Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video, we’re gonna talk about doing no contact for too long. Honestly, there’s a time when you’ve been doing it for too long and you should just be okay with the fact that it’s over and you gotta find another woman. And I think a lot of guys make the mistake that they just hold on too long to their exes. It is okay to be in no contact with an ex and basically to not talk to her, and basically live separate lives. But you shouldn’t be thinking that you are in no contact. You shouldn’t think that you’re currently employing a certain strategy to get your ex back. If you’ve been separated for a long time, then you should just be okay to live without your ex. And you should be okay to date another woman. Alright, so with that said, I have a message from a guy who has clearly been doing no contact for too long and he has the wrong mindset, and he probably should move on. So let’s see what is my advice.
Your No Contact Goal: Did No Contact Not Work If My Ex Hasn’t Reached Out?
Hi coach, you are my last hope to figure something out with my ex-girlfriend who seems to have moved on. I have been doing no contact for a long time and it seems that it just hasn’t worked out as I had hoped. For a while, I actually felt like no contact influenced my ex to try and give us another chance, but it seems she’s really moving on for good, and so I’m hoping you can tell me what you think about my situation.
Well, if you’ve been doing no contact for a really long time and it actually seems to have helped, and then she pulls back… If this happens once, okay fine, if it happens twice, yeah, probably still fine, but after the third time, most likely of her pulling back and it not working out, you should just recognize look she’s probably dating other guys while you are waiting for her. Why would you do that? At that point, you would just be her last option. After she fucked around. After she maybe dated multiple guys and then, when it’s convenient for her, she comes back. There’s nothing wrong with getting back together and if at some point you can rekindle because you both have genuine feelings for each other, that is fine. But if she just didn’t want to make it work and for whatever reason, even if you maybe have been a little bit insecure, if it didn’t work, if she didn’t want to make it work, at some point, you gotta move on. You gotta lick your wounds and say this is over. I’m gonna find another woman.
The Best No Contact Rule Mindset: What To Do If No Contact Doesn’t Work
So my ex and I broke up nearly three years ago with a lot of anger and resentment. Our relationship had gone in nearly every direction one could think of. We had been together for a little over two and a half years and we’ve seen our fair share of ups and downs. But in the last six months of the relationship, it was mostly downs. A lot of complacent behaviors on my part made my ex feel neglected. I didn’t pay enough attention to her needs and we ended up in a spiral of fighting and I was not very mature about this.
This was my first serious long-term relationship and in retrospect, I really had to learn a lot about how to make a woman happy. I was kind of a dick and I’m honestly astonished how long she stayed in the relationship because I really didn’t know how to make her happy and pay attention to what she needed. I lacked a lot of self-awareness and relationship happiness skills. And I also just came at everything with a confrontational angle because I was too stupid to see that my ex cared a lot about the relationship and was trying to fix the things that weren’t working.
Well, so I think you already recognized all the things that went wrong. The problem is that she’s your first serious relationship and I think you’re paying too much attention, or you’re giving too much value to this relationship. I know it was an important relationship, but it’s basically been three years since the breakup now, and you’re still trying to get her back, and doing no contact. That is way too long, dude. You need to move on. And that is not just because it’s not good for you with that ex. It’s also for you to learn the important lesson that sometimes life fucks you over and you gotta let go of shit.
I had to let go recently of a life that I’ve built for myself in the Philippines for nearly 10 years because I felt really depressed, and I had been unable to go home for two years because of COVID, and at some point, I just let it go, and I accepted that this part of my life is over. It’s time for a new beginning and I’m not gonna sugarcoat this. This is not easy. This is really difficult. And at times, you’re going to struggle. You’re even going to struggle when you finally have the courage to say time to move on, and then you try to move on, and you’re gonna have down moments there as well. But it also opens up the potential for really good moments, and for meeting a great woman, for example. So I think you’re holding on to this for way too long.
No Contact “Failed”: Don’t Wait For Your Ex Girlfriend To Come Back For The Best No Contact Results
Just writing this still aches. I made a lot of mistakes that could have been avoided, but I was too inexperienced back then. I am now 30 years old and as I said, I did no contact for almost three years now, and for a while, she actually seemed to be interested in me again. There was a time when she would reach out to me a few times. That was roughly six months to one and a half years after the breakup, but lately, things have faded and we’re no longer in touch. I think she has moved on now and I think that no contact doesn’t really accomplish anything any longer, because my window of opportunity seems to be gone.
Yes, you’re absolutely right about that. You are 30 years old and you’ve been waiting for three years for her now. It’s quite frankly, probably one of the best times to date, because you’re in your 30s. So all the girls that are like 22, 23, 24, they’re going to be so into you. And guess what? They’re gonna be super smoking hot. So you will never have such a great advantage ever again. You probably have another window for maybe 10, 15 more years, then you’re slowly going to fade out. So you gotta use that window of opportunity. You were talking about your window of opportunity being gone with her, and that’s right. But there’s another window of opportunity that you’re currently completely ignoring.
And guess what? You’re going to regret this if you don’t move forward now and date another woman who’s really freaking hot, who’s going to be really into you. If you are 30 and you date a girl who is let’s say, 25, 24, 26, something like that, she’s still relatively inexperienced. She’s going to love being with you. She’s going to be so happy with you because you have learned your lessons. This is why women date older guys. Because they are better at relationships. One reason. That’s one of the reasons. They’re more mature and they like that. So you are a really great choice for a lot of women right now. And look, your ex is not choosing you. So why do you keep on choosing her. It doesn’t make sense. And I’m sorry to say it, but she doesn’t give a fuck about you anymore. This relationship is most likely over.
No Contact For Too Long: During No Contact Always Accept That Maybe Your Ex Is Not Coming Back
At this point, I don’t know if there’s anything I can still do, but it seems that she is no longer drawn to me. It also didn’t help that I used to be insecure when she reached out to me back then. I think I turned her off. Her attraction for me had increased but I didn’t have the confidence to leverage it. I was too passive, too insecure, and didn’t take any action. That’s another thing that I really regret. I made too many mistakes all throughout the end and it’s painful to accept that. I wish I could still do something, but I don’t know if there’s anything I can still do. Is there anything you can still do after such a long time with no contact? Or is it a lost cause? Now I don’t desperately need to be with her anymore, but I still miss her, not gonna lie. She’s ‘the one that got away’ as cliche as that sounds. She’ll always mean a lot to me. It doesn’t help that we still have occasional touch points. Common friends, same small town, we may or may not run into each other randomly. That makes it twice as hard for me. So anyway, I’m not going to take any more of your time. I’d love to hear what you have to say. Thank you.
No, actually, it should make it easier if you live in the same town. Because guess what? It’s much easier to reconnect or rekindle at some point if you run into each other every now and then. Then you never know when you might be possible, when you might be able to rekindle it. It could happen at the most unexpected time. The problem is the only reason why it’s so hard on you to, for example, see her, is because you still treat her like your girlfriend. It’s been three years and you act like she’s still yours, but she’s not yours anymore. This has been gone for a long time and the fact that you live in the same small town and it should be easy for her to reconnect with you, but she’s not doing that, that is a clear sign to me that this is probably a lost cause, or at the very least, you can’t really predict if this ever works out. This could be at any time in your life. This could be in five years from now. This could be in 10 years from now. You never know.
Do you want to wait that long? No, of course not. That doesn’t make sense. And the fact that you’re calling her the one that got away, that is the reason why you’re not moving on, because you’re telling yourself she’s the only one. Oneitis. There’s only one woman on the planet. Maybe I don’t know if you’re living in the US, for example, or yeah, let’s take the US as an example. And it is a small town, and well maybe you’re thinking that you can’t meet other women. So maybe you gotta broaden your horizon a little bit. And even if it’s a small town, there’s probably some nice girl in that small town. But there’s gotta be places around you as well. Or maybe you’re gonna find a job in some other town, or in some city, for example. You’re just looking at this from the perspective that she’s the only woman on the planet, or in the country, or in the county, in the state that you’re living in. And of course, that is nonsense. There are so many women out there who are right for you. It just happens that this one appeared at the right time. You made it work. It felt right. And then it didn’t anymore and you can have the same pattern, the same cycle with another woman.
Now, of course, it shouldn’t be a cycle that you also repeat the things that didn’t work, but that’s basically how it is. That’s how relationships and how growth works. You have a relationship. It didn’t work out. You learn something from it. You have another one. It didn’t work out. You learn something from it. And at some point, you’ve learned enough, and then it works out. But you can only make this repetitive cycle work until it works out if you actually start the cycle. But you only had one relationship. So there’s no cycle. You’re not really learning so much. You’re not improving, because you’ve internalized the things that went wrong, but you’re not applying them. So you need to start dating again. You need to accept that this is probably over. Three years no contact is way too long. Or rather, three years clinging to that relationship, that is too long. So you need to stop. You need to accept that this is over. And she’s probably been dating at least two, three guys, at the very least. I’m assuming. So you should do the same. Start dating a new woman. That’s all I can say. Don’t make the mistake of holding on to a woman who doesn’t want you for the rest of your life. Alright, so that’s my advice for you. Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within.
