Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
What’s up, kings? If your ex is ignoring your messages, the chances are quite high that you’re chasing her too much and she’s not in her feminine. So a woman typically always is in her feminine core. That is her nature. Your nature is masculine nature. Hers is feminine nature. And so if you’re always chasing her, that means she can’t rest in her feminine state. So femininity is all about reconnection. It’s about interpersonal relationships. Women care far more about relationships than we men do. And so if you’re always chasing her then you are the one who is using your feminine qualities to chase her and connect with her. But it should be her idea to reach out, and connect, and rekindle the relationship with you.
So by always chasing her, she’s not trusting you that she can be in her feminine. Instead, that will likely push her into her masculine. And that means she will probably pursue her career, or her goals, and she will not trust that when she comes back to you she can just be a woman, and reconnect with you, and be in a relationship with you, and to trust you. And I always say it: “Once a woman trusts, she will discover her lust.” So I have a situation from a guy who’s doing too much chasing. Let’s see what’s going on and what is my advice for him.
He says: “Hi coach, I urgently need your help. I feel like I have tried everything possible but my ex keeps on ignoring my messages. We’ve been broken up for 10 months and we were a couple for almost 3 years. When we broke up, things weren’t pretty. Our relationship ended with a big fight and a lot of drama. And I have to admit that when things ended I started to freak out and I tried to get her back through begging and pleading.”
That is normal. A lot of guys do this. This is not a death sentence for getting your ex back. Most exes will just forget about this after a while if you don’t continue doing it, and if you don’t seem needy, and if you don’t chase too much.
So he says: “But nothing worked. She was incredibly cold and completely ignored anything I had to say. It’s as if I didn’t matter to her at all anymore, and she just continued with her life as if nothing ever happened between us. I was crushed. This was especially painful because we both just had moved to a new place where we had planned to settle down. So when we broke up, I felt incredibly lonely.”
Well, so the reason why she acts like nothing matters anymore because right now she just broke up. You just broke up and she most likely is the one who was more aware of the relationship problems. And right after the breakup that is the worst point in time when you can try to convince her to get back together, because at this point she just does not care. She doesn’t want to connect with you. She feels that there’s no connection between the two of you. She probably tried to keep the connection going but for some reason she gave up hope and eventually she was fine with the breakup. And so now she doesn’t want anything to do with you, for now. So you have to wait for the moment when she wants to have something to do with you again. And then wait for her to be the one to reach out because that’s her feminine nature.
So he then says: “But then I watched one of your videos and began to realize that I was doing things wrong. I stopped messaging my ex and trying to convince her to get back with me and I started looking inwards. In retrospect, I know that I should have done this much sooner. My weak and needy insistence to try to work things out together must have really pushed my ex away the more I did it.”
Yeah, so it’s good that you’re starting to look inwards and focus on yourself instead. Because you can’t get your ex back by focusing on her. An ex, or your girlfriend in general, always wants to see your masculine core. Your masculine strength. And so if you’re not focused on yourself, on your gifts, on your strengths, on your goals, your achievements, the things that you want to achieve in life… She can’t trust you. So why should she get back with you, if you’re so focused on her, rather than focused on yourself and your goals. She can’t trust you because again, that’s kind of feminine. You’re chasing her. You’re reaching out to her. Instead of focusing on your masculine qualities, the qualities for which she loves you. So that’s why it didn’t work, but now you’re starting to reverse course. That’s a good direction that you’re going in.
So he says: “I stopped pursuing my ex and I also unfollowed her on all social media because I just couldn’t handle seeing her being happy anymore. She acted as if breaking up with me was the best thing that ever happened to her and I just couldn’t deal with it.”
You shouldn’t be so bothered about this. This is very natural behavior because she probably felt smothered. She felt like she didn’t have freedom. Something wasn’t going right and you probably became needy, that’s also why you begged and pleaded after the breakup. And so that’s why she currently right after the breakup feels liberated. But that feeling is not going to last forever. She’s going to have to realize after a while that she misses you, and that things aren’t that great without you. Because she could be lonely. She could meet guys that don’t make her happy. It’s not that easy to find a partner with whom we are compatible. So don’t worry about it too much.
He then says: “I kept on being in no contact.”
Well, first, I’m gonna say it’s a good thing that you unfollowed her. Everyone who’s watching, this is good thing. You should do the same thing if you can’t deal with seeing your ex being happy, or in general, seeing her making new memories. Just unfollow her because it’s not good for your mental health and you can always re-follow once you don’t care anymore.
So he says: “I kept on being in no contact for several months and started reading your book, which helped me a lot. I even found the courage to go out again and started going on dates.”
“I also started reading more self-help books, in general, and implemented as much as I could into my daily schedule. Fast forward, after about five months after our breakup and no contact with my ex, she finally messaged me.”
“She said she was looking for someone for advice on her new business. Just so you know, I’m a user interface designer and she wanted my opinion on her website for her new business.”
So she’s making up an excuse. She could probably message someone else about her business for advice. And the bottom line is you’ve started working on yourself and after five months of a breakup she’s probably starting to miss you. She hasn’t heard from you. Maybe she can also tell that you’re doing better and that you’re focusing on yourself again. And now you’re back in your masculine. So she reaches out. She goes into her feminine, even though she’s working on a new business, which is a masculine quality. Taking risks. But ultimately she’s still more in her feminine because she’s reaching out to you. And she’s not reaching out because she needs your help. She’s reaching out because she wants to know what’s going on with you. So you know, it’s a good thing. You can just facilitate the conversation.
He says: “I gave her my opinion on her website and then we started talking a little bit about how things were going. We talked about what we were up to now, and how our life was now. And of course, I mentioned always how I have been bettering myself, and explained always how I had changed my old behavior patterns that I didn’t like, and things that I did wrong in the relationship. I also told her that I started going out on dates again.”
After talking a bit, I asked her if she wanted to catch up to which she only said ‘Maybe soon. I am very busy with launching our new business right now.’…”
So maybe she’s turned off. Maybe she’s busy. Well, you have been kind of showing her a little bit too much. You’ve been doing a bit of a dick-measuring contest too much and trying to convince her “Look, I have changed. Everything’s so much better. Look at all these things that I’ve learned and the things that I did wrong about our relationship.” That was way too soon & too much. You should have just shown her that you’re happy & content. You can talk a little bit about what’s going on, but you don’t have to make this into a poetry or philosophy session, where you explain all the ways how you have been enlightened. You can do that after you get back together, after you have some dates. Maybe after you seduce her. After you make out. After you spent a long night together. That’s when you could potentially talk about this.
Or maybe even after this. After you started dating again. You don’t have to mention all your shortcomings and so on. A little bit maybe, it’s fine, so that she realizes “Well, he has been really working on himself.” but don’t push it too much. Don’t push that agenda of showing her “Look I changed!” because once you do that, she can realize he’s still trying to reconnect. He’s still deep down in his feminine, not as masculine, and he’s just putting up a front of being in his masculine. She wants to be able to trust you that you are in your masculine. So don’t try to convince her that you are a completely new man. She should just see that by your actions and your behavior, not your words.
Well, so she basically cock-blocked you by saying “Maybe soon. I’m very busy with launching the business.” So maybe she did it because she was turned off. Or she did it because well, she’s just literally busy with the business. We don’t know. Let’s assume that maybe she’s a bit more in her masculine right now because she’s working on her business.
So he then says: “After that conversation, I didn’t hear from her again. So I decided to message her again after a month and ask her how her business launch was going. She only gave me a really short answer of ‘it’s going great, we signed up our first clients’ and we just had a really brief conversation.”
After that, and well, so after that he’s… I’m gonna get into this a moment, but there’s nothing going to happen after that. And the reason why nothing’s going to happen after this is because you are reaching out. You are asking her “Hey what’s going on with your business?” You’re coming up with a reason why you’re reaching out. If you would be busy with your life, then you wouldn’t have the time to ask her about this. So if she is done with her business launch and if she cares about you, and she wants to go back into her feminine, she’s probably gonna message you and say something like “Hey, thanks so much for the advice that you gave me. I just launched our new business. What do you think about our website?” Or whatever she’s working on.
And you know, she can probably say “Look, you gave me feedback about this, and I think it really helped. I just want you to see it.” That’s a way for how she can message you, and then you can start the conversation again. But now you are chasing again. Again, she can’t go into her feminine and she’s probably just thinking if you’re reaching out about the business “Nah, that’s kind of a turn off. I’m gonna go back to working on my business. And I’m gonna probably go back into my feminine.” There’s probably other guys who are turning her on with their masculinity and she would rather reach out to them, because with them she can be truly feminine. So that’s why it’s not working.
He then says: “After that message, she still didn’t reach out to me. So three months later (once again) I thought I would message her with a ‘good memory’ message to start a conversation with an inside joke, but she just completely ignored my message and never even got back to me.”
Well, there’s two reasons why she’s completely ignoring your messages. One I’ve put this point home already. You’re messaging too much. You’re reaching out too much. You’re being in your feminine. She’s in her masculine. It’s a recipe for disaster. Number two: You’re using “the good memory message” which is a super dumb strategy of messaging your ex about something that should remind her of something great in your relationship. Now, something like this would work well if you would be on really good terms with someone you know, just for nostalgia, and just having a good laugh. But you’re broken up. You’re not on good terms, or at least things are still kind of awkward, because well, you both know you kind of had feelings for each other. Maybe you still kind of have feelings for each other, but you are turning her off. So she can’t trust you.
So things are not going in the right way, and so using the good memory message… It’s just not a good way to go. I always say don’t do the long clean slate letter, and don’t do the good memory text. They are really dumb techniques. They just don’t work. They’re manipulative and your ex can tell that it’s super inauthentic, and when she can tell that you’re being very inauthentic, trying to make up ways of how to talk to her again, she can tell you’re super in your feminine. You’re insecure. You don’t trust your masculine core. And that’s why you’re reaching out and that’s why she’s probably completely ignoring you, and she never got back to your message.
So he says: “Now I am really crushed. We have been broken up for almost a year and she basically ignores my messages. I thought that time would make things better and help her forget our problems, but I feel as if the time is just pushing her further away from me. And she’s completely moved on with her life by now.”
Now, I don’t think that’s what’s happening. I’m pretty sure she might have forgotten the bad stuff due to all the time that has passed, but at the same time she doesn’t really see an inkling that you are confident again. For a moment, for a brief instance, after was it five months, she thought “Wow I haven’t heard from him. He seems to be focused on himself. Let me reach out and see what’s going on” and the business was just an excuse. Sure, she probably needed help, but it was also really good for reaching out to you. But now the thing that really is pushing her away is not the time and the distance, it is that you’re not giving her the time and the distance. It should be her idea to reach out to you and what’s really pushing her away is the fact that you’re always messaging, because what should happen is that she misses you, then she reaches out.
She comes with some dumb excuse again why she needs to talk to you, and then what you do is you facilitate for a date to happen. And what you should do? Obviously, not like you did it last time. You don’t show her all of these things of how life is great. You should just show that by your action. And how your life is going. If you look at her, she’s in her masculine. She has been launching a new business, so that is how you’re able to tell that she is doing really great. The new business is thriving, or at least she got it off the ground. That’s a huge step. It’s risky. Not a lot of people are willing to open their own businesses. So she’s a go-getter. But at the same time she also wanted to reach out to you and connect with you, go back into her feminine.
Because probably after such a long time of working on her business, being in her masculine, she wants to just relax, sit back and be with the man that she loves, and just be about connection, and not take work so seriously anymore. Because ultimately, she wants to be with a man who has more masculine qualities than her. You should be the one who’s doing these kind of things to a bigger extent than she is. But now it’s like she’s outpacing you as a man, and that’s why it’s not working. And I don’t even think that she is too masculine for you. I just think that she is much more in her masculine, or tapping more often in her masculine than you are, which is really strange because she probably wants to be in her feminine. She wants to be with you but you’re making it really hard by reaching out to her. I know that’s a total paradox but that is how it is. It needs to be her idea to reach out to you.
So he wraps it up by saying: “Can you please give me some advice on what I could do in this situation? Nothing has worked so far. I was very hopeful when she messaged me but nothing has developed ever since. Thank you so much for your help.”
Well, so what I would do is… First of all, do not message her. Then you focus on unleashing the king within. You need to do the same thing that she is doing, which is focusing on your awesomeness. What makes you a king? The first time when you met your ex, the reason why she fell in love with you is because she saw something about you that she thought was incredible. She thought that you are a king but right now she doesn’t really feel like you’re a king, because you’re always chasing her. You’re looking for validation. You’re trying to pin her down into a relationship. She can tell that your life is not that busy because you are more occupied with your thoughts about her then you’re occupied with your career, or your goals.
That’s not sexy. She wants to be with a man who challenges her. So what you need to do is stop focusing on her. Do not message her. I don’t know if you’re still living in the same place but maybe you can run into her. The bottom line is you need to wait for her to reach out and the next time when she reaches out, don’t do all of this “blah blah blah about I’m doing so great and look at how awesome stuff is! I’ve been launching my business and I’ve been going to the gym and whatnot” You have to show this to her. And not with your words. With your action. With your behavior. With your looks. She should just be able to feel that. And so the best way how she can feel that is how? You invite her out for a date because once you invite her for a date she can see that you’re truly confident.
Once you don’t fake it, you’re just there with her, you’re confident, you’re having a good time, you’re having a good time talking to her, and she’s just loving it. She is seeing the king that is living within. That is how it needs to be. So stop chasing this woman. Anyone watching this: If you keep on chasing your ex, you’re gonna chase her away. I know that sounds contradictory but that is how it is. So that is my advice. Let me know what you think in the comments, of course, subscribe, and don’t forget to unleash the king within.