I can’t get her out of my head. Oneitis… Help!

Aug 23, 2021 | Dating & Attraction

Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.

Hi, I’m Coach Andy Graziosi and I help you unleash your confidence and become the man women love. Stay a while and listen. Today we have a great video. It’s a pretty short one by a guy that I assume is rather young, and he just met a girl recently, and he is head over heels into her, and he doesn’t know what he should do.

So let’s look at the situation. He is saying: “Hi Andy, I met a girl for the first time this weekend at a friend’s birthday party. As soon as she walked into the house we were staying at, I was immediately attracted to her. I instantly went over, introduced myself, and began talking and flirting.

So that’s a good one. You really took charge here. That’s awesome! You did all the right things here. As soon as you noticed “Wow she’s hot! I want you.” You walked over there. Obviously, you should always pay attention to whether she’s also into you because there’s no point in walking over to a girl who just doesn’t seem attracted to you at all. That’s important, but you really took charge.

You were a man. You showed her “Hey I want you” and that was a good step!

So he says: “We talked all night and this alcohol came into play and nerves were settled. We flirted even more for the entire night, so we were having a good time.


I felt like the connection with this girl that I just met was incredible. Something I had never experienced before as the conversations we shared were so genuine and we had so much in common. As the night went on, we got more intimate through kissing and then making out.

So you can hear he feels like he’s never experienced something like this before. So he must be pretty young because otherwise what are the odds that you never have experienced something like this ever? There’s a lot of great women out there in the world, so he probably must be on the young side. He doesn’t mention his age but obviously, that’s why he’s giving this situation a lot of attention. He’s really into this girl and everything that he felt with her is amazing. That’s why he’s thinking about her & why he’s looking for help.

Now he says: “I loved everything about her. From her looks, to her voice, to the common interests we shared. Towards the end of the night, we shared a joint together outside and it was such a romantic moment considering I just met this woman.

So.. wonderful! You shared a joint and that is your experience of the most romantic thing you could experience. It’s hilarious, dude! He says:

The moon was shining bright on us and she stared into my eyes as she stroked my face.

This guy is clearly a bit of a romantic and maybe the joint also helped him here with being more romantic, and he was totally into her. So everything seemed perfect.

He says: “She even called me baby, which I found interesting, since we just met, but I wasn’t complaining.

Yeah, it’s a bit weird to just call someone baby right away. Obviously, you were having a joint. Maybe you were super drunk, high, whatever. You never know. Usually, I would say that’s kind of odd. That would be a bit of a red flag typically, but in a situation like this it might just be something stupid that you don’t really think about and maybe she just likes to say baby to her boyfriend as well and she just was high on her emotions. But it’s definitely something to watch out for because usually you wouldn’t call someone baby, or whatever you use in your language. So just keep an eye out for that if she purposely calls you sweet names and is extra sweet just to wrap you around her fingers.

Then he says: “After 10 minutes, we agreed to go back inside but as we did, her friends were leaving, so naturally she left with them. Everything happened so fast and I didn’t even get her number but I did find her on Instagram and added her.

Now you’re sort of turning into a stalker. There’s not 100% something wrong with that if you really had a good conversation but obviously, you would always want the girl to initiate everything. Obviously, you screwed up by not getting her number, so now chasing her could put you into a weak spot because she’s thinking “Okay this guy is putting a lot of attention into this. He is really into me.” She knows she can easily have you. That could turn her off.

Then he says “we talked a little on there and I told her what an amazing time I had with her and how I was stupid for not getting her number but I had to at least add you here to maintain a connection.

That one I wouldn’t have said that. It’s like you’re degrading yourself.

I was stupid for not getting your number.

Sure, it’s kind of the truth. That’s how you feel but I wouldn’t tell it to a girl. I would have just said “Wow it was cool talking to you, I wanted to stay in touch.“… Something like that. Don’t put yourself down because that immediately gives her a red flag that you probably don’t value yourself enough and the first thing that you say as soon as you start talking to her once you are not drunk is: “Look at what a freaking idiot I am. You are a freaking Goddess and shame on me for not getting your number.

I wouldn’t say something like that. Just “hey, it was great talking to you. I had fun last night. Stay in touch.” Something like this. Nothing that’s essentially too attached because you don’t know her that much yet so you don’t want to make her think that you are attached and well… you shouldn’t even be attached at this point!

He then says “she said how she had such a great time and we agreed that if I’m ever in her city just 2.5 hours drive, we should hang out.

So it would be long distance. Obviously, it’s a bit of a tricky situation there. You can’t really see her that often so I wouldn’t even put that much attention into it because you never know what’s gonna happen with this.

So he says: “Since all of this happened two days ago she’s all I can think about and I just keep replaying the night over and over in my head. My question is: How do I approach this for someone I just met? I would sound absolutely crazy to express my love for someone I spent the night with and I just don’t know what to do.

Yeah, you would absolutely sound crazy if you would just profess your love to her because you don’t even know her. I actually have a story in my book Unleash The King Within, where I talk about this. I met this super hot girl once one of the hottest girls I ever had sex with. I met her in Jakarta and had the same feeling. I met her at a bar and social gathering and we hooked up and I was just all over her. She was just so attractive. She was a model. Basically, the first model I ever hooked up with and I was just head over heels for her and I couldn’t forget her. The next day in the morning, I just wanted to see her again. I couldn’t focus on work at all, so I know that feeling when you just want to see that girl again, but professing your love…

Well, you don’t know that girl. You could be really into her, absolutely! You could be dying to see her again because she’s freaking hot. She’s smart. She’s flirtatious. She’s exactly what you’re looking for apparently but that doesn’t mean that you love her. You’re just really into her. So don’t take this too far.

He says: “Do I just forget it or pursue it strategically? And while I didn’t directly ask for it, she didn’t give out her number via Instagram and didn’t keep the conversation going which makes me think I should just let it go. I really don’t know how to tell her what I’m feeling without coming off as a creep. All help is greatly appreciated.

Well, so you reached out to her you had a good time and the ball is on her side now. She has to make the next move. She knows that you like her. So why would you need her number? You are already talking on Instagram. I mean, dude, you can already message each other, so if she really likes you she’s gonna talk to you again. It could be in a week, that could be in two days, that could be in a month, whatever. Once she realizes “Hey, this was really a great time that I had with this guy. Maybe I should see him again.” She’s gonna reach out and if she doesn’t feel that way and she’s not gonna do that. So what you’re asking here about “how do I profess my love for her?“… you know, slow your roll.

I always like to say “a woman who trusts discovers her lust” and also “if she can deceive she will leave” so what that means is: If a woman knows that she can manipulate you, if a woman knows that you are way too much into her she will not be into you. She will leave because women want the strongest men that they can find. They want someone who can protect them. Someone that she can trust, because once she trusts, she will discover her lust. Any man that she can trust, she will want to have sex with that guy, she’ll wanna go on dates with that guy, she will want to see this person all over, every day, every week, eventually until to the point when she wants to be in a relationship.

But obviously, imagine if you would meet someone and you don’t even know that person yet and then the person professes their love for you. You would freak out. You can’t trust that person and that’s actually exactly that story that I share in my book. So this girl that I met, she was so fucking gorgeous and she just… she blew my mind and we had sex for two or three, four nights. Three nights. I was in Jakarta for a work trip and I just could not think about anything else and then after that, after I left, I went to Bali, and then I went back to the Philippines.

She just went nuts she sent me long messages and you know because I’m sure a lot of guys hook up with her probably, but not many guys actually just leave overnight, so she was obviously very much into me but as soon as she just went way too fast, I was turned off because we always want to be with someone who challenges us. And so if you profess your love even though you don’t even know her she’ll be like “Wait a second… What’s going on?! He’s kind of a doormat, no?

Some people would call this Oneitis and maybe you’ve heard of this. One-itis, where you put too much value in one woman, or you think one woman is the one, but that’s not the case. There are many great women like I said and if it works out with her… great! You had a great time, but if it doesn’t work out, whatever! You will find another great woman. So that tells me you’re probably young because you think you’ve never met such an amazing woman and of course we always meet another woman who’s greater than the other one, but we shouldn’t be delusional about this.

So the older you get, once you’re in your 30s, or 40s, once you’ve met a really amazing woman, she is great, yes! But she’s not going to be ten times more amazing than the woman that you met two years ago. She is definitely better! She’s definitely greater in certain qualities that you want but you shouldn’t be delusional about this. So what should you do? You shouldn’t do anything at all! You should just wait. You messaged her. You have her contact. She has your contact, so you know it’s up to her to now reach out to you, set up the next date. You already said that if you are both in the same city again let’s meet up, or even if you’re not in the same city.

If she really likes you she’s gonna send you a message and she’ll say “hey I’ve been thinking about you” or maybe she would come up with some bullshit excuse, whatever… She will find a reason to reach out to you and she probably won’t be as obvious why she’s reaching out to you but if she does, she’s probably into you and that’s the moment when you should facilitate a date to happen. Make it happen and then the next time you should probably seduce her and just stay away from all the feeling stuff. Stay away from all the love. Don’t profess anything. That’s her job. She wants to pin you down because she wants to bond with you. She’s the woman. Women are more focused on bonding than men are. We’re not as relationship-driven as women, so leave it up to the woman to do all of this stuff. You just walk through the door when she opens it for you and that’s it.

So that is my final verdict. Let me know what you think in the comments. If this was helpful, smash the thumbs up button, of course, subscribe on my YouTube and also follow my other social profiles. If this is helpful and you need even more help then here are some ways how I can support you.

First of all, you can get my free couples canvas template to gain instant dating clarity or you can also just buy my book from Amazon “Unleash The King Within” to learn the mindsets needed to attract a bombshell type of womman.

You can also join our self-help group for men that I call Mentality Mondays. Every Monday, we get together for epic zoom calls and we talk about anything that’s real for us to help us become better men we also do other things we have a book club and we just talk about anything that’s relevant for men lastly of course If you want the best of my dating advice you can also buy my Confidence King training program.

Or of course, always consider booking a coaching session with me. Again, I’m Coach Andy Graziosi and I help you unleash your confidence and become the man that women love. I’ll see all of you kings in the next video. Thanks so much for watching. Until kingdom come.

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Du kannst mit Deiner Traumfrau ausgehen. Ich helfe Dir ein starkes männliches Gerüst zu entwickeln und aufrechtzuerhalten. Dies hilft Dir Deine Dating-Unsicherheiten zu überwinden & eine Macht zu werden, auf die man zählen kann.

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