Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
What’s up, kings? Today we’re gonna talk about overthinking when you are dating a girl. When you’ve been dating a girl, or you want to get an ex back and you’re not sure what does she actually want? And sometimes it’s easy to not see the forest before the trees. So sometimes you’re just too much into the details and you’re overthinking everything when in reality it’s very obvious that your ex wants you back. So I have a message from a guy who’s a very clear example. He has an ex-girlfriend, they broke up last year, and it’s very obvious that this girl still likes him. But he’s just overthinking everything and he’s not making anything happen. You should just invite her to a date, or seduce her. Make out with her. Just meet up and basically facilitate for something romantic to happen. But he’s not doing that. So let’s get right into it.
He says: “Hi coach, I am currently stuck in overanalyzing mode on why my ex keeps on coming back to me. My ex and I live in the same small town. This means we literally live just a few blocks away from each other and we spend a lot of time in the same social circles and hang out in the same places.”
So if an ex comes back, there’s typically just two reasons. Either she’s a narcissist and she’s using you, or she still cares about you and she’s trying to figure out if she can rekindle the relationship. And so when she comes back you should see that as an invitation to get to know her again and to meet up and seduce her. That’s probably what she wants. She’s trying to figure out if you have masculine strength. Are you confident? Have you changed? Are you a better person than you were before? Is your chemistry better than before? Are you no longer going to fight? Can you actually reconcile the issues that you’ve had in the past? All of these things she’s trying to figure it out. So if an ex reaches out this is typically what it means, unless she’s a narcissist and she just cares about using you for attention.
So he then says: “This is also where we met each other in the first place and thus began two great years of our relationship. We ended up leaving each other in the end of August last year due to mostly taking each other for granted, things having grown a bit stale, and her being in doubt about her emotions. For a while after our breakup, I was very hung up on her and I wanted her back so badly. I tried to get back with her but she didn’t seem interested at all and said that she needed space and so I tried to give her space and focus on my school because I noticed how much my school had suffered from the breakup.”
That’s a good thing! Obviously, first of all, you should give an ex space to miss you but also, he did a good thing when he gave the space because he had to do it for himself. So no contact is not just for getting an ex back. It’s also so that you can get back on track with your life. And so this guy was suffering heavily with the school. So for example, if this guy would have failed the last year of college and wouldn’t graduate, what do you think what if his ex thought about him? She wouldn’t be very much amazed by him. She would think that he sucks if he doesn’t have what it takes to make her happy. He’s stuck in school. But he took charge of his life! He stopped focusing so much on her instead he focused on his school. And I’m assuming everything went okay afterwards.
So he says now: “Afterward, we barely talked. Like at all. We’d say ‘hi’ when we saw each other but that was pretty much it. If we were at the same club she wouldn’t be there etc We also usually hang out with common friends and when we do, we don’t really talk to each other but recently she has started texting me again and it isn’t stuff like ‘how are you’ and such but really practical stuff. For example, I recently graduated from university and as such wanted to invite my friends to a small barbecue party. Of course, that meant I had to invite my ex as well, even if we weren’t talking very much. On the day of my final exam, she texts me good luck and asks if I needed help setting up the party. I told her thanks for the good wishes but I didn’t think I needed any help.”
So in this scenario what I would have just done is told her “yeah, I need some help” She clearly is showing you “hey, I want to hang out with you” and if you think about this logically, if she asked “hey, do you need some help with setting up your stuff,” she comes over, you might have a quickie before your friends come over. I’m not saying it’s going to happen but obviously, she might hope for that to happen, and if you don’t grab the opportunity, well, what you’re gonna expect? You’re not gonna get back together. So this was a very obvious scenario of her throwing the ball on your side of the court but you didn’t pick up the ball and she probably was disappointed afterward. Maybe she thinks you’re not interested in her anymore. She was kind of trying and fishing to see, do you still care about her? But in a way you kind of rejected her in this scenario.
So anyway, he then says: “She then arrived at the party and had brought me a present. My other friends had gotten together to buy me a present as well but my ex had been pretty adamant that she wanted to get me a gift herself and not chip in with the others. She got me a book that I’d wanted for a long time but I don’t think I ever told her that.”
So she’s clearly going out of her way to do something nice for you. Again, she’s trying to show you “hey I still care about you” Whatever happened between the two of you a year ago doesn’t matter to her anymore, because if she would think that you still suck, she would not buy you a present. She would buy a present for whatever guy she’s dating right now. Clearly, she’s probably not dating any other guy and even if she is, she must be caring a lot more about you than she cares about any other guy out there currently who lives in your town.
So he then says: “Of course, I appreciated the gift and didn’t think too much of it at the time. Now, yesterday, she texts me that she’s gonna have a male friend sleeping over one of these days and that they’re not dating but only friends. I don’t know why she told me this but I just told her I didn’t really care although of course, I do and it hurts seeing her happy with someone else.”
Well, so who knows if this guy is real. But if he is real then you can see that this guy is doing it right. Whatever advances she might be doing on him, he is actually capitalizing on them. You haven’t capitalized on them at all and now you’re kind of sulking and sad that she is seeing someone else and happy with someone else when she clearly made a move on you. And ultimately she is basically trying to make you jealous. She tried to get your attention multiple times. Two times already you didn’t bite. So she’s trying to find the next big bait. The next big bait would be a guy.
Typically, often, what I would say is in a scenario like this if an ex shows you some specific guy that she’s dating, it’s kind of narcissistic. But I think in this case she’s actually kind of desperate. She tried a few things already to get your attention but it didn’t work. So she must be trying to get your attention with this guy and I don’t even know if this guy is real. I don’t think that he is because it seems like she’s really trying hard to gain your attention.
So he then says: “Then again, last week all my friends were going out to town. I said I’d come after work. Of course, she would be coming too but I figured I’d just be hanging out with some of the other people. On that day, she texted me if I would be having dinner before getting there.”
What does that mean? Hey, are you having dinner? You want to have dinner with me?
But he says: “I told her that no, as I would come straight after work and I wouldn’t have had any dinner.”
So you’re basically giving again kind of like a cock blocker for her. She couldn’t make it any more obvious that she’s trying to tell you “hey let’s hang out.” I would have just invited her for dinner. “Hey, let’s grab dinner together.” Maybe, you can go to your famous restaurant where you used to go. Rekindle some of those old great memories that you’ve had. But instead, you’re just saying “nah, not having dinner…”
The poor girl!
He then says: “When I arrived she had bought me a sandwich. I was, of course, happy about this and thanked her a lot but I never really asked for it.”
Yeah, you didn’t ask for it but she really tries to get some plus points. She’s doing something nice for you. Dude, she really cares about you but you’re just not getting it. I mean, she gave you a gift. She’s bringing you food. She’s asking about you all the time. But every time, every approach that she makes, you’re acting completely oblivious, like I don’t know what’s going on here. But then you’re saying “I’m so sad that she’s with someone else.” Well, she’s probably, if she’s with someone else, she is with someone else because you’re basically ignoring all of her advances. It’s kind of ironic because typically it would be the man who should be making a lot of advances. She’s just trying to initiate but now she’s so obvious about it. Very direct! But you’re still not making a move.
So he then wraps it up by saying: “So what is she trying to do here? Is she just trying to get back in friendly contact with me? I don’t know how to respond to it, especially since she told me about the other guys she is dating. A huge part of me is tempted to read something into it but I keep on telling myself not to get my hopes up. What should I do, given that my ex and I can’t avoid each other and I still have feelings for her?”
Well, it seems to me from the sounds of it, you said that you were able to avoid each other for a long time even though it’s a small town. So you would think that if it’s a small town it’s very very hard to avoid each other but somehow it happened. But then she comes back. She’s always in the picture. Always messaging you. Letting you know about these guys multiple times. Basically, asking to hang out but you’re not getting the hint. So clearly, she’s trying to send a message here and the problem is like I said, you’re not seeing the forest for the trees. You’re looking at all these small things, like what do these other guys mean? What does it mean that she brought me a gift? And so on. And you’re not seeing the whole bigger picture: The forest.
Which basically says “Look dude, she’s constantly messaging you. She’s constantly trying to tell you ‘hey I probably made a mistake. I wanna at least get to know you again. I want to hang out with you.’…” I mean if you think about it, you are in a small town. I don’t know where you’re from but typically most of the people who send me messages are from the USA because something like 50, 60 of my viewers are from the US. So if you’re from a small town, a typical small town in the US, they are really small. So there is probably not a lot of male competition there. So she probably already went through other male competitions. She probably already dated some other guys but they didn’t work out and after a year she realized the breakup was a mistake.
And she probably thinks if she compares it to all of these other guys, they suck. They’re tyrants. They’re assholes. They’re insecure. They’re not exciting. They’re boring. And so on and so forth. But you despite all the things that didn’t work out eventually, she thinks you are a king. So she realized after a while “Hey this guy is actually really amazing. We shouldn’t have broken up.” So you should stop overthinking so much. So here’s my number one advice for you: What you should do, no matter what happens the next time that this girl messages you, the next time that she asks you something, the next time that she asks you about dinner, or have you done this and that… I would just invite her out to go and whatever… Have dinner, for example. But actually, I would even take it further. So since she has given you so many signs already that she cares about you, that she’s still thinking about you…
Clear signs that she misses you on some level, at least. But you never reciprocate. So you’re probably reaching a threshold where eventually she’s probably going to give up and even though the other guys that she might be dating don’t seem to make her happy, eventually, she will probably continue dating them. So you might even want to suggest to hang out with her. “Hey there is a salsa class happening on Saturday, let’s go there. I’m still looking for a partner. Would be awesome and I think it’s really fun!” Something like that. Now, of course, you can also wait for her to message you again but if I counted it right, there were basically three or four instances where she tried to get your attention and you completely ignored them. So she must be feeling a little bit defeated by now. And she must be a bit frustrated that you’re not getting the hints. So it’s really about time that you unleash the king within. And she probably can’t wait to hang out with you. She can’t wait to make out with you. She can’t wait for you to let the king out.
So that is the number one advice that I would give you. You need to stop overthinking so much. A lot of you guys, you’re always looking for so many signs and trying to create like a masterpiece of evidence that shows you that your ex wants you back. But the reality is it’s often very simple: If your ex messages you, most of the time, for most guys it means that your ex just misses you and she wants to meet up with you. And it only very rarely means that an ex of yours is very narcissistic. Most of the times she just really misses the relationship and she wants to rekindle, or the very least she wants to make out, get to know you again, see how you’ve changed. But you’re not making a move. So make a move, dude. Unleash the king within! That’s my advice for you. Let me know what you think in the comments. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and of course, never forget to unleash the king within.