Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
We’re gonna talk about what do you do when she needs space? How do you respond to it? It’s about hot and cold behavior. I have a message from a guy and his ex says she needs some space. And ultimately, when an ex says she needs space, or after breakup in general, she’s trying to figure out “Do I want to get back with you?” That’s what the no contact rule is for. To give her some space, so that she can think about you and reevaluate the relationship. And typically, what’s going on is, just maybe, someone else in the picture. A new guy. A rebound guy and she’s trying to figure out who can I trust?
Who has the stronger masculine core? With whom do I want to get back together? With do I want to get back? With you or do I go on and date someone new? Or do I stay single? And so when she says she needs space, when she’s reaching out, she’s trying to figure out “Can I trust you?“, because once a woman trusts, she will discover her lust. Alright, so let’s get right into this. Don’t forget to subscribe. It’s all about unleashing the king within. Let me know in the comments if you subscribed. And thanks so much of course. It helps me to make more content like this. Let’s get right into this.
So the guy with his ex who needs space starts his message like this: “Hello coach, I need your advice. I am really anxious because my ex-girlfriend is giving me mixed signals after reaching out to me. It’s been five months ago since we broke up. I begged and pleaded like crazy but she was just unreachable and unresponsive. She eventually told me that we should probably stop being friends for a while. I understand why she said that. For sure I didn’t leave the best impression when we broke up.”
Yes, so when you beg and plead after a breakup, your ex-girlfriend is essentially not happy with you, and she’s trying to get away from you to find her happiness again. And maybe over time, she will then realize “Well, I actually was quite happy with him. There were some issues but we can work them out.” That’s why no contact is so important because after a while, she will realize all the negative things were not that bad. There were a lot of positive sides to the relationship and to you, but by not giving her space, by begging and pleading, you just keep on reminding her over and over about the bad stuff. So you’re just showing her over and over that you’re insecure. It’s not a good way. So never beg and plead after a breakup!
He then says: “I basically handed over all control and power to her with my weak and needy behavior when I was begging and pleading. She told me that she doesn’t know if we will ever get back together and that she thinks at least not right now. She said there’s maybe a chance that we will get back together in the future but if we get back together, she said that she would need to reflect on our relationship first and that she needed some space from me.”
So let me translate that into human speech. She’s essentially saying no there’s definitely no chance that we are going to get back together, ever. We are never ever getting back together. That’s what she’s thinking but at the same time, she’s like a slight shiver of hope. She’s thinking well, you know, I don’t want to lose you. You have a lot of history. She loves you despite everything that happened. She still has attachment to you. She still has feelings for you. She doesn’t want to lose that and also that’s why exes often are hot and cold and come back with mixed signals. Because deep down they still have feelings for you and so she’s basically saying: Well, not right now. Maybe in the future. That’s the safest way how she can say no sorry, I need my time, but she doesn’t want to lose you, and so she’s kind of using you as a plan B. It’s very natural because she’s not ready to let go yet. She hasn’t figured out do I really want to let go or not? And so she’s trying to tell you “yeah, maybe in the future” You shouldn’t get your hopes up because of this though. Because there could be obviously the chance that she says “No I don’t want to date you anymore” because she finds someone new, or you screw up more and more over time. So well, she’s basically trying to not hurt your feelings, but ultimately it means right now there’s no chance to get back together and she needs more time.
So he then says: “I eventually accepted with lots of tears and sulking that nothing I would say to her would change her mind and I gave the space that she wanted. I decided that I will use her wish for space to start no contact and focus on myself. For the last months, I’ve been working really hard to get back on track with my life and have been working out like crazy in the morning. I actually have gotten so much healthier and look really attractive now.”
That’s awesome! It is a really great life skill, in general, to learn to pick yourself up when you’re at your lowest. Because the truth is we never know when life screws us over. You could literally be at your best one moment and the next moment you are just down on the floor. That happened to me about maybe one and a half years ago. I was just doing so perfectly and then so much shit hit the fan and it’s a life skill to pick yourself back up. And that’s something that’s attractive to women. And now you are looking attractive again. So first of all, if things don’t work out with her, you have all the best chances now. You set yourself up for success to meet an amazing new woman in the future, but also your ex is going to see “Wow, look at him! He is looking so great!” And I guess before that you probably didn’t look that healthy and attractive. So you leveled up your game. That increases your chances to get back with her like crazy. Good job!
He then says: “I’m a lot more muscular now than before our breakup.”
Yeah, so she must be thinking “What is going on?? He looks hot all of a sudden! He’s been glowing up after the breakup!”
He says: “I should be feeling really good about myself and at times I really do, but there is always the ebb and flow of going from hyperproductive and feeling happy, to feeling completely like shit and not knowing how to go on with life without her. Despite all my progress, I still miss her like crazy. Sometimes I get unexpected bursts of having to think about her because random things remind me of her.”
That is okay. That is normal. It is okay to feel bad. Just because you feel good in one area of your life doesn’t mean that you can’t feel like shit because of your ex. It’s normal that some things will remind you of your ex. It’s been only five months since the break, since the breakup. So it’s very natural that she still comes up. And every now and then, you’re going to think about her and obviously, time heals all wounds. Eventually, there will be a time when you will not think about her so much anymore. And that is actually the time when you have the highest chances of getting her back because when you kind of become relatively indifferent to your ex, that’s typically when they come back.
When they realize that they’re probably losing you. That’s when they realize that they don’t have that much power anymore. And that’s when they realize “Well, he’s kind of attractive and he must be dating other women right now.” So don’t sweat it. It’s normal to have bad moments. Five months after the breakup is not that long. For a lot of people, it takes like a year to heal. Maybe one and a half years, to two years. It’s normal. It could even take you longer. It’s fine. Go at your own pace.
So he says: “Our breakup has been five months ago now, and for the last two months I’ve actually been doing relatively well, even though at times I am barely hanging on and just recently felt like shit, I keep on working on my passions, which is working out and growing an online community platform. I’ve made a lot of progress lately and for the first time in a long while I am no longer stuck in this dark cloud where I get nothing done. But a few days ago, my ex messaged me and I got very confused by her mixed messages.”
That’s okay. If your ex sends you mixed messages, that doesn’t mean that you can’t stay on track. Obviously, you’re a lot of confused now because what is going on. Let’s decipher this message in a moment, but even if things are very confusing, even things might not go your way right now, because your ex has messaged you… It doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t keep going. Your passions sound awesome. Working out in the morning, damn that’s awesome and growing a community platform, that’s pretty cool! I guess I sort of organized a community in the past. Not really a platform. But well, I mean I’m building a community right now. It’s really something that gives you meaning and purpose. So whatever you’re up to… I don’t know what community it is but that is awesome! Stay at it! Stay strong no matter what happens now with your ex. Keep at it because she will love this part about you and any other woman will also love this about you. I think I said leave… I meant love.
So he says: “My ex messaged me and said ‘Hey I saw you coming out of the gym yesterday. You’re looking good. How have you been?’..”
So she’s coming up with a bullshit reason. Maybe she saw you at the gym. Maybe not. She just needs a reason to message you. So she is kind of curious what’s going on. You’re looking hot.
He says: “After that, we talked for about 30 minutes playing catch up. I thought our conversation was going very well, so I wanted to show her that I am confident and said ‘Hey we should go to the gym together if you are free’ For your info: My ex used to be much more active than me and always was the one dragging me to work out, which felt like torture to me back then. But I figured since I enjoy it now, we could work out together to bond.”
So the thing that you did well is asking her out. If she reaches out, you should assume that she wants to see you. You should assume that she has interest at least. At the very least she’s curious to hear from you and re-evaluate “Well, he’s changed. He’s no longer begging and pleading. He’s looking quite attractive. Sexy. Working out. He’s back on track.” Maybe you’re even more on track than she is. You never know. Maybe she’s not doing so well with the breakup, and now you seem to be doing so well. Who knows. Now what I wouldn’t have said is going to the gym. I get it. You have some history with the gym, or she dragged you to work out in the past.
So you’re probably thinking “Well, now I like to work out as well. So why don’t I use this interest of hers to work out together?” It sounds nice in theory, but the problem is this interest, in general, is kind of too casual. It would be much better to do something like a date. A dinner date. Something also where she doesn’t have to fear that she has to commit to something. You know, a date is… she can commit to this date, she can show up to the date. It’s a one-night, one-time thing at night. And if she doesn’t want to make out with you, if she doesn’t want to get back with you, if she doesn’t feel it, then she just has to leave and she doesn’t have to come home with you. And that’s it. And then if nothing happens after that, it’s kind of like a normal date. When you meet someone for the first time with a date, it doesn’t work out, you kind of know, okay it didn’t work out and you move on with life.
She can do the same thing here. If you ask her to work out it’s a very casual activity. She might think “Oh my god is he going to ask me to work out again? And is he going to expect that this is going to become a regular thing?” Obviously, a dinner date is kind of like a one-time thing, sort of. Working out, or maybe going together for yoga, or cycling, or whatever, some hobby. Playing badminton. She might think “Oh my God, is he gonna ask me to play badminton, or go for a run, or work out with him frequently now?” She wants to avoid that because she’s not sure yet. Do I want to commit to this relationship? So I would have asked for something else. Like a dinner date. That would have been better. So he then says… let me just take a sip here, I have some dry lips.
He says: “When I asked her out, she said I am sorry. I didn’t want to give you a false impression that I miss you and want to get back together or anything like that. I just wanted to know how you were doing. I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to meet up. I still need more space to think about us.”
So maybe it was too soon for her. Maybe, even if you would have just asked her for something like a dinner date, or doesn’t really matter what you would have asked for, perhaps she would have always rejected you. Clearly, she was wondering about you. She was kind of testing your security. Your strength. And she wanted to know what’s going on with you. But it seems like maybe she’s not yet ready to hang out. Maybe she’s not ready to commit yet and she needs a bit more time. So the best thing that you can do now is not push further.
So he says: “This left me really confused and felt like a punch in the gut. Everything was going so well until that moment. I haven’t even replied to her message yet. I’m kind of scared to say the wrong thing but I don’t want to look like I am ghosting her by waiting too long to reply. How do I respond to something like this? First, she shows interest, then she pulls away and she says she needs more space. I was thinking to write something like this: ‘Hey, sure. That’s okay. I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable or pressure you in any way. I’m okay if you don’t want to meet up. I just thought it would be nice to meet up since I haven’t heard from you for such a long time. I didn’t want to make you think that I want to get back together. I’ve been busy with my life and I’m okay with if we don’t get back together.’…”
That is way too much. I wouldn’t say anything if an ex rejects you. If she says “I need more space, or sorry I can’t make time for it,” or something like that, or “I don’t want to get back together right now, I didn’t want to give you any false hopes” I would just be very, very brief and be like “yeah, okay it’s fine. If you need some space, that’s cool. No problem.” And honestly, I wouldn’t say anything. Like I wouldn’t even specify that “Oh, I didn’t want to pressure you” or “Hey, I don’t want to get back together” because she probably knows that you want to get back together. And she knows that you still have feelings for her. And she probably thinks that you also know that she still has feelings for you, but you might not know that.
A lot of guys actually don’t realize that when an ex reaches out, she still has feelings for you and she’s trying to rekindle, or thinking should I rekindle? So I wouldn’t push it at all. I would just be like “Yeah it’s fine. Don’t worry. That’s cool.” and I wouldn’t say anything, because the bottom line is if she needs space and she rejects you, and you don’t say much, she knows what’s going to happen if she doesn’t hear from you after that. Well, she’s the one who rejected you and she knows you are doing quite well with your workout.
She knows “Well, maybe I shouldn’t have rejected him because he seems to be just fine.” It’s not like he’s chasing me and I thought that well, he’s gonna come back, and he’s gonna message me again. But you’re not doing that. And eventually, she’s gonna realize “Whoopsie, I shouldn’t have rejected him. I shouldn’t have said I need more space, because what if he’s dating someone else right now?” So don’t overthink it when an ex says she needs space. What do you do? Just give her the space and you don’t do anything at all. You just wait for her to come back and realize that she fucked up. That’s it.
And he then wraps it up by saying: “In a nutshell, my goal is to show her that I’m not going to beg and plead again, so she finds some respect for me again. What do you think about this message?”
Well, like I said: If you want to show her that you’re not going to beg and plead again, and make sure that she has respect for you again, then like I said, don’t do anything because by justifying it, it’s like you’re seeking validation. You’re trying to make sure that you don’t say the wrong thing. You’re trying to course correct. You’re trying to do damage control, essentially. And as soon as you’re doing damage control, it’s like you’re defending yourself. And as soon as you’re defending yourself, she’s thinking she’s in the right. Now, obviously, she knows that she’s the one who has the power right now because she’s rejecting you. But if you don’t show her that you are heavily impacted by it, if you show that it doesn’t bother you that much that she needs more space, then you take a little bit of the power away from her.
Because she expects it. Right now, she can do whatever she wants and she will get you back now no matter what. But if you show her that it doesn’t bother you that much, then she will realize that you’re not that heavily invested in it anymore. And then she will also realize that “Well, maybe he’s going to move on. Maybe, he’s going to find someone else.” So what do you do when an ex texts and says she needs space? Obviously, it’s very confusing because she reached out to you. You don’t do anything! You did an okay job by inviting her. Like I said, you should have invited her to a dinner date because then you could also seduce her. But overall, at least you tried to signal “Hey I want to see you, let’s meet up.”
So well, she, by reaching out, says “Hey I want to see you,” kind of, but for some reason she wasn’t ready for it and then when she shows you “Hey I want to see” you or “I’m curious about you“… you took action. So you did the right stuff. But it just wasn’t the right timing yet, maybe. Or maybe she wasn’t okay with the workout thing specifically. There are all kinds of reasons why she might not be ready to commit yet. So just wait for it and when she says she needs space, it essentially just means the same thing like when she said she needs space after the breakup. She’s not sure about you, yet.
So what you should do is first of all, don’t be hung up on her. Don’t wait for her to continuously come back. Keep doing what you’re doing. Keep on working out. Keep on doing your online community. And also, start dating other women. If you’re looking really hot right now… I don’t know if you’re going to the gym or you’re doing calisthenics. Well, I would suggest go to a gym, or an outdoor…you know what… A park. Something like that where you can meet some attractive women. Because that will boost your confidence as well, and obviously you want your ex back, but there’s also a lot of great women out there that you should try to get to know. Because maybe one of them will make you happy. And if not, at least you’re keeping yourself busy. And that will increase your chances of getting your ex back.
Now let me know what do you think about this. Give me a thumbs up, of course, if you like this. Subscribe to the channel If it was helpful. And let me know what’s your take on this. Do you agree with my take or you do not agree with this? Would you do it differently? What’s your thought on his ex? What’s your advice? I would love to hear your thoughts. Again, I’m Andy Graziosi, helping you unleash your confidence and become the man that your dream woman loves. I’ll see all of you kings in the next video. Don’t forget to unleash the king within.