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Nofap / no fap to stop putting women on a pedestal & being confident with women!

Jan 9, 2022 | Dating & Attraction

Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.

Oh boy! Today we have an interesting topic. I want to talk about not living in reality, but what the hell am I talking about? You probably heard about the metaverse, which is a hot, hyped topic right now. It is basically the idea of living in virtual realities, choosing your own reality. I think a lot of guys these days have the problem that they kind of live in a fantasy world. And what I mean by that is not that they’re just living somewhere online, and they’re not going out there in the world and meeting beautiful women, and actually meeting people and just doing normal socializing, going on a hike going surfing, meeting someone at a poetry event or whatever, acoustic night. That is one issue. Yes.

But the other issue is actually that I think people live, men live in a fantasy world of thinking that these women that they want, are unattainable. They’re so beautiful. It’s like a fantasy. And they themselves, the men think that they can’t obtain these women. So it’s like they live in two separate realities. If you think like this, of course, what’s going to happen? You are never going to get this kind of woman because she’s going to feel like she’s out of your league. She’s not even part of your reality. That is a big issue.

And of course, there are entire industries that capitalize on this. So this video today is about an interesting topic. I have to kind of censor it. So if you’ve ever seen the movie Tron, a lot of people liked the movie Tron. Just replace the T with a P. Tron the movie. Lots of people love Tron. You get it right? Adult content. Basically, it’s a huge industry that makes men want to fantasize about women. So I have a message from a guy, he doesn’t really know how to talk to girls. How to talk to women. He’s 24. So fairly young. And let’s see, what’s my advice for him? What is he going through?

He says: “Hi, Coach, can you please give me some advice on what a shy guy at the age of 24 should do to feel more confident to talk to women and find a girlfriend. I feel like the stereotypical forever-alone guy. And I really don’t want to become an incel lol.

Well, I’ve kind of been there. I’ve been a shy guy until maybe 28, something like that. Sometimes it takes a while. One important thing to mention here, you’re afraid of becoming an incel… If you look at the incel community, or if you look at some surveys, questionnaires of what is the age of the average incels, the average incel is actually something between age 20 to 21. That’s the largest majority. And then there’s I think something like 20, or 30%, something like that up to age 25. And then there was something like maybe 20%, more or so up to 30. And everything past that is typically not an incel anymore, just a small percentage.

And that shows you actually something important about what it means to be an incel, or what it means to not succeed with women. Basically, if you give up with women, if you give up on yourself, if you give up on improving yourself, that’s when you’re going to become an incel and not succeed with women. I always say: Those who repeat succeed, it’s all a matter of getting better at the things that don’t work. You have to figure out what doesn’t work for you. Is it your body type? Yeah, sure, maybe you don’t look hot. Maybe you are a skinny type. I’m a very skinny-fat type guy, I have to work out a lot just to be not even ripped, but just have a fairly defined body structure. I have to work out for this.

What is it about your social skills that you have to work on? What is it that you have to work on about your status and your money? There are things that you have to improve to get better and get better results in life. Those who repeat succeed. And now if you look at the statistics of incels, actually, well, the statistics, the age group ranges more to the younger side. So for anyone who gives up at the age of 21, to 23, maybe even younger with dating, oh boy, you’re going to be in a world of pain in the future. Actually, life gets harder as you get older. So as you reach 25, 30, maybe even 35… You’ll have a divorce. You make bad business decisions. There’s a lot of things. Friendships break up. A lot of mistakes that you’ve made, and that you will make. And a lot of people didn’t have good parents who taught them how to live life in a decent way. A lot of people have to make a lot of mistakes to learn from them. So as you get older, actually, it kind of gets harder before it becomes easier again.

And my channel is mostly people in their 20s to 35 or 45. I think I think the median age is roughly 30. So anyone who’s watching this video, who’s in that age range 30 to 35 to 40. Let us know in the comments. How has life fucked you over? Because life gets hard, but we have to get back up. Those who repeat succeed. And if you don’t give up, then you’re already by default not becoming an incel. Just because things are not working for you right now doesn’t mean that they can’t get better. It’s all about unleashing the king within. And over time, you will become a king in your own right. In your own version. Sometimes it takes time. Just don’t give up. That’s step number one to not become an incel. It’s step number one to not fail with women. It’s step number one to not fail in life. So never give up. Over time, it’s going to get better.

So he then says: “I am, of course, a little bit kidding here. But honestly, I can relate a little bit to the incel community, because it’s a bit embarrassing to say, but my wildest dreams of women are just that… fantasies. I literally spend more time fapping and looking at adult content, than I am able to talk to beautiful women. I know maybe it’s partly due to the whole situation in the last few years. But even before that, I was too shy, and I didn’t really know how to talk to girls.

So the reason why I picked this guy’s message as a video topic was because I found it so interesting. I actually reflected upon things when I was reading this message. My life has improved so much with my dating skills. Of course, it comes of age, I’m 32. But I really worked hard on that. And I looked at well, what has changed? What is different with me? One thing that has changed a lot is that I am no longer doing… I almost said it! I had to cut out here! I am no longer watching adult content. And what that did for me is it actually stopped me from fantasizing about women. Because all of these things in the adult industry, they’re all about looking at these women as if they’re unattainable. Unrealistic images and expectations about relationships, and sex.

They portray incredibly hot women, so hot that most people can never obtain this. They’re just so freakin beautiful. They are models, basically, and they’re just flawless most of the time. They are incredibly naughty, they will do things that some women would never do. Now, if that is your stuff, if you like this kind of kink certain things that you see in the industry, there’s nothing wrong with that. But you have to be a little bit realistic about expectations. And so one thing that happens with adult content, and with fapping, basically, you put women on this pedestal, it is essentially kind of like the need to be needed. So it kind of creates this expectation or this desire or this thought within you that there is a woman that you can please & need to please. And if you’re going to please her especially sexually, that means you’re successful. That is something that defines you as a man. And so a lot of men, I think get sucked into this idea of “I have to be as good as possible!

And I talk about this in my book. It’s important to work on yourself. It’s important to succeed. It’s important to build your money, your looks, your status, your character, you have to be an awesome king. No doubt about it. But at some point that just goes into narcissism territory. And at that point, it just gets really, really bad. And you don’t want to become an asshole, you don’t want to become the guy that nobody likes. You want to be a charismatic guy who’s nice to people, and who doesn’t think that other people are below him.

And it’s just important to see a woman kind of as an equal, she shouldn’t be below you. She also shouldn’t be too much above you. You are a king, she’s a queen, you’re both not on a pedestal, well, you’re both on the throne together. That’s it. Neither one of you is on a pedestal. You both value each other the same way. And so of course, if you’re doing a lot of fapping, you’re basically driving all the energy that you have away from better means. So one thing that I really like is the idea of tantric sex. If you’ve ever heard of tantric sex, if you ever hear about it for the first time, it sounds just like spiritual BS. And it’s like, what the hell is this stuff? But the idea of tantric sex is actually quite interesting. Basically, the idea is that instead of focusing all your sexual energy on just that one thing, to be the climax, you focus it on your entire body. And the idea is to focus all the pleasure with your partner on a more intense experience that doesn’t just revolve around the pleasure of the climax of the act.

And that’s an interesting analogy that you should have with sex but also with women. It has to be a holistic experience. It’s not just about the need to please. It’s about being pleased throughout your entire experience. And the only way how you could reach such an experience in life and with women is if you focus on everything holistically, and you don’t overvalue a certain aspect of a woman such as her looks. Yes, great looks are awesome. But that does not mean that just because a woman is incredibly beautiful, now all of a sudden, she’s a queen who is so much above you that you could never obtain her or that you could never please her. So don’t fall into this trap of the need of trying to please or having to please, and feeling like it’s impossible to please such a beautiful woman, okay?

Let’s face it: Even if a woman is incredibly attractive, they have insecurities. They can be batshit, crazy. They are human beings. And so just because a woman seems really incredible, and beautiful from the outside doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have flaws. She’s not perfect either. So you shouldn’t treat women like this. And once you get out of this mindset, then you can have better relationships. And one thing that is really interesting with the nofap community that they often say is that if you don’t fap, you’re going to use your energy that you have for other things. Similar to the idea of tantric sex.

Instead of focusing on one spot, you focus it more holistically on your entire body. So if you don’t fap, you can focus that energy on other things. Talking to women, for example, or working on yourself. Again, as I said, at the beginning of the video, those who repeat succeed. You can focus on yourself, you can focus on your personal growth, you can focus on unleashing the king within. And that way, you’re going to improve your life, and women will just notice this, and they will then notice you and they will then want to be with you. And they are not out of your league. They are not these crazy, “adult models” that are unobtainable. These are real human beings that you can actually date. It’s important to understand this and to get into this mindset.

So he then says: “I am not a completely hopeless case. I had two girlfriends when I was 17, and 21. But overall, yeah, my dating life isn’t going well. And I feel intimidated by attractive girls. There’s always that fear of failing and getting rejected. I feel paralyzed when I see a girl that I find beautiful, and then I become really socially awkward. So yeah, either I am talking to girls on Tinder, but the conversations don’t lead anywhere. Or I run into a cute girl and most of the time, lack the confidence to talk to her. Or, of course, I talked to her and she rejects me and yep, then it’s back to square one: Time to fap LOL

Well, there’s one thing that I need to tell you. Now, of course, you’re afraid of failing, you’re afraid of getting rejected. But at least if you try, you’re gonna learn something from it. And over time, you’re gonna learn what works and what doesn’t work. Of course, if you mix that with reading books, you can read my book, also other books, you will become better at this. And then if you combine this with your experiences, you’re slowly going to realize: “This is what didn’t work. This exactly applies my situation. This is how I screwed up.” And one important thing to understand is, obviously, if you just fap you’re giving up. And a lot of people are afraid of rejection. But the thing is, rejection is not something bad. Rejection is only redirection.

What that means is, if you’re getting rejected, it only steers you to a different path that is better for you. Everything happens for a reason, even your shit lessons happen for a reason. And honestly, if you are getting redirected, if you’re getting rejected by a woman, you can learn something about yourself, you can improve yourself. And then in the future, you’re going to actually find a better woman because you’re going to develop yourself into a king, you’re going to have a better charisma, a better aura, more success in your life. And then of course, because of that, you will meet better women. And that just means you’re going to find a woman who’s right for you. Not every woman is right for you. But also sometimes you’re just not there at the right time. That means either she isn’t in a place where you can date or you’re not there at the spot where you have all the skills to date that kind of woman. But you can actually learn these skills.

And so as I said in the beginning: Those who repeat succeed! Don’t give up! Rejection only redirection. And the thing is, if you’re getting rejected by a woman, it only tells you two things: Number one, it either tells you you’re not the right guy for her for whatever reason, it could be something because of you or it could be something because of her. Number two, it tells you that she’s not the right one for you. Because honestly, you could develop yourself into the strongest king possible. You could be, I don’t know, you could be freaking Ed Sheeran, super popular and you go into a club and you’re still gonna get rejected by a woman because she’s not into you. There are so many reasons why a woman might not like you. So don’t sweat it. Rejection is only redirection.

So he then wraps it up by saying: “It’s a shitty cycle that I really need to break. I hope you can give me advice on how to overcome my insecurities. I tried some ‘hacks’ and tricks before, but they just haven’t been working well for me. Most of the time, when I try smart pickup lines or say something else that I saw online, it doesn’t work well. And most girls aren’t too impressed by me, what would you suggest should I do?

Well, the reason why these hacks and tricks are not working for you is that they only can take you so far.

If your mindset isn’t there. If you feel that these women are above you, if you put them on a pedestal, it’s never gonna work out. Because you’re always going to think that they are better than you, you’re always going to think there’s something wrong with you, they’re always going to be fearful and always being off the mindset that you’re just one moment away from her rejecting you. You’re just one moment away from her leaving you, you’re one moment away from her getting bored. There are so many things that happen when you put a woman on a pedestal. And when your mindset is that she’s a queen, but you are not a king, you think you’re a peasant, and you don’t think that you’re a king. And basically, you’re probably instead thinking that some other guy could actually steal that woman from you. And that will probably eventually happen if you have that mindset.

Hacks and tricks are great to get the foot in the door if you’ve never dated. If you have no idea what you’re doing, then hacks and tricks are pretty great. You notice on this channel, I don’t really talk much about hacks and tricks. I want to talk more about mindset. If you want to have some quick hacks, of course, I would recommend you maybe Tripp Kramer from trippadvice. He’s a great channel, probably the best channel on quick hacks just for really young guys. So everyone on my channel is more 20 to 45 years old. I’m pretty sure people who go to Tripp’s channel are probably younger, maybe even 18 to 25, something like that. It’s a great channel to check out.

But you have to also focus on your mindset. So yes, it’s a good idea to figure out okay, what are some good things that he could say every now and then if you use pick up lines, or some smart lines to say, it can help, but if you always treat women like they are better than you, it’s never gonna work out. It’s all about unleashing the king within. You have to respect yourself. You have to value yourself. You have to think that you’re awesome. You have to think that there’s no other man on the planet who’s better than you, at least better than you for a given woman. Of course, it’s kind of a narcissistic thing to say, like, how could you say there’s not someone better than you? There’s always a better fish, a bigger fish in the sea, of course, but you, with your qualities, you’re super unique, you can develop yourself into a very unique king. There is a woman out there who loves exactly that about you.

And there are only X amount of women at every place in the world that love that kind of man. So that makes you special. That makes you desirable. That makes women want to be with you. And even hot women want to be with you if you discover that unique version of yourself of who you want to become. It’s all about mindset. It’s all about appreciating yourself, and thinking that you are the prize that any woman wants to be with. So what should you do? Number one, stop fapping. This is hard actually. Because it becomes demotivating. Especially when you have bad times in life, you want to fap and of course, if you’re getting rejected, that’s an instance, where you want to fap.

So start a nofap challenge. And try it for 30 days. Once you reach 30 days, try 90 days. So let’s try to abstain from all of this. Try to abstain from watching adult content, then get out there. Those who repeat succeed and rejection is only redirection. Get out there. Keep at it, read some books, you can read my book, and educate yourself and try to figure out what isn’t working. Overtime. You’re gonna figure it out. Number three, work on your mindset work on yourself. develop yourself into a king, what is it that makes you awesome? What is your greatest quality or your greatest qualities?

So for me, for example, I know exactly what is my greatest quality. I would say my greatest quality is that I’m hard working. But a few years ago, maybe four years ago or something like that. One of my ex she told me that one thing that she valued about me more than anything, and it’s very accurate. What she said about me, it’s my honesty. I am always honest, I’m always authentic. That’s just who I am. And this is because I used to grow up very codependent. So I was always afraid of saying the wrong thing or being seen as someone who’s bad. So it has some issues there. But I fixed these issues, and I’m basically a very honest person. That’s the best thing about me. So I focus a lot on my authenticity and living an authentic life. That’s what makes me me. This is what women love about me.

What is your greatest quality? Maybe it’s your super ambitious, maybe you just know how to break through barriers, you always push the envelope. What is it that makes you a king? It doesn’t have to be authenticity. Of course, authenticity is super important and great, but maybe it’s something else. Maybe it’s your ambition. Maybe it’s also your nurturing qualities. Maybe you are a leader, you’re strong, but you’re actually really good at listening to women, you really know how to understand a woman, know how to understand what she needs, you’re really good at deciphering what she’s trying to tell you. You just have a good ear and a good brain, you are able to understand what a woman says when she says something, but she actually means something else. Maybe that’s something that you’re really good at. I don’t know what it is for you. But this is what you need to do. Discover it.

Turn yourself into a king, work on your strong side, use them for your own gains. And then also, of course, work on the things that you’re not good at. So I used to be a little bit bad in the past to express things that I used to be afraid of. So even though I was very honest, most of the time, there were certain things that I didn’t want to talk about. Because like I said: Codependence. So what is it that you can work on yourself so that you become a king, so anyone will just see “Holy shit, this guy is amazing!” And she’s just gonna walk over to you, you probably don’t even have to approach her because he just wants to know you because you can just feel there’s something about you. She can feel that you’re a king. That’s all you have to do. So that’s my advice for you. Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up. Of course, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within.

Brauchst Du mehr Hilfe?

Wenn dies hilfreich war, buche eine Coaching-Sitzung mit mir. Coaching-Sitzungen sind in Englisch & Deutsch verfügbar.

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Wenn Du Dir Coaching-Sitzungen nicht leisten kannst, mein Buch Unleash The King Within oder mein Trainingsprogramm Selbstvertrauen-König sind großartige Selbsthilfe-Tools, mit denen Du Dein Privatleben und Deine Dating-Erfahrungen verbessern kannst.

Hallo, ich bin Andy Graziosi. Ich helfe Männern ihr Selbstvertrauen zu entfalten und ihr volles Potenzial auszuschöpfen. Meine wissenschaftlich fundierte Philosophie lautet: „Der König ist bereits ein Gewinner.“ — Erstaunliche Frauen fühlen sich bereits zu dir hingezogen. Alles, was ein König tun muss, ist diese Anziehungskraft zu seinem Vorteil zu nutzen.

Du kannst mit Deiner Traumfrau ausgehen. Ich helfe Dir ein starkes männliches Gerüst zu entwickeln und aufrechtzuerhalten. Dies hilft Dir Deine Dating-Unsicherheiten zu überwinden & eine Macht zu werden, auf die man zählen kann.

Wenn Du Hilfe benötigst, kannst Du Dich gerne an mich wenden.

Abonniere Meine Relevantesten Blog-Artikel

Unleash The King Within Dating-Buch

In Unleash The King Within lernst Du die Denkweisen, Prinzipien und mentalen Modelle kennen, um nicht nur Selbstvertrauen mit Frauen zu gewinnen und zu meistern, sondern es auch tiefst zu deinem Vorteil zu nutzen und Dein Leben mit Deiner Traumfrau zu gestalten.

Der Schlüssel hier ist der Mentalitätswandel, den dieses Buch ermöglichen wird. Es ist eine neue Perspektive, die klarstellt und Dir hilft, den König in Dir zu sehen, der immer von Frauen umgeben ist, die mit Dir zusammen sein wollen.

Sobald Du diese neue Denkweise hast, fängst Du buchstäblich an, atemberaubende Frauen überall anzuziehen, ohne einen Finger rühren zu müssen.

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