Dating your ex again after a breakup. When to get back with your ex?

May 17, 2022 | Breakup Advice & Get Your Ex Back

Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.

Today we’re gonna talk about the hardest part of getting an ex back, or one of the hardest parts, which is about sealing the deal. So some of you might think that it’s actually much harder to keep up no contact. It’s really difficult to be apart from your ex and that is true, but the reality is, it’s probably very hard for a lot of you who are watching this channel because you have anxiously attached attachment styles.

You’re anxiously attached. So you become anxious when you’re not with your partner and obviously no contact is the epitome of not being with your partner. So you miss your girlfriend but the hard part, really, whether you want an ex back or a girl that you might have turned off after some initial dating and then she comes back…

The hard part is really to seal the deal and to become boyfriend and girlfriend again, or if you turned off a girl that you’ve dated in the past and it didn’t work out, just become girlfriend and boyfriend for the first time.

So we’re gonna talk about this in this video, how to seal the deal, how to get your girlfriend to commit to you, and how to move forward.

So I have an interesting situation from a guy who has been watching my channel and you can see it’s basically a success story. He’s not fully there yet. He still has to seal the deal, and get together with his girlfriend, but he’s almost there. So he’s probably just a few weeks maximum away from it if he doesn’t screw it up. So let’s get right into the topic. So he says:

Hi coach, I want to say thank you for all your videos. They helped me a lot with no contact and it helped me gain back my self-control after my breakup with my ex. Like most of the guys in your ex back videos, I did the worst possible shit one could do: Way too much begging when my ex left me, followed by silence and being ignored or turned down by my ex.

First of all, you’re welcome. And yes, like I said a lot of people who are watching this channel are likely anxiously attached because if you would be secure, or if you would be avoidant, then you might not want your ex back, especially if you’re avoidant.

If you’re secure you might want your ex back but you might also be okay without your ex. If you’re anxiously attached it’s very hard to be separated from your ex. So that’s why it’s really hard and you’ve been begging and she ignored your stuff like usual. But let’s see what he did right. He says:

I am glad I found your channel because I managed to find back to myself and stopped chasing my ex. I honestly thought that it would be impossible for me to get back with my ex-girlfriend but I’ve been making a lot of progress lately. My ex broke up with me at the end of September and I started going no contact with her after two weeks of begging.

So for two weeks, nothing worked. He’s been begging like crazy but he’s starting to focus on himself again. So he found back to himself and that is the key thing with breakups. After breakups we forget who we are and the reason why that is because we’re so tight.

Now it depends of course, on your breakup, or on your relationship. If you’ve only been a couple for like two months, or three months, or four months, it’s not like you can lose yourself in the relationship.

But the longer the relationship lasts the more you become a unit and that means that it kind of becomes hard to distinguish between you and your partner because you are really two people who are meshed together.

That has good sides and bad sides. Obviously, having a woman who’s like a second part of you, who you can depend on, and vice versa, she can depend on you, that’s good.

But at the same time, it’s important to keep your autonomy and to remind yourself when you don’t have enough autonomy. And this is why women often move on faster after breakups because they have social circles, they have friends, and they have a lot of girlfriends that they can talk to.

We men, often don’t have this and this is why it’s so important for us to talk about our emotions and build a strong social network even if we have a girlfriend. So anyway, he then says:

During that time of no contact I never checked her social media posts because I couldn’t bear the thought of her being happy. Instead, I decided to focus on myself and began working on some new pet projects. I created a TikTok account and began posting about crypto and particularly NTFs, which to my surprise has taken off really fast.

So yeah, that is exactly the right approach. Obviously, you should always focus on yourself. Do not focus on your ex-girlfriend even if you want her back. Even if you love her. I know that sounds contradictory but it doesn’t help to focus on your ex because if you always focus on your ex, you’ve been begging already and she didn’t want to be with you anymore for whatever reason the breakup happened, then to focus more energy on that rather than focusing the energy on yourself and

how you can grow…. Then it’s never gonna happen. It’s never gonna work out if you just keep on giving your ex what she didn’t want in the first place.

She needs to realize that she misses what you have been giving her that she took for granted. And then she realizes things were not as bad and then she gives you another chance. This is how it has to be and so he has been focusing on NFTs. If you’ve never heard of NFTs, what they are…

They’re basically digital assets. Cryptocurrency-based, or blockchain-based crypto assets. Whatever. It’s some modern stuff. Maybe if you watch this video in 10 years from now it’s nothing modern anymore. Maybe it flopped or maybe it’s super normal to have NFTs in 10 years from now.

But he has basically been doing something that is exciting. He is passionate about it. A lot of people are passionate about NFTs right now. It’s innovative. It’s cool. To some people it’s cool, other people think it’s complete garbage, but it’s exciting.

It’s something new. So you’re kind of a thought leader right now and that always helps. I’ve been talking to a friend of mine yesterday and we’ve been talking about him wanting to become a thought leader in his industry.

And I used to be a thought leader in this industry previously and I shared a story about some girl who came to the events that I used to organize a few years ago and she was really into me. She really wanted to basically hook up with me. But I had a girlfriend back then. But the bottom line is if you do something that is really cool, that’s really passionate, that really shows off your skill, your competence, how ambitious you are, and that you can really move forward in life, that is sexy to any kind of woman.

And so after a breakup, your woman, your ex-girlfriend, doesn’t think that you’re sexy anymore. But now he’s doing something that is really sexy. She may not be able to really understand what are NFTs. Maybe she thinks it’s stupid. Maybe she’s not into tech or into crypto and she doesn’t really know what to think about this but you’re doing something new and exciting.

And if his TikTok has been working out and it really has taken off as he says… TikTok is a platform where you can grow a lot of followers really quickly. It’s not like YouTube where it’s really a long game. On TikTok, you can just post some entertainment stuff or some short bits here and there and you can gain a lot of followers really quickly.

So I am assuming that your TikTok account probably has like 10 000 followers or what do you call it there? Yeah… Followers… And now that is attractive.

So a lot of people are starting to realize your value but she is not realizing your value or didn’t realize your value. But then she realizes: “Wait a second! All of these people do value you!” and scarcity creates value! If you become scarce, if a lot of people think that you are incredible, that means you have a lot of value on the market.

So that is good for getting an ex back or also, in general, to get any girl back that you’ve screwed up with. Whether you’ve just dated in the past for like a week, or a month, or three months. It doesn’t matter. If it’s been short dating that is a good way to get that girl back. So he then says:

So anyway, I basically managed to do no contact for the last months without giving in to my emotions, and then it happened just as you always say in your videos… She came back and started messaging me. Haha, you have no idea how good it felt to hear from her and not being an emotional wreck. I actually got to show off my new TikTok content and it seems like my ex was quite impressed with how I had grown since our breakup.

Yeah, nice! That is basically a textbook scenario of getting an ex back. You focused on yourself. You didn’t check out her social media because it hurt. Everybody should do this. Never check out your ex’s social media, Facebook, whatever, because she’s gonna post some stuff like she’s so happy and life is so great!

But that’s probably full of shit! You probably didn’t post stuff on Facebook or on TikTok… “I’m so happy!“… instead, you posted stuff about NFTs. Something that is exciting. You have shown that you focused on yourself, and on your knowledge, on your skill development.

So that is why she’s attracted to you again and then she’s back and like you say, it feels so good to not be an emotional wreck. You’ve been begging.

I think a lot of people who are watching this video right now have been begging and that is something that a woman just can’t respect. An emotional wreck, that’s not sexy. No woman wants to be with a man who’s an emotional wreck. She wants to be able to rely on you and obviously, he now seems like he’s really dependable.

His TikTok account is growing. We don’t know how many followers he has but he seems like he’s getting his shit back together. So now she’s starting to miss him. She might have seen this already upfront. She’s wondered why he didn’t message her. Maybe she then saw he’s been doing stuff. He’s been busy and she realized if you’re doing something amazing after a while, she might wonder if someone else is going to recognize your value.

And so that’s why she’s basically reaching out again and it feels really good to be the person who’s in control again. So he then says:

So this is where it gets really good. My ex and I have been talking again for the entirety of January. She sent me a happy new year message on new year’s eve, which basically got us talking and we actually met up twice since then. The first time was just a casual meet-up for lunch/coffee at a coffee shop.

So what are the odds that she messages you exactly on new year’s eve? So clearly, she’s been missing you and the whole happy new year thing was just an excuse so that she can reach out to you.

And you had two dates already. The first one was a lunch/coffee shop date. So during the day. So I typically would not suggest doing a lunch date with any woman ever, because you just can’t lead her into the bedroom.

It’s very unlikely to lead a woman into the bedroom, at least during the middle of the day. It’s not impossible but it’s mostly not going to happen because the expectation is already just “Let’s meet up for lunch” and that’s it.

And then I go back to work or whatever I’m busy with during the day. But so maybe she wasn’t really sure about you yet so well, it can’t be helped. That’s just how it is.

So he then says:

She seemed pretty defensive and distant with me before that date but I guess she opened up to me after we met up on January 5. We then met again last Friday for dinner and some wine and beers, and this is where it got really good.

Nice! Wine and beer, alcohol is always a good idea to seduce a woman. You want to reduce the tension a little bit. Have some fun. And as soon as you loosen up a little bit, you joke more, you play around more, you tease her, she teases you, maybe she touches you, maybe you touch her.

So it facilitates more interactions. More intimacy. So it’s always a good idea to have a little bit of alcohol in play. Good job and he then says:

She gave me a good night kiss before she got in her Uber. It wasn’t a french kiss but still, that felt really good.

Yeah, you should feel really good about this. Obviously, if she kisses you, and you say she kissed you, so she took the initiative, that shows you that she’s really into you.

Or I’m not sure if you tried to take the initiative. Typically, it should really be you who takes the initiative with a woman and if she really wants you, she’s not going to deny you a kiss, even if you’ve broken up and she’s not fully sure about you.

If everything was great, there’s a little bit of alcohol, not so much tension, then you can go for the kiss. But if she’s the one who went for the kiss, of course, that’s even better technically because she had the balls…

I hope she doesn’t have balls… But she had the balls to kiss you. That is actually a sign that she’s really into you and she really craves to be back with you. So he then wraps it up and this is where it gets interesting! He says:

I mean, I know that I have to keep the dates going but what do I say now? How do I get her to be my girlfriend again It seems like she has forgiven me or at least forgotten my fuckups before we broke up and she still has feelings for me. So now I want to seal the deal to make sure I can’t mess this up.

Anyway, can you suggest to me what I should do now? Should I bring up the topic of us getting back together? And if so, how can I bring it up? It feels really awkward and I’m scared to ask her about us because it’s not clear where we stand. Thanks again for your help and everything you have done for me to help so far. Stay healthy.

So first of all, I’m not sure if I said that you’re welcome, so obviously, you’re welcome for all the content. What should you be doing? So you want to be back with her but if you think about it, so far everything has been going exactly your way.

What are you still missing? You’ve had a basic kiss with her. It’s not a french kiss… So how would you seduce any kind of woman that you’ve never dated before? You wouldn’t just have a normal basic kiss on the lips on a first date and then a week later you ask her “Hey you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend?

Nope, you’d just meet up again. You’d have more fun. You’d hook up eventually. You have sex. You seduce her and then you’re gonna become intimate. She’s gonna appreciate the intimacy and she’s gonna want more, and then she wants more, and more, and more.

And you give her more. You don’t even have to talk about the relationship and so the mistake that a lot of guys do…

I say this very often: Action for re-attraction rarely leads to satisfaction. So you’re thinking you have to pin it down. You’re thinking that maybe she’s gonna run away if you don’t do something If you don’t say “Let’s be boyfriend & girlfriend again” but that’s not gonna happen.

If she really digs you, if she’s really into you and if you’re not screwing up and if you’re having sex with her, there are no problems, no drama, the problems are resolved, then why should she not want to be with you?

What you want to happen is that she eventually points out that she wants to be with you. So you’re just going to hook up. You’re going to have sex. You’re going to meet up every now and then, have dates at your place, just like you would seduce any normal woman.

And eventually, most likely, she’s going to ask you about it.

Hey, what are we? What is this? Are we a couple again?

She’s gonna want to know. She’s not going to bring it up for a long time. Most likely it could take a few weeks, but eventually, she’s going to bring it up and the only time when you would bring it up is if it has been going on for a really long time.

So let’s say you’ve been hooking up and meeting up for like one month, two months, three months. Maybe more like two, or three months. Something like this. Eventually, you can ask her but you should phrase it in a way that doesn’t seem like you’re trying to pin her down, but rather you’re concerned about her and you wanna know how she feels because you want to know well, what does she actually want?

Hey, I’m actually curious. How do you feel about us? Do you want us to be back together? I just want you to know that I care about you and obviously, if you want us to be a couple again I’m cool with that.

That’s the only time when I would bring it up. But most of the time I would suggest maybe 95% of the time, she’s gonna bring it up, or nobody brings it up, to be honest. It just becomes so natural. I don’t know about you but typically my relationships, I didn’t have a declaration of “we’re girlfriend and boyfriend.” You meet up more often, you seduce your girlfriend or the girl that you’re dating and eventually you both just mutually know you are a couple.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Sometimes this can happen. They call it a situationship nowadays, where we don’t really know what’s going on. You have to have clarity, of course, but if you’re at that point where you know that you need clarity after a few months of dating and it’s not really clearly defined, well then you have to bring it up, of course.

But typically, you just know because you’re spending so much time together. Maybe you’re moving in and most of the time it’s just standard that you can agree you’re a couple. So all you have to do is just keep on doing what has been working well. I suggest if you try to now put a label on it, try to bring up the topic, try to force it into something that maybe she’s not ready yet, it is going to backfire.

You haven’t had sex yet with her. So keep on having more dates and escalate those dates. So you had a normal basic kiss on the lips. Now it’s time for french kissing, for petting, for making out, becoming oral, I don’t know if you can say the word here properly.

And then eventually having proper sex. And then over time it will resolve itself all by itself. You have to do nothing and most likely she’s just gonna tell you that she really loves being with you again and then if the problems don’t repeat themselves, there’s no reason not to just agree on being a couple again.

And I have plenty of videos talking about how to make sure that the problems don’t repeat themselves. You can watch those as well. So that is my advice for you. Just keep on doing what you’ve been doing, and for everybody who has been watching this video: He’s a great example of how to do it right. He focused on himself. He didn’t focus on his ex. Then she messaged him, he set up some dates, that’s important!

You need to set up dates and you just escalate it over time. So if she’s very defensive, then it has to be a boring date like a coffee shop date. Eventually, it becomes a dinner date or something more fun like wine and alcohol that is involved.

Then maybe you bring her over to your place. Maybe it doesn’t happen yet but maybe on the third date, you bring her over to your place, and then you have sex and then it’s almost back to normal already.

And then you just keep this up until she feels close to you again and she feels comfortable again. She trusts you again. Like I say always: A woman who trusts discovers her lust. And once she’s lusting for you, you already won.

So that is my advice for you. Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel and never forget to unleash the king within.

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Hallo, ich bin Andy Graziosi. Ich helfe Männern ihr Selbstvertrauen zu entfalten und ihr volles Potenzial auszuschöpfen. Meine wissenschaftlich fundierte Philosophie lautet: „Der König ist bereits ein Gewinner.“ — Erstaunliche Frauen fühlen sich bereits zu dir hingezogen. Alles, was ein König tun muss, ist diese Anziehungskraft zu seinem Vorteil zu nutzen.

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