Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video we’re gonna talk about flaky women. Toxic women. Women who are hot and cold. And the difficult part about this, of course, is trying to figure out is she toxic? Is she playing games? Or are her excuses why she’s not meeting up with you where she’s flaky, why she’s cold, are all of these excuses valid? Are they legit? Or what is really going on. Sometimes, the truth is, you never can really figure it out. But what you can do is you can pay attention to a woman’s actions and ultimately if it goes nowhere, eventually you gotta walk away from it. So I have a situation from a guy, his situation is not 100% clear if she’s using him, playing him, or not. Let’s see what is my advice.
Hi coach, I need your advice on what’s going on with a girl that I met three months ago. She’s really beautiful, funny, and cute, but I am having a hard time figuring her out. You probably hear this a lot but I just want to emphasize this one more time that she is really, really beautiful, and she has such a nice smile. I’m trying hard to break through her defenses but she’s being too flaky and hot and cold with me.
Well, so you’re actually right. I hear this quite often that the girls that you’re dating or the woman that you’re with is really beautiful. That’s normal, of course, but it’s also important to understand, well, maybe you’re giving that woman too much credit and maybe you’re thinking a little bit too much with your dick. We’re all wired that way. If we see a beautiful woman we just stop thinking rationally and we do a lot of stupid shit and if I just look at what you’re saying here, you’re having a hard time trying to break through her defenses… Dude, you should never have to break through a woman’s defenses. There are only two reasons why you couldn’t break through a woman’s defenses.
One: She has a lot of issues. Maybe she has some attachment issues. A broken heart. Some guys hurt her. Issues with the family and not being able to attach with men in general. So that could be one scenario where it’s a lot of trauma. You can’t really do anything there. It’s really up to her to work through this. And then the second type of defense that a woman might have is that yeah, she’s very cold, she doesn’t really give you any opportunity to meet her and if that is the case, if she’s being defensive about hooking up with you, meeting up with you, going on dates… Even just basic stuff, then she’s just not enough into you and you wanna be with a woman where it is easy. Why would you stick around with a woman where it is really difficult just to meet up? You want to be with a woman where when you talk to her you start a conversation, then you say “Hey, are you free on Saturday?“… She’s going to go crazy. She’s going to say yes. She can’t wait for it, and probably, she’s already waiting for that moment when you seduce her.
This is the kind of woman that you want to be with. If it is too hard, personally, me, I always just walk away from these kinds of scenarios. I know some dating coaches and some guys, in general, might say, no, I’m going to try to figure this out! I’m going to figure out how I’m going to play this. Or what I’m going to say. But for me, it’s all about my mindset. If a woman is not 100% into me, I say “I’m a king and if you don’t want me then I’m gonna find a queen who fucking loves me,” and that has worked really well for me. The sex has worked really well for me.
Because why would you focus all that energy and trying to figure out the exact right thing to say when you can just find another woman who’s also hot and you don’t have to think about what to say. You just say whatever you want to say and she likes it. And then she meets up with you. She hooks up with you. And eventually, you become a couple. That is much better and that’s what you should do. Alright, so let’s continue.
To start off, my confusion about her has to do with her tendency of always seeming to have something get in the way of us meeting up. I actually went on a date with her once after roughly two weeks of talking. We met through Tinder and on our first date we went wall climbing in one of those big climbing halls where you can climb with safety harnesses and then after that we had some more snacks and beers. The date was actually super fun but she almost canceled on me.
I told her where I was taking her to make sure she wouldn’t show up in a dress or anything uncomfortable like that but then on the day of the date she sent me a message saying ‘Hey, I think let’s reschedule for some other time, okay? I haven’t eaten much today so I’m not sure if I can actually do this.’… So I told her that ‘It’s fine. We can just go eat something first,’ and she said ‘hmm are you sure? I know you had a slot reserved for us so they probably won’t allow us to still go. Let’s just do it some other time,’ and I said ‘no I think it’s fine. Let me just call them and see if they say it’s okay if we arrive later’… And after checking with them it was all fine and we ended up having our date and ate before going climbing.
So this is what I meant earlier with it being difficult to figure out is this a legit reason or not? And is she trying to figure out can she basically control the situation? And what’s gonna happen? And what you’re going to do? And the difficult situation, in this case, is, of course, this could be a legit reason. Maybe she’s been busy at work. She didn’t eat. She doesn’t feel like climbing and maybe she doesn’t want to cause any problems. Maybe she thinks you already reserved the seats. So maybe you can’t change the time slot for the climbing session. Maybe she’s a bit codependent. Maybe she doesn’t want to cause problems. That could be her personality type.
To be honest, so at this point, you can’t really do much but I have to say you handled this quite well because obviously, if she really is into you, then if you suggest some alternatives, you’re like “No it’s fine. Don’t worry. We can figure this out. I’m just going to call them.“… Then you call them and all is fine, then she’s just going to be like “Yeah fine okay let’s eat something if you don’t mind.” If she is a little bit codependent and has some issues with these kinds of situations if she would feel uncomfortable… the way that you handled it, that was done quite well. You reassured her “It’s fine, let’s just go through with it and it’s going to be fun. Come on!” So you handled this situation really well. Good job. You kept your cool and you ended up going on the date. So kudos to you.
I’m not sure if this was a shit test of hers and if she really didn’t want to complicate things, but anyway, I didn’t think much of it back then but she’s been kind of really inconsistent with replying to my DMs on IG and then something similar just happened again with our last date and this time, she actually canceled on me and then she ghosts me for several days, and then started texting me again.
So yeah, it could have been a shit test for sure and that would not necessarily say that she is trying to play, that she’s toxic, that she does this all the time, that she’s trying to control the situation, she’s a very controlling person. You can’t really tell it at this point, but now we’re starting to see that it is a pattern. And typically, people say that if you see something two times, it’s not necessarily yet a pattern. Three times is definitely a pattern. So the more often that you see behaviors like this, the more clear it becomes that it is a repetitive pattern, that is probably on purpose, or at least subconsciously on purpose. Maybe she doesn’t even know that she’s toxic, but you gotta pay attention to it.
Before I go into detail with the second date, the reason why I am so confused by her behavior is that she’s actually sometimes really flirty, even a little bit naughty for a girl. I am not used to girls sending me sexually ambiguous messages but she’s sometimes sending me very flirty messages but then like I say, she also gets cold from time to time, and then there’s also the canceled date that happened. But now she’s flirty again. I really don’t get it. And I’m not sure if her reasons for canceling on me are legit or not.
So now, you’re definitely realizing this is kind of weird. And it really is weird. It is really strange to meet someone new, everything is exciting, everything is new, then you’re about to go on a date and you’re already not that excited to make it happen. So she comes up with excuses. She comes up with reasons to not make it happen, but you push through, but then the thing is she is kind of sexually “aggressive“. I guess you could say she’s flirting with you. She’s apparently sending you some kind of messages that a lot of women don’t, but then at the same time, she’s also totally cold, basically, right? So she flakes, she ghosts, she’s not available, so it’s like what the fuck?! Make up your mind, girl! Are you either totally into me?! You’re sending me naughty messages and you wanna probably hook up with me, or are you just completely unavailable? You’re lackluster? You don’t really care about me? You’re not interested in me? You show no interest in me? You’re not curious about me? Which one is it?
So it’s clearly super non-congruent and so of course, it’s really weird when it just goes from one pole to the other pole. And that should tell you that there’s probably something wrong because like I said, you want to be with a woman where it’s easy. Where it’s normal. Natural. Where it just flows and where it’s just fun. But clearly, this is not fun. It’s really confusing and frustrating. So that should be a red flag for you, even if maybe she has some issues that she’s not aware of, the bottom line is this is not really fun for you.
So anyway, about the date where she actually canceled on me: Our second date was on the weekend because I really wanted to avoid something like this from happening again. Last time, she basically didn’t have time to eat due to work. We were meant to meet up with two of her girlfriends at a shisha bar.
So he’s actually pretty good at this, I have to say. So he recognizes well, it could have been a legit excuse earlier. She was busy with work, didn’t have time to eat, but now he’s actually putting measures in place so that this can’t happen again. So this is a great example that anyone watching this should actually follow. He’s thinking this through. He’s making up a proper plan. He’s trying to figure out how can I make this as smooth as possible? Because if you make it easy for a woman, she should also make it easy for you. So if you make it super easy, super convenient for her to not run into any problems, but then she somehow still runs into problems, do you really want to be with a woman like that? Imagine if you don’t carefully plan and things are not always that perfect!
Let’s be real! When you are in a relationship with a woman and you’re just going through your life, you’re gonna run into a lot of problems. Scheduling issues, all of this kind of stuff. Things that you don’t expect, that are happening throughout your day. So these perfect dates will not go on forever. So he’s already now seeing these problems, even though he’s basically setting up the perfect dates. He got it all planned. He books the climbing hall. He makes sure now that it’s on the weekend. So you know, nothing can really go wrong. They go out and eat, but well, he said she canceled the date. So let’s see what happens.
She’s actually the one who suggested it when I asked her if she’s free on the weekend. So I thought that it would be a pretty cool idea having some drinks, chilling out, partying with her friends, but then just two hours before meeting up she told me that her friends canceled plans, and then when I tried convincing her that we’ll just go alone, I just couldn’t convince her.
So that tells you either she’s totally not into you, or she’s playing games, or both. Let’s be real: If her friends can’t make it for whatever reason… Fine! But then just be spontaneous. Be like yeah, what about let’s have fun? Let’s go party? Let’s just go to the shisha bar alone! And let’s just make the most out of the situation. Which he is trying. He’s not giving up. He’s just being very positive. He’s not butthurt. He’s not aggressive. He’s not disappointed. He’s just saying “Yeah don’t worry! Let’s make it work!” Anyway, but as he says nothing works here. So that is a really red flag.
Still, you couldn’t really 100% say that this was on purpose. Who knows maybe her friends really canceled but the thing is she doesn’t really care. She could just go out with you anyways. So it sounds like it is an excuse. She’s trying to control the situation and one thing is for sure: She doesn’t really care that much about you and whether she’s doing this on purpose or not, it’s probably not a good idea to pursue this.
She said she was excited for me to meet them and then she was too bummed out to meet up. I gave up, eventually.
Really?! She’s too bummed out to meet up because she was excited for you to meet her friends? Well, if she’s really that bummed out, then she’d be excited to meet up to not feel bummed out anymore! That sounds like a big stupid excuse in my book. That doesn’t make sense to me.
I really tried talking her into meeting up but to no avail. Then after that date, she became cold for almost a week when I sent her some cute and funny dog meme. FYIwere both dog lovers and I didn’t get any response from her.” So clearly, the attraction has dropped. Maybe she was just playing you. Maybe she just wanted to see “Can I actually manipulate you?
The bottom line is, there’s no interest again, even though you both are dog lovers! So if you’re sending some funny cute dog meme… I love dogs myself. If I would receive something like this or send something like this to a girl that I like and she also likes dogs, that probably would be a good laugh! But nothing here! She’s basically a ghost.
This is where it gets weird again. Then a week later she messaged me again and all of a sudden, she’s super enthusiastic again. I want to schedule another date with her but I’m really not sure how to go about it. I don’t want to be stood up again. Any ideas how to make sure nothing can go wrong with her?
I think you can do absolutely nothing. I think you’ve actually done this quite well. You’ve been planning the dates quite well. You’ve had a schedule. You booked your climbing session. You made sure that it’s on the weekend. But she always comes up with something, some reason why it can’t work out, and then when you try to still be positive and make it happen anyway, she still won’t. So I think you’ve already tried enough. I think you should just accept that this woman is probably toxic and even if she’s not toxic, even if these two scenarios are all legit, she was bummed out, maybe she easily gets depressed and she’s kind of codependent and insecure and whatever issues she might have…
The bottom line is: Do you want a beautiful woman like this? Probably not! Because imagine how hard is it already to meet up with her right now! Jesus Christ! I mean I can’t imagine what your relationship with this woman would be like in like let’s say six months from now when you’re not trying that hard anymore, or when you’re gonna be busy at work and you can’t make that perfect date. I think it’s gonna be a lot of hassle. It’s gonna be trouble. You’re gonna always have to chase her. You’re always going to be disappointed.
Do you want to be with that woman? No! You deserve a queen. You are a king. It’s all about unleashing the king within on this channel and if she’s not a true queen, if she’s not radiating positivity, enthusiasm, excitement for you, well then you should find a woman who wants that! And she clearly doesn’t want that. Whatever the reason is why she doesn’t want it, it really doesn’t matter. All I know is that you can find a woman that is much better for you. You know what I think? I think you are wasting your time with her.
As I said earlier: You’re thinking so hard about what can I do? Any ideas how I can make sure that nothing can go wrong with her? Why would you try that hard? You’ve already tried like so crazy hard and even your best, even your best attempts basically fail. I would rather be with a woman where sometimes I maybe fucked up. Maybe I’m not doing it right. Maybe I’m not at my best. Maybe I didn’t set up the perfect date. Maybe I didn’t come up with the perfect plan. Maybe my logistics were kind of off or I forgot something or whatever.
But you know what? This girl, this woman, she cares about me! She loves me and she’s like “I don’t care! You know what? I don’t care that you forgot to reserve seats and we have to wait for 30 minutes. You know what? I just care about seeing you.” This is the kind of woman that you want to be with, that you should want to be with. So that is my advice for you. I think you should walk away from this woman. Let it go. Give it up. I don’t think this is gonna go anywhere and I think like I said earlier at the beginning, you’re thinking too much with your dick. You’re basically thinking…
You said it yourself: She’s super beautiful, funny, cute, well, is she really that funny? Is she really that cute? She has a nice smile, sure, she’s probably really hot. But what else is there? There are a lot of women on this planet who are fucking hot and right now you’re thinking “OMG she’s so hot! I need her!” but trust me, once you’re with another hot woman who’s sitting on top of you, riding you like crazy, and you can’t believe how hot she looks riding you and having sex with you, and going crazy for you, you will never think about a woman like this ever again! So that is my advice for you. Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up. Of course, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within.