this new guy is not better than you. That doesn’t mean that she won’t also just in general break up with him, irrespective of you. Maybe it has nothing to do with you. She won’t compare. Something’s just totally off about him and she breaks up really quickly. But you gotta detach and move forward. So now that your thesis is done, what are you going to be busy with next? What is the big thing that you want to focus on? I would love to know what is that? Maybe you should send me a quick email again as a follow-up to this video. Just let me know what is it that you actually want to do now that you’re done? Do something that inspires you!
And also, hopefully, in the future this will inspire her because that way if she ever breaks up with this guy, well, first of all, you won’t miss her. You won’t be thinking about her. She will just come back in the moment when you least expect it. That will be great! And because you’re inspiring, well, she’s just inspired by you in general. So it helps both of you. You inspiring yourself, doing something that you love, it will help you with yourself and it helps you with her coming back, or when she comes back or when she thinks about you, then coming back and seeing what an awesome dude you are. You’ve done your master’s thesis. So that’s pretty incredible already by itself. So keep at it. Keep doing more awesome stuff now.
She Has A New Boyfriend: Is No Contact Too Late Or Is It Still Possible To Make Her Miss You?
I still love and miss her, and knowing she’s with another guy hurts like crazy. I wish we could make it work again. The other part of me thinks maybe it’s time to accept the relationship is done and I can’t really revert this any longer.
You need to accept that it is done, yes. But the reverting part… No that’s not something that you need to accept. You need to accept that you shouldn’t do anything to revert it. That’s one of the big problems that guys make with no contact. They try to take action. They think that doing no contact is like this big project that they’re taking on, but you should just forget about your ex, and then she comes back when you least expect it. That way, you are basically accepting that it’s done and if she comes back, it’s like… “Nice! I didn’t expect it but I’m not complaining!“… That’s how it should be.
The Right Ex Back Priorities: Win After A Breakup And You’ll Be Winning Her Back After The Breakup
But of course, if there’s still a chance I would definitely try to make it work. So the big question is: Do I do no contact? Do I still focus on trying to get her back? Or has that ship already sailed? And I should just do what she’s been doing? Dating someone else? Forgetting her? Technically, my life is not bad right now. I just finished my master’s thesis and I’m expected to get a new job soon. So I’m not doing badly in life but still, she’s not part of it. I miss being able to celebrate my wins with her. So anyway, I hope you have some advice for me if I could still make use of no contact and if so, how do I approach the situation?
Well, there’s a good point that you bring up. You miss sharing your wins with her. What does it tell me? You are winning right now and if you’re winning that makes you attractive. And so if this guy doesn’t turn her on, then she’s gonna miss you, and then she can see “oh you are winning. You’ve done your master’s thesis. You have your new great job now. And you’re making a lot of money“… And maybe you have a lot of women around you now. Maybe you have a new apartment or something like that. Something really cool and she can tell that you’re winning. That’s when she wants to be back with you.
So I know it really sucks that you would love to share your wins with her but you can’t right now. So share it with other people. Share it on social media with your friends. Share with your closest friends. That’s better than sharing it on social media. Actually, share it with some new women. So yes, I definitely think dating might make sense. It probably is a little bit too soon for you because you essentially haven’t healed. So I think first focus a little bit more on your healing process. Focus on your purpose. Focus on the next step. Like your job. Or what does the job allow you to do? So you’re gonna make a lot of money. What can you do with that money?
Reinvest that in something else that’s really amazing, and then, once you have healed a little bit… Once you feel really good about yourself, then I would definitely also date. And that’s the best approach that you can do. Now, about the time… Should you be worried about no contact not working? Or it’s too late and all that stuff? Definitely, it’s not too late, but it’s really about the right expectations. Do not do it to get her back. That ship has sailed right now. She’s just started dating someone new now. I mean it’s somewhat similar to if she only started dating after two months, but ultimately, right now is not the right time to get her back. Right now it’s not even the right time to think about this.
You should just think about yourself and then in the future, this could be in six months, this could also be in a year from now, perhaps you will hear from her. Most likely, if you continue to win, if you continue to not be obsessed with her, and even if you miss her like you’ve done it… You’ve missed her, you really wanted her back, and you did the friend zone thing which obviously sucked… You’ve been too nice to her, basically, but you stayed focused on your purpose. You didn’t just become a miserable kind of guy. So that’s what you gotta keep doing and then at some point, most likely, you will hear from her, and then when you hear from her, she can see that you’re winning again, then you ask her out on a date. You don’t ask “Hey you want to go out on a date?“…
Obviously, you just ask her do something with you. Show her who you have become. And then you never know. It could work again. It’s all about that emotional detachment like you already recognized. You are not emotionally detached and one of the biggest succeeding factors for success with no contact and with re-attraction is to just detach emotionally from the entire situation and from the entire strategy. Because when you learn about no contact it is a strategy to you. But it needs to turn into a mindset. Instead, you detach from the strategy and realize it’s a mindset. “I will focus on myself. I will be awesome. I will be a king. I deserve the best in life, in work, in friendships, and in love as well. And if she won’t give me that, I will get it somewhere else eventually,” and while you don’t get what you want in love you get other things like career, and friendships, and passion, and purpose, and so on. So you’re a king! Focus on yourself! Keep on being a king and any queen can see that, her included. So yes, I would definitely suggest doing no contact. Fade out slowly. You don’t have to tell her about it. She’s dating some new guy anyways. She will know. So you’ve already started doing this in a way. You’re not really messaging her anymore. So you’ve started it, right? So keep on doing that. That’s my advice for you. Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within.
