When you’re coming on too strong as a beta male and you’re a nice guy with a woman

Aug 23, 2021 | Dating & Attraction

Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.

Hi guys, stay a while and listen. I’m Coach Andy Graziosi and I help you unleash your confidence and become the man that women love. Here we talk all about becoming kings, so stay and let’s see what this guy here says about his situation. So, it’s basically about a guy who is being too nice and he talked to a woman and you can see the woman was actually into him, but the problem is, attraction is malleable. So attraction can increase or it can decrease.

Obviously, if you have high attraction for someone, if a woman has high attraction for you, it’s easier to make things work with her. So if you screw up, you have more possibilities to screw up because she’s going to forgive you for your screw-ups. If she doesn’t have that much attraction for you and you screw up, you’re becoming weak, you’re becoming needy, you’re not a king, she’s gonna ditch you essentially. All right so let’s see what he says.

He says “Hi, I was going through a divorce about two years ago. This woman and I began communicating while I was still living in the marital home and going through the divorce process. She has been there for me and been very supportive through that process. A few weeks after divorce was final, I asked her out for drinks.

Nice! So obviously, during the divorce he must have been very vulnerable. Right, so he was kind of the nice guy sort of, right? And so she probably saw his weak sides, which is tough, right? So obviously, yes you have to show your weak sides as well to women, especially once you are in a relationship. But at first, the woman needs to be able to trust your strength.

She probably understood that well this guy he didn’t have much strength right now, because obviously, he had a divorce which is quite painful. So she probably forgave him. So, it’s nice you asked her for drinks right after the divorce was final. Good step! You did a good thing here, taking action. Awesome!

He then says “When we first met, we had real chemistry and it felt like we could talk for days on end about life, relationships, or anything. I felt like we just clicked and had this connection. I haven’t felt in forever. We ended the night with a kiss on the lips.

Nice! So that’s a good thing. Always make a kiss happen. You need to push forward and show a woman that you got what it takes, to take action. Good step. So then he says: “After that, we met for a couple of dinners and I’d gotten take out for us. All of these nights were ending with big long hugs and kisses on the cheek and a couple simple kisses on the lips. Shortly after our last time having dinner together, it was confirmed that she was moving out of state for her new job. This was also the night we kissed and hugged the most.

And what do you see missing here? No sex. So how many dinners did you have? You didn’t mention the exact time but it sounds like you had at least two, three, four dinners. I would seduce a woman on the second dinner, probably. A woman wants to see that you can take action and she wants you. That’s why she’s having dinner with you. You just need to facilitate for it to happen. You’re not making it happen… Disappointment! She was anticipating it!

He then says… Obviously, she was about to leave the city. They had one last kiss and hugged. She left the state basically for a new job. So then he says: “We still have been texting but it seemed she was backing off even more and we were not doing much texting. I have been backing off a bit too, since I’m not getting too much in return.

Good step. Obviously, long distance and the texting back and forth gets really boring to be honest. You want to be physical with a woman, and talk to them face to face, and hug them, and look in their eyes, and banter with them and have fun and jokes and all that stuff. You can’t do that so much with long distance. This kind of stuff is nice when we’re young because we have never experienced it. Love is new, but there’s so much more out there. Obviously, she’s backing off. She’s realizing “This is not something that I want right now and I can’t see him, so let me back off.” And you’re backing off as well. Good step! You’re realizing this is not going anywhere, so I think you’re just realizing you’re not getting much in return, which is good thing. Perfect step!

Then says: “Eventually, I was able to see her one last time before she left and I brought her a going away gift. We kissed and she hugged me a couple of times, but she eventually stepped away and I gave her one final hug and goodbye.

If I would have given her a gift… that’s kind of too nice. Maybe I don’t know your situation, but I wouldn’t have done it most likely. You already are getting along and you’re hugging and kissing, and all that stuff. You know there’s affection going on. You don’t need to prove yourself with a gift. So that’s what I would have done.

He then says: “About a month or so later I emailed her just wanting to clear the air on our feelings and not end what we had on a sour note.

Now we’re getting into weak beta male territory… A lot of friendzone-ish stuff. Why did it end on a sour note? It didn’t! This girl liked you, you liked her, you hugged and kissed multiple times, you had multiple dates. The only problem was that she was moving away so there was no sour note. The only sour note was “Oh man, I would have loved to see you more often. I would have loved to have sex with you. I would have loved to be in a relationship with you. I would have loved to date you. But the stars didn’t align for us.

There’s no sour thing going on there. You’re probably telling yourself that there’s something sour going on. He then says: “She ended up typing back with an honest response and even told me she was crying after reading it… That she did have feelings for me at that point and still did when she read the letter. She said she missed me and missed us hanging out.

Obviously, the girl really likes you. If the attraction from that girl would be much, much lower… Let’s say a woman, she’s a very adult woman… If she wouldn’t have a lot of attraction, she would be less inclined to reply to this. She would probably be turned off by this kind of stuff. But because she obviously liked you and you had a lot of dates, you know she wanted more. But it didn’t happen. You got a good response when you sent her a letter. You’re lucky. You’re really lucky because in a lot of cases this wouldn’t work.

He then says: “It seems she is also a very guarded woman for many reasons, and was also having a hard time keeping her feelings in check, that she did have feelings for me back when we first met and still did till that day. Also, she said she even ended up falling in love with me she said I was an easy man to fall in love with. She ended up opening her heart up to me and wasn’t sure what to do from that point going forward.

I would have just said: “Yeah great! I love you too, babe!” Or maybe not necessarily “love you” because it’s too soon but “I like you too and I love being around you, and you know, next time that we see each other, let’s spend some extra time extra quality time together.”

Make her anticipate it. She wants it! Secretly she wants it. Deep down she’s really into you. It’s just not working out right now so just reaffirm her. Just don’t be too overboard with it. So he then says… and this is where it really slowly starts to get bad because he was really had this in the bag. This girl really liked him!

He says: “Well, we texted a bit more and I followed up that last letter with one that she felt came on too strong because it gave her the impression I thought we were dating or could date.

Well yeah! I wouldn’t just send a letter at all! You’re just dating, or you know each other and you’re talking and chatting. Why are you sending her a whole letter about your feelings, man? It’s like you haven’t seen this woman in who knows how long. I don’t know how long you haven’t seen her but it must be weeks or months. So why would you send her a long letter? That letter, if ever, would belong to whatever woman you would be dating right now.

Now generally, I would just recommend don’t send these kind of dating letters. You don’t need that stuff. Just make things happen. See the girl, kiss her, or hug her. Have fun and that’s all you need. You don’t need to you spill out your feelings on a pen on pen and paper to convince a woman that you are the shit and she wants you. No, she already knows that you are the shit. That’s why she’s interested in you. But once you vomit out your feelings… You know, the thing with that is… I have the saying “If she can deceive, she will leave.

Meaning: Basically, if a woman knows that she can manipulate you, if the woman knows that you are too easy to string along and too easy to abuse.. Use as the better word. To use you for her games, she’ll leave you and she can definitely tell that with that letter. It’s like “What the heck?!

He says: “She ended our communication right there and blocked my phone number and on all social media. So I figure it’s done and over. We move on and go our separate ways.” So it’s a bit weird that she blocks you. I don’t know what that letter was. The letter must have been way too strong because even if that letter would be really strong, I think in most situations women would just be “Uh… Okay, this is weird. This guy’s way too much into me. Back off!” Maybe she has a bad history or she’s just really strange. Maybe she does this kind of stuff all the time or your letter was really just way too strong. I don’t know but it’s a bit odd to be honest.

Then he says: “Well, about two weeks ago I was on a dating site and I found her online. Seems she moved back home and was working virtually for her job that moved her out of state. I pulled the trigger and said ‘What’s up stranger?’… She replied about a minute later and said ‘I’m good’. Not a minute after I read her response I got a text saying I could text her here. The texts just got rolling from there.

So obviously, there’s still some attraction. At this point we don’t know if this woman is just using it as a convenience. I would have thought: “Why would you swipe her right?” I wouldn’t have done that to be honest because she blocked you. She made it clear that “Okay, I’m out of here.“, so why would you want to be with this woman? We are kings, we deserve a woman who wants to be with us.

A woman who’s into you will always find ways to be with you not find ways to avoid you, or make excuses. She made a major excuse by blocking. She was like “I’m out of here!” Yes, you probably screwed up with your message. I don’t know what the letter was. Still, she made her choice, so “sayonara!” That’s what I would have done.

He says: “My thought though was that she blocked me from all social media. My first thought though was that she blocked me from all social media sites and texts as I was never able to get through to her. She said she was having phone issues during that time and that she was emotional. She was an emotional hormonal bitch to me and also apologized for me.

Sure, maybe she was. Something was going on. Maybe it was emotionally and hormonal and whatever the reason is why she thought “Okay, I’m going to block this guy.” … Whether it was on your end, or mostly on your end, or also partly hers, she definitely did not have phone issues, man. She’s just telling that. I would call a woman out on this.

If a woman tells you this kind of crap… like “How the heck can you have phone issues?! No, I was blocked! I could not see your profile! I could not respond to you or maybe I could send messages but I could clearly see that you didn’t read them. Come on! I’m not stupid. Okay, and if you’re going to pretend that I’m stupid I don’t want to date you. Just tell me the truth at least.” All right you gotta hold women accountable for their BS. Otherwise, they will always push you around.

So he then says: “She too was having some health issues going on. So for about a week, I waited for her to follow up and try to pursue me by a text. Well, the next three days she texted me back with a response from what we were chatting about the night before or from me telling her to have a good day so I thought since we had communicated well that I would continue. I was just following her lead.

Yeah, I always wait and see what the woman does. If the woman initiates you put it back into her side. You send some messages, tell her something, some flirting or a question or whatever. Or, you set up a date. But you always want to make sure of this back and forth, back and forth, and typically you want to make sure that it’s the woman who initiates that because women are about connection.

Women are the ones who do the choosing. We men don’t have much choice in the matter to be honest. We all know this. If a woman is into us, she gets decide for the most part when to have sex. So we can initiate it, but you if she’s not in the mood, we can’t do anything about it. Women do the choosing. Back and forth, back and forth with the messages. So that’s good!

Then he says: “Then later in the week I texted her and told her to have an awesome day at work and she said she’d try. I told her she’s got this and that if she needed to vent, I was here. She said ‘Oh boy, I could vent!’…

I asked if it was about life, work, or other stuff, and she said it’s about all. I said ‘Well, if you need to talk later, I’m here for you.’ ..She said ‘Okay, cool, thanks.’

Now we’re getting into nice guy territory. Of course, we need to be emotional support for the women that we’re with but you’re not with this woman, okay? You’re getting into friend zone territory where she can get emotional support while not being in a relationship with you. Obviously, there’s nothing wrong with helping a person. There’s nothing wrong with helping a woman. But it all needs to be in moderation. So I’m gonna get to this what you are gonna say here.

He says: “Later in the evening I checked back in on her and she was doing better. We then started flirting and eventually asked if she wanted to talk, then I could come over and bring some dinner and drinks. She said ‘okay’ so I grabbed takeout and I took it over along with a couple things.

So yes, that’s what you should have said in the first place just as soon as she’s venting and has problems. I would say “Well you seem to be having a hard time why don’t you just come over or why don’t I come over, bring some drinks? Let’s talk about it. Let’s have a fun time. Let’s distract you a little bit, okay?

And that’s what I would have done straight away because you want to avoid that possibility of a woman just using you for friendzone for emotional support, because women do this. I know this sounds harsh but there are many women who just string along men for their emotional needs and then they find the sex, and the passion, and the fun, the excitement from other guys which are typically the alphas.

And you want to be an alpha who’s a king. You’re still there for support, but you also know what you want. You want that woman, you want sex, you want the relationship. So don’t just settle for only the emotional part. You get everything or nothing. That’s what a king does.

Then he says: “so he grabbed the drinks, he went over had some drinks and then she texted a few minutes later ‘Be nice to see you’ and I replied with ‘looking forward to seeing you too.’

When I got there, I walked in and we hugged and kissed each other on the cheek. We then had dinner and she said she would buy next time.

I’m a bit confused by the way how that works because I thought… Oh right, she’s back in your city.

So we got in there, walked in, hugged, and kissed each other on the cheek. We then had dinner and she said she would buy next time so we then talked for about three and four hours but never brought up where we stand or anything with us.

Yes, good, you shouldn’t bring that up. You just kiss her, make out until you seduce her. He has this habit… look at this… he’s doing it again. No sex! So he must be probably afraid of making the next step. That’s why he sends the letter. This is why you are looking for validation from this woman. But you already got the validation. The fact that you got invited to her place or you invited yourself and then it actually happened, she said yes sure, that’s validation, man.

She wants you already. She’s opening doors. You already walked through it but then it’s like you don’t realize that the lights are actually on. You think that you’re standing in a dark room and you’re about to eject and leave the room. No, you’re in a room full of lights and this woman wants you to become passionate with her. Physical! Seduce her! She wants to get going and you’re not getting going here!

So he then says: “That night I got home and sent her the text.” You shouldn’t have even gone home, dude! That’s the thing! “Okay, that night I got home and sent her a text saying ‘it was great spending time with you tonight and looking forward to seeing you again soon. I loved you with the short hairdo. It looked cute on you.‘”

Again, now you’re trying to be pleasing. Woman pleasing, being a nice guy because you’re looking for validation and you know you’re saying here: “It was great spending time with you tonight and looking forward to seeing you again.” Well, why should she? She’s gonna get the same thing again! No sex! You’re not gonna make a move, then she might as well just keep you on the back burner, message every now and then when she needs you for emotional support, essentially.

And then he says: “Have a great night and sleep well.

After that, she typed back the next day. So you know, she probably ignored the message already because she’s like “No sex. This guy just doesn’t have what it takes and you know, nice to see you too! Nice to see you, too! I’m just a bit disappointed that there was no sex.

So he then says “I’m thinking I came on too strong so I waited a few days to type back and asked for her weekend, how her weekend was and never heard back as of now. I haven’t heard from her in about a week.

Yes, so you can see you have a pattern here. You’re always coming on too strong but you’re never taking the necessary action to seduce her. She’s probably had enough of it at this point and she’s probably talking to another guy who’s making moves, maybe already is sleeping with her, and once you have sex, you build an emotional bond. That emotional connection obviously is important but sex plays a major role as well because of the hormones that peak when we’re having sex. So if she’s having sex with someone else, that guy is basically winning. That’s just the fact. No matter how nice you are, it doesn’t matter. No matter how much emotional support you give to her, that’s not everything that a person needs. We need more than just emotional support.

So he says: “I’m wondering what the heck happened here for her to just cut me off again? Why end it this way? Is there anything still there or not is she confused about what she wants? Is she playing hard to get or just pushed me away one final time but not mature enough to let me down? Is she just playing me as a backup, if after meeting some new people she decides we’ll go back because he’ll have me back, so let’s just string me along.

I basically already answered all of these questions. I always say “a woman who trusts discovers her lust.” She does not trust you. She does not trust you to be strong. She trusts you emotionally. She trusts that she can come to you and you’ll be there to listen to her whatever needs she has. If she messages you again in two months from now you’ll be there and then you’ll be like “oh you want to vent? Fine! You want to talk to me? You have some problems? Hey, I’m here for you!” and then maybe you will come over again, maybe she doesn’t have enough time, you come over again, and again no sex nothing’s happening, and meanwhile, there’s some other dude who’s banging her and is having the greatest time of his life.

Maybe he’s a total dick. Maybe he is not good with emotional support and he’s a horrible boyfriend, but doesn’t matter. She probably thinks “well he’s probably gonna change over time and the more time you spend together, I probably can make sure that he becomes a bit more emotionally supportive. He probably needs his time” and while that happens she has you, so yeah, she’s probably not consciously stringing you along because she’s an evil bitch. I don’t think so.

She just realizes “Well, I’m not getting anything out of there” like the same thing that you said when you said “okay I started texting her because I wasn’t getting anything out of it“… She’s not getting anything out of it as well, she’s getting her emotional support, but she’s not getting sex. She’s not getting a relationship because you’re too fearful. You’re basically always there “Hey pretty please, can I get your affection” and “I don’t know if I’m worthy of your love.

That’s not what a king would do. That’s not even a tyrant. That’s just.. I don’t even have a word for that. It’s a peasant and you don’t want to be a peasant, obviously, you want to be a king. You have to take action. This woman actually really liked you. She was really into you, but you didn’t make it happen, so lesson learned: If she ever messages you again, I wouldn’t message her now. You screwed up here a little bit with being too much of a nice guy, that turned her off. She clearly had high attraction for you, otherwise you would have never gotten this far.

So wait for her to hopefully message you again. Set up a date. Don’t become the emotional support bag. You know, sure you can message a little bit but just make a date happen, and then dude, you have to seduce that woman. You already brought wine or whatever, drinks. How much easier does it have to be for you to seduce a woman? This probably sounds bad but obviously, don’t get her too intoxicated but the point is if a woman had two or three glasses of wine and she likes you, it should be so freaking easy to seduce that woman. She wants it. Now she wants it even more. So make it happen, man. That’s the only thing that I can tell you.

So that’s my final verdict. Let me know in the comments what you think. Do you agree with this take or maybe you don’t agree with this take? If it was very helpful for you then of course subscribe to my YouTube channel, give me a thumbs up, smash that like button and follow my other social profiles and if you need some more help here are some other ways how I can support you.

First of all, you can download my free couples canvas to gain instant dating clarity or you can buy my book Unleash The King Within from Amazon. And you should probably read this book so that you know how to take action. Just make things happen and in that book, I talk about the mindsets needed to attract a bombshell type of woman.

You can also join our men’s self-help group mentality Mondays. Every Monday we get together on an epic zoom call and we talk about anything that’s real for us, that matters to us, It’s a place where we can grow. It’s just freaking magical. I can’t say anything else about it. We also have a book club every month we buy a book and we discuss that book it’s typically about masculinity, dating, confidence, everything that’s relevant for men.

Of course, if you want the best of my dating advice you can also get my confidence king training program or you can always, of course, book a coaching session with me. If you cannot afford coaching sessions with me send me an email. The email is in my YouTube profile. Maybe I will make a video like this one because typically the people who can’t afford, I might make a video about this so with that, I will see all you kings in the next video, until kingdom come. See you soon, stay kings.

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Hallo, ich bin Andy Graziosi. Ich helfe Männern ihr Selbstvertrauen zu entfalten und ihr volles Potenzial auszuschöpfen. Meine wissenschaftlich fundierte Philosophie lautet: „Der König ist bereits ein Gewinner.“ — Erstaunliche Frauen fühlen sich bereits zu dir hingezogen. Alles, was ein König tun muss, ist diese Anziehungskraft zu seinem Vorteil zu nutzen.

Du kannst mit Deiner Traumfrau ausgehen. Ich helfe Dir ein starkes männliches Gerüst zu entwickeln und aufrechtzuerhalten. Dies hilft Dir Deine Dating-Unsicherheiten zu überwinden & eine Macht zu werden, auf die man zählen kann.

Wenn Du Hilfe benötigst, kannst Du Dich gerne an mich wenden.

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Der Schlüssel hier ist der Mentalitätswandel, den dieses Buch ermöglichen wird. Es ist eine neue Perspektive, die klarstellt und Dir hilft, den König in Dir zu sehen, der immer von Frauen umgeben ist, die mit Dir zusammen sein wollen.

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