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High value men never chase women

Sep 15, 2021 | Breakup Advice & Get Your Ex Back, Dating & Attraction

This post is also available in: Deutsch (German)

Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.

What’s up, kings? In this video we’re gonna talk about the situation of a man who has been chasing way too much. He’s acting like a beta, he’s quite young, 19 years old, and he’s essentially losing to another man who’s much, much, much older, who knows what he’s doing. So his beta male behavior basically is turning the woman off. So let’s see what is my advice for him.

He says: “Well, how do I start? I am 19 and just about three months ago I met this girl at a bar and we talked and stuff, exchanged numbers, the usual stuff, but somehow at that very moment I felt a connection with her and for about three days I didn’t even call her because I wasn’t sure what to expect, if we ever were together.

So that’s good. You didn’t just call her right away and that actually symbolizes that you’re not that needy. So you probably just didn’t really know what you were doing here but for her it seemed like “wow okay he’s not that needy so that’s kind of cool.

He then says: “I ended up calling her and we saw each other for the first time and it was great. The first month was just great. Even her feelings for me were really strong. Now, here’s the messy part. Before we started anything she asked me how old I was and I was honest with her and told her I was 19. She on the other hand was 24. I thought that wouldn’t affect the relationship much later on, but I was wrong.

First of all, you kind of got a lot of game, I have to say. Because if you’re 19 and you manage to get the number of 24 years old girl at your age, that’s major skills. She really must have liked you. Well, whether it was major skills or just high attraction on her part, I can’t say for sure, obviously. But it’s a really good thing that just signals that she really wanted to get to know you. So obviously, the age is an issue here but her attraction for you was super high.

He then says: “Anyways, the first month was great. We were now in a relationship. Another bad side that came to light later on was that she had to work outside the country as she is a stewardess.

That’s an interesting situation with covid and everything but I guess it seems you must be in the US, probably, if you get to go out on bars already. And I don’t know where she’s going but that’s quite interesting. So it’s quite interesting that you’re saying you were in a relationship because how can you be in a relationship after one month? So that really shows that you’re young and inexperienced because she probably didn’t feel that way. So it’s a bit odd. You know, you can’t be in a relationship with someone after one month. You can date them. You can really get along with them very well and hang out a lot and date them and have them come over to your place a lot, but it’s not really a relationship. You’re just really getting to know each other.

So he then says: “I asked her to give it some time.” Wait sorry, he says: “So after one month she was far away and she came online and said that she wanted to end things because I was too young for her and that she should have never started things and so on.” So here we are one month and you think it’s great, it’s a relationship, and that’s exactly when she’s breaking things off. So you kind of lack awareness here. You’re not really aware yet how things are going and this is not a relationship. It’s literally just dating and she’s realizing “nah maybe that’s not for me” so you need to pay a bit more attention to how the girl, that the girls that you’re dating, are feeling, rather than how you are feeling about her.

So she’s just making an excuse, probably, right? So sure, the age could be a factor but it wouldn’t matter in the end if you would have your shit together, and you’re confident, and she really likes you. Dude, you could be 18 and you could be fucked by a 30 year old and she theoretically, in theory, obviously, it’s not likely, but she couldn’t care less about how old you are as long as you are really confident and have a strong masculine core. Obviously, at 19, you still have a lot of things to figure out so it’s a bit unlikely for something like this to happen, but honestly, there are men who can be in their 30s and the 40s who are insecure as hell. So age does not necessarily matter. Obviously, the older you are, the more social status you have, the more confident you are, that plays a role for sure, but I think your interactions confirm how insecure you might be, probably leading more to it than your age.

So he says: “I asked her to give it some time and give us a chance. She agreed and the second month passed by really well again, then nearing the end of the second month she came back to the same topic of our age and how it was how I was not mature enough, that she doesn’t want to waste time and wants to find someone who will take care of her.

So well, first of all, I would first of all try to ask “what do you mean ‘I’m not mature enough’?” because if she’s already bringing it up then I would want to know what does she mean. If you don’t want to confront, then you just be like “yeah fine, whatever” I would say “okay yeah, if you think so, I can’t change that so I guess let’s just see someone else.” So I wouldn’t over pursue that woman because she’s clearly not too much into you and she says she doesn’t want to waste her time. She doesn’t want to waste your time. So I would respect that and I wouldn’t be more needy than you probably already are because she feels like you’re not mature enough.

So there must be something going on here that makes her feel that maybe you are too clingy because you’re 19. Maybe it’s your first relationship and so you don’t really know yet how to deal with all of this. Plus, she’s a stewardess, so even though we have covid right now, travel is slowly going back up. So who knows. Maybe she is out of the country quite often despite everything that’s happening with covid and then you’re being clingy and messaging her too much, and she can’t go on with her life. Maybe she wants to go sightseeing. I don’t know what stewardesses really do. I guess they do a lot of sightseeing when they land, so maybe you are just taking up too much of her time. I don’t know.

So he then says: “She wants to find someone who will take care of her. We were together that night and it sorta ended painfully for both of us. The next day I thought I could move on but I really couldn’t, so I wanted her back and asked her for another chance and she agreed to see me and things were fine between us again.

So this is too soon. She literally just broke up with you and then the next day you’re like “hey, hey, hey, hey, let’s try it again! Give me another chance! Please, please, please!” She probably is only meeting up because she feels bad and she’s like “yeah, maybe I should give it another try. Maybe I’m not fair enough. Maybe he’s not that bad.” But she’s basically already out of this relationship and you are just prolonging what’s meant to happen. So what I would do is just, yeah, respect the decision and she has to make up her own mind if she wants to be with you. And putting more insecurity and pressure on her when she already doesn’t want to be with you does not solve the situation.

So he then says: “Then came the third month which I walked away from her once because she said something that really pissed me off, but I was that tired that day and I didn’t want to hear what she said to me. I only walked away for two minutes and then proceeded back to her and apologized and she didn’t say anything back and was cross with me. She would have to work for 12 days straight so I didn’t want to leave it like that and sorted it out. Now, some history about her was that her ex was 18 years older than her and she was with him for two years and said that they loved each other a lot but it didn’t work out or something because she moved back to her original country.

So that tells me now I know what stewardesses do when they are in another country. They’re dating. So she probably met this guy in another country. Probably the country where she flies to all the time and so she started dating him there and then they became a couple. It was kind of long-distance, but obviously, she’s 50:50 probably in one city, 50:50 in the other city. So it’s kind of… you can make it work, I’m assuming. It’s not the easiest way but it’s doable. I’ve also met long-distance couples. One of my friends had a stewardess boyfriend before. I’m not friends with her anymore but he rarely saw her, so depends on the person, I guess.

But so she’s dating people when she’s on the other side of the globe, basically, and they loved each other a lot and well, whenever she’s gone, things are not working out with you, so maybe she’s seeing her old boyfriend again, or maybe she’s just dating other people in general. So maybe it’s not even that age so much. Sure, maybe that adds to it, maybe you are not mature enough for her, but it’s probably also just that she has other options. That’s probably the reality of the situation.

He then says: “So after two days she came back and she didn’t even call me or anything, which usually would be the moment her flight had landed. So I called her and she didn’t feel like talking to me or wanting to see me and said that I’m clingy and that she wants to spend time with family and friends as well when she is not working.

So that’s kind of what I expected. I think being a stewardess is quite stressful. You’re on that flight, depends, up to 14 hours, you have to be there and service all these people, probably also have to sometimes serve assholes or troublemakers, so you really want to have your peace and quiet after that flight, I’m assuming. And so you want to obviously be with someone who makes you happy and typically you want to be that person where she goes to and just feels relieved to be with you, right?

Have you ever had a lot of stress at work and you’re just so happy to come home from work and see your girlfriend? That’s how she has to feel about you. But right now she actually feels the opposite. She’s like “I just want to talk to my family or avoid him” so it’s not in a great place and then she tells you you’re clingy, so that’s just making things much, much worse. So you’re pushing too much here and that’s not really resolving the situation. You’re not making it better, basically.

So then he says: “And then she broke up with me, giving me all sorts of excuses, but no solid reason. She said she didn’t want to hurt me and that if she really loved someone then her feelings would not be on and off, but with me they kept on going on and off.

So that’s not some sort of excuse. That’s exactly what she means and that’s exactly what she’s feeling. And I have the feeling that’s exactly what’s going on. She’s being true to you. What are you looking for for an excuse? Are you looking for some mathematical formula that explains why she’s not into you? She’s literally telling you this here, she doesn’t want to hurt you and she feels that she’s not into you enough. If she really loved you then she would have more feelings and it wouldn’t be on and off. That’s just what it is. She probably doesn’t understand why it is, fully. You’re probably being too needy, clingy, and always demanding her attention, and that’s really the core of the whole reason and that is basically what is causing it. And the symptoms of her not having enough feelings for you, obviously, that is coming from your behavior, right? So she can’t articulate it hundred percent. that’s what’s going on.

So he then says: “It was really painful for me and she didn’t seem to care much about it and asked me to forget her and move on, etc. I asked for another chance and she said no more chances. That it’s really over.

So you’re being really beta here. It’s kind of, uh yuck like “come on! Just have some self-respect. I broke up with you.” Now, I stopped counting. I lost track. Did you break up like three times now at least? So you know, at some point you have to be like “okay she really doesn’t like me so why am I doing this? I should value myself” and you should see yourself as a high-value man. That’s why I titled this video “high value man never chase women” You probably don’t respect yourself enough.

She’s like the only option on this planet that you have. This woman is literally often on the other side of the planet and you think that she’s your only option, I’m assuming. So that probably reflects in your behavior and that’s just not a great way to go with women. So you know she’s just kind of getting over this. Now she just doesn’t want one more moment of you chasing, and chasing, give me one more chance, please, and if you’ve ever been annoyed by someone and then they keep on messaging you, you know how that feels. And it’s even worse with relationships.

So he then says…Oh gosh, I can’t… it’s hard for me to continue reading because it gets worse and worse. So he says: “I asked to see her the next day and talk about her face-to-face. She refused to do so, so I said I wanted to give her something. So she said to throw it away or leave it in her mailbox but I couldn’t see her.

So she’s like “come on, I don’t want to see your stuff. I told you it’s over. Get over it.

He says: “I messaged her and asked her to see me again the next day and that we would finish this face-to-face like adults. She then replied that she doesn’t know what’s the difference between face-to-face or on the phone. That is is over.

Here it comes!

To accept it like an adult and not like kids begging for toys.

She knows what’s going on. You’re saying let’s finish this face-to-face like adults. Well, no, you’re not being an adult because you’re not accepting reality. You don’t want to accept the truth of the situation and you just can’t accept that she’s not into you. So let it go, man. If you are really an adult, face the consequence of your actions. You’re being too needy. That’s turning her off. Move on. Maybe she comes back in the future and you try to be less needy and clingy, but right now it’s not working. So there is nothing to resolve like adults. She told you how she feels. That is an adult way to go about it. She doesn’t have feelings for you, she was quite transparent about this. She told you what she thinks and it’s not nice, obviously, but she was an adult about it and she told you how she feels, and everything here should be resolved. The only thing that is not resolved are your feelings because you don’t want to let go.

So he then says: “She says she also said in the message that’s why she will never fall in love with me and to stop bothering her and forcing her to see me because it’s annoying. She also said that the more I do this, the more she thinks she’s right to leave me. And then she said at the end of the message ‘please act cool’“.

So you can tell this woman’s lost all her patience. She’s just like “okay come on dude, please just leave me alone. You’re just making this worse, and worse, and worse, and worse.” She actually liked you. You were five years younger than her. You got her number at that bar, so she was really into you but over time you just turned her off more and more and at this point, she’s just like “Ah I want to vomit. This is too much. This guy is really insecure. Please just leave me alone.” And she was dating this guy who was 18 years older than her so that guy is probably acting much cooler.

That obviously didn’t work out with them for some reason but he probably isn’t acting like that, right? So something to keep in mind. And there could also be other guys. If she’s in the other country, maybe she meets some hot dude. I still remember this one guy that I met once in the philippines when I was still shy and he would just hit on every stewardess in the plane. Some men are really, really confident and they just don’t give a sh. They just want to have fun and if she meets someone like that and she’s into that, she’s probably gonna go for that kind of person.

So then he says… it’s so cringy at this point! He says: “I called her after getting the message and said that I was not begging or anything. That I just wanted to clear things up.

Yes, you’re begging. And things have been cleared up already. She told you “leave me alone. I don’t want to be with you.” and you don’t accept it. That’s begging.

So he says: “She said ‘yes, you are begging’ and I asked if it’s really over and she said OVER in big caps, all caps. I said okay bye and hung up.

So you even called her. Imagine someone is just continuously annoying you and then that person even calls you. You just can’t be left alone by that person. It’s not nice.

So he says “the night that we broke up her Facebook relationship status changed and I commented that I never expected this from her and hoped that she would reconsider what she was doing. So the next day she removed me from Facebook.

Yeah I mean, come on, it’s like, dude, don’t be so pathetic! Like “how dare you do this to me.

Dude, she doesn’t owe you anything. She told you multiple times she doesn’t want to be with you. You keep on insisting on making it happen and you’re basically a stalker almost at this point. You know it’s very insecure and she’s just turned off. These are the kind of men that women run away from, that they’re scared from. Some women get hit on all the time by the weirdest creeps in public and I would actually go as far as saying that someone who acts like you, whom they’re close to, turns them off to the same extent. You just want to run from that person, because you don’t feel safe around them, and if a woman doesn’t have trust for you, she will never discover her lust. So it’s simple as that. You’re just making things worse, and worse, and pushing her further, and further away. And now she literally removed you from her Facebook. There you go.

So he then says: “I was pretty torn and in pain and I still am and I just want to know how could I get her back and if that’s never going to happen? That same day I went back home and checked IG and she was still online and didn’t block me on IG, even though during the breakup she said that she would cut off all contact. Facebook, IG, phone, etc and another small detail is that whenever she loses these feelings it’s around the same time of the month. About a week or so before her period. So could this have to do anything with it?

Maybe, but you’re just really reading into this. I mean sure, women are moodier during their period. They can be impulsive. But she’s just done with you. This is just your pattern of how you’re acting. Maybe your pattern of how… Maybe she is more impulsive, or moody, or whatever, during her period, or before her period. Could be and then maybe you respond to that negatively and become needy and insecure and that just makes things worse. I don’t know but I think it’s more about your response and how you talk to her and how you turn her off continuously. The fact that she hasn’t removed you from Instagram, maybe she just doesn’t think she needs to.

Maybe she’s just like “yeah whatever” Maybe she forgot about it literally, quite frankly, because she’s just not that into you so who knows, maybe she’s keeping things open as well. Could be. But I wouldn’t assume that that is the case. I think it’s not likely. Maybe she just literally forgot to remove you because she’s quite annoyed with you, but you haven’t reached complete stalker level yet, so she doesn’t need to remove you everywhere. She’s just like “yeah uh okay let me just remove him from Facebook because he messages me all the time over there and maybe that sends the message and he gets it.” Maybe that’s what she’s hoping.

So he then says: “She also told me that she still loves her ex even though before she told me that she used to love him. Could she be lying to me or does she want some distance or what am I supposed to do?

Maybe she still loves her ex. Maybe not. Very, very likely. They’ve been dating for I think was it two years? He’s quite old, he’s probably a total player and he knows what he’s doing. So maybe she still loves him, maybe not. Who knows? But maybe she also is realizing “hey you are quite insecure, maybe I should give it another shot with my other ex” where it didn’t work out. So who knows but I don’t think this is an excuse or anything like that.

So then he wraps it up: “I really don’t understand any of it, so please help me out a little here. Another female friend suggested that I drop off her picture…

That, oh my God, that’s such a bad advice!

Another female friend suggested that I drop off her picture that she wanted back in her mailbox and that this might touch her or give me another chance to talk to her. I need help desperately.

So I wouldn’t give her back her stuff. Whatever, this woman doesn’t value you. Value yourself, man. Just walk away from this and if apparently, she wanted this picture back before then keep it because that’s an excuse for her to message you and say “hey I wanted that picture.” I don’t know what that picture is and what the reason is but it’s it’s a good reason for her to have a bullshshit excuse to message you. Because that stage that you’re in right now and the way that you turned her off, I think it’s very unlikely that she really cares about this picture. Maybe it’s a picture with the two of you, or her. If you would be really annoyed with a person you wouldn’t care less about some random picture even though maybe it’s a nice picture.

Like whatever, the risk of being turned off by that person again is much higher than getting that picture back so… Wanting that picture back… she wants to avoid having another episode with you and she doesn’t want the picture as much as wanting to avoid you. So that’s my final take on how I see this. You need to stop being needy. You need to stop chasing a woman if a woman doesn’t want to be with you then let her and maybe she changes her mind after a while, because maybe she dated some stupid pigs or men who just don’t know how to lead a relationship properly, or who are always having drama. And all that stuff.

And right now you are the drama queen so you’re the obvious choice of man that she wants to stay away from. So you instead have to be the choice that is logical to be with but that’s not who you are right now. So get back to focusing on yourself. You’re 19 years old. There’s so many things that you still have to discover with your life, and who you want to be, what you want to do. I don’t know about you. Maybe you’re just getting into college or starting a job. Discover your passions, your purpose, the things that really are fun, maybe some sport, find your tribe, the group of people that you’re passionate about, a certain subject, or topic, sport and interest.

And just kick ass in life because that’s what will draw a woman like her to you. The other guy who’s 18 years older than her, he probably has a good career. Maybe he has his own business. He has a lot of friends. He goes out and just has fun and whatnot. He knows what he wants and that’s probably why she’s more attracted to that man or any other man compared to you. It’s not an age thing. It’s more a matter of your passion and your purpose and how you show up in life, and so obviously because you’re young, you still have a lot of things to learn in that area and so you want to discover yourself. Stop chasing this woman. Become a high value man and never chase a woman.

Like I said: High value men never chase women.

So that’s my final take. Let me know in the comments what you think. Do you agree with this take? Or maybe you don’t. If you like this, of course, give me thumbs up or subscribe to my channel, and if this was very helpful and you need more help, here are a few ways how you can get some help from me. So number one is you can get my book “Unleash The King Within” from Amazon and I talk a lot about these insecurities that you have. I had a lot of those when I was younger and I had to unleash the king within me. And I can tell right now you don’t see the king within yourself. So that might be helpful for you. You can also enroll in my “Confidence King” training program or my “Financial Freedom King ” training program to just feel more confident, build social status, make more money, feel better about yourself, or of course, you can always book a coaching session with me. And with that I will see all of you kings in the next video.

Brauchst Du mehr Hilfe?

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Wenn Du Dir Coaching-Sitzungen nicht leisten kannst, mein Buch Unleash The King Within oder mein Trainingsprogramm Selbstvertrauen-König sind großartige Selbsthilfe-Tools, mit denen Du Dein Privatleben und Deine Dating-Erfahrungen verbessern kannst.

Hallo, ich bin Andy Graziosi. Ich helfe Männern ihr Selbstvertrauen zu entfalten und ihr volles Potenzial auszuschöpfen. Meine wissenschaftlich fundierte Philosophie lautet: „Der König ist bereits ein Gewinner.“ — Erstaunliche Frauen fühlen sich bereits zu dir hingezogen. Alles, was ein König tun muss, ist diese Anziehungskraft zu seinem Vorteil zu nutzen.

Du kannst mit Deiner Traumfrau ausgehen. Ich helfe Dir ein starkes männliches Gerüst zu entwickeln und aufrechtzuerhalten. Dies hilft Dir Deine Dating-Unsicherheiten zu überwinden & eine Macht zu werden, auf die man zählen kann.

Wenn Du Hilfe benötigst, kannst Du Dich gerne an mich wenden.

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Der Schlüssel hier ist der Mentalitätswandel, den dieses Buch ermöglichen wird. Es ist eine neue Perspektive, die klarstellt und Dir hilft, den König in Dir zu sehen, der immer von Frauen umgeben ist, die mit Dir zusammen sein wollen.

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