Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
Interestingly enough, following the No Contact Rule bears a strange resemblance to masochism when done the wrong way. Anyone who’s accustomed to wild, passionate, and naughty sex knows that a little bit of pain can be fun and enhances intimacy. A little bit of spanking or hair-pulling definitely improves the bedroom experience if you and your girlfriend are into it. But like most things in life, moderation tends to be more enjoyable and rewarding in the long run.
If you push things too far in the bedroom, the focus is no longer on a little bit of painful pleasure, instead, you’d turn into a masochistic addict who doesn’t realize that he’s going down a dangerous rabbit hole where the boundaries have to be pushed further and further. And before you know it, what started out as a passionate form of making love, turned into a masochistic act of objectification, subjugation, and dehumanization that’s as far removed from the original intent as you ever set out to do.
My experience has taught me that No Contact produces the exact same outcome when starting the No Contact Rule with a similarly unclear expectation — such as needing to do it for exactly 30 days, 60 days, or any specific time frame for that matter. It’s a lie that you have been fed by a barrage of charlatan breakout coaches who want you to believe that a specific amount of days is necessary to re-attract your girlfriend — so you better get the secret 30-Day No Contact Formula or your ex will be gone forever! It has to be exactly 30 days, done in a very specific order, performing a very specific checklist of actions or your ex-girlfriend won’t come back! Smells like horseshit to me.
Believe me, I spent a lot of time researching breakups for my own psychology-based breakup program PhoenEx — The 3-Step Blueprint to Re-Attract an Ex. I know the science. I read dozens of studies. In fact, I probably spent at least a month having blank-page syndrome after reading the studies because I didn’t know where to even begin and how to put it all together into a training program. But eventually, one thing became clear to me: There is no precise evidence that suggests that No contact should be done for exactly 30 days.
When you start the No contact Rule with the expectation that within the next 30 days your ex girlfriend is going to come back to you, all you’re doing is slowly digging your own grave deeper and deeper when you don’t get the results that you had hoped for. You may have started no contact for the right reasons, to begin with, but just like the addicted hair-puller who performs all kinds of sexual acts that I couldn’t even mention in this video without getting censored, you will end up not even realizing how everything you’re doing is only making things worse. Each day, you count the days. Today is day 14 of No Contact. Why hasn’t my ex girlfriend reached out to me yet? It’s already been 37 days of no contact. Why is my ex girlfriend so stubborn and won’t reach out to me? And each day that you don’t hear from her…
- You hurt a little bit more because she doesn’t feel the way you do about her
- You miss her more because she’s been gone longer than you had hoped for
- You overthink more and more on why she’s not coming back despite you doing everything “just right”
When you are using the No Contact Rule with such a flawed expectation and false mindset, you are bound to failure and massive disappointment. This is why No Contact is like a form of masochism if done improperly. You inflict that pain on yourself and get hooked on it without even realizing it because you bought into the lie that after 30 days your ex girlfriend’s dumper remorse magically gets activated as if someone had just whispered the secret cipher into her ears that makes her come back. This nonsense couldn’t be further removed from the reality of how breakups actually work. Your ex-girlfriend isn’t the Winter Soldier — she has free will and while you can influence her behavior you don’t control her.
So, I got a message from a guy who’s facing exactly this conundrum. What should you do if an ex girlfriend doesn’t reach out after 30 days of no contact? Should you wait longer and can 60 days of no contact solve your problems? Let’s dissect the problem:
Stubborn Ex Back: Will No Contact Work with a Stubborn Ex Girlfriend? Is that EVEN a Thing?
Hi coach, I need special advice. I believe that I am in a very unique situation with my ex-girlfriend and I am one of those cases where no matter what, my ex just is far too stubborn to acknowledge that she made a mistake in our relationship and talk about what went down. I think she is the kind of woman who’s too proud at times to just say “fuck it” and take a risk and take the first step. I can imagine she probably wants to talk to me but maybe she thinks it’s too late now.
If that would be the case, then there is nothing you can do about that. When an “ex girlfriend” is too stubborn to get in touch with you, ruminating about whether it’s the case or not is pointless. Your no contact situation is not as unique as you might think. The bottom line is that it’s a choice when your ex doesn’t reach out to you during no contact.
- It may be true that your ex girlfriend’s personality type is on the stubborn side or she tends to have arrogant tendencies that make her think that her decisions are always the right ones
- Or she is the type of person who only rectifies her mistakes when it is already too late, by which time she feels that any action comes too late
- Perhaps she is an insecure woman who often questions her decisions and she’s often unsure whether the results she will get from them are worth the risk — and you may not even realize this
- She could also be busy because she’s in a rebound relationship or she’s trying to create a new identity for herself and she is still in the process of learning how she feels now that you’re gone
- Maybe her family or friends are influencing her to not get in touch with you by trash-talking you
There could be many different reasons why an ex appears to be stubborn. Some of these reasons could be considered impure while others are just a reflection of her personal weaknesses. But that doesn’t change that she is making a choice — no action is also an action. No matter her justifications, it’s she who needs to acknowledge that those reasons for not getting in touch are a mistake. You can’t force an ex-girlfriend to miss you and make her regret her decisions after the breakup. Those are demons she has to face all by herself. And for some exes those are demons, whereas some women see it as a
I Wanted to Marry Her: We Broke Up Because there was No Spark in the Relationship
To give you a quick summary of our relationship: My ex and I had been a couple of nearly four years and in the first one to two years everything was fine. We both were incredibly happy and had been planning our lives around each other. We’d been living together, adopted two puppies together, and while we haven’t been engaged, we did talk about marriage a few times, just to discuss whether we think it’s something we believe in or not, since we are both not exactly the religious type. But we both believe in the good parts of marriage and agreed that getting married would be the right thing to do when we’re ready for it. I was starting to seriously consider proposing to her even though the relationship wasn’t perfect. I really loved her so much. You can’t imagine how happy I was with her for most of the relationship.
But in the third year and especially in the last, things got worse and worse between the two of us. There was a lot of bickering on the part of my ex. Little things here and there that she didn’t like. Like how I wouldn’t be doing the dishes properly, not cleaning up properly, etc… On my part, I also wasn’t perfect. I lost my temper too quickly with her when she needed my help or attention. Looking back, I think we lost the spark in the last two years of our relationship and took each other too much for granted. And instead of showing appreciation for each other, we had a lot of tiny nitpicking at the flaws of each other.
So you went through the classic transition from the infatuation phase into the warring dates phase. These battles have been fought through the ages. No generation is safe on the battlefield of love. Rumor has it that many factions among the warring dates are still fighting a gruesome battle to this day.
- No plate is clean enough
- No household items are put in the right spot
- No Netflix show is the right one to watch
- And the big question remains: Which direction should the toilet paper face?!
We’ll never know. But what we do know is that this form of bickering before a breakup is a normal relationship cycle. Your relationship went from an easy stroll in the park to a constant battle royale because you both didn’t communicate your needs to each other — peacefully, of course. When you get to that state, it’s like you’re trying to be the last man standing in the ring because it feels like the only way to come out of it alive. So both of you need to learn how to keep the spark alive in a relationship. In the best-case scenario, you should never let your relationship get to the point where fighting is on the agenda. It’s better to be diplomatic and resolve tensions before they grow out of hand. So this is something you both need to address if youg et back together.
The hardest part about these no contact scenarios is knowing that you could have done things differently. And so you intuitively want to fix things, especially given how much your ex-girlfriend meant to you. Maybe, if you would have lasted another year, she may have been your ex-fiance or ex-wife. That’s painful. You were deep into that relationship and you had high hopes to make it work. That’s exactly why you need to stay rational about the breakup and stay no contact — no matter what. Because these kinds of situations and emotions are the ones that trigger you the most to find reasons why you should break no contact, why you think it’s not working, or why you think that your ex is stubborn and you should take the high road and message her.
No matter how committed you were to your ex-girlfriend, and no matter how big the plans were that you had for the future — this shouldn’t change your no contact strategy. You do it indefinitely without any time restrictions. Once you choose no contact, it never stops. And whether 20 days passed or 90 days since no contact, it should not make any difference to you. It’s a tough mindset to embrace but that’s the right approach.
I Regret Breaking Up with Her: We Broke Up on Bad Terms and i want my Ex Girlfriend Back SO Bad
I really regret how our relationship ended. The last months of our relationship were just plain ugly and riddled with conflict. So much fighting, and resentment, and always something that would make us start yet another small fight. The actual breakup also wasn’t the greatest. We had two dogs together and deciding who gets which dog was almost like the custodial battle during a divorce. It goes without saying, since we both really had a lot of resentment and disappointment for each other during the breakup, we absolutely did not end things very maturely and we could not see eye to eye with our dogs, but eventually we agreed on who would keep which dog. Ever since then I’ve been wanting to have her back
It’s tough when you had something so good that turns into such an aggressive relationship at the end of the relationship but remind yourself that you’re not alone with this. You said earlier that your situation is very unique or special — this is a very common bias that tends to make breakups much worse. We all think that we had the worst relationship possible. On the internet, all your friends always seem to have the perfect relationship but the truth is that most people’s relationships were just as bad before their breakups.
It’s a dangerous fallacy to feel that there’s no way that you could recover from so much fighting because the hatred you developed for each other is so unique — but it really isn’t. Many couples have terribly bad breakups and many couples rekindle despite what went down. Nearly 60% of couples have bad breakups and despite this, or in fact, because f this they get back together. Strong emotions after a breakup also create strong rebound emotions to get back together.
Accidentally Doing No Contact Properly: When you Don’t Chase your Ex Girlfriend and Give Her Space
Fortunately I did not beg or plead a lot, or anything of that nature. Based on videos that I’ve watched I think a lot of guys make this mistake but thank God, I did not do it too much. I won’t say that I was perfect. I certainly tried to convince her to give us another chance initially, but I gave up very quickly after two weeks.
I guess a part of me got lucky. I don’t think that I gave up because I wasn’t desperate, it’s more like I felt so defeated and thought that all hope was lost, that I withdrew into my own little world and spent many weeks in self-loathing and playing back the end of our relationship, almost like a movie, always trying to identify where things went wrong. NGL I was super messed up for a while.
It’s great that you didn’t beg and plead a lot. You got lucky by feeling defeated. Because you only begged for a short while but stopped very quickly — even though unintended — it means that you are doing No Contact correctly. This certainly increases your chances of your ex girlfriend wanting to give you another chance. It makes your ex miss you more and sooner if you don’t chase her. But while doing everything right, of course, produces the best possible outcome for you, it is no guarantee that your ex will be messaging you sooner, or that she’ll message you at all.
Now, about the feeling miserable part: It’s an ineffective no contact cycle when you enter a spiral of self-loathing, constantly having reflections on the relationship that increase your anxiety, and keep looking for reasons why you should have done things differently. It’s crucial to break away from this cycle, learn from your mistakes, and then moved forward with a lot of energy and enthusiasm for the future. And I know that this sounds near-impossible after a breakup when you miss an ex-girlfriend like crazy. That constant rumination about an ex-girlfriend and where things went wrong is difficult to break free from.
And in fact, it’s necessary to learn & accept what mistakes you made with your ex-girlfriend. But the key is to do this only once with massive clarity and then let it go. The best thing to do so is by not only playing these scenarios out in your head, but rather writing down on a pen and paper what happened, what could have been done differently, and how you feel about it in retrospect. You have to close the loop of post-breakup overthinking. These are the things that I focused on with my breakup program PhoenEx. A lot of it is designed to help you break free from the counterintuitive thought patterns and behavior patterns that make it harder to re-attract an ex-girlfriend. Of course, a magician never reveals his secrets, so if you want to, you can get this program which includes plenty of worksheets.
But one thing that I can tell you without spoiling anything here is that you have to gain this clarity for yourself — not because it’s a means to increase your chances f re-attracting an ex girlfriend. That is only the secondary part. The primary goal after a breakup is to rebuild your masculine strength so that any path you choose brings you the best outcomes. So even if you don’t get a copy of my program, you can always buy some books about relationship habits and create your own reflections based on the ideas that you find in those books. I guarantee it won’t be as tailored for you as my program, but it will get the job done for you.
Don’t hate yourself for your mistakes in the relationship. These experiences are important lessons that are necessary to grow. As I said, you’re not the only man who went through these bad relationship moments. Yes, there are the occasional couples who never had many fights or have been sweethearts ever since high school. And they have been married for 10 years since they were 22 years old. And I won’t lie: These are the couples to envy. But just because your relationship wasn’t perfect doesn’t mean that fixing the relationship is impossible.
60 Day No Contact Rule: Should you do 60 Days No Contact if your Ex is too Stubborn to Come Back?
I struggled a lot and this was awful for my mental health, but at least it kind of automatically stopped me from contacting her. So even before I knew about it, I was basically already doing no contact. So when I found out about no contact, I was already almost 30 days in with no contact. Well, minus the first two weeks. But nothing had happened since then. So I thought to myself ‘Okay, I guess I didn’t do things properly’ after all, the first weeks were still occupied with trying to convince her to get back together. So I decided that instead of doing the typical 30 days of no contact, I would instead do 60 days no contact, but after I was done waiting for 60 days of no contact to be over, she still didn’t get in touch with me. I really started worrying about our dogs being apart from each other. We were like a little family already and it feels like it’s falling apart for good.
The duration of no contact does not determine if your ex girlfriend reaches out to you — your ex’s emotional state determines that. And her emotional state depends on a vast array of factors that you can’t possibly predict. Neither can I. There a psychological pointers that can put everything into context, however, an ex girlfriend may sometimes reach out after a week. At other times, it could be 84 days, and sometimes it could 561.
What do you think is the most common reason why you hear about No Contact 30 Days or No Contact 60 Days? It’s called a long-tail keyword. It’s a more searchable term on the internet than just “No Contact”. It’s less competitive. And it’s a great marketing strategy. Numbers are more memorable and attention-grabbing. When you hear 30 days no contact, it sounds like it’s legit. There must be system or psychological reason backing it up! What’s the big reason why you have to do exactly 30 days of no contact? When you hear about it for the first time, you got to find out! It’s a hook — nothing else.
The number of how many days of no contact doesn’t matter. The mindset that you adopt during no contact matters. What’s crucial is that you’re able to do no contact no matter how long it takes. And to reach that state of mind, no contact shouldn’t be an active activity that you perform. Instead, it becomes a passive state of being. What should become an active activity is pursuing insight, excellence, purpose, and confidence after your breakup.
Yes, as time passes, many, many psychological biases influence your ex to reach out to you — and by the way, lots of biases also trigger you to make no contact mistakes. But there is no way to accurately say that because 30 days didn’t work, you should try 60 days instead. That waiting game of counting the days is the wrong no contact approach. And that’s why you shouldn’t focus on the duration of no contact, but instead, focus on how you are spending your time as you’re separated from your ex. There are only two things that matter when you do no contact:
- Primary goal: Are you feeling better after the breakup and are you picking up the broken pieces to become happier?
- Secondary goal: Has your ex girlfriend reached out to you and shown you that she is interested in spending time with you?
Most guys make the secondary goal their primary one, and the primary goal becomes the secondary one. That is the reverse way of thinking. Especially with a woman. Irrespective of who dumped who, women always take a longer time to reflect on the breakup and look back to the relationship fondly. It’s been studied that most women always put the majority of the blame on the man after a breakup. Unlike men, they have tunnel vision of only the bad things and it takes a while for them to see the light at the end f the tunnel.
So by making your ex-girlfriend the main priority, you’re torturing yourself, because there is no exact time frame when she will become interested in you again. Your ex-girlfriend could need 127 days to start truly missing you, recognizing her own flaws in the relationship, and getting over her reasons for not getting in touch with you. Heck, an ex girlfriend could theoretically feel sorry about what she did after exactly 30 days, but feel that it is too late and then she’ll hold herself from getting in touch with you only 80 days later. That’s why during no contact you have t focus on the primary goal: Picking up the broken pieces after the breakup.
You seem to be a dog lover just like me. If I were you, the first thing I would do is take some time for myself to go on some quality time walks or even mini trips with my dog. You could even try some new things with your dog, like going to a K9 meeting to train your dog or teach him some new tricks. Of course, there are a lot deeper things that you could focus on that benefit your life, but sometimes it’s the simple and small things that can also be helpful after a breakup to feel better. Sometimes we don’t see the forest before the trees and don’t realize that there are still good things to pursue after a breakup. It’s the same with other activities that are good for you to help you feel more confident and happy after the breakup. Just like with your dog, when was the last time that you appreciated a really good run, or felt good about a really good pump at the gym? Worrying about what your ex is feeling and why the 30 days of no contact haven’t worked won’t help you at all to keep moving forward.
You could actually take inspiration from your dog. I am sure your dog doesn’t even think about the other dog anymore. To your dog, you’re still his or her family. It’s good to learn to live in the moment during no contact. Your dog isn’t worried right now about seeing your ex or her little sister doggo again. He’ll definitely be happy to play again if you get back together and live together again. But until then, your dog will still be happy in the moment. That’s a good mindset to adapt.
We’re Both Alpha Males: Could it be that my Ex is too Stubborn to Reach Out to Me?
One thing that really bothers me is that both me and my ex, we are quite the alpha male kind of people. We work a lot. We are goal chasers. And we are very assertive, and we tend to say what’s on our mind. I think that’s also why we clashed a lot with the criticism and the harsh words. It’s definitely one of our communication patterns that did not work out so well. The problem with this is that I believe that my ex is just too stubborn to get in touch with me and admit her regrets. We both have this tendency of wanting to be right. I already expressed my regret to her when I was begging and pleading a little bit, so she should know what I think, that I think I made a big mistake and that I want to fix my mistakes. But it seems as if she is not willing to do the same thing.
Well, your girlfriend seems to have been trying to communicate the issues that bothered her in the relationship. I don’t think she’s a bad communicator. After all, the relationship was mostly fine in the first two years but eventually she expressed some of her dislikes. If she wanted to, she could tell you how she feels about the breakup now. Her not getting in touch with you is a choice. Most ex-girlfriend will not straight-up get in touch with you and lay all their cards on the table. Women know how to play the game of love. They will only enter the next round when the stakes are high enough and they are sure that they’re going to succeed. Otherwise, they’ll fold and wait for a better moment.
That said, your ex girlfriend seems to be a highly assertive, strong-willed, self-reliant woman. That can be a good or a bad thing depending on the mix. It might be a red flag if your ex-girlfriend is too ambitious, domineering, and overprioritizes her goals rather than her relationships & family. If your ex clearly contributed to the relationship failure but she is too egotistical, arrogant and stubborn to acknowledge it, then it’s your sign that you will find a better woman.
A good woman with her heart in the right place will always gravitate around her feminine core — despite ambitions that are grounded in her alpha male boss babe nature. A feminine woman like this will:
- Avoid conflict, say yes to forgiveness, and make it up to her man when she feels she made mistakes
- She will listen to the needs of her boyfriend and recognize when it is time to be in her loving feminine rather than tapping into her limited stores of masculine energy
- She will prioritize her family goals and make sure that being with the man she loves takes priority over superficial success-characteristics that don’t fulfill her in the long-run
Most women are like that. The average woman is less agreeable than a man, she wants to be loved and appreciated, and she wants to be with a man to build a strong family unit. And to get there, she will make compromises and she won’t be a slave to her ego.
Where your ex-girlfriend lies on that spectrum is nothing I could determine from this short message, but your ex is currently choosing to neglect her feminine nature. She’s in “independent woman” mode. As they say: Love is a choice. It’s only been about 50 days since the breakup. At this point I would not yet call her too stubborn to reach out to you. It’s normal that you haven’t heard from her yet, especially what you have been telling me about her. But, if you don’t hear from her within the next 2-4 months, you probably have your answer on whether or not she is too stubborn. And if that is the case, then you shouldn’t get back with her anyways. Submission is a necessity in relationships. Occasionally, you have to submit to your partner and say “You were right about this” — and if she’s too alpha male to do that, then she’s not the right woman for you. Again, this is why the time frame of no contact does not matter. You should start to live your life without being occupied by thoughts of your ex-girlfriend. In the best-case scenario, she will reach out to you as quickly as possible. Independent of when she reaches out, if time hasn’t stood still for you, you’ll have 100% clarity about your feelings for her and whether it’s the right time to get back together or not. Getting back together with an ex girlfriend is easy and hassle-free if both of your are in the right mental state.
Your ex will start to miss you very soon if her heart’s in the right place. You have been a couple for four years. That is a lot of time! Such a relationship creates a strong bond and it’s hard for most women to just let such a deep attachment go — most of us only appreciate what we had when we lose it. She might already be missing you right now but hasn’t found the courage to text you. Give it time, but don’t count the time.
Ex is TOO Stubborn to Come Back: When a Stubborn Ex won’t Contact You — Should YOU Reach Out?
Could it be that she is just too stubborn to reach out to me? And unless I reach out to her again, no contact is useless? I know that’s not how you’re supposed to do things but what can you do when your ex just won’t say they are sorry? Please let me know what you would suggest in a situation like ours. I have watched many videos online but I just feel as if we are quite unique with our non-submissive personality types. Thanks for all the work you do and for posting videos for people like me.
I totally understand that sentiment that it seems to make sense that there are cases where reaching out to an ex-girlfriend is the only way to re-connect. But when in doubt, always go back to the secondary goal that matters during no contact: Has your ex girlfriend reached out to you and shown you that she is interested in spending time with you?
No contact is never useless. In the worst case, starting to go no contact helps you to get back to a state of calm, stoic masculine strength. In the best-cae scenario, it makes your ex-girlfriend miss you like crazy and reach out to you. Even if right now you are not seeing any results, no contact will make your ex-girlfriend reframe the relationship in a completely new light.
As I said earlier: Women tend to not miss their exes right after a breakup. Men and women are the reverse after a bad relationship with a breakup that ended badly. Men put the ex girlfriend on a pedestal and look at everything that went down with positive emotions. And women become extremely apathetic, and look at the entire relationship with their rationality, unable to accept the good parts. It’s quite ironic that men & women operate in the exact reverse that they would usually look. Perhaps this paradoxical behavior is by design as a defense mechanism to help us make more sense of a breakup.
- A man knows rationally that not everything was great but because he loves his girl, he clings to all the good things and embraces his emotions
- And a woman feels emotionally that many things were great despite the problems, which is painful to accept, so she has to embrace her rationality and focus on the bad
The biggest reason to stay no contact with your ex-girlfriend is to get out of the reverse-thinking masculine/femine mindset. When both your ex-girlfriend and you start to return to your natural way of thinking, you are able to see the relationship for what it truly was. And if your ex girlfriend reverts to her feminine way of thought, she will reach out to you, even if she is a little on the stubborn side. And if she doesn’t, it’s your cue to keep walking and keep living your life until you find a better woman.
Trying to force that entire process by reaching out to an ex-girlfriend never works. Especially not with a woman who is too much in her masculine energy. You will only further activate the rational parts of her brain. The best approach during no contact is to keep your distance until your ex girlfriend realizes that the way she is processing her emotions about you and the relationship doesn’t feel right. If she loves you, she will reach out to you when she is ready for it. Your ex was a decent communicator. Perhaps she didn’t always find the right ways to express her needs, but she at least expressed them to you. If your ex girlfriend isn’t too much of an alpha male woman, she will take the high road, open her heart and get in touch with you. If your ex truly loves you, she will crave resolution to the failed relationship and it will be her who will show you that she made the wrong call.
And that leaves you with only one option — focusing on your primary goal: Are you feeling better after the breakup and are you picking up the broken pieces to become happier? You have already done some reflecting on the relationship. So have you taken some time to find ways to improve some of the things that you did wrong? For example, it sounds to me that you are a messy kind of guy. You don’t do the dishes on time. Doing your dishes right after a meal isn’t rocket science. It’s a simple habit that is easy to follow, and on top of it, it also is one that makes you feel better about yourself. Keeping your house in order is a great way to improve your mental state. I always notice that when I am feeling down because something isn’t going right, the best way to start or end my day is by cleaning up because it gives me a small re-affirmation that I’m in control of the chaos in my life.
This of course, is just an assumption n my part. There are many things that you can improve and focus on after a breakup. Some of these things may relate to your ex-girlfriend, others may reflect on your life in general. You said that both you and your ex-girlfriend are highly ambitious. That means you work a lot. Is that good or bad? Can or should you find a better balance for this or not? Would it make sense to invest in other areas of your life, such as your fitness, health, hobbies & community?
Gain some clarity on which parts of your relationship and yourself could use a facelift. Breakups are a blessing in disguise because the chaos that comes with them makes us prone to take action and make changes in our lives. Some of these changes won’t always stick, and sometimes they may not even have been the right call, but trying new things after a breakup is better than standing still. Standing still is the biggest mistake any man could make during no contact. You don’t want to be the masochist who likes to drown in the pain of waiting for his ex-girlfriend. Get moving while you’re in no contact. You may not get everything right, but if you at least tried to make a few changes right now, rather than counting the days of when your ex-girlfriend comes back, then you’ll at least have gained a new outlook and perspective on life and some of the things that you want or don’t want.
And a man who knows himself is known by countless women. If you keep pushing to the next level, whatever that is for you, your ex is going to take notice of it. Other women will notice your masculine confidence. Your boss or future bosses will see your energy. Strangers will see that you’re a man of action, someone who’s good to be around. Making your personal growth the primary goal when you start no contact is a no-brainer because the outcomes derived from it are nearly limitless.
The art of no contact is finding the right balance that works. Kind of like a guitarist looks to find the sweet spot of hitting the perfect dynamic range out of loud and quiet notes. The constant noise in your head is your biggest enemy. Obviously, drowning out all your thoughts about your ex-girlfriend is impossible. You’re human after all. It’s unrealistic to not miss your ex-girlfriend and think about her. But just like a skilled guitarist finds the right time when he plays a loud note, you need to strike the right balance of when to think about your ex girlfriend versus being focused on creating the perfect masterpiece of your life. So stop paying attention to the fact that your ex has not yet reached out to you and create a new resolution of what type of man you want to be — and then pursue those goals with massive tenacity.
