I thought I had no feelings for my ex but now I want her back

Aug 23, 2021 | Breakup Advice & Get Your Ex Back, Dating & Attraction

Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.

Hey kings, stay a while and listen. I’m Andy Graziosi and I help you unleash your confidence and become the man that women love. In this video, we have a great story from a guy who could have gotten back with his ex but he screwed up and he basically was a little bit of a beta male and that’s why things didn’t work out.

So let’s look at what happened and let’s see what he should have done differently. He says:

Hi Coach, I need some quick advice on a situation I found myself in. The short version goes like this: When I was 18, my girlfriend basically moved in with me and we stayed together for pretty much the entire summer and it was an amazing experience. It sounds soppy but we were definitely in love.

It doesn’t sound soppy. It’s just what it is.

However, when we both went to university, the long distance thing put too much strain on the relationship and so we went on a break. In the end, she broke it off.

So it was essentially her decision to break things off, not the other way around. So you can see that’s probably also one of the reasons why he probably feels a bit insecure about the whole situation and he’s not sure how to approach everything.

He says: “Needless to say, I was pretty messed up.. cut up…

Whatever that means. He was messed up.

I distracted myself with uni, going out messing about, seeing a few girls here and there but on a casual basis. Nothing developed.

So I have to give you some thumbs up here. It’s really good that you kept yourself busy and instead of treating her like the one that got away and being unable to move on from her! You really got busy, you even met other girls. That’s really awesome! You should never be hung up on a girl. Even if you want to get your ex back, you will never have a chance to get your ex back if you just wait for her to come around.

It’s better to just move on with your life. Move on with more girls. Meet new girls. Hook up. Date girls. Some of them might not even work out. A lot of them might actually probably not work out but you don’t wait to be the Plan B for a girl who just comes back when something didn’t work out with someone else. If the stars align in the future, awesome! If they don’t, whatever! You can find another girl. So good job for continuing to see other girls and going on with your life. That’s a really good job.

So he then says: “You know, just live the uni experience to the fullest.

Awesome!

But the point is: I lost feelings for her. She was essentially out of my mind. We met up a couple times when we were back home. It doesn’t really help that she literally lives about five minutes away and the holidays and everything was fine. We were just mates.

So he was kind of over it. He was just having an okay time meeting her and you didn’t have any expectations and that’s really the best way how you can go about getting an ex back. Actually, don’t expect anything. Don’t be a taker. Be a giver. Because girls need to trust you if they want to be in a relationship with you.

So he then says: “So we both finish uni now and we are both 21. I am staying in Bristol while she has moved back home.

So I guess… Bristol, that must be UK if I’m not mistaken.

We met up two nights ago and it started off fine. Chatting, drinking. And the night turned into a bit of a session. And it was amazing to see her.

So there was a bit of alcohol involved and that was basically the perfect prerequisite to make things happen. But let’s see what happens.

He says: “But like a flash flood all the feelings just came flooding back and I didn’t quite know what to do about it all the time.

So now he’s starting to feel insecure, he’s remembering his feelings for her, which is normal. But he shouldn’t be controlled by them and so here’s where things will go wrong.

He says: “She invited me back to her house which made me think she wanted the same thing and we continued to drink outside.

If the girl that you’ve dated for how many years? Two years, I believe… If the girl that you’ve dated for two years invites you to her house and there’s alcohol you can expect she wants to have sex with you. She wants to get down and dirty with you. She wants to have fun. And all you have to do is walk through the door that she opened for you and make things happen. Well, so let’s see if you made things happen.

He says: “We polished off about six pints of a bottle of wine.

Not bad! Perfect. You’re all basically both ready to get started. Intoxicated, emotions are running high, feeling passionate, feeling risk-free. So that would be the perfect moment. You’re both intoxicated. Obviously, you want to make sure that you only do this as long as she’s not too intoxicated, otherwise, you know some people might say that’s rape.

I wouldn’t go that far but make sure that you don’t intoxicate an ex to the point where she can’t make sound decisions, because otherwise it wasn’t really her idea in the first place to hook up with you again or get back with you, and then when she wakes up the next morning and she’ll be like “Oh shoot! Why did I do that?! That was a bad decision.

And you don’t want it to be a bad decision for her, obviously. But I think it sounds like you were in a good state and you were ready to get things going. So he says: “Then the whole topic of us came up and it became really emotional and of course, being drunk and the romantic that I am, I said I still missed her. She was always.. she will always have a place in my mind in my heart.

This is where he went wrong now he’s starting to express all of his feelings. There’s nothing wrong with expressing your feelings but he’s the one saying “I miss you” and “you mean so much to me” and it’s really her who should say that. She invited you over already so you know she has an agenda. You don’t have to throw out your feelings onto her in the hopes that you can make things happen. No. You should just make things happen.

So he says: “She reiterated that I would always be special to her and so on but brought up the good point that three years had passed and she wants us to be friends.

Now she just wants to be friends. She just invited you to her own place for alcohol and all of a sudden she wants to be friends. Why? Because you seemed weak and needy to her. Now she doesn’t trust you. So he says: “A tear or two was shed on my part and then in turn on hers.

The question is who shed more tears? Probably you. Is that sexy? No. Women want to be able to trust a man. Once she discovers her trust she will also discover her lust. So in that moment when she saw that you’re still kind of being weak and having some weak thoughts about it, and crying, shedding a tear… She doesn’t want that. She wants a strong man who just makes it happen.

What I would have done is: You’re there. You’re ready to make out. You’re at her place. I would seduce her in a heartbeat. But you didn’t make that happen.

So he actually says: “But then after we pulled ourselves together and drank a bit more we kissed each other which really spun my head a bit and it wasn’t just a quick kiss on the lips either. I don’t need to go into the details. You get the idea. Although we didn’t sleep together.

So that’s where he went wrong. He essentially didn’t unleash the king within him. She made all of it happen for him but then he expressed his feelings, he was weak and needy, he was looking for validation essentially from her to say “Hey, I want you to and I still love you and you’ll always mean something to me.

But that’s not how it goes with women. Women don’t want to feel that they can manipulate you and in that moment when you said all of these things and were waiting for validation, she realized “Okay, I can manipulate him and if she can play it, she’ll betray it.

She won’t stay if she feels that way. She wants it to be the other way around. She wants to be the one that she can rely on. You are the strong man and you shouldn’t be able to be manipulated. You shouldn’t be manipulatable. She wants to feel that no matter what she throws at you, you’re not gonna waver.

But you wavered like crazy with throwing out your feelings and hoping that she will reciprocate, instead of just going for it and then get the reciprocation because she just can’t resist your kisses and your seduction techniques. You should have just made it happen. But instead, you were waiting for permission to make it happen. That’s what a beta male would do. We are alphas. We are kings. We just make things happen and okay, sure…

Sometimes girls don’t want us to make it happen but this girl, in particular, sounded like she wanted you to make things happen. So you should have just gone for it and she would have followed your lead. You screwed up here a little bit. He then says: “In the morning yesterday, we chatted on Facebook and she said the kiss shouldn’t have happened, she wants us to be just friends with no awkwardness.

Now you’re being friend zoned because she can tell there’s still some weakness inside of you. She was hoping that you’re strong but you’re not. So off to the friend zone you go. And she says: “I’m sorry but do girls really think that guys want to hear that?

No, of course, she knows you don’t want to hear that but she tried things out. She probably gets her emotional high from talking with you. You probably give her a lot of affection but she didn’t feel like she can trust you, to rely on you, to be your girlfriend. She wants to be with a strong man who takes care of her. But instead, it almost sounded like she will have to take care of you because you’ve been crying and you were looking for her to make you feel good about yourself. It should be the other way around. You should make a woman feel good about herself.

So he then says: “Bearing in mind there has been some sort of relationship in the past, especially a close one like ours, but I’m thinking she’s hiding her feelings. As she wants to travel around the world in a couple of months once she got her vaccination passport for Christ knows how long, or maybe it was just drunk and kissed and she’s completely over and done with me and I don’t know. All I know is that those feelings have certainly come back and I haven’t stopped thinking about her for the past two days.

I’m going traveling myself to Australia and I’m going to do what I’ve always wanted to do but I can’t help these feelings and I have no idea what to do about it. I hope you get the idea and I honestly will appreciate any advice you give.

I just want to say something here. So you’re from Bristol. You’re from the UK. So that means right now, the UK as I’m recording this video is doing pretty well with the vaccinations. Covid is going down and you have privilege right now. You can have fun. She can also have fun. You can soon go travel again. Me, I’m stuck. I’ve been trying to go home to my home country for over a year. So you have it really good and you should enjoy life. So is she hiding her feelings? No, she just exactly showed you what she meant. She wanted things to happen. You didn’t make it happen and then she was like “okay, I’m out of here. There are other guys out there. I’m gonna go…

What did she say? Traveling. “And I’m gonna find myself an alpha male. I’m gonna find myself a king, someone who’s ready to seduce me and unleash the king within when he’s right in front of me.

If you’re with a girl together in her own place, you’re both drunk, you’re already making out you, if you don’t make it happen, she’s gonna run because she will feel repelled by your weakness. She doesn’t want that. She wants a strong king. So next time… There’s a lesson for you. You’re gonna do it better. Maybe in the future things can work out again. Give it time. Eventually, she will reach out again most likely. So in the meantime, it seems like you can soon go travel as well.

Australia sounds awesome. Perfect place for surfing. Beach! Having fun. Meeting girls. Also, Australia doesn’t have much covid so you know go out, meet girls, seduce them and practice that. And you know, maybe it works out with one of those girls. Maybe it won’t but you get to practice your seduction skills and then when she comes back and she wants to give it another shot, then this time you make it happen.

And you don’t wait. You don’t try to be too patient. You don’t throw all your feelings onto her. You just seduce her. You just need to put in a few kisses and get her into bed and then just slowly, slowly with a lot of nice tension unravel her body until she’s ready and then unleash the king within. That’s it.

So that is my final verdict. Let me know in the comments what you think. If this was helpful give me a thumbs up, subscribe on my YouTube channel and follow my other social profiles. If you need even more help here are some ways how I can support you: First you can grab my couples canvas to gain instant dating clarity for free. Or you can grab my book “Unleash The King Within” from Amazon to learn more about the mindsets needed to attract a bombshell type of woman.

So if you read this book, you will know what to do in a situation like this and you will not screw it up. You can also join our men’s self-help group Mentality Mondays. Every Monday we get together on epic zoom calls to talk about what’s real for us, to help us grow and become a better man. Super awesome! If you need a great support system of men to work on your growth also on your dating goals this is the place to be.

And, of course, you can always buy my Confidence King training program to learn the best tips about dating that go far beyond this book, because this book, it’s pretty big. A relatively long book but I can’t fit everything into this book. So get my Confidence King training program and, of course, you can always book a coaching session with me.

Again, I’m Andy Graziosi and I help you unleash your confidence and become the man women love. And with that, I’ll see all of you kings in the next video. Until kingdom come.

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