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Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video we’re going to talk about well, dating confidence and the difficulty of dating with dating apps. So spoiler alert. Maybe you’ve figured it out already… Dating or dating on dating apps is really difficult. So many dating words… Because well, oftentimes you don’t match with women. Oftentimes, they don’t respond to you. They seem very lackluster. No interest in you. No effort. And so what do you do with that? How do you battle that? And should you actually give it a try at all? So I have a message from a guy who is dealing with this problem. He’s kind of just fed up with dating. He’s fed up with apps like Bumble and Tinder and he’s asking for my advice. So let’s see what I have to say.
Bumble Is A Waste Of Time: Why Is Online Dating So Hard For Guys To Get A Match With A Woman?
Hey coach, I’m very frustrated with online dating and I want to get your opinion on what you think about the entire online dating scene and if there’s also anything I can do to improve my dating success. Dating apps just annoy the shit out of me, especially Bumble because it’s so complicated to try and get a good match with a woman who actually wants to talk to you.
Now, let’s take a step back here and first talk about something. Yes, Bumble is probably the hardest dating app out of all of them. I don’t know why it is. It’s because women feel entitled or because they feel like okay, now they have to message and you know they feel like I just don’t want to. Some of them actually don’t know that they’re supposed to message back. Some women on Bumble also just don’t know what to say, honestly, there are actually women who are socially awkward. Overall, there are a lot of factors that contribute to this problem, especially on Bumble, but it’s also important to recognize that if you’re matching on Bumble…
This is especially on Bumble because I think women on Bumble are typically higher earners, they’re more educated, they have good jobs, good careers, good education, and so they want to have a really good man. And so what you see is basically the hotter the woman is, the hotter you gotta be, the more you gotta intrigue her. And so typically, she needs to already see on your pictures, maybe on your profile description that she wants to talk to you. And if that is not the case, if you let’s just say, she sees herself as a 10, or she is a 10, and you are just a five, then your chances of talking to her are relatively low. I’m sure you’ve had the same thing that you’ve matched with a woman on Tinder. It’s happened to me. It’s actually happened to me today. And you match with this woman, and you don’t find her that hot. Maybe you just swiped through the first picture and you didn’t check out all pictures. You were like yeah okay, I’ll swipe that right. Then you see the picture in the profile and it’s kind of boring and you’re like, you know, you keep her there on the stack and you don’t really message her and that happened to me.
I swiped a woman today, then I matched with her and I was like wait, why did I swipe this one? Right? And so on Bumble, I just let her extend… Just let her sorry, not extend. I let her expire. Women do the same thing. So on Bumble, because women are the ones who have to message first and they will sometimes just think “He’s not that hot. He’s not that intriguing. So whatever.” That’s just how it is. That’s the reality if you want a quality woman. If you want a great woman, then you gotta be a great quality guy and I’m not telling you that you have to be a total Chad, but your profile needs to look interesting. That sounds kind of shitty to say but theoretically, I don’t advocate this, but theoretically, you would have to lower your standards if you want to get more responses from women.
So if you’re matching and you’re not getting responses then it’s clear that there’s a separation between how good she perceives you and how good you perceive her. And so you gotta be roughly on the same ground or it’s not gonna work out. So you gotta have something that’s in your favor. So either you look hot, or your profile is just incredibly freaking funny, or your pictures are creative. Or maybe there’s something really unique about you, like something that not a lot of people do, or something that is very specific. So for example, there’s this one woman that I still remember. I haven’t matched with her but I can still clearly remember her profile from a few weeks ago. She is… I guess she has a dog shelter or something like that. And she talks about it in her profile. She loves dogs, and she has lots of pictures on her profile with dogs, and she looked hot. I just remember this profile because I love dogs as well and yeah, so you gotta stand out somehow. That’s number one. So okay, so that’s that’s the first thing. So let’s continue.
Online Dating Doesn’t Work For Guys: Starting A Conversation On Bumble Is Frustrating — Hey!
Let’s just start with the obvious annoyance, that is Bumble, where 90% of all the women that I match with don’t even message me. Female empowerment my ass. Either the woman on there do not start a conversation at all, or if they do, they just said ‘hey’… It’s so damn annoying. I just roll my eyes at this point when I get yet another one of those fucking boring messages. Women just put zero fucking percent effort into this shit! If we guys would do that, they wouldn’t even bat an eyelash. So the only option is to fight through it and respond and try to get a conversation going even though truthfully, I don’t even feel like it. It’s pretty stupid to be honest.
Well, this is your problem. This is specifically your mindset problem. You gotta understand that women have so many choices. Do you know how many women match with guys? So even if a woman is not very attractive, you know, she’s probably gonna have 50 matches in a day. Maybe a hundred. Maybe more. How many matches do you get in a day? I don’t know… Right now I’m getting… On Bumble where I’m at right now, I’m getting about 10 matches a day. Which is pretty good, but usually it’s not that great. It’s usually not that high. So 10, for me is usually a pretty high one. I don’t know what’s going on right now. I’m getting 10 matches a day, but yeah, it’s not bad, but usually, my matches typically are relatively low. My ratio is relatively low. Women have so many matches. So they can choose all the time. Women can choose from a pile of guys all the time. So if they have so many guys in their inbox, they’re only gonna say something really short to any guy because they don’t have to try.
They just say “hey” and some guy is going to bite and guess what? There are let’s say… You say hey and there are so many guys who basically don’t want to bother, or don’t know what to respond, and so just by replying already you are already in the top… I don’t know… Let’s say top 10, for example, who actually start a conversation with her and so hey, your problem is that you’re upset that they’re not putting any effort and I kind of get that. Yes, it’s kind of annoying, but the thing is, you are over-complicating this. When a woman says “hey“, or also, I noticed this a lot with women on Bumble, especially, because that’s where they have to message first, they just don’t know what the fuck to say. Why? Of course, they don’t know what to say because they never have to approach a guy.
So women say hey, hi, woohoo… One woman told me a few days ago “woohoo we matched“… What the hell! I got a message from a woman who had emojis… party emojis… but you just gotta strike up a conversation, say something in their profile. You don’t have to say something really complicated. I had a really great conversation with a girl yesterday. At first, I wasn’t sure if I’m gonna reply because she only said “hey” and her pictures were not that hot, but then she changed her profile picture last minute and so I said something… I forgot how I started the conversation but whatever, we had a really great conversation after that. And I opened with one sentence or two sentences… like literally one line… It didn’t even break into two lines. So one line. A one line reply, maybe two, or maybe just one… I’m not sure anymore but it was so fucking short basically and we kept on talking the entire evening basically. Or maybe for two hours something like that. So you don’t have to over-complicate this and think of the super most fucking witty thing on the planet.
Just say whatever you want to say and then she’s gonna bite or she doesn’t bite. The fact is, she already said hey. You know what that tells you? That tells you that she’s kind of into you, because I guess I’m not sure if you already mentioned this but a lot of women don’t say hey because they’re like “oh whatever“… So that already is kind of like a filter. That tells you okay, you had a match, so interested. Then they say hi. I’m quite interested. Now if you keep the conversation going, you can really get it to the stage where they already want to meet you and they want to go on a date with you. So it’s a mindset kind of thing. You can be really butthurt about this and be really upset that they don’t put any effort and yeah I get it… It can be kind of frustrating, and annoying sometimes, and tiring, but you have to think about okay what do I say now?
But hey, let’s be real: On Tinder, you would have to do the same thing. On Tinder, she’s not gonna message you. You’re gonna message her and so you have to think about what to say anyway. So the only reason why it’s bothering you is because you’re thinking about equality. You’re thinking like a feminist. You’re thinking that you want equality but we both know that men and women are different. So I’m pretty sure on average, you might think that equality doesn’t really make sense with men & women. Certainly, equality makes sense, certainly, but some things just don’t make sense, like for example, why should women be the ones who message men. That makes no sense, but so you’re putting kind of this equality label on it. Like okay, women should put the same effort into it that I am putting into it. No, because you have less choices. So they are more scarce to you. They’re harder to obtain for you versus the other way around. So you are the one who should put in the effort and on Tinder, you would put in the effort. So why does it matter? It doesn’t really make any difference if you think about it. So that’s something to think about.
I Get No Matches On Dating Apps: Do Dating Apps Work? Are Dating Apps Worth It For Average Guys?
Then there’s Tinder and just all the dating apps in general… Number one, my match ratio fucking sucks. I get a match on maybe every 70 swipes or so. Maybe even less. Could be 100 or more. I’m really not counting but it’s just insane. You might as well not open tinder at all lol
Why though? I mean, yeah, I get it. It sucks. Of course, we all would love to get 100 matches out of 100 swipes and so if you get only one match every 70 swipes, it kind of feels discouraging, but ultimately in the end, it’s about having that great quality conversation, that great quality woman that you can be with for the rest of your life. So let’s say hypothetically you swipe a thousand women. Did you break your fingers swiping them right? Not really, right? So okay, let’s say out of those thousand women, let’s just say you got 15 matches. I don’t know, I’m really fucking bad at math and I don’t want to do the math right now. Let’s say you got 15 matches, let’s say 20. And let’s say you have five good conversations with these women and then you go on dates with them. That could honestly be enough to be in a relationship and be in a relationship with a great woman.
The problem is a lot of guys don’t take all their chances. They don’t take all their shots or they swipe right on women like I just said… I’m guilty of this myself. Swiping right on a woman that is not intriguing enough. So I’m currently in Bali and there are just not that many women here. The ratios here in Bali are just pretty fucking awful. So yesterday, I switched locations to Jakarta and I have so many great matches with really hot women, right, and so I’m like fuck I want to be in Jakarta. So I have some friends in Jakarta… I probably also want to meet with an ex-boss of mine, talk with him about what he’s up to and he lives in Jakarta as well, and you know, I’ll go to Jakarta, probably in maybe two months from now, and I’ll go on some dates with these really high-quality women.
And look, do you think I am upset because I didn’t match with all the women when I have like these really great women in my inbox? No, of course not. I’m like damn, why can’t I meet up with them right now? So you got to be appreciative of the women that you have in your inbox, and so maybe you’re not swiping the right women. Don’t just swipe right on every woman. If you just instinctively know that she’s not hot and sometimes we can just be sleepwalking while swiping… But sometimes you can look at the profile picture and you kind of know that you don’t really want to swipe her right, where you’re like whatever let’s give her her chance, and yeah, that doesn’t make sense, right? So you want to swipe with this girl that her smile is just gorgeous. I matched with this really cute girl yesterday and just started talking to her and her smile, everything, she just looks so kind and sweet, and ah she looks just great! And I would love to meet her. So this is the kind of woman that you should swipe with, and then if you have a low match ratio, but dude, if you match with five women like that, that’s all you need. Then you go on a date with her and you really like her, bam! That’s a jackpot!
Again… It’s a mindset thing. I get it. It sucks. It’s demotivating but dude, this is not an ego competition. This is not a narcissism competition. It’s not about a competition of who gets a great woman. It’s not about you getting validation. It’s about finding a great woman. So the match ratio doesn’t matter as long as you find a great woman. So you gotta keep swiping and yes, of course, you can improve your profile and super likes and stuff like that as well, but ultimately, if you’re getting matches, that is good as long as you don’t have to put a bag over their face. It’s all good, right? So mindset. That’s how I see it. Glass half empty or glass half full. I’m always the glass half-full person. So that’s how I see it.
Dating Apps Pay To Win: Starting A Conversation On Tinder And Taking Out A Girl On A Date
I actually saw your advice video before to use premium features to super like a lot but I don’t really know if I want to do that. I have my doubts if it’s useful and even if it creases matches, it still doesn’t guarantee having a conversation with a woman that leads to anywhere even remotely close to a date.
So first of all, yes… It definitely increases your match chances like crazy. Super liking or stuff like boosts, or premium feature on Tinder where you just get shown to women that you like in general, you don’t need super likes, so they see your profile really, really quickly, it increases your swiping… Or sorry… Not your swiping. Your matching changes a lot. But then if the conversation is going in the right direction, that’s really up to you. If you’re not fun, if you’re not charming, if you just say weird shit or if you’re texting too much or too little, or you’re too boring, whatever, if they don’t find you exciting, that’s not their fault, man. That is quite frankly, it’s your fault. And sorry to say it so directly but if you’re boring, you’re not going to entertain any woman.
So look if you are getting a lot of matches. You should think about how many of these conversations are not good and if they’re not good, let’s say if let’s say 80% of your conversations are really boring and they lead nowhere… Like nowhere, not even a good conversation for an hour, then you should actually recognize that probably the way that you’re opening your messages is not good. The things that you’re talking about is not good. You’re maybe asking these not open-ended questions where they can just say yes, no, and give you really short answers, that don’t intrigue you, and them, they get bored. So you have to lead your conversations into a certain direction. You gotta discover the woman. You gotta entertain them and figure something out. Sometimes say something cheeky and be curious about them. And ask them some questions. The girl that I talked to yesterday… I talked with her about the players and that she is falling for players or why is she falling for players…
And I was joking a little bit that … You know, just get a guy who plays video games, and then you know you’re not gonna find and date a player. And then I told her, well, I don’t play any video games. Then she’s like “oh so you’re a player?” and you’re like “nah, maybe… maybe not“… You know, just joking a little bit. Don’t keep it so boring, essentially, right? And if it’s not so boring, especially if it’s not so usual, I guess you could say if it’s… You know a lot of guys always they say the same shit or they always start the conversation the same way. They see something in the profile and they jump just right off of that and instead of just jumping off that one thing that you see in the profile, asking a really boring question, make it make something cheeky. Make it something that she didn’t expect. Something naughty. Or not naughty because then they’re probably gonna think that you’re a fuckboy, but something a little bit brave, daring, dastardly, something that not every guy is willing to say.
And you don’t have to do that in the first message necessarily, but basically, be willing to be yourself, and just be like “Yeah fuck it! I’m gonna say to you whatever I want to say!“… As long as, of course, you’re not disrespectful. And that’s attractive to women. Like I said to this girl yesterday that what did I say? Something like yeah I don’t want to have… No I’m not the kind of guy who plays with multiple bodies. I just get one girl and then I play with this body a lot. So you know, something a little bit naughty, but not too much. And she didn’t bother. She didn’t mind. And how many guys have the balls to say something like this? Not many. Either fuckboys / players. Shy guys won’t say it. And then there’s like a very small percentage of guys who are willing to say certain things that other guys are not willing to say. So you gotta stand out from the crowd, basically, in your conversations. So that’s something to consider.
I Give Up On Dating Apps: Dating As A Guy Is Just Depressing — That’s Your Opportunity To Win
Overall I’m kind of ready to throw in the towel with dating apps and just go my own way. But hey, I figured before I turn into a bitter dude, I’ll send you a message just in case to hear your thoughts about my problem. Here’s a picture of me to give you some context on what I look like. I know I’m somewhat average-built, so I guess that does not help much with this.
Yea, you’re kind of average but not unattractive. I would say just average, above-average-looking dude. Middle, a little bit above average basically, and so you look okay. So certain women will see your profile and they will like it if you’re not getting enough matches obviously, you are not Chad territory… So you’re not super hot and you’re never gonna win the algorithm by even if you had the greatest profile pictures, it probably won’t make that much of a difference. That’s just the reality. So super likes, Tinder Premium, Bumble Boost, or Tinder…. is it also called Tinder Boost? What is it called? I think it’s boost, right? These things do work and if you don’t want to give up, then you gotta play the field in a way that works. And so look, if you’re not super fucking attractive, then you pay for the premium features. Then you’re gonna get a lot more matches. I can guarantee you that.
But then how you lead the conversation that is really up to you. And how you respond to women on Bumble as well, you know, boring hey, hi, heyya, hey good morning… Things like that… I mean you can be really bitter like you just said and good morning… What do I say to that? I don’t know… Hey, good morning, I’m just about to do workout, and what are you up to? What are you doing today? Whatever, like it’s so easy to just respond to something even if it’s boring. And look that message that I just said “hey good morning, I’m just about to do workout, what are you up to?” … Some girl might be bored by this, but whatever, I mean like what are you gonna lose by just replying to that message? Nothing? You already won because you got the match. So what? Because it hurts your ego?
Yeah man, you gotta get over your ego, and you gotta build some resilience and just not care so much about this. It’s not about… These women are not there to validate your feelings or validate you that you’re an awesome guy. You should know yourself that you’re an awesome guy and if she doesn’t like that you work out in the morning or whatever shit… who the fuck cares! There are so many women on this planet and one woman is gonna see it. Many women can see it and want to see it, and so one of them doesn’t respond, or you think that you wasted your time writing that stupid message…
No, you didn’t waste your time. You learned maybe what worked, what didn’t work, or how to craft a better message. And it’s all a learning experience. So it’s about mindset. You gotta stay positive and I encourage you to listen to everything that I said and just try it a little bit longer. I know it’s very tempting to go your own way but try it a little bit more. But then also if that doesn’t work out, you can also meet women pretty much everywhere, basically. So that’s my advice for you. Let me know in the comments what you think, give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within.