Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
Happy new year 2022! Hopefully a better year! In this video I want to talk about developing yourself, becoming an attractive male, an attractive man. So maybe some of you didn’t have the best year. Maybe 2021 sucked. Maybe 2020 sucked. For me, both years were not the greatest but it’s really important to keep going and to develop yourself into a man, into a confident king, because every woman wants to be with a king, someone who’s confident, strong, knows what he wants, keeps on going, keeps on pursuing his goals, and even if things aren’t going right in your life you gotta keep going. Those who repeat succeed!
We’re gonna talk about a situation from a guy who had a bit of a tough year in 2021 and I want to give him some advice about his dating life and what he should do. And it’s all about developing one, your charisma, your social skills with women but also with people. But also developing yourself as a man to develop your looks, your status, your money, to have all of the things that a woman wants. All right, so let’s get ready. Let’s get ready to unleash the king within.
So he says: “Hi coach, I have a big problem. My girlfriend and I broke up about six months ago. Just to be absolutely clear: I don’t want to get back with her. For a while, I really wanted her back and even tried to talk to her to get back together but after about two weeks I let it go and listened to some of my friends who said that it’s over and I kind of came to my senses.”
Yeah, so that’s pretty good. Typically, I might not always suggest that you listen to your friends with their advice about breakups but at least they told you it’s over, which probably was accurate in that moment, and you kind of stopped yourself and you realized okay I have to stop doing this because it wasn’t working. And you basically want to move on with your life. That’s a good step.
So he then says: “It took me several months just to get close to normal again and not have sleepless nights, or have a hard time doing simple stuff like eating properly or doing my household chores. The last few months really have been tough. I also lost my job two months ago and I’m still looking for a new job. All in all, 2021 was a really painful year for me and I feel stuck.”
Good job for keeping going, for trying to do your household chores, and trying to eat, sleep. It’s really important to keep going even if it doesn’t feel like you want to because otherwise you just become really depressed and you’re not making any progress. Even if you just make one percent progress in your life, that is still better than making no progress. And even if right now your progress is really shitty, so for this guy, he can’t sleep properly, he couldn’t eat properly, he lost his job, so he basically was barely functioning.
If you think about it, if you rewind one year ago, you were probably much more functional. Your life was better and something like doing the household chores, eating properly, was normal. It was easy. It wasn’t hard for you but well life sucks, so even if that seems like it’s really basic to just do the household chores and get up in the morning, that’s quite good actually. You’re getting better one percent every single day. That is better than not getting better at all. Always compare yourself with your current version.
There’s no point in comparing yourself with who you’ve been a year ago. You have to get better from where you are at right now because the reality is: Life can be really freaking awesome and then it can get really bad again. So my life was incredibly amazing two years ago and it’s really hard to compare that life that I had two years ago with the life that I have right now here in Germany. I’m stuck. I haven’t seen my friends for almost two years now. And I’m just ready to fly out of this country and it’s just impossible to compare my state of mind back then when I was in Bali, and Siargao, beautiful beaches, surfing every day, right? Life was great. I can’t compare that to what I have right now.
So I have to make the most out of what I have right now and you’ve been doing kind of the same. So I want to compliment you! You’ve done a good job. Everybody who’s watching this you have to do the same thing. Compare yourself with your current state of life and your current state of mind and where can you get to from where you are right now, to in a month from now. In three months from now. Maybe you can’t get to the perfect life but you can definitely improve. So good job.
So he says: “It’s been six months since the breakup and I tried to look on the bright side of life and start dating again but even though I don’t want my ex back, I feel like my confidence is at a rock-bottom. I installed Tinder but most of the time when I talk to girls it just leads to nowhere. I don’t know if this is because of what I say but it seems these girls are rarely interested in me.”
First of all, it’s a good job that you tried to install Tinder and keep getting back out there. Now, of course, you’re not feeling so confident because especially I’m assuming you’ve lost your job two months ago, so you kind of lack confidence right now. But it’s still good that you’re going out on dates. Now clearly, you need to work on your confidence but we’re going to get to this how you can work on your confidence in a moment. And you have to also ask yourself should you be dating right now? Should you not be dating right now? There are pros and cons to this. So anyway we’re gonna continue.
He says: “I only went on one date out of a dozen of matches but it didn’t go too well. It’s as if I almost felt out of place during my date with a girl that I met recently. Not because we didn’t get along… Our chemistry wasn’t awful but I guess she wasn’t really into me. The problem I’m going through is that it’s as if I am presenting myself as something that I am not. I’m not happy right now. I’m not feeling confident and talking to this girl over dinner really made me question myself. It’s like my life is currently as shitty as it hasn’t been in the longest time and I don’t know how to date anymore.”
So one big problem of course with dating is inauthenticity. If you’re not being honest with yourself, if you’re not being honest with the women that you’re dating, they’re not gonna be attracted to you. They can feel if there’s something off. If you’re trying to paint the picture that you’re right now not, it kind of is obvious. If you’re trying to show “I’m confident” but clearly, you’re not confident because of your job, then that’s a problem. Now there are obviously two things that you could do. Number one is you could work on your confidence. You could keep on dating. You could keep on pursuing your goals and keep on dating and hope that you improve with your confidence and life gets better.
Or number two is you actually don’t date at all right now. So sometimes there is actually a bit of a benefit in having some delayed gratification. Maybe dating right now is not the best thing for you because you’re not in the right mental state and so because you’re feeling so messed up because of losing your job, and also maybe you’re still a little bit hung up on your ex or feeling not so confident about the whole breakup… Maybe she broke up with you and so because she rejected you you don’t feel so great about yourself. So of course, because you don’t feel good about yourself, it kind of gets hard to then transfer that into your dating life and show a woman that you value yourself because maybe you feel that another woman didn’t value yourself in the past.
And so how can you show a woman that you value yourself, because another woman didn’t value in the past, so is it going to repeat again with another woman? Actually, no. But that’s kind of human nature! We believe that these things just repeat. It’s actually kind of interesting, there’s this human bias that tells us that if something happened recently, we expect it to happen again. So if you had rejection with your ex recently, or with women that you’ve dated, you probably think it’s gonna happen again but actually, it might not happen again.
So anyway, he then wraps it up by saying: “How should you date women if you feel like crap? I just lack the confidence to talk to women and I can’t really keep up a good conversation because I’m feeling so insecure with everything that has happened in the last months. It really sucks being alone and having no one when life has turned to shit. Although I know I shouldn’t want my ex back I definitely miss her but I have tried to keep it together and not reach out to her. I really don’t know what I should do right now to improve my dating life and be more successful with women. What is your advice?”
So like I said, one thing that you could do might be delayed gratification. That means you should focus on your goals. Focus on something that makes you happy. I’m assuming right now because you lost your job, life is kind of tough. I’m not sure what’s your situation. If you’re living with your parents, how you’re financially supporting yourself, maybe you have some savings but maybe they’re slowly depleting. So life is kind of tricky right now. So it might be good that you focus on yourself, to give you an example, for me, as I said, it’s been kind of difficult for me in 2021 to be stuck here in Germany. I miss my friends and I told myself 2022 is gonna be better.
So I told myself I’m gonna do something that is really fun for me. I’m gonna practice the guitar, I’m gonna practice scales, learning how to solo with the guitar and just do something that’s fun even though I’m currently in this situation and I also told myself what else can I do? Okay, you know what? I have to get out of Germany in the next three months! So I’m thinking I’m probably gonna move to Indonesia, that’s where I have some friends, that’s the only place that I can think of that I could go to where it’s easy to get back to. I can’t go back to the Philippines. So I have some goals set for how I can improve my life and I’m actually not interested in dating right now. I’m only interested in my own life. I want to unleash the king within. I have things that I need to improve myself and you probably can’t tell but I’m really trying to keep it together in these videos. Sometimes I’m really struggling. I have not been so depressed in years as I have been in the last year but I’m trying to find some goals and keep moving forward towards those goals and practically, or basically, have delayed gratification. Instead of focusing on dating and finding the right woman to date right now, I need to focus on my life. I want to focus on my coaching goals, on my coaching career, on my business. I want to work on my courses that are coming out soon.
And I want to just get back to a normal healthy life and you probably need to do the same thing and so maybe you shouldn’t be dating right now. And you should only start dating when life gets a little bit better. There’s nothing really wrong with dating. Actually, dating can really help you feel better about yourself, especially if you start to build up your confidence and then you date, and you have a few successful moments with women. Maybe you go out on dates. Maybe you have some good sex. It actually helps you with building up your confidence! And because of that it kind of snowballs up and up and up. But obviously, right now you do lack that confidence because life really kicked you in the nuts, essentially. So you should focus on the area of your life that you can control very easily. What’s something that you can control? Your job. Your career, you can control. Right now that you’re still feeling a little bit insecure, yes you can kind of work on that, but it’s probably the hardest part. Getting a new job, getting a raise, getting more money, maybe going back to the gym. Something like that where you don’t really have too much rejection. It’s not dependent on another person giving you validation.
If you work on these things it’s going to snowball into your life. Then your social status is going to climb. So you’re going to make more money because you have a job again. Then because you have a job again you have money coming in. You’re gonna work on maybe your looks or your status. You go to the gym. So now you look better and you have more money. So because you have more status you can go out again. You can meet people. Because you meet people, you’re gonna meet women. Maybe you can go more often to bars because maybe you don’t want to spend so much money on drinks and all that stuff. But of course, if you work on these important goals right now that help you to get back on track with your life, that is going to also have a ripple effect on your relationships, on your dating situation. So I think it might make sense to just completely ignore dating at least for a while. Maybe forget it until at least you have a job and so maybe you wait until you have a job and then you at least start focusing on something that’s important for you.
As I said, for me it’s guitar. What is it for you? What’s important to you? What are your hobbies? Your goals? Maybe you want a job but you also want to work on a business? Or what’s your big passion? Your big dream? So for example, for me, my big purpose is to help men to improve their dating life. And my guitar it’s kind of a passion. It’s always been my dream to play the guitar and become a musician but I think this is not really in the cards for me because I’m 32 years old but I can become a performer just for fun. For passion. So that’s what I’m working on. I’m working on my purpose with my business, I’m working on my passion because this year in 2022 I want to go out there and I want to play some songs live and just have some fun. So what is it that you want to do for yourself to really feel good about yourself? Because once you become that confident king, once you unleash that king within, and you have that aura where your woman can tell there’s something going on with you, you’re so happy and content, then dating becomes so easy and it doesn’t really feel like there’s any effort to it, it just happens.
You just start to go on dates and hook up with women and seduce them almost naturally because you feel so good about yourself that talking to them becomes incredibly easy, satisfying, fun. And there’s no pressure anymore because once you feel so good with your money, with your looks, your status, then there’s not much to lose anymore and then if you have a rejection with a woman, well, whatever! See you! It was nice seeing you and I’m gonna find another woman! That’s how you have to approach this. So that’s my advice for you. Let me know in the comments what you think.
2022 is definitely going to be better for all of us than 2021. It can’t get much worse. I know you probably don’t think so, there’s probably still a few clusterfucks here and there waiting for us, but keep going, improve by one percent every single day and that’s all you have to do, and then if you keep on going every single day, you’re gonna be so surprised by maybe six months from now, you probably have a new girlfriend, your job is going to be amazing, where you’re living is exactly where you want to live, and your friends, all of that stuff is going to be awesome. So keep going! Let me know what you think in the comments below. Subscribe to the channel, give me a thumbs up of course, and never forget to unleash the king within!