Hypergamy: How to live a hypergamous life & dating out of your league? [Dating Up VS Dating Down]

Oct 31, 2021 | Dating & Attraction

Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.

In this dating advice, we’ll talk about dating incredible women. Women of high status, good looks, good career, good ambitions, intelligent, smart, all the good stuff that you want. If you’ve never heard of the term hypergamy, you are probably wondering what in the world is that? It sounds like a disease. It’s not a disease.

First of all, let me give you a description of what hypergamy is. I have some good Wikipedia descriptions and so on so: “Hypergamy in short means marriage into an equal or higher caste or social group.” Or “hypergamy colloquially referred to as marrying up is a term used in social science for the art or practice of a person (typically a woman) marrying a spouse of higher caste or social status than themselves” and then we have the opposite. So hypergamy is you marry up you. Marry someone who has higher social status than you. And then the opposite is “the antonym hypogamy, which refers to the inverse. Marrying a person of lower social class or status, colloquially called marrying down.” Or dating down.

And so women always date up, obviously. They want someone, they want the man who can provide for them. So that’s why they go for looks, money, status. I’m sure you’ve heard this over and over. This is what women go for. They want to date a man who makes them feel safe. Someone whom they can trust. Because that the kind of, that’s the kind of man with whom they can have children. It makes sense. This is why for men it matters so much to focus on your skills because these are the things that sell with women. Your skills. Your potential. This is what sells. And so a lot of men make the opposite, make the mistake, that they unfortunately always date down.

Obviously, if you are a man, you should only be dating women that are of higher social status, or at least of the same social status. So you want to date a woman that is super hot. A woman who has a good career. That has her shit together, instead of dating an average woman that doesn’t inspire you. But most men always date down, or date an average woman because they think that the hot woman is out of their league. So men should date up in terms of looks. Maybe not necessarily social status, in terms of circle of friends. Well, that one is good. Money, not so important because you as a man are a provider. But typically, you should be dating up. But most men don’t do this. I have a scenario here of a man who is not doing that. Well, he made an attempt for the first time, or for at least once, but he thinks this woman is out of his league and then he basically gives up. So one thing that you need to understand with dating and dating up is rome wasn’t built in a day. And you as a man haven’t been built in a day as well. A lot of women will just date a man just for his potential. And just for how they perceive you to be your social status, your money, your skills.

So if you are 25, for example, obviously, you’re not going to have that much social status. You’re not going to be that self-developed yet. There’s a lot of stuff that you still need to learn. A lot of mistakes that you need to make. How to make a living. How to be your own boss. How to make a lot of money. How to get a promotion. How to get the money that you deserve for the work that you do. There’s a lot of things that you still need to learn at the age of 25, 26, 27, some people need even longer, until 30, 35. Obviously, the faster you are at this, the better. But women understand that rome wasn’t built in a day and they can recognize when a man has potential and most women will date the man just for his potential because well, let’s face it: There are not that many great men out of high status. You probably sometimes see a lot of these red pill coaches that teach you do the work and be fucking awesome and that is true. But, obviously, there’s only a tiny, tiny fraction of men that are really hyper-successful. So you have to have realistic expectations.

Now, with all of that out of the way let’s get into the situation of this guy. You have to understand that you can date the woman that you think that is out of your league, because there’s potential within you. As soon as, you as long as you keep moving forward with your potential, as long as you keep on working on yourself, you can have any woman that you want even, if you’re not fucking rich, yet. You can date the perfect fucking awesome woman that you want to date. Now let’s get into this. This was a bit of a long intro. I just had to mention a few things here. All right.

He says: “Hey coach, I need your advice on my dating problems. I want to date higher quality women but I am stuck with attracting women who are only average, to good looking. And often their lifestyles just aren’t that exciting. I never date any women that are crazy hot and blow my mind.

It must probably be something that’s related to your mind. If they don’t blow your mind, it probably has something to do with your mindset. I can give you an analogy. So I’ve been living in the Philippines for five years right now. I’m in Germany because of covid but I’ve been living in the Philippines for five years and maybe a few weeks, months ago, someone made a comment on one of my videos asking me “are you just living in the Philippines because you have higher social status there and it’s easier to date women there?” and that’s a very big misconception about the Philippines.

For example, in the Philippines, or in most Southeast Asian countries, corruption is crazy and the wealth gap is just huge. There’s like a few people in the middle class, most people are poor and then there’s this ridiculous small fraction of really fucking rich people. Everyone who has high social status in the Philippines for example, most of them have parents who are millionaires, billionaires. It’s just crazy! And so what I learned from living in the Philippines is… I am now close to being a millionaire but when I was still new in the Philippines, I was very, very fucking far from that. But I learned that a lot of it is just about being in the right crowd. In the right mindset. And believing that you deserve to have that kind of woman.

Because well, let’s face it: For example, if you would be living in the Philippines and you would want a woman like that, who is so fucking rich that you could never reach it, well then you would probably never date her, because it’s just that kind of money is absolutely unfucking attainable. But these women will still date men that are not having that much money because they are realistic. It’s just not possible. But they also just care about are you afraid of her, for example. So are you afraid of her social status? Are you willing to climb the ladder? Just like a woman wants the best men for herself, she will go for the best man, she also wants to be with a man who’s willing to go for the best woman. So might be a mindset problem.

He then says: “I tried to date some of those highly desired women before. Mainly, I matched with a few really sexy influencers on happn and Tinder and they seem to have a really good life judging from their Instagram but I can never get them to go out with me. They reject me all the time and it makes me feel like these women are just out of my league. Most of the time, I only meet women who really are nice and look okay, but they pale in comparison to really hot women. I often feel that there’s something missing with them but at the same time I just can’t figure out how to get the attention of women who are out of my league.

Again, as I said: There’s nobody who’s really out of your league, as long as your mindset is confident and you think “I deserve this woman,” you can have this woman. Now you’re saying here “I managed to date really sexy influencers and they seem to have a really good life judging from their Instagram.” Maybe, who knows. I’ve dated a lot of influencer girls who are super smoking hot and they don’t have that great of a life as you might think. They have very busy lives. Preparing all of that content is quite stressful. It’s not that great. But whatever, so you’re probably having the wrong perception about these women. You’re putting them on a pedestal. Even people who have a lot of money have problems.

I once met this woman on the beach, on an island, Siargao, in the Philippines, that’s where a lot of rich people hang out and live and she had her own business. She was doing really well for the Philippines. She had a lot of problems. So she was not willing to move to the island because she had a lot of issues in the city with her employees. Even people who are doing well have problems and aren’t perfect. So don’t put any woman on a pedestal, no matter how great she seems because no human is perfect. We are all flawed and you shouldn’t think that any woman is too perfect for you. That’s a wrong mindset. No woman is out of your league.

So he then says: “To give you an example: A few weeks ago, me and my family went to Cancun for a family reunion. Afterward, some friends and I went down to Tulum to party. We went out for drinks in this really fancy bar. Everything looked super expensive and the interior was super chic, as if only the creme de la creme would come here. There were a few really, really attractive women in the bar but also a lot of women who looked cute. Definitely not as hot as the sexiest women in the room.

Yeah, so obviously, if you hang out in the right places, you’re gonna run into really hot women. So that’s what I meant earlier with when I was living in the Philippines. You have to be in the same social circles where these really hot women, and these high social status women hang out. So you hang out in entrepreneur groups for example, this is where a lot of smart and ambitious women hang out, right? And in the Philippines, a lot of these women hang out there because they just have good social status to begin with and then they run their own businesses.

And if you hang out in these circles you make a lot of great friends and these friends will introduce you to a lot of hot women, or you will meet a lot of hot women in these circles. That’s the exact right thing to do. If you want to meet a woman out of your league and want to date her, good choice go to a bar that is very high class, or portrays to be very high class. So Tulum I think is a very hipster place, I believe. Isn’t that where nomads go? Maybe. I’ve never been there but it looks kind of nice the villas there. So must be a good place to meet hot and high social status women.

He then says: “I have to admit: I’m really not good at this… Talking to women or cold approaching them. So my friends and I just kind of had some drinks at the bar and iterated between hanging near the bar and walking around a bit to check out the girls. It usually takes me a lot of courage to talk to any kind of girl but I guess after a few drinks I finally found the courage to walk up to a girl and start a conversation. I walked over to this really tight girl with one of her friends. She was wearing an amazing dress and I started the conversation by asking ‘Hey, I’m Nik, what are you up to?’ to which they replied: ‘Just hanging out.’…

So good for you for having the balls to walk over to a really hot woman. If you’ve been walking around with your friends that provides social proof and I wouldn’t be walking around and scanning the women. Just walk around. Have fun and maybe you’ve heard of this trick where you just basically do a bit of a cheers with someone to say “Hi and just hey let’s have a drink! Have a good time!” and you might not even talk to them. You just basically introduce yourself without showing interest. So if you’re with your friends already, that’s perfect time to just start talking to women, but you also found the courage to talk to this woman by yourself. Good job!

What are you up to might not be the best opener but it does work if the woman is into you. Then she doesn’t really give a shit how you introduce yourself. You could literally just start with “Hi I’m Andy. Hi I’m Nik” and that would be enough. So good for you. Maybe you could have asked her some cheeky question like… I like to tease women. So for example, if I think that a woman looks kind of nerdy deep down, I will ask her what kind of job she has or I make an assumption what kind of job she has. So for example “You really look kind of nerdy. You must be a teacher.” or something like that but yeah it worked.

So he then says: “I tried to get the conversation going and ask her some questions. For example, I asked her what she does for a living. She said that she owns an art gallery and that she also helps out with her father’s business, which really excited me since I am a creative person as well, and I expected that we would have a lot of things to talk about. But our conversations stagnated really quickly. I’m really not good at coming up with conversation topics. She asked me a bit about myself as well, like what I do but I guess my life is kind of conventional. I work 9-5 and don’t have many hobbies. So I don’t know how to keep her entertained. Eventually, she told me that she was going to meet one of her friends that she just saw.

Well, if she’s an art gallery owner, she must care about art and you are a creative. I don’t know if you’re an actual artist or just creative in general, there’s so many different creative fields, but you can appreciate the arts, and creativity, and expression. Forms of expression. So you should have a lot of topics to talk about. I mean if she’s into art, I am a creative, I guess in a way. I used to be a designer many, many years ago. I’m not that creative anymore but deep down I like to think and come up with new ideas. Yeah, I would just ask her about her art. And I would maybe make some cheeky comments about the kind of art that she has and maybe make some controversial statements about what you think about art. Not necessarily agreeing with everything that she says. There’s so many topics that you could talk about. Just about an art gallery, and her life, and what it’s like, and what she thinks about certain types of art, or things that you’ve seen online. I mean there’s so many creative stuff that you’re probably consuming on Instagram, and Facebook, and so on.

And now there’s a lot of conversation topics that you should be coming up with, but you’re probably too concerned about coming up with the perfect thing to say. And there’s no perfect thing to say. Just talk about whatever. What you like. If you are a creative guy then talk about whatever creative shit that you like. It doesn’t matter. And then she will talk about whatever creative shit that she likes. And then you could say “yeah you could show me your art gallery sometime” and you know, good sex happens at art galleries, and real estate places, where showrooms are. You should give it a try. So also one of your problems here is you you say that your life is conventional and you work 9-5 and you don’t have many hobbies. That is kind of your problem. I’m not saying a 9-5 job is bad, but you should keep your life exciting. And it sounds that you think that your 9-5 job or life is not that interesting. So make your life more interesting. Have some hobbies.

I mean, if you’re creative. What would be your hobby? Going to art galleries, for example? It wouldn’t be the most exciting thing for me, or going to museums, this kind of stuff doesn’t excite me. Some people find it exciting. Maybe it’s your thing and you will probably run into a lot of hot women there. And aside from that, what are other things that you can do to build up your social status, and make more money, and do something more exciting with your life? One of the reasons why I’m doing coaching… Okay, one of the reasons why is I want to help men because I used to be really fucked up and I didn’t know what I was doing. And I had a lot of pain in my life and I want to help a lot of men to avoid the same pain that I had to go through. But also, I want to make good living. I want to make decent money and I want to make the money in a way that gives me freedom, social status. That’s my social status. It’s my definition of social status. Freedom. Working from wherever I want to. That’s how I’m designing my life. How do you want to design your life? What’s important to you? Do something that excites you that makes your fire burn inside because that’s what a woman wants.

She wants to be with a man who’s passionate. What I mentioned at the beginning of the video. It’s not so much about who you are right now. Yes, that is important. A woman wants to be with a man who has good social status. You have decent social status, sort of. You have a stable job. It’s not a bad thing but you can still aim higher. I’m not saying that you need to be a millionaire or a billionaire, or have 10 million dollars in your bank account. It doesn’t matter. Just do something that excites you that makes a decent income and focus on who you want to develop yourself into. Unleash the king within! What kind of king do you want to be? This is the kind of man that the woman of your dreams is going to love about you. So if you run into this kind of woman and you’re both kind of on the same wavelength of creativity, art expression, you know, then half of the deal is already sealed.

You just need to excite her with your life. With who you are. And find a new hobby. If you don’t have that many hobbies, why don’t you have more hobbies? Do something that excites you, that really is fun for you. I love to play the guitar. That is my creative way of how I express myself and I love it and the chicks love it. Filipinas love it when I play Filipino love songs. They’ll go crazy for that shit. So do something that women love and that you love. And that you both love about each other.

He then says: “I felt bummed out and went back to my friends. They told me not to worry about it and that it’s her loss. We continued drinking and eventually, I met this other girl and we ended up hooking up. She definitely wasn’t as hot as the other woman but not ugly either. We had a one-night stand and afterward I got her number and texted her the next day. Somehow she seems a bit clingy and keeps on texting me way too much. Also, after going on a few more dates with her she seems really unambitious. I feel bad for being so judgmental but she really bores me.

Why does she bore you? Because you’re basically dating down. This woman is needy, clingy, she doesn’t have her shit together. Maybe she’s insecure with her job and so that’s why when she meets someone like you, who actually is not that bad, you are a catch, you have a decent job. Probably, 9-5 job in creative industry maybe it’s pays well, I don’t know. And she thinks that you’re a nice guy. So for her, it’s dating up, for you it’s dating down. That’s why you’re bored. That’s why the other girl was also bored in the bar in Tulum because she thinks that you don’t have what it takes to excite her, to give her security. Same way how you’re not excited or think that this woman is going to blow your brains out or make you happy, because she’s already fucking clingy. So you don’t like it. Dating down sucks! Who wants to date down? Nobody!

So he then says: “I’m a little bit turned off by her and keep on wondering why it is that women like her go crazy for me but all of these stunning women just couldn’t care less about me? I feel like they simply are out of my league. No matter what I do, I have no chance to date them because they are always either taken, being approached by other really confident men, or they simply lose interest in me very quickly. I don’t want to be one of those guys who stays complacent and dates a woman he doesn’t want to wake up next to in the morning. This girl that I hooked up with is okay, but she definitely is becoming unattractive with her neediness and especially because she’s maybe a 6/10 on a scale of unattractive to how attractive she is. I don’t know what to do. Your advice would be very much appreciated.

Well, you made a good step. You talked to this really hot woman. It didn’t work out but the thing is: Those who repeat succeed. And that is for career, social status, elevating your social status, more money, looks, status. And you have to keep trying. So I don’t know how often you’ve tried to talk to a woman like this who really turns you on. A total bombshell 10 out of 10. Your dream woman. If you would wake up next to her you would be like holy fucking shit I’m gonna fuck the shit out of you because I can’t believe that I’m waking up next to you! It’s just so fucking amazing once you start waking up next to these kind of women, that when you were in your 20s, you wouldn’t even think of dating. Ah man, life is fucking good. You have to normalize and do this more often. If you do this the first time, you’re naturally probably gonna screw up.

The problem is really just your mindset. You have to try and try it more often until you realize, well even these really hot women, they are not perfect. They’re not that amazing. And I can date them. And just by hanging out with new crowds, you’re also going to elevate your social status. So if you try to date these women like this girl, she owns her own art gallery, and she had a business with her dad, kind of, right? So she’s a go-getter. She hangs out with cool people, I would assume, right? So all you have to do is just hang out with these women and you’re going to meet more people like that and eventually, you’re going to run into the right moment where it just works out and man it’s gonna be fucking amazing!

So that would be my advice for you and I think that’s how I’m gonna wrap it up because I have a feeling this video is very long already. Yeah, it’s okay but I’m gonna wrap it up. So don’t forget to unleash the king within. Let me know what you think. Give me a thumbs up, of course, if you liked the video and subscribe. And of course, you can also get some more help from me. So first of all, you can get my book “Unleash The King Within” and I’ve been talking so much give me a second here… The title here says it all. It’s about mindset. Unleashing the king within and seeing your worth, so that you can date a woman out of your league. Because no woman is out of your league once you believe that you deserve her.

Once you see yourself as a king. That’s when you get your queen. You can also enroll in my training programs “Confidence King” and “Financial Freedom King“. Financial Freedom King primarily helps you to make more money through cryptocurrency trading. And of course, you can always book a coaching session with me. And with that, I will see all of your kings in the next video. Again, I’m Andy Graziosi, helping you unleash your confidence and become the man that your dream woman loves. Never forget to unleash the king within. I’ll see all of you kings.

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Wenn Du Dir Coaching-Sitzungen nicht leisten kannst, mein Buch Unleash The King Within oder mein Trainingsprogramm Selbstvertrauen-König sind großartige Selbsthilfe-Tools, mit denen Du Dein Privatleben und Deine Dating-Erfahrungen verbessern kannst.

Hallo, ich bin Andy Graziosi. Ich helfe Männern ihr Selbstvertrauen zu entfalten und ihr volles Potenzial auszuschöpfen. Meine wissenschaftlich fundierte Philosophie lautet: „Der König ist bereits ein Gewinner.“ — Erstaunliche Frauen fühlen sich bereits zu dir hingezogen. Alles, was ein König tun muss, ist diese Anziehungskraft zu seinem Vorteil zu nutzen.

Du kannst mit Deiner Traumfrau ausgehen. Ich helfe Dir ein starkes männliches Gerüst zu entwickeln und aufrechtzuerhalten. Dies hilft Dir Deine Dating-Unsicherheiten zu überwinden & eine Macht zu werden, auf die man zählen kann.

Wenn Du Hilfe benötigst, kannst Du Dich gerne an mich wenden.

Abonniere Meine Relevantesten Blog-Artikel

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Der Schlüssel hier ist der Mentalitätswandel, den dieses Buch ermöglichen wird. Es ist eine neue Perspektive, die klarstellt und Dir hilft, den König in Dir zu sehen, der immer von Frauen umgeben ist, die mit Dir zusammen sein wollen.

Sobald Du diese neue Denkweise hast, fängst Du buchstäblich an, atemberaubende Frauen überall anzuziehen, ohne einen Finger rühren zu müssen.

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