Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
Today we’re gonna talk about rebound relationships. Rebound relationships are actually quite common when it comes to breakups. Most of you probably had a rebound relationship in the past, and one of your exes probably had a rebound relationship in the past.
Don’t Worry About Her Rebound Relationship: Rebounds Never Work Out — It’s Just For Coping
Maybe you have been the rebound of a girl that you’ve dated in the past. It’s very normal because according to something that’s called the Holmes Rahe Life Stress scale, breakups are the second and third most stressful life event that happens in your life, so because of that breakups are really painful.
And rebound relationships are essentially a form of self-preservation. What that means is in order to survive, in order to overcome all of that grief, a lot of people, they just jump to another partner. You have to be extremely resilient to not go into a rebound relationship and especially if you might be very secure as a person, then you might not have a rebound relationship.
But a lot of people, especially insecure people, which make up roughly 65% of all the people in the world, they would probably jump into a rebound relationship. And so that’s why it’s so common to have a rebound relationship after a breakup. And why it’s so common that your ex has a rebound relationship.
And so you have to figure out “Okay, where do I draw the line with my ex having a rebound? Do I want to get back with her? Is she just using me for attention?” And basically, “I have to figure out: Is this woman the right one for me or should I also look for other women?” Okay, so before I go into the topic of today’s video, don’t forget to check the links in the description and in the comments so you can donate to the Philippine disaster relief for typhoon Odette.
Alright, thanks so much. Let’s get into the topic. So I have a message from a guy and he says:
Is She Rebounding Or Not: My Ex Is Trying To Make Me Jealous During No Contact — What To Do?
Hi coach, I am trying to figure out if my ex is in a rebound relationship or just using this guy for distraction. So for the past three months, my ex-girlfriend already mentioned three dudes just to make me jealous.
Okay, first of all, pretty much any rebound relationship is a form of distraction. Most of the time people don’t even realize that this relationship most likely is not going to work out. They’re deluding themselves that is the right thing for them and so they don’t realize how vulnerable they are. They don’t realize that.
They’re jumping to conclusions. They don’t realize that they’re getting into a new relationship way too fast. They don’t realize that they’re not properly processing the grief of their relationship. And so most people who jump into rebounds, they are typically trying to distract themselves and well, she mentions three guys already that make you jealous, there’s a bit of a red flag. So maybe she’s very insecure.
Either she’s very insecure, possibly anxious in attachment style, or she could also be kind of a bit narcissistic on the spectrum and is trying to make you jealous on purpose to hurt you. We don’t know. I don’t know the situation. I don’t know her but these are two common scenarios.
So these scenarios are a bit red-flaggish. You have to be careful!
Rebound Relationship Convenience: Your Ex’s Rebounds Are Just Guys Who Are Easily Available
One is from our native country, while the other two are foreign. I already knew that she only met them online, maybe through a dating site or tinder passport, so I let her just make up more stories just to make it more convincing.
For example, they already met. They have a strong chemistry, etc. when the truth is there is no way they could ever meet under the current circumstances.
So I don’t know where you’re from but you know, if you know me, I’m based in the Philippines and there’s a stereotype that a lot of people who move to Asia, they move to Asia so that they can get some chicks, and of course, you always see these really old guys dating these really hot young Filipinas or Thai girls, whatever.
And you know, so she met two foreigners. I don’t know where you’re from. From the US, or maybe from another country where this is kind of a common behavior pattern, where and women from lower standards date some foreign guys. But I wouldn’t think too much about this. These guys are probably not dangerous competition to you. Very unlikely.
And she’s probably just trying to make you jealous and like you said, there’s no way they could have met up. Dating right now, even now, is still as hard… I can’t believe that I have to say this in 2021, at the end of 2021. But here we are again with more surges with the virus and the pandemic.
Jesus christ… So dating is hard. You’re right, there’s no way that she could have met these guys. So the chemistry can’t be that amazing. Also you are broken up, so how long have you been broken up? A year maybe? Maximum two years? I’m assuming maybe three years, otherwise, you probably wouldn’t be sending me this message.
So how much chemistry can you develop in you know, less than a year? Probably less than… Maybe half a year… Maybe just a few months. Not that much.
It is understandable for me, though it is so immature because of how hurt she is because I have been dumped by her. Plus I ignored the first two dudes she mentioned which got her pissed off because she wants me to get mad and jealous.
She’s trying to get a reaction out of you and so you’re probably thinking “Wow look she’s trying to get a reaction out of me. That is great! That’s a great sign!” A lot of people who want their ex back, they always look for that sign that your ex wants you back.
Then you find videos like “five signs why she wants you back” and then like one sign is because she tells you that she’s dating someone else and then people will tell you this is a great sign. No, that’s not a great sign. That is actually a sign that she’s kind of toxic. What’s great about that? Nothing. So you know, you have to be a bit careful.
Look she could be very insecure, she could be very confused, so I’m not saying like she’s an awful person but what she’s doing is clearly trying to be a little bit manipulative. She’s trying to get a reaction out of you and that’s not a cool thing to do. And like you said: She’s the one who broke up so she is clearly realizing she made a mistake.
But she is not trying to rectify it. She is basically trying to make you jealous so that you come crawling back to her. I don’t know how you screwed up. You’re not mentioning this in your message at all why you broke up and what was the reason for the breakup but she broke up, so even if she wasn’t happy with you, she kind of had a part in the screw-up.
She made a mistake by breaking up. She’s realizing this but now she’s trying to make you jealous instead of just reaching out to you, trying to talk to you, meet up, date, or at least try to say “Hey I’m sorry for the way that I ended things”… Nah! Instead, she’s shoving this guy, these guys in your face. That’s not a cool thing to do! So food for thought.
Why Your Ex Jumped Into A Rebound Relationship: Your Ex Wants To Avoid Her Emotions — Good & Bad
She is still so mad at me. As of now, every time I approached her, she kept stressing out what the problem of our relationship was, how bad my attitude is, insulting me like I never did anything good, for example, that this can’t be fixed, I’m not in love with you anymore, I’m done with you, this is all your fault, etc.
And at the same time, she’s comparing her new dude, the third guy, and the relationship of what we used to have.
So she’s clearly telling you “Oh my God! You sucked so much! Here’s what I didn’t like” and then she still shoves these guys into your face.
Like I said there’s a chance that this is a little bit narcissistic. I don’t think necessarily that this is something that an insecure normal healthy person would do. So someone who’s anxious, who has issues, but they can work on them. It sounds more like she has issues and she can’t or doesn’t want to work on them.
And there’s nothing wrong with her telling you the things that you did wrong. But obviously, if you’re willing to fix them and she’s not acknowledging it, and she’s just trying to basically cause more drama, why would you go for that? Why would you want that? That’s not a cool thing to do and she knows that.
She’s basically trying to get a negative reaction out of you. That is not a cool thing to do and I mean, just imagine… She should imagine how you feel by telling you about these guys all the time. I don’t know if I would want to be with this woman because she’s either like I said: Very narcissistic or you’re not mentioning your age here, but maybe she’s also just incredibly immature and she’s the kind of woman that maybe you want to get away from because you can probably find a better kind of woman.
So sometimes we have to realize that our ex is not that great. This is actually going to be my last video for the year. I might still do one for December 31, but I probably wanna, and should hammer this home though: Not everybody should get back with their ex because it’s not always the right thing and in this case I’m kind of seeing that there’s a possibility that maybe this is not the best thing for you.
Maybe it can work out in the future but there are a lot of red flags that I’m seeing here!
Ex In Rebound But Texting Me: Your Ex’s Rebound Is A Downgrade Or She Wouldn’t Text You
It hurts my ego but I have to understand why she kept doing this. As of now, I am doing no contact, trying to give her the space that she needs. The first and second dude now is out of the picture.
She told me they didn’t work out but the third one of hers is so different. She felt wanted again. And again, she’s comparing me over her third one. She told me she’s so happy talking.
Well, if she would be so happy talking with him, and everything’s great, and she’s comparing the two of you… That new guy is so great and you’re so below her.
Well, then why is she telling you about this? Why is she messaging you? Why is this her third rebound? So you should realize something: She is basically cycling through one guy after another and you are pausing your life for this woman. Now there’s nothing wrong with wanting to get an ex back. There’s nothing wrong with waiting for an ex.
But there needs to be the right context. The context in this situation is not so great. So I think you should do the same thing that she’s doing: Start dating new women. And so if she has been dating three guys already now, so this is the third rebound. I don’t know how long her rebounds lasted.
Maybe they just lasted a month or maybe two but she probably has been dating for at least six months now. The breakup must have been at least six months. So you should be ready to at least date now. Maybe you’re not completely moved on from this woman obviously, so it’s going to be hard to date a new woman but I encourage you to date some new women.
Because I don’t think that you’re going in the right direction with waiting for this woman when she’s clearly not making some good action steps to reconcile the relationship. Instead, she’s just bombarding you with all of these hurtful things.
Ex Rebound Honeymoon: Your Ex Rebound Is Not Better Than You Just Because She’s “Happy”
They always laugh about different kinds of things, etc.
I felt jealous and betrayed but still, she’s hiding her online lover. They are only chatting through Telegram and I believe they are now friends on Facebook. She’s still emotionally attached to me although it’s full of hate, but I guess it’s still a good sign.
Well, it would be a good sign if an ex is attached to you with hate.
If she’s really hurt, but she’s very healthy with how she shows you that hurt. So an ex can be really upset with you and be really pissed. And maybe you did something to really hurt her and she can be really closed off. She can be stonewalling. Basically, turning away from you.
Not listening to anything that you have to say and whatever you say, she just won’t listen to it. She doesn’t believe whatever you’re saying. That is normal but I think she is way past that moment already. I think she’s past that moment where she’s at that moment, where she rationally realizes okay, she’s not happy with what you did.
She doesn’t really want to get back with you. She doesn’t think that you can make her happy. Other guys also are not making her happy and I think she’s very rational already at this point about how she feels about you. I don’t think actually that she’s still in that stage where she’s really emotional and she is hateful and has a lot of pent-up emotions because you hurt her a lot.
Because if that would be the case, she would probably be a little bit more compassionate about this. She would be a little bit less assertive. A lot less aggressive. A bit more passive in how she tells you that she’s hurt. So for example, instead of telling you very directly you did this, and this, and this, and this is how you didn’t make me happy…
She would just say very calmly “Hey I’m not happy with you right now. I don’t like how you treated me. I don’t like how this ended. I don’t like how I felt. I don’t like how I feel about this right now and I think I still need a little bit more space from the whole situation. Don’t take this the wrong way. I still have feelings for you and I really appreciate the time that we had but I need time for myself.” That is a very passive, non-aggressive way to tell you off, and tell you that she needs time to think, and so on so forth. But she’s doing this in pretty direct, fairly aggressive, I would even say maybe mean ways.
So there’s a big difference in her behavior towards a different kinds of acts that I would encourage you to get back with.
No Contact Rule Rebound Relationship: Stop Waiting For Your Ex Girlfriend During No Contact!
But at the same time it hurts seeing her online on Telegram, for I know she’s again chatting with her new boyfriend.
So that tells me you’re just waiting for this woman after she already had her third rebound or she is on her third rebound. You’re still waiting there.
You’re thinking about who she talking to on Telegram. Who the fuck cares, man? I know you care about her. I know you love this woman a lot. I know you’re really attached to her, but she doesn’t value you, at least right now. And so while she doesn’t appreciate you, you shouldn’t give her so much attention with your thoughts, with your time.
I’m guessing you’re spending a lot of time thinking about her and you could be doing other things with your time. You could be focused on unleashing the king within. Focusing on your hobbies, your skills, your passions, the things that you’re interested in. New things that you want to learn. New things that you want to discover. Like me, for example: I’m super excited right now about learning about hydroponics because of this disaster in the Philippines and I’m thinking how can I help out people in the Philippines with hydroponic farms that are disaster-proof?
I’m learning so much about this right now. What is it that excites you right now? And you’re spending so much time focusing on this woman. That’s not helpful. Actually, to give you an example: An ex of mine, she is in Siargao where the disaster happened and I was really kind of distraught a little bit on the first day when it happened.
I was really worried about her even though I actually don’t want to get back with her but I snapped out of it really quickly and I told myself okay, get back! Focus! Focus on my business. Focus on my stuff. I’m right now working on a new version of my book. What is it that you can do? Unleash the king within.
Don’t think so much about this woman because it’s not healthy for you.
Rebound Relationship Stages: Your Ex Won’t Be Happy With A New Guy— Keep Working On Yourself!
I am trying to work on myself at the moment, reflecting what went wrong and what to do with it in the future and at the same time keeping myself busy with work. I’m trying to be the best version as I can be but it seems like she does not care about it at all.
It’s good that you’re trying to focus on yourself but you have to detach from this woman because like I said, it seems like you’re trying to focus on yourself, but I don’t think that you realize how much this woman is holding you back. I’m not saying that you can’t get back together with her in the future, that could definitely happen.
Maybe if she changes, if she improves, sure! But I definitely would want to see a lot of improvements in her behavior and how she talks with you and also remorse before you get back with her. It’s definitely possible for sure, but there needs to be a lot of changes. While that happens, while you’re too much focused on her, you can’t grow enough! You can’t unleash the king within.
You can’t become the best version of yourself by being held back by a woman who doesn’t want you to become the best version of yourself. This is probably why she’s comparing you to these other guys because apparently, they are so great, but if they were so great like I said, then she wouldn’t be telling you about them all the time.
So clearly, it seems to me that maybe you are outpacing her with your growth. She’s probably not growing as much as you because she’s just using rebound relationships so she doesn’t have to reflect on herself, on her ways how she did things wrong. And you’re on your path towards bettering yourself.
And I think you could be moving much faster in the right direction and achieving new goals if you would take a step back and not focus so much on herself. Screw it! Forget the Telegram. Forget all the stuff that she messages you. Next time when she tells you about the stuff, tell her you don’t want to hear about this. You’re busy with your life.
You want to focus on yourself and you don’t feel good when she’s telling you this stuff. It just distracts you and you just want to move on with your life. Alright, so I know you probably didn’t want to hear this advice of hey I want my ex back but I don’t think it’s a great idea, or at least not right now. But this is my honest advice for you. So let me know in the comments what you guys think.
