Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
What’s up, kings? Today we’re gonna talk about what happens when you turn a woman off to the point where she blocks you. So if you turn an ex-girlfriend off, or an ex, your girlfriend, and she just has enough from all your insecurity. So women actually are able to forgive you a lot of things. Women are much more relationship-driven than we men are. So they hold on to relationships much longer but like everybody, we only hold on to relationships and investments for a certain amount of time. So a woman is going to invest in a man and she’s going to think “Well, I’m going to see if this is going to work out” if she’s invested in you heavily after a long-term relationship.
And she really cares about you. She’s gonna want to make sure that the relationship actually works out, but of course, at some point, she needs to let go if it’s not working out. So I have a situation here from a guy who got blocked by his girlfriend. He became very needy, very obsessive, he was begging and pleading and you can see how his over-investment in this relationship and in this woman is causing her to get turned off. And eventually, she wants nothing to do with him. So let’s get into his situation.
So he says: “Before I describe the story, let me be clear on one thing: For your information, the root of all of my issues was my insecurity, my needy and possessive behavior with my ex, and my ex is also a liar. She lied to me multiple times in the relationship. I want to understand how much damage I did in my relationship and whether it is salvageable or not.”
So if I would just stop at this video what is everyone thinking? Why would you want to salvage something with a woman who is lying? But as we get through this video, you’re gonna see that there’s not a single mention of this woman actually being a liar. So I don’t know why you’re saying she’s a liar because in your message there’s no sign of her being a liar. So maybe you’re bullshitting yourself. Maybe everything was really just like you say, your possessive and needy behavior, your insecurity, and that turned her off. Maybe she wasn’t completely honest with you, like she said she needs space or she wants a break and maybe she gives you false hope but ultimately as we go through your message we’re gonna see everything is about your behavior.
So he says: “I was in a five-month relationship, a short-term relationship, also long-distance as well, but my girlfriend and I both used to have the same type of thoughts and thinking, so we got comfortable with each other quickly. Within three months of our friendship we got into a relationship for five months but as soon as we came into the relationship I have been having some sort of insecurity that she is better than me.”
So everything was fine until you started dating. So until then, you didn’t think that there’s something wrong with you so that tells me that you’re putting this woman on a pedestal because as soon as you start to date, as soon as you’re in a relationship, now all of a sudden you think there’s something wrong with you. You think that there’s something wrong with you probably compared to other men, and you think that she’s going to find someone who’s better. So it’s all about your mindset. Until then she was really into you. You’ve had a good connection and you were talking all the time during your friendship.
So he says: “So to keep her with me I started becoming a nice guy, got over available for her and earlier I used to be a funny and flirty guy but now I started seeking validation from her because she started giving me less attention and validation as she used to give me when we were friends.”
So it has nothing to do with her all of a sudden being in a relationship with you. And now she gives you less attention because she’s thinking “I nailed him down so now I don’t need to give him that much attention.” It’s typically actually the men who do that once they get into a woman’s pants they’re like “Okay, I scored some points now I just got to maintain what’s going on.” No, she is losing attraction and attention for you because like you say, you become nice, you are giving her too much validation. That’s not sexy. A woman wants to be able to trust a man that he can take care of her. Once she discovers her trust she will discover her lust.
So if you give her all that validation, she’s not going to feel that she can feel safe around you. Well, you have to also keep in mind it is a long-distance relationship, so there’s always a bit of a state of not being together. So she should naturally want to reach out to you but it’s always you who’s giving her the validation. It should be the other way around for the most part because women are about relationships.
So he then says: “One day she ghosted me all of a sudden when she found me possessive and insecure. So she tested me by ignoring me for three days and I chased her, which she found scary, which reminded her of her friend’s relationship where they used to behave in the same manner with each other.”
Well, if she ghosts you for three days because you’re very possessive, I don’t think that’s necessarily a test. She’s just kind of having enough of you at that point and she wants her peace and quiet and she’s not trying to figure out at this point “Are you too possessive and needy? And are you not giving me enough space? And am I going to feel smothered by this guy?” She’s already feeling smothered at this point. So you have to back down and stop doing what hasn’t been working all along but as we see you then continue…
“Also, as per her, we were going too fast and she was feeling suffocated and burdened and so she told me she is not ready for a relationship. She needs to think once again before giving any commitment.”
So it’s quite interesting. When I actually read this line that she felt burdened I felt like “Wait, didn’t I make a video about this already?!“… So I started searching through my messages from previous guys and there was a guy who had a similar situation and the woman said the exact same thing that she felt burdened, which shows you that it’s always the same thing. If you put a burden on a woman, if you make her feel suffocated, if you don’t give her the space for her own autonomy, if she can’t feel free, she’s going to leave. Because if she feels that you’re putting pressure on her she’s just not feeling free and she just wants to go away from the situation.
There are a lot of guys who are probably giving her a lot more freedom. There are probably guys who are hitting on her and some of them probably aren’t doing it very possessively. They’ve got their cool. They know what they’re doing. They’re not insecure. They’re not scared that if it doesn’t work out then their life is over. They probably got things going on with their lives. So if you’re putting that much pressure on her, she’s gonna run away from you and I don’t think that she’s not ready for a relationship. She’s just not ready for a relationship with you and so probably she’s breaking it off with you because she’s considering well, maybe there are other guys who can make me happy. So it’s all about your behavior and you need to change that behavior.
So he then says: “I got a little bit nervous and insecure that she left me and would move on, so I started to give her more and more attention and validation that I was the right guy for her but now she is feeling bored because I’m getting emotionally instead of being funny and flirty. So she started avoiding me because I made her feel burdened. Finally, one day we were getting into an argument where I was busy with some work she called me twice and I ignored her. So she got angry with me.“
So you can’t convince a woman that you’re the right guy. Not with your words. She has to see it with your actions and your behavior. And clearly, your behavior didn’t work but then you are kind of giving her space and you say then she calls you all of a sudden. She’s back onto you. She’s interested again but now here’s where the problem happens.
He says: “The next day I asked her ‘Why are you angry? I’m giving you the time you need for yourself.’ and she said ‘I’m not feeling free. I felt suffocating. I want a relationship or friendship without a burden.’ So I told her why I put all the effort every time if something went wrong. I need to say sorry always. This is not fair and I don’t value myself so little. So the next day we had a word. She said sorry to me and I apologized to her as well. And I asked her whether she is ready for a relationship.”
So again, you’re trying to nail her down. You can actually see it was kind of working. You pulled back. She came back to you. She was a bit mad that you didn’t reply to her but she’s starting to get attracted again to you. And then you say hey, this is what you’re doing that’s not making me happy. You’re actually asserting your needs. That is sexy and she’s saying sorry. She’s apologizing and until this point, everything would have been fine! Now at this point, she would have thought “Wow okay he can stand up for himself! He’s not that much of a beta male as I thought he is.” but then you again ask her are you ready for the relationship. So you’re undoing all of your progress with one sentence.
So he then says: “She said I don’t want to hear burdening words again. So she asked for space. I told her ‘okay take your time’ but I failed to give her the space and she was aware that I wouldn’t be able to give her space and I would get impatient and chase her and she broke up with me by blaming everything on me.”
So I don’t think that she is aware of you not being able to give her space. You almost make it sound like she is telling you “give me some space” to test you because she thinks already that you’re not gonna be able to give her the space. It’s not really like she’s trying to play 4D chess with you and saying “”Okay, I’m gonna make this move. I’m gonna say I need some space. And let me see what he’s gonna do.”… No, she’s not doing that because she’s trying to manipulate you or play some games. She’s just not attracted to you and she’s trying to escape from the situation. So she’s not thinking too much into this. She’s just turned off and she’s pulling away, that’s all there is to it.
So he says: “She said I’m a desperate and crazy guy and she doesn’t like this controlling behavior. I started begging and pleading, which further turned her off. Eventually, she told me she loves me but she doesn’t want any relationship.”
So you can tell she had some investment in you. She’s telling you she loves you but she just doesn’t want to be with you. Maybe there could be a chance that she’s just telling you what you want to hear but I think she does mean that she did care about you. You spent a lot of time together. I think three months or something like that friendship and five months relationship. So she is invested in you. She does love you but she just can’t be with you because all of your insecure behavior is just pushing her away.
So he then says: “But she used to talk to me on calls and text messages when we were friends again for a short period of just one week, and then she was not interested. Then she went on a trip with her friends for mood refreshment and when she came back she asked me right away for three weeks of space, which she was aware that I wouldn’t be able to give her and it went exactly as what she was expecting from me.”
Well, if you are a long-distance relationship and she can’t have space from when she’s on her trip and then right after the trip she’s saying “Hey, I need three weeks space“… I mean she should already be having space from you at this point but for some reason, you’re all over her, even long distance! How is that even possible?? You must be in her inbox all the time, sending messages one, two, three! You’re probably not waiting. Actually, you sent me I think four emails. You sent me an email about this asking “Hey can you make a video about this and I said yeah I can make one and after like a few days you’re sending me a follow-up email. So you’re way too over-invested in this situation and you’re probably stalking and just messaging all the time. I’m sure if I would not have replied or if I wouldn’t be making this video right now I will probably receive emails from you like once a week about “Hey, when is my video coming out?” You don’t have patience. That is your problem.
So anyway, he then says: “I failed to give her space and time and I chased her where she got to the point that she blocked me and broke up with me, even though I tried to convince her via my friends to get back together, but it backfired. She even caught me finding her address details and details from some external sources that further turned her off and she blocked me everywhere and then she never came back and she is now happy with her life.”
Well, again it shows how much you are over-invested in this situation. So it was a long-distance relationship and you don’t even know where this woman lives. I have not been in the Philippines for two years now because of covid. I can’t go back, that’s actually where I live. So if you see my videos I always tag them with Philippines. I hope I can get back in the next three to six months. Anyway, so I have this friend in the Philippines, we’ve been thinking of maybe we open a business together. I met her as a business partner actually, so I’ve never really met her in person and I know where this girl lives! She’s not even that close to me. She’s a coach like me. A business coach. And I know where she lives.
And I’ve never even been with her as a couple and you’ve been with this woman for five months, long-distance, of course, but you’ve known her a lot you are much more invested in this woman and she should be more invested in you than I am invested with my friend… But I know where my friend lives but you don’t even know where this woman lives. So that just tells me that you are way too invested in this relationship. There’s no reason why you should be so invested in this relationship because it wasn’t even that serious yet. It sounds to me that you’ve never ever met this woman. So that’s just a sign, a red flag, that you care way too much about a woman. She’s totally on the pedestal.
And probably what you should do is start dating other women because the problem is this woman can’t respect you. I’m assuming you’re probably very young. Probably in your 20s because you’re screwing up quite a bit. You must be, you probably don’t have that much experience yet and you probably need to get out there and start dating more women.
Now he then says: “She said I am an egoistic person. I am chasing her because of my ego and that is why she rejected me and that she’s also not interested in me at all. She even deleted all chats, contacts, and everything from her side and moved on. I tried to convince her a lot and messed up everything. We got into fights as well where she disrespected me and blamed me for everything.”
Well, based on your behavior and what you’ve shown so far, I think her disrespect is because yes, she does not respect you. Maybe she is quite annoyed at this point, to be honest. I mean she obviously blocked you, so you are over pursuing way too much and she probably already started considering dating someone else a long time ago. Maybe after like three months after you were in a relationship. She already felt like it’s not working out. She was hoping that maybe you will change your behavior but you didn’t. She can’t respect you at this point and that’s maybe why she is disrespectful. You’re not really saying what are the things that she did wrong like the lying and how did she disrespect you and how did she blame you.
Obviously, if you make a lot of mistakes and it’s mostly your fault and she’s right in blaming you and I can’t tell anything that suggests that it’s her fault or that she made a lot of mistakes. So what you should do is you really need to pull back. I believe that you probably need to date someone else. I think the odds of getting this woman back are probably quite low. It’s been long-distance, only five months, you screwed up like crazy, at this point she has no shred of respect left for you and she just doesn’t believe that you’re going to improve your behavior and that you’re gonna get your shit together and like I said: “A woman who trusts discovers her lust.” Right now she has zero trust and also, I also always say: “If she can deceive she will leave” and right now she has all the power in this situation. She knows she could just wrap you around her finger. She could say one word and get back with you. It’s really not sexy. She wants to be with a man who challenges her. Someone who has his shit together. Someone who won’t just jump at the thought of getting back with her.
And you did it right for one moment when you said “Hey, I don’t like how you’re treating me. You’re always blaming everything on me.” You know, you had a bit of a moment of assertiveness for a short time. For a short moment, you were a bit of an alpha and that’s when she liked it and this is who you have to become. You have to unleash the king within because otherwise women can’t respect you. It’s all about showing to a woman that you are strong, confident, that she can put her trust in you. And right now she can’t put that trust in you. So what you need to do is you need to stop being obsessed with her and start being obsessed with yourself.
Unleash the king within. You have to focus on yourself. Get back on track with your life. I think you’re spending way too much time thinking about her and you’re not thinking about “Okay, what about my life?! What about my career?! What about my friends?! What about my hobbies?! What about my passions?! About workout?!” Me, as I mentioned, I’m currently stuck in Germany but I saw the news today that finally, the Philippines is considering opening back up for tourists. So very soon I can get back and the first impulse that I had once I saw that news was “Okay, now I can do the things that I wanted to do!” I can go back to the beach! I can surf! I can open a men’s group on the beach! I can do events in the Philippines! I can help more people! I will go back to the Philippines and then I will turn my shitty YoutTbe studio into a really great studio with a great camera, and great lights, and all that shit.
There are so many things I’m looking forward to for myself! What is it that you are looking forward to for yourself? What is it that you want? Stop focusing on what you want from her because she’s not giving it to you right now. So the only way how you can get her back is by really becoming an awesome king. So you have to unleash the king within and love yourself. And that’s all the advice that I can give you right now. So let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up, of course, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within.