Can you manifest your ex back? Develop attraction with the law of attraction

Sep 20, 2021 | Breakup Advice & Get Your Ex Back

Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.

What’s up, kings? I’m coach Andy Graziosi and I help you unleash your confidence and become the man that women love. In this video I want to talk about the law of attraction. You’ve heard about this before. You probably heard about the idea of “think about something specific that you want in your life and then you’re going to receive it.” So that sounds quite convenient for re-attracting an ex or attracting a beautiful woman. Could also be for your career, money, status, spirituality, lifestyle, whatever you desire. So if we just think about it then we can just attract it into our life. That sounds perfect, doesn’t it? Well, almost sounds too good to be true, doesn’t it?

And it actually is. It is too good to be true, or it sounds too good to be true, because there are books out there to tell people that this bullshit is true and I’m going to explore how it actually works. So a lot of people probably heard of the book “The secret” which became very popular in 2004, maybe 2005, when it came out. It was very popular. It was promoted by Oprah and the book basically just states “yeah okay you just think about something and then you’re gonna get it” but that’s not how things work. So I got a message from a guy who wants to get his ex back and well, let me just read his message. It’s quite short. This topic is close to my heart because my own sister read the book “The secret” and she had the same flawed idea ideology of how the law of attraction works, so I want to clarify this. Let’s get into it.

He says: “Hi, how can I get my ex back if she has a new boyfriend she’s living with? We’ve been together for nine years and I really want her back.

So, nine years relationship is incredibly long. You both must have a lot of attachment to each other. So attachment theory says that the longer we stay together with a person, the more attached we are to that person. The more we bond with that person and that stems from psychology. At young age, when we are infants, when we are one, two, three years old, we begin to develop these attachments to people. Our caregivers, our parents. So it’s something that’s just in our biology. We can’t really stop doing this and so that’s why the longer a relationship lasts, the more likely it is for you to still have attachments to that person. And so obviously, the more history that you have with a person, like this guy here, nine years, the higher your chances are that you can get your ex back, because other people do not have that history. Other people do not have that attachment. So that’s a good thing on your part that you have here.

Now, obviously it’s been nine years and you must be devastated after nine years to lose that person who has belonged to your life for nine years. And your life is really interwoven with that person. So he then says: “We broke up because we both cheated.” Oops! “We broke up in march 2020. I tried to fix our relationship but she told me she’s already tired and just moved on. Now she has a new partner that she lives with, right after we broke up.” So that makes a lot of sense. You’ve been together for nine years. Probably the resentment, the problems, have been building up over time and you both cheated. Well, first of all, that’s not really a good thing if both of you cheated. You can clearly tell there’s a huge problem here on both parts in terms of integrity. So that’s something that you need to work on if you get back together.

And so this has been building up and after nine years you know she’s probably been in resentment mode, maybe you as well, for several years already. So when it was over, it was over for her. And she was ready to be in a new relationship, essentially. And she got with a new guy right after you broke up. Must feel quite hurtful that’s just what it is. You shouldn’t look too much into it. She’s just ready to move on with her life right now. It’s just what it is.

Then he says: “I tried everything like manifesting but it didn’t work. I always imagined that my ex-girlfriend is coming back to me. Sometimes before going to bed I keep on telling myself that she will come back.

And so this is why I’m making this video because you see that he clearly has this false idea of how the law of attraction works. He thinks he’s just gonna think about his ex in the evening, or when he goes to bed, or in the morning. “I’m gonna get my ex back. I’m gonna get my ex back.” And then she’s gonna come crawling back for some reason. Magically. She’s just gonna appear. But that does not work that way. So I want to give you a little bit of an anecdote from my sister who has read the book “The secret” and I had this discussion before about this exact topic.

So my sister, she told me that she’s going to become a millionaire by playing in the lottery and well, I told her, well, that’s not how it works, obviously. The lottery has very, it’s very improbable, it’s not probable that you’re going to win the lottery. What are the chances to win the lottery? One to whatever millions, right? It’s almost impossible to win the lottery. So just by playing the lottery and thinking “well, I’m gonna win this ticket. I’m gonna win the million dollars” or whatever, the 1 million euros, that just doesn’t happen, just because you think about it, because there are probabilities. So something like this is essentially just wishful thinking.

What the law attraction actually is, is that you think about something that you want, like your ex, and then you take action. Meaningful action that brings you closer to that goal so that when you are presented with the opportunity to, for example, get your ex back, you can actually seize that opportunity. So to give you an example that is the exact opposite to what my sister shared about “okay, how do you become rich?“… Playing the lottery would be one thing and then hoping for the best. That’s not the law of attraction. What the law of attraction would be is something that I’m doing, which I’ve been doing for three years roughly, I think. I’m a cryptocurrency trader and I’m soon retired. I’m currently… I started out with ten… nine thousand five hundred dollars… Something like that.

And I worked really, really, really, really, really hard to understand cryptocurrency trading. And that was super painful. And probably in the next six to nine months, based on my momentum, I’ll probably have made my first million. And getting there was not wishful thinking. Actually, it was a lot of painful times. Lying in my bed in fetus position and thinking I’m gonna go broke, and having to work, and getting this right, and understanding how markets work, so that I know when is the right time that I buy cryptocurrencies. And that just didn’t appear magically for me. I just didn’t think “hey, I need to… Well, I’m just going to buy a crypto and then I’m going to be rich.” Nah, that’s not how it is. I worked really hard for it.

So if you want to get something and you want to use the law of attraction for receiving that into your life, the whole idea of the law of attraction is really just that. You work on yourself and the thing that’s necessary to receive the thing that you want, so when you see it right in front of you, you can just take it. So your ex is no different than cryptocurrency trading. With cryptocurrency trading you have to wait for the right moment when typically the markets crash and bam! That’s when you buy. That’s like the moment when it’s almost impossible to lose money.

Essentially, with an ex it’s the same thing. You have to work on yourself, on your confidence, rebuilding yourself, finding yourself again, and not being hung up on her because obviously, after this guy here, he’s been with her for nine years, so when we are in a relationship, so interwoven, our lives blend together, actually. And so we no longer are separate people, completely. You know, we take qualities from her and she takes qualities from us and that’s a good thing, actually. Because it widens our horizon. We learn new things but it also means that once that person disappears, poof! It really hurts and we kind of forget who are we and that’s why breakups hurt so much and so obviously, when you’re in that state when you don’t know who you are, what you want, what defines me as a man, then you’re going to screw up when your ex eventually comes back. Because you probably heard of the no contact rule, which is you know, just don’t talk to your ex and eventually they’re gonna miss you.

And in the case of his breakup of nine years, if you’ve been together for nine years, it’s pretty much impossible to not miss that person and think about them because you spend so much time together. So all you would need to do is essentially focus on yourself. What are the things that didn’t work? And so you already mentioned one thing that didn’t work in your relationship was the infidelity. You both have been cheating, so instead of confronting your issues, talking about your issues, being honest with each other when you’re not happy about your relationship and saying “hey I’ve been noticing that I don’t like waking up next to you. I realize we’re fighting so much, I’ve even been thinking about other women but I don’t want that. I love you and I want to figure out how we can resolve this.

That’s honesty. It’s not pretty. It’s scary to do something like this but that’s how you address it, right? So that’s probably something that you need to address. How do we both, but specifically on your part, how do I resolve the problem of not being honest with my partner? “I have to be honest with my girlfriend when I’m not happy” and instead of going to other women I should go to my girlfriend and try to resolve what’s making me unhappy. So that’s something that you should focus on instead of saying “hey I’m gonna manifest her back by just thinking about her.” What did you say? Before going to bed and telling yourself that she will come back.

Sure, she will probably come back eventually, but that has nothing to do with you telling yourself that she will come back. What that actually does is it is the opposite of the law of attraction because you’re just telling yourself wishful thinking. She’s gonna come back. Blah blah. You know, positive thinking and all that stuff. And don’t get me wrong: I believe in positive affirmations, you know, telling yourself in the morning good things about yourself and positive self-talk. That’s a good thing actually. It sets your stage right for the day but you also have to take the action to get there, right?

To affirm that what you’re telling yourself is actually true, so if she comes back and you haven’t done any work and you’ve just been telling yourself she’s going to come back.. well, what’s going to happen? You’re probably going to be insecure you won’t know what to say to her and even on the off chance that you get her back, what do you think is going to happen? You will probably eventually not be happy again and you will cheat again. One of the two of you. So that doesn’t really resolve anything.

Then he says: “Sometimes she calls or texts just to ask about our son who lives with me. She says she is happy with her new boyfriend but then I kept wondering if her messaging me meant that my manifesting attempts are having some effect.

Well, so it’s quite hard to distinguish what’s going on here because you have a son, so she has very legitimate reason to message you. So she could be messaging you not because of you at all. That is a possibility. And so that’s why you shouldn’t really be reading into this at all because you can’t dissect this. It’s almost impossible to figure it out. Now, obviously, it’s context-driven. It depends on what’s going on with the situation with their boyfriend and how is their situation. Is she telling you about him and so on and so obviously that can be confusing. That’s where someone like me, a coach, could help you to analyze the situation. But overall it’s not that easy to figure out what’s going on here because of the son. So that’s a bit unfortunate.

Is she messaging you… Does it mean something? She says she’s happy with her new boyfriend who knows.. Why would you need to tell someone that you’re happy with your other boyfriend or girlfriend? Maybe you might tell someone that when you don’t care but most of the time you wouldn’t need to really highlight that. I think most of the time when people highlight these things, they’re just trying to project something, an image, that they want someone else to see. Because you don’t want to be vulnerable. You don’t want to show that actually the breakup is actually harder on you than you’re pretending to. She could also be happy with him of course, but also, even if she is, what does it mean? How long is she going to be happy with him?

Obviously, right now she is probably happy with him because it’s new. So unless he is abusive, a liar, whatever, gets drunk, doesn’t have his shit together, all kinds of bad qualities, maybe very quickly she will realize “I don’t actually like this guy and my previous ex, he wasn’t perfect and we had our issues, and we both cheated on each other, but we made it work for nine years. And I can already tell after nine weeks this new guy is just awful“, right? So it’s hard to say and so in a case like this I would probably consult with me to figure out “hey what’s actually going on here?” and you’re unfortunately not giving a lot of details but what I can tell you is that your question of whether her messaging you means that your manifesting attempts are having some effect? No, because you’re doing manifesting wrong. Just because you think about her that has nothing to do with her messaging. There’s like no evidence whatsoever that that’s gonna happen.

So then he says: “I’ve been physically and emotionally abused by her when we were still together. I’m just having a.. I’m just having a hard time right now. I want her. I want her back but I don’t know what to do.

That’s how he wraps it up. Well, so if you’ve been physically and emotionally abused by her when you were still together it sounds like your relationship wasn’t the best. I don’t know if that has been going on the entire relationshit… relationshit! Okay, that’s ironic! I said relationshit and it actually was a relationshit because you both didn’t treat each other right. So obviously, something was not right with your relationship. Something was not right with how you treated each other. Something wasn’t right with both your mindset of saying “hey, well, if I’m not happy, I’m just gonna find someone else to cheat on.” That is obviously a red flag. So what should you do? You want her back. Well, if you want your back then you should start reflecting on two things:

Do you think what you did with the cheating was okay? And you probably, I’m assuming, think it wasn’t. And then you need to reflect on why did you do this and what could you do different in the future. Because if you really want her back she needs to see a different kind of man than you used to be because otherwise why would she want to get back with you, if you’re just the same man that you’ve been for the last nine years? Or maybe let’s say the last four years, whenever it started to no longer work out between the two of you. Then she has no reason to get back with you, especially after nine years because she’s essentially seen it all. She spent, depending on her age, you didn’t mention your age, but let’s assume, let’s maybe say hypothetically you are both 30 then she would have spent one third of her life knowing you and being in a relationship with you. Meaning, she would have seen it all. So if you don’t change why would she want to continue being with you, because does she want to spend another half of her life with a man who will just cheat and make her unhappy? Of course not. So you have to work on that.

At the same time you say you’ve been physically and emotionally abused. So well, what do you think about that. Do you think that’s okay? Obviously not, right? So why would you even want to get back with her in the first place? I understand you’ve been together for nine years, you love her a lot. You’re really close and love is not that simple of course, right? We call this actually the trauma bond when we are together and we abuse each other. That’s very common. This is a term that actually comes from narcissism. Narcissists do this all the time that they abuse someone verbally, emotionally, sometimes physically, and they use this to build something called the trauma bond.

So the more that we receive trauma, the more we actually bond with the other person. Which seems weird. You know, why would you bond more with a person when you’re being abused? But because we have these lows, that means you also have these highs and these highs then feel really good. So the more often this happens in a relationship the more we cling to the good moments in our relationship. So you’re probably really clinging to these good moments in your relationship but you also need to be real with yourself and realize “hey, well I’ve been physically and emotionally abused. So what are the things from her side that I don’t like? What did she do and did she reflect on them?

Because if she comes back to you, right, so whether you’re doing manifesting correct or you’re not being correct, she could come back. But then the question is “okay have you worked on yourself?” That’s number one. Number two: Has she worked on herself? Because unless both of you work on yourself, then come back and you build a new stronger refined relationship, where you can actually work through your problems, and not resort to cheating, then there is no point to getting back together. So what should you do? You should probably reflect on this. Write down some of the reasons why you cheated.

Think about what motivated you to do this. Was it her fault? Was it your fault? And then also, for example, the things that you think that were her fault, were they really her fault? So for example, you know, if she’s been emotionally abusive, if she said things that didn’t make you happy, like maybe she criticized you a lot, does that justify cheating? No, of course not. What that would justify is to say: “hey I don’t like how you are talking to me and that’s disrespectful and you’re criticizing me too much. I would like you to state things differently and express how you feel differently.” That would be the right action for something like this. So that’s what you should do.

Maybe read some relationship books and obviously, my book “Unleash The King Within” would be a great help for you. I talk a lot about these ideas of taking accountability, and reflecting, and figuring out healthy ways how you communicate with your woman. So this book is a bit of a mix actually for a relationship book. So the last third of the book, here there we have it. The journey with your woman, talks about the journey with your woman where you have to figure out over time as you date your woman, well, how do we actually make each other happy? And that’s not always that easy. You need to figure that out.

So that is my final take on it. Let me know what you think in the comments below. Do you agree with this take or maybe you don’t agree with this take? If you like this video, of course, give me a thumbs up, subscribe to my YouTube channel and if you need some more help here are some other ways how I can help you. So like I said, you can get my book “Unleash The King Within.” I talk a lot about attraction, reattraction a little bit as well, but I only touch it very briefly, and I talk a lot about how to be a king. How to be confident.

And I think you need this because you didn’t communicate properly what you actually felt to your ex-girlfriend. And I’m assuming she also didn’t do that because you both cheated. So what you should do is, as a king, not as a tyrant, a tyrant would cheat, a king would say “hey I’m not happy. Here’s how you’re not making me happy.” or “hey I can tell what you’re doing right now is not okay. I can see that you are overstepping your boundaries and you are talking to other men.” Whatever, and then you basically say we have to address this. “Let’s address it. Maybe let’s see a therapist. Let’s read a relationship book. Let’s look at some techniques how we can love each other better. And let’s work through this.” That’s what a king would do. So my book “Unleash The King Within” could help you.

You could also enroll in my “Confidence King” training program, or my “Financial Freedom King” program, which is about cryptocurrency trading. It’s not about wishful thinking. It’s about hard work to build social status and make more money, work smarter, not harder. So there’s no voodoo, wuju, whatever magic, and unicorns in there. It’s all about hard work. Same thing with my program Confidence King. It’s about working hard on yourself and of course, you can always book a coaching session with me. And with that I will see all of you kings in the next video.

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