Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
Well, let’s look at his situation he says “Hello, my ex-girlfriend broke up with me and I was begging and pleading, and she doesn’t want to come back. Now I’m doing no contact for three weeks and I wonder if I have a chance to reach her.“
Obviously, he was begging and pleading. That never goes well because it just feels way too weak and nobody wants to be with a doormat. I always say you have to be dominant, not a doormat. And so when you do begging and pleading, it shows you that they can just walk all over you, so that was a mistake. So what are your chances to reach her? Well, let’s see.
He says: “I was with my ex for three years and we always thought about different things, for example culture, because I am Moroccan and she is French, but I respect her and I never cheated on her, and she also didn’t.“
So you were a couple for three years. That’s not too bad. So that means you have a lot of history, you kind of attached to each other emotionally. She can’t just forget you overnight. Once you’ve been with a person for roughly a year, six months to a year, and obviously much higher, we have a really strong bond with that person and you will always be a part of her story, of her history, of her life. So she can’t just forget you overnight.
It’s not possible. She might not ever forget you completely ever in her life, even if you never get back together. So that is in your favor. Whatever happens now in the future with other guys, for example, you have an advantage because you have history, and so she remembers you fondly, even though of course there were some problems when you broke up. Right now she does not remember you fondly, but that is not necessarily a big problem.
So then he says: “So one day, we were fighting and I told her that we needed to break up, so she went to her mother’s house and after three days she sent me a message to see how I am.“
So she was interested, she figured “Okay, I don’t want to lose you“… So you were the one breaking up and she realized oh “Shit I don’t want to lose this guy! So let me see how he’s doing.“
So at that point she was into you, she wanted to reverse the situation and make sure to get back with you but you probably didn’t take action.
So he says “so I responded and asked her if she was gonna come back and she told me that she needed time to think about our relationship.“
Well, you did take some action, but you took the wrong action. You shouldn’t have just put out the relationship card and asked “Hey, can we get back together?” because it was already her idea to get in touch with you so she just needed to see that it is the right choice to get back with you. I always say that women don’t want to be manipulated and they don’t want to see that they can manipulate a guy.
There was actually a study about this, that when women can see that they can manipulate a man and they’re more likely to choose the man that they think they cannot manipulate. I always say “if she can play it, she won’t stay with it“.. She does not want to be able to play your emotions, she does not want to be able to walk all over you. If she can tell that she can manipulate you to get what she wants, she’s going to be out of that situation.
He says: “She told me that she needed time to think about a relationship.“
Yeah, she needs space.
“And then I was panicking because I felt that I would lose her, so I begged and pleaded for one month to come back but at the end she told me that she prefers to stop.“
So you see your mistake… she wanted you back. She reached out to you and she just needed confirmation that it’s a good idea to get back with you but then you screwed it up. You overthought. You thought you were gonna lose her and then you made so many mistakes and the reason why that happened was because you didn’t value yourself, I’m assuming. So you thought “what do I have to offer? Am I going to lose her? Am I not good enough?”
If you would think “I’m a king, I’m awesome, and she has no other choice but to want me back” then you would have never reacted the way that you reacted. But instead you panicked, you became weak, needy, and that doesn’t make sense. You’re literally the person who broke up, so why would you have to be in that situation? You should have had the power in that situation, but instead you gave her all the power and then she felt that you are powerless. And that’s not sexy and she realized “maybe I can do better” and she lost interest.
So he says: “Now I am doing no contact for three weeks and I am resenting not contacting her or sending a message. I hope that she’s gonna come back because with this no contact, I think that I am giving her space and time so she can think about our relationship. Should I really not text her, or go and see her so I know if she misses me, or wants to come back?“
No, don’t message her more. You already kind of made it clear when you asked “Hey, are you going to come back?” and then she said “No, I’m not going to come back.” She wants to keep this clean. You already showed her what you want basically, but she’s not reciprocating, so what do you get from repeating the same mistake over and over? It doesn’t make sense. What you should do is respect her choice to right now stay away from you, she’s not interested in you, and just leave it at that.
And in fact, he actually sent a follow-up message a few weeks later. He says “Hey, my ex just texted me after 25 days of no contact and she says ‘Hey I hope you are okay. I just want to know if it doesn’t bother you to get my washing machine and dinner table?’ She said she’s going to come in August to take it.“
Ouch! That sounds kind of hurtful. So she is kind of getting ready to take her stuff and move on with her life, so I’m sure you’re probably panicking even more. So you can see how much your panicking and your needy behavior has turned her off, and she’s thinking “Okay, I just want my washing machine back.” and that sounds pretty scary. So of course, often exes just reach out with bullshit reasons, because they just need a reason to reach out to you.
Now, washing machine… That sounds a bit more serious, like “Okay, I just need my stuff. Hey, can I grab my stuff?” So what you should do right now is… when he says “I didn’t respond for 30 minutes when she called and I didn’t say anything, so what should I do?“
Well, you shouldn’t do anything right now. You’re not in woman pleaser mode. You’re not in ex-girlfriend pleaser mode. She just wants her washing machine back. You don’t know what her motivations are. You should treat it as “Okay she’s gonna come in August and she wants the washing machine.“
What can you lose right now? Nothing, really. She’s gonna come in August, maybe you get to talk to her, maybe you’re gonna have a good time, maybe you’re gonna have lunch or something, you never know. But the point is right now she lost interest and the more that you chase her the worse it’s going to get. She needs some space and time like you said.
So keep at it and you only initiate with her when she initiates with you. It has to be her idea to want to get back to you, and it was her idea to get back to you before, but then you screwed it up. So if it happens again, you don’t want to screw up and it is very likely that it happens again. Why is it likely that it happens again? Because you have history. Maybe you’re wondering “maybe she is going to find another guy, maybe there’s someone who’s better than me or maybe she’s going to have a rebound“… whatever, doesn’t matter!
You should think “I’m a king & there’s nobody better than me. No one is better than me for her. I’m totally freaking awesome and no man can compete with me.” And if you don’t have that mindset, if you don’t believe in yourself, you are never going to get your ex back, because you will always act from a scarcity mindset.
But you should think “Hey, I’m incredible! I’m an awesome man, and if she doesn’t want me there will be other women who want me.” That’s how you should approach it. If she doesn’t want you back, you’re gonna find someone else. You should focus on yourself, focus on your great qualities, improve yourself, focus on your purpose, focus on the things that you want to do with your life.
Live your life to the fullest, become the best version of yourself, and while you do that she will eventually see that and you know what? She will probably reach out to you after several months again, even if she ends up dating someone else. The chances are that it will not work out. Maybe it’s just not the right guy. Maybe she has fights with him. Maybe she just wonders: “This is not as great as it was with you?“
There are many reasons why she might reach out again. You just need to be ready for the moment when she does, not like last time. So turn yourself into a king. Confidence and clarity is king if you want to attract a woman.
That’s my final verdict. Let me know in the comments what you think. If this was helpful give me a thumbs up, subscribe on my YouTube channel, and of course, follow my other social profiles. If you need more help here’s how I can support you:
First, you can download my free couples canvas to gain instant dating clarity or just grab my book Unleash The king Within from Amazon to learn more about the mindsets and mental models needed to attract a bombshell type of woman. You can also join our men’s self-help group Mentality Mondays. Every Monday we get together on epic zoom calls to talk about what’s real for us and to help us grow and become a better man. Super awesome!
Lastly if you need the best of my dating advice, buy my confidence king training program and of course, you can also always book a coaching session with me.
Again, I am Andy Graziosi and I help you unleash your confidence and become the man women love. And with that, I will see all of your kings in the next video. Until kingdom come.
