Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In this video, we’re gonna look at a bit of a success story of a man. He has read my book and he’s starting to apply some of the things in my book and I just want to talk a little bit about masculinity and how you get success with women once you start working on your masculine traits. So if you’ve never heard of masculine traits, what does it actually mean to be masculine? There’s not so much clarity out there actually, but social science has some good explanation for this. So in social science masculine and feminine traits are typically referred to as instrumental traits, those are masculine traits, and then there are expressive traits.
Expressive, like the name already says it, kind of, it’s about expressing yourself. About compassion, about humility, about communication skills. You’re being expressive. Instrumental traits, masculine traits, let me just read some of them. They are assertiveness, independence, self-reliance, willingness, to take risk, dominance, defending of own beliefs, or acting as a leader, amongst others. So all of these things are masculine traits. So obviously, the more masculine traits that you develop, the more masculine you’re going to be perceived as and there are studies that show that the more masculine that you are, the hotter the women are who are into you, actually ironically.
And actually, the more masculine that you are as a man, the more likely it is that a woman, a very hot woman, wants to pin you down for a relationship because what happens with really masculine men is they have a lot more options with women. It’s the same thing with hot women. They have a lot more options with men. And so very masculine men, they have more options with women and because of this, what happens is, women want to nail these men down because typically they just jump from one relationship to another. And so it’s kind of like a price for a woman to win a masculine man and get into a relationship with him, and eventually marry that guy. So let’s look at the situation. It is a bit of a win for this man. He’s not completely there yet, but he’s made huge progress in his dating life and his life in general. So let’s look at his situation.
He says: “Hi coach, I would love to hear your thoughts on how to take things to the next level with this very gorgeous woman that I met while I was going for a run. This woman is one year older than me, which is a big shocker and I don’t want to mess this up because I really like her.”
So he’s starting to develop game because typically a woman would date a man who is much older than she is because she’s looking for social status. She’s looking for stability. So the fact that she’s older than you shows that you have game and this woman must be really into you.
He then says: “I also just want to say thank you. I read your book and I have to say it helped me a lot. I relate a lot to your message of personal self-development and I learned a lot by reading your book.”
So if you don’t know my book “Unleash The King Within“, the title kind of says it. It’s more about self-development than it is about dating. Yes, it is about dating but everything, the foundation of the dating skills in here are about self-development as a man. And so thank you for reading my book, obviously, and it seems like it has helped you so kudos for reading the book and applying what you read in there.
He says: “Just like you, I come from a very codependent background and also from a very religious family. I never learned how to stand up for what I need and want in life. So until I read your book I always had been pushed around and not taken seriously by women. I am 23 years old now and for the first time I am starting to feel more confident in life. Before reading your book, I was always looking for validation and approval from women and the girls on Tinder would always play with my feelings and never properly commit to anything.”
So what did I say earlier? Some of the traits of masculinity… dominance, defending your own beliefs. If you’re not being taken seriously, you’re probably not asserting your needs, you’re not defending your beliefs, and that shows through with how women treat you. But now it looks like things are starting to change.
He says: “I often had times where I matched with girls only for them to completely ghost me. Sometimes even right before we were about to go on dates. They probably could feel that I felt insecure.” Correct, once a woman discovers her trust, she will discover her lust. If she doesn’t trust you, she’s gonna flake on you. She’s gonna run away. She’s gonna pull shittests. She’s gonna test how secure or insecure are you. And she’s gonna try to figure out: “Well, are you actually the right dating material for me?” That’s why a lot of these super masculine men get all of these hot women because these women can just see right away that they can’t push him around and they know that the man is a prize. You need to see yourself as a king, as a prize, and once you start doing so, you will no longer be perceived as insecure and the women will be coming in throves. They will just be in lines, in queues be waiting for you, essentially.
So he then says: “I also lacked so many social skills. I used to just freeze up completely and be socially awkward at times when I would run into acquaintances who I wasn’t close to. It was really hard for me to keep conversations going which also did not help when going out to party with friends. I have made it a habit for most of my life to anticipate what other people will say and trying to say or do the right thing.”
Yes, because your opinion that they have about you was more important than whatever you had to say, or what you think about yourself. And so obviously, if you have that kind of mindset, people cannot respect you and that’s why you’re constantly in your head and trying to think “Okay, what am I going to say next? What is the right thing? Do I offend them? Does this sound awkward?” This happened to me a lot when I was younger and dating. I still remember these typical nights out when I would see your hot girl and then you think about: “Are you gonna walk over to her? What do you say?”
And if you’re one of these guys, you know how this goes. The conversation turns really awkward. They can kind of feel like the cogs are spinning in your brain, trying to figure out what to say next. And it’s just not sexy. The conversation needs to be natural and for that to be natural you need to stop overthinking about what is the right thing to say to please people. You should just be like “Whatever. Who the fuck cares? If someone doesn’t like what I have to say, well, screw you! Bye! It was nice knowing you. That’s how you have to see it.“
So he then says: “That stopped when I followed your advice of discovering my passion, purpose, and contribution goals. It’s ironic that I have been more outgoing and met more people in the last months despite the pandemic than I would usually around this time of the year if everything were back to normal. I used to spend most of my time alone at home playing Xbox and spending time online with friends. But now I decided to unplug and found new things I am passionate about. For starters, I started hitting the gym. This was scary at first because I’m your cliche skinny-fat type of guy. I felt insecure at the gym at first but I was surprised to meet really cool guys and even a few girls who have been really nice to me. The guys who work out there are not as intimidating as I thought. They actually give a lot of good advice on how to work out the right way and for the first time I feel like I am able to talk about random stuff with people without feeling awkward about it.”
Yes, because the more you go out there, the more that you repeat, the more you’re gonna succeed. The more you get yourself out there in this, in these situations to feel uncomfortable, you’re going to realize “Hey, this is actually not so bad! Not everybody is out there to get me!”
And all of these guys at the gym, they don’t have an agenda to put you down or bash you, or something like that. They just don’t care. Either they like you or they don’t. If they like you they’re gonna talk to you. And the fact that you’re both in the same place, working out on your body, even though you have different body structures… Obviously, you share the same goal. You want to get fit. You want to get healthy. You want to get healthy in your brain. You want to build self-discipline. You have shared values. So of course, they’re going to be helpful and they are not there to be mean to you. Now you’re starting to see “Hey, this is not so bad” and you have to apply the same mindset with women.
He then says: “Some of them even invited me to hang with them to watch a football game and drink some beers. I felt a bit awkward about the sports stuff since I don’t watch football so much but it was still really cool to just hang. It’s not like I’m cured from being socially awkward. I still have my dumb moments from time to time and I want to get better at it but I definitely have improved.”
It’s nice! So, you know, if you’re not into sports, it’s not a problem. Obviously, these guys have some different interests than you but that’s not a bad thing, actually. Maybe they can widen your horizon and they can show you new things in life that you can find interesting. Maybe you’re never gonna like football and whatever, team sports, or maybe you won’t appreciate watching them but it doesn’t hurt trying and even if you don’t like football so much, maybe you’ll start to appreciate it a little bit. But the whole point of hanging out with them is just to have a good time and get to know each other and make more friends. And that builds your social status and once you build more social status, the women are gonna be into you.
So he then says: “I also started an outdoors running club. To my surprise nobody here had organized this before and since I’m the skinny type I really like running. I created a runners group on Facebook and I am proud to say that we are now almost at least 10 people attending our group runs. The best thing about this is that a few weeks ago I met Sandy. Sandy is a much bigger fitness freak than I am but it’s cool. I guess she liked that I was organizing the group. It really has its benefits when it’s so easy to introduce yourself to other people. I don’t even have to be scared about being about getting introduced to anyone because as one of the organizers it’s kind of natural to get to know the attendees. Organizing the group has really taught me a lot about being more outgoing with people.”
Awesome! So you are actually turning yourself into a leader. So what did I say at the beginning of the video? One of the traits of masculinity is acting as a leader or seeing yourself as a leader. And you organizing a running group, even though it’s small, if nobody has been doing it so far, that means you are now a leader! You actually have a lot of social status now, which is cool. So, any woman who will see that… Wow, look at this guy, he organized the running group. That’s freaking amazing! That woman will want to be… she she’s going to be interested in you. She’s going to want to know what’s he all about. “Man, he’s making things happen! He’s a leader. He’s getting people together. It seems like he’s outgoing. Seems like a lot of people like him. Well, why do all of these people like him? Maybe there’s something about him that I should know about!”
So he then says: “Anyway, Sandy and I got along really well when we first met. I may be wrong but I think she’s flirting with me. She has such mesmerizing eyes! It’s driving me insane! Like you say in your book to look out for, she’s giving me a lot of body language signs that she likes me. She teases me a lot and touches me every now and then. She often pokes or pushes me around. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing but I kind of think it’s fun lol!”
Yeah, it’s actually a good thing. You know, if she’s just playfully teasing you and whatever, pushing you and stuff like that, having fun jokes and so on, and she’s touching you on purpose, that is an invitation from her side to come into her world. She’s saying: “Look I like you. I’m touching you. You have permission to touch me as well. I actually want you to touch me.” So she’s sending you a signal “Hey! Make a move! I like you!”
He then says: “Last week she told me that she’s starting to train for a full marathon and she said I should join her for a run sometime. I felt intimidated and said there’s no way I could do so but she told me ‘Don’t worry! You can run at your own pace and run as far as you can. We’re going to run in circles around the university campus.’ .. So I guess she is sort of suggesting a date with me, don’t you think? I’m not sure what I should do next. It really feels as if she likes me a lot but I don’t know the next steps.”
She’s definitely suggesting a date and you even kind of turned her down by saying “Nah I can’t do that!” And she’s still saying “Don’t worry you can do this. Just go at your own pace and run however far you can run.” So she wants to go on a date with you, dude. You know, she’s making it very, very easy for you.
So he says to wrap it up: “I will be honest with you: Because of my religious background, this is the first time I am properly dating and I have never seduced a woman so I am not really sure what to do next. I hope you can give me advice. I think I’ve made a lot of progress with women and my social skills. I feel confident enough to try and make this girl fall for me. I really don’t want to screw it up. She’s really smart, funny and kind. No woman has ever shown so much interest to talk to me and I must add, she looks really sexy in her runner’s outfit. Please help me plan my next move!”
Well, first of all, I gotta say there’s nothing hotter than a woman in some nice tight leggings. So I understand how you’re feeling, and well, you’re on the right trajectory here. So obviously, you are a little bit scared what’s the next move. You say it yourself: You have never seduced a woman. So I’m going to assume that must mean that you’re probably still a virgin, which is not a shame at 23. Some people are late bloomers. That’s okay. And you don’t know what to do next. Well, she’s already told you what to do next! She said “Hey let’s go running” so what I would do the next time that you see her at your runner’s club, or if you already have her number… You didn’t mention this here if you already have her number.
Just send her a message “Hey, you said that you wanted to go running and practice marathon. When you’re going there next time?” Or you ask her the same thing when you see her at your runner’s group again. Because this woman really likes you and well, the fact that she’s preparing for a marathon and you are an organizer of a small runners group even though it’s small. You said something like 10 people. I mean I don’t know if i need to make it obvious but this is a pretty good match! This woman has a huge incentive to be into you. You have really shared interests that work well together. So she obviously wants to go on a date with you. So just say “Yeah! Let’s go” and go running and then what you could do is…
So obviously, if you do a running date, it’s not the best thing to facilitate for anything to happen, like a kiss, or sex. It’s not the best date but it’s better than nothing. So there’s a few things that you could do. First of all, you could obviously try to extend this runner’s date into something else like a dinner afterwards. Or you just set up another date after this run with her, as well, because she’s just gonna be happy to spend time with you. If you are very cocky, if you wanna really try to, you know, tighten, or strengthen those balls, if you wanna have balls of steel, then you can just say after the run… Let me just get this right. I think you mentioned something about campus, right? So you’re going to do this in some public space, obviously and I’m not sure. It’s probably no shower there. So after the run, what happens? You’re gonna have to take a shower. So if you really have balls, if you really want to seduce this woman, or just see how far you can take it, what I would say is after the run you could say “hey you want to come to my place? You can just shower there and then maybe we just cook something healthy with proteins” … or whatever! You can make up some bullshit reason. It really doesn’t matter. The fact that she’s into you and you then just come to my place, and you can take a shower there if you’d like and then let’s let’s grab something to eat… she’s gonna get the signal! And she’s gonna probably say yes. Of course, there are some women that might say no, but whatever.
If she says “no” then she just says “no“. It’s not like she’s saying no forever. If she turns you down with that kind of definitely-a-bit-more-daring attempt, then she said no but she also recognizes that you are trying to make a move on her. So that kind of scores you confidence points. So that’s what I would do. Go on this date with her you suggested. Don’t wait for her to ask again next time you see her. Or if you have her number you ask her and you go on this date. And then you just take the lead. She’s already touching you. She’s already playful. This woman likes you. You already have this in the bag… Basically, you scored at already like five points in this game, okay? So you need to score five more points and then you are going to seduce her. And I know you’re probably going to be concerned about sex and so on so forth. You’re inexperienced. Don’t be too concerned.
Nothing’s perfect. Just fucking go for it. This woman, even if you are not experienced, and if she’s experienced, doesn’t matter. After two times you’re gonna be experienced. So you should just unleash the king within and I mean this metaphorically but also kind of literally, if you know what I mean. So yeah that’s my final verdict for your situation. For all those guys who have been watching this, you can see there’s a huge change with him from going to socially awkward penguin who doesn’t know how to talk to people, to strangers, or acquaintances, and just hanging out at home. And now he’s become a leader and it didn’t take that much! He read my book, he thought about some of the ideas in my book such as develop yourself, your passions, your purpose, your contribution goal. And so I guess your passion is workout and running. And your contribution is the runner’s group. I don’t know what your purpose is. Or maybe that’s your purpose. But you can see he’s developing himself into a strong, self-developed man and now there is a woman that seems to be quite hot and she’s into him. And before, that didn’t happen. It doesn’t take gigantic changes in your life. Sometimes, a few small changes that you maintain over time, they will have huge impact. Remember, those who repeat, succeed.
So if that was helpful, of course give me a thumbs up and subscribe to my channel. You can also, of course, let me know in the comments what you think. Do you agree with the take or do you not agree with this take? And if you need some more help, I will let you know what I can do for you after I take one more sip. You can get my book “Unleash The King Within” from Amazon. I talk a lot about these ideas. Like I said, self-development as a man, which is very important. And I talk about masculine traits and so on. A lot of these sociological discoveries that help you understand how women actually perceive men and what attracts a woman to a man. You can also enroll into my training programs “Confidence King” and “Financial Freedom King” and of course, you can always book a coaching session with me. And with that I will see all of you kings in the next video. I’m coach Andy Graziosi and I help you unleash your confidence and become the man that women love. See you next time, kings.