Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
What is up, kings? In this dating advice for men, we’re gonna talk about rejection, and actually, it’s kind of a hybrid video this time. So typically, two kinds of people come to my channel. Either it’s someone who wants an ex back, or it’s someone who’s kind of insecure with women. And both of these scenarios are actually about rejection and caring too much and being too obsessed with that woman. So whether you want your ex back, whether you want to talk to a woman that you’ve never met, or maybe you’ve turned off a woman and you want her back, it’s all about not being obsessed with her.
So in this video, even though this is not an ex back video, it’s a great case study of why it’s so important to not be afraid and be obsessed with women. So I have a situation from a client of mine, he’s not looking for advice, but he’s just sharing how his life has changed a lot. He had a breakup and he was so obsessed with this girl. I think we had four coaching sessions and the first coaching session was just almost useless, because he just didn’t listen to what I had to say and it took him so long to stop being so obsessed with this woman and then turn his life around. So obviously, if you’re so hyper-focused on the woman that you’re trying to please, you will never get her back. So let’s get into his message and see what he has to say.
So he says: “Hi Andy, I want to give you a short update on my situation and thank you for your help. I think many men need to hear this. You were right back then during our coaching sessions that I was too obsessed with my ex-girlfriend, and that my obsession has been holding me back. Looking back, it definitely was a mistake to pause my life for my ex and wait aimlessly for her to come back. My God, I was so lost back then and I am truly grateful for your support. I can’t even begin to imagine how fucked up I would still be right now without someone to talk to. My ex actually started messaging me again just recently. We talk once or twice a week but I’ll get into that in a moment. First, I want to share with you how things are going with my dating life, in general.”
So it’s exactly how I shared it at the beginning. Typically, the degree of how obsessed you are with your ex, the degree of how obsessed you are with a woman, that determines a lot of your success in life, with getting an ex back, or getting that girl back that you turned off who flaked on you. And so it’s a very common scenario with my coaching clients, especially with the ones who want their ex back, especially if they’ve had a long-term relationship, those who are very distraught, very desperate, they always have the hardest time to get her back because they are so focused on her and they don’t focus on themselves at all. And it’s always about unleashing the king within. This is why I make this always clear. You have to focus on yourself. You can’t get an ex back, or a woman back, or convince a woman to like you by trying to get her approval or doing all of these things to get her attention. It just doesn’t work out.
So he then says: “As you probably remember, after my breakup with my ex, I spent months trying to win her back and that led nowhere. You helped me realize that I was passing up a lot of opportunities with other women and that I had been telling myself wrongfully that I was unable to find another woman who loves me and makes me happy. It’s been almost half a year since our last coaching sessions and I wanted to share with you how starting to date and living on the edge of what I am capable of has helped me so much. I used to be so insecure because I felt so defeated and worthless after my breakup, but ever since I started being active on dating apps and actively approaching women, my life has improved so much and my confidence in my dating life has skyrocketed. Sometimes it’s good to not to be so hard on yourself.”
Awesome! So you can see he’s changing one important behavior that a lot of men do. Whether you want an ex back or you get rejected by a woman, both scenarios are actually rejections. The woman doesn’t want you and so typically what people do is after rejection, is they feel like shit and they give up. They feel like it has no hope. “I am hopeless“… “I can’t do this“… “Something’s wrong with me“… “Nobody wants me“… “My ex thinks I suck. Women think I suck“… and so obviously if you keep on thinking that and don’t try to improve your ways, and try to figure out what’s wrong and improve that so that women can see “Actually, he is quite of a nice guy, and he’s a great guy compared to all of these weak needy guys, he’s actually kind of a king! He’s awesome and I love being around him!” and so it’s really dangerous to just get stuck and pause and feel like there’s no way out and this guy, he stopped being on pause mode.
So he was really obsessed with this ex and the first session, like I said, with him was almost useless. It’s very common with my clients, especially when they’re very distraught, they just don’t listen to what I have to say and it’s like I tell them something and it just goes out here, and typically it takes at least two coaching sessions where we make clear exercises for them to work on themselves and for them to realize what they’re doing is just completely backfiring.
So, anyway, he realized “Okay I need to stop being so obsessed” and the exercises that we did really worked, and he kind of became calmer, and he started to see things from a different perspective, and he realized “Well, right now I can’t convince my ex to get back together. So let me focus on something else in my life” and we focused at first on his personal growth. His goals. So we were not too focused on his dating life back then. Of course, I encouraged him to date but I told him before you do that, actually focus on your own shit. What are the things that are not going well in your life? Right now, what are the things that you want to achieve for your life without your ex? And so now he’s starting to date. So life is looking up. So let’s see what he says.
He says: “My best friend I have even tried something really crazy. Recently we realized that it is not so easy to match with really attractive women on Tinder, but a lot of them have their IG profiles in their profile, so we began trying out cold approach messages on Instagram. I have to say that it is scary as fuck and to say that our first attempts weren’t successful would be an understatement lol. But my bro and I, we sort of tried to turn this into a game of becoming better at flirting and overcoming a woman’s objections and how to overcome rejection.”
Fucking nice! So you can see he’s training himself to overcome these objections. That makes him more resilient and so whatever happens in the future he won’t care so much. It’s the same thing with an ex. So if you’re trying to get her back so badly, you care way too much about the impact of her rejection and because of that you screw up. It’s the same thing if you, for example, have a date with a woman and you know you really start liking her, but then she all of a sudden isn’t into you anymore, she starts ghosting, she starts seeing someone else. Again, you make it too personal. The rejection becomes too impactful on your life and then you screw it up even more.
So you have to get used to rejection. And he’s doing a good job! Cold approach on Instagram, it’s really not easy because a lot of women will just see the message from a guy and they’ll be like “who the fuck is this creep?” But he’s trying it. So he’s really leveling up his game and he’s really becoming resilient. That’s a good approach! Obviously, it’s a really scary approach but the more often you do something like this the easier it gets and the better you will feel about yourself!
So he then says: “We have been doing this for the last few months. It took us a while to get good at writing good openers and seeing what works, but lately, both he and I made a lot of progress and we’ve been going out on casual dates with some really hot girls. If there is one thing that we have learned from this experience it is not to let it go to your head when it seems like a woman is rejecting you. Often, they aren’t even doing that. It’s more like they are testing you, your resolve, and how easy they can shake you off balance.”
“We noticed that women almost always throw you a stone in your way when you cold message them. They pretend to be offended, annoyed, say something that makes you feel like you need to apologize, but as soon as you don’t take the bait, all of a sudden they begin to be into you and message back a lot. It’s hilarious lol!”
Yeah, it’s really true. It’s the shittest women. Always want to see how strong are you and so especially if you do something like a cold approach, they will see “Wow what the fuck who’s this creep? Let me tell him. Let me show him that I don’t like it. And let me see how he responds to that” because there’s a lot of simps out there who message all of these hot girls on Instagram, and they have their DMs full of really weak, insecure guys, or the comment section… “Oh my God, look at you. You’re a queen! You’re a princess! You’re so beautiful!” And then they have like all these heart emojis and whatnot. It’s pathetic!
And they want to see okay “Who is not like that? I don’t have a problem with you being into me. I don’t have a problem that you find me attractive. A lot of guys find me attractive. But do I find you attractive? What are you like? What are you made of?” They’re trying to figure this out and an ex is trying to figure out the same thing. So if she messages you, or if you message her, she’s gonna try and figure out “Is he still insecure? Is he still obsessed? Is he still needy or will he not care if I still reject him? How detached is he from this situation?” So again it’s all about becoming immune to rejection.
So he then says: “So now my inbox is full of a lot of cute girls. In fact, way more cute girls than before my last relationship. Ever since I stopped being so negative, life started being good. And here’s the best part of it: My ex is back and it’s like there is no sign of her being angry or disappointed with me anymore. It’s even the reverse. She apologized to me and said that she is sorry for how she behaved during our relationship. It’s really crazy because I felt as if I was a hopeless case and fucked up beyond repair with her but now it is her who is making things right with me. I’m not sure what to do with my ex-girlfriend yet. I still have to see.”
So yeah, this guy he actually did fuck up quite a bit. He had some anger issues and he wasn’t really good with communication. So his ex-girlfriend definitely was warranted in being upset with him and when she broke up with him, he didn’t see it coming. But now she’s apologizing. You can see he’s detached from his ex. He’s starting to date other women. He no longer cares about being rejected by his ex and he also doesn’t care about being rejected by other hot women. He has his inbox full with a lot of hot women and if you look at this, this is typically how it is with women! Women have so many options.
That’s why they don’t care if they get rejected by one guy. They might not necessarily care because there’s so many guys out there who they can have. Now, it is very rare for women to get rejected and when they get rejected, they often do chase the man more often, actually, than men would do the other way around. But as you can see it definitely works when you detach yourself from the outcome. If you don’t get the woman, it’s fine. If you don’t get the ex, it’s fine. I don’t care, there’s another woman waiting for me!
So anyway, he then wraps it up by saying: “Right now it is good to be talking to her and I still have feelings for her. It’s as if I love her just like the day when we broke up, but at the same time, I’m really enjoying my newfound success with women. It’s really fun when you no longer get pushed around by women all the time. That said, I am going to meet up with my ex before Christmas and I can’t wait to see her reaction to how I’ve changed. I have a feeling I might get laid next month. I will keep you in the loop. I don’t need any advice right now. I just wanted to share with others that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel and thank you, take care and stay safe.”
Thank you. Take care, stay safe as well! So as you can see, everything is working out. As soon as he stopped caring the results are coming in. His ex is really intrigued by him because he probably is not chasing her anymore. He’s actually chasing other women instead of chasing his ex and messaging her, which he used to do like crazy. Actually, he’s now just randomly messaging other women and it’s working. He’s setting up the dates. He has a lot of women who are in his DMs. And I don’t know, he didn’t mention it here I think but he’s probably getting laid with these women already. So he doesn’t care if his ex comes back anymore and this is the best way how you can go about it. It’s the same thing if you are dating a really hot woman. If you don’t care if she ditches you or if she finds another man, it’s typically that this is the scenario where you can have this woman, probably 90% sure. Some women just go crazy for you as soon as they can see that you don’t care because they wonder: “Why are you so strong?! All the other men are wavering in my presence, but you just aren’t affected by this! So what is it that makes you so confident all of a sudden?”
Women want to be with a man that they can trust. Once she trusts, she will discover her lust. And they don’t want to be with a man that they can manipulate because once she can deceive she is going to leave. If you’re going to jump at the next opportunity of getting into her pants or being able to see her, she’s going to be really, really turned off because there is some guy somewhere that she meets randomly, who’ll be giving zero fucks about if he fucked her or not. He won’t care if he gets rejected because he’s an alpha male. And alpha males, they have a lot of options. And this is precisely why women want them because they want to be able to nail down that alpha male who has a lot of options. So as you can see, it is all about getting to a place where you no longer care about the rejection and are actually not avoiding it.
So a lot of men, they always avoid rejection. So one case obviously is talking to women. A cold approach, talking to her on the streets, or on tinder, whatever, on a dating app & being afraid of how she’s going to react. That’s one scenario. The other scenario for people who come to my channel because they want an ex back or they turned off a woman, they also feel afraid that they’re going to say the wrong things and then they overthink all of these things that could go wrong, and obviously because you overthink so much, that’s precisely why things go wrong. But once you no longer care about what you’re going to say, you’re going to be very chill about how you respond how you talk to a woman, and the more natural that it feels for the woman to talk with you, the more she’s going to be into you.
So you should follow the same approach that he did. He focused on himself. He unleashed the king within first and look at this guy! He took a lot of risks! He started trying to do cold approaches on Instagram. A lot of women will just be really disgusted and turned off by this approach, but it did work, and because it worked, he built up his confidence, and now he’s feeling great. And I can guarantee you this guy, he’s meeting up with his ex was it in a month or so from now? Before Christmas. So his ex will probably see his state of mind and I have a pretty high prediction that this guy is going to bring her home to his place and he’s going to have sex with her and then maybe they get back together. Or maybe he continues dating these other women that he’s been dating. That’s awesome! He’s in a really great state.
You should do the same thing! Focus on yourself. Don’t be so concerned with getting rejected by the woman that you care about and then you’re going to nail that woman. So I hope that was helpful. Let me know in the comments what you think. What’s your take on this and what’s your situation with your rejection story? Give me a thumbs up, of course, write in the comments, subscribe to the channel, and as always don’t forget to unleash the king within.