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Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video, we’re going to talk about what if an ex doesn’t treat you right. Should you actually get back with her? Also should you get in touch with her if something happens? Such as birthdays, occasions, or accidents. So I have a situation from a guy, he is in a really tough spot right now. His sister died. I think it was on Friday. I think he sent me this message on Friday. I already gave him some advice through email but I also want to make a video about this because I think it’s a good example of a type of woman that you probably shouldn’t be dating. So it’s very easy to tell yourself that your woman, your girlfriend, your ex, she’s just not treating you right, or she’s saying something mean, or she’s blaming you for certain things because you caused her stress. You caused her problems. You caused her headaches. And yeah, of course, that is true to some extent. We all gotta take accountability for our actions but at the end of the day, sometimes certain actions or certain behavior patterns of another person are just really character flaws & their character weaknesses.
So for example, I used to be a kind of guy typical German guy who would get angry all the time. I would always be stressful. I’d always be mad at certain things, or looking for problems, and I would also let that stress out on my girlfriends. And sure, I could have blamed that on my stress with work or she was stressing me, but the harsh troth was just that for roughly 25 years of my life, I was kind of a dick. I was the typical German guy who was just a dick who was too angry and so that’s because I was raised that way. That’s how I learned to function as a normal human being. But eventually, I had to learn that no, this is not normal and I can’t treat my woman & I can’t treat my partner’s bad just because I’m stressed, for example. So in this situation from this guy, he is basically being made out to be the bad guy even though his sister just died and realistically he needs her support. So let’s see what is my advice. Let’s go through his message.
Reaching Out To An Ex On Emergencies: Should You Tell Your Ex Girlfriend About A Death In The Family?
Hi Andy, my sister passed away yesterday. I am very depressed and hope you can give me one advice. Should I inform my ex? My old contact number has changed and my ex-girlfriend doesn’t have my new contact number.
So first of all, my condolences, and sorry for your loss. Now, if you would be in a normal situation with a normal healthy ex, I would say yes, you should tell your ex to inform her that your sister just died. If she matters to you & if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, then she probably would care about your sister as well. She would care about you, even though you’ve broken up and no matter how bad the breakup was, she might still care about you and then it might be okay to break no contact. And in fact, I would actually encourage you to break no contact and I would just completely actually ignore “should you get her back?“… Look, that doesn’t really matter. The bigger picture and this instance would be just to grieve and to go through the process of the funeral and accepting the fact that your sister died. And that’s really hard.
And if your ex can be there for you, why not man? Honestly, it doesn’t really matter. The only thing in this case, of course, would be that you would have to be careful to not get back with her or be emotional and do something that you would regret later on. But spoiler alert: As we’re gonna go through your message we can see that your ex is just not the right woman for you because she doesn’t treat you right. And so in this case, I actually would not inform her because I don’t think you deserve this kind of woman, or rather, she doesn’t deserve you. That’s the right way to phrase it. She’s not good for you and we’re going to see in a moment why she’s not good for you.
I Messed Up: Don’t Get Back With Your Toxic Ex When Your Ex Blames You For Everything
There has been no contact for 31 days and now my sister’s funeral is today. On December 4, my ex blocked me because I was very emotional due to having no job for five months. That may have lowered her attraction and my negative emotions caused a negative reaction from her with headaches and she threw a bad tantrum and said that she no longer loves me. My girlfriend is at the age of experiencing very bad menopause symptoms where she easily gets all flushed up and irritable headaches and can’t sleep at night. On the morning of the day of our breakup I video called her and she told me she feels her blood pressure is rising and she was putting all the blame on me because she said I worry too much and I’m always complaining.
Okay, this could be true. You didn’t have a job for five months, so probably, you were insecure, needy, you weren’t on top of your game, you probably felt like you can’t provide for her. And also, you are actually from Singapore. Singapore is a very work-centric environment. People there work like crazy. I also heard today that women from Singapore are not the nicest ones, actually, because they are very materialistic and everything there is about money and work. So that’s something to consider as well. And you screwed up and then she also has her menopause. So sure, maybe she was correct with blaming you. Maybe there is some fault on your side. I am not denying this but well, there’s always two people in a relationship and now we’re gonna see why she’s kind of fucked up.
Ultimately, yeah, if you screwed up, if you didn’t have a job, then obviously, fix it & get a job. And if you’ve been worrying and always complaining, yeah, it’s gonna piss off any woman. Of course, no woman wants to be with a guy who complains all the time. So if you did that, of course, you gotta change that. No doubt about it. But you also gotta consider that she needs to consider your emotions as well. And your feelings as well. And how is she responding to your life situation. Does she actually understand how you’re feeling? That’s important as well.
Being In Love With A Toxic Woman: My Ex Says It’s All My Fault — Never Get Back With A Toxic Ex
She wasn’t there for me when I needed her. She said I should just focus on my sister instead of her. I misunderstood, thinking and questioning her, whether she wants to leave me again because of my problem. The phone line was cut off and she didn’t pick up the phone. That was why I went near to her house and she called the police to ask me to go away. I was totally disappointed why her mental illness is so bad. She told me she feels like killing me or killing herself because I am torturing her emotionally with my one week of worrying, anger, blame, and fighting.
So this is where it gets really messed up. So yes, you thought that she’s breaking up with you because she was trying to tell you to just focus on your sister. “You don’t have to worry about me” Now, that was actually the right thing to say on her part. And yeah, then you got insecure & needy but the fact that she then hangs up on you, I mean either you’ve been so insecure & needy for so long that she just can’t fucking take another second anymore of this, but I don’t know man… You’ve been having trouble with your sister dying basically, and she should know. She should understand. And she just hangs up the phone? What the fuck?? So that’s number one. So then you go to her house because you want to know what is up… “Why did you hang up and what is wrong?” and she’s calling the police on you. And you said mental illness. Even though I don’t know why you would say that, maybe you know that she has some mental illness? That she gets easily irritated or something like this? And she feels like killing you, or killing herself…
Dude, that is pretty crazy shit! No healthy woman would say that. Even if a woman would be really pissed off, even if she would be so pissed off and she just can’t even accept the fact anymore that you’re stressed because of your sister dying. And you know, she just doesn’t care anymore because she’s had enough… Even then she wouldn’t say something like “I feel like killing myself or killing you“… That’s just crazy. That’s just fucked up shit, and that itself already should tell you that you should probably never get back with this woman ever again because what the fuck, man? That is just too much. And ultimately, you are the one who’s in pain. Your sister is dying or your sister already died now and while your sister was dying and you probably had to look for doctors and stuff like that, and figuring out what the hell are we gonna do? Can we fix this? Can we still do some treatment? She was basically angry at you… What the fuck man… That’s just messed up!
I would not date a woman like this and that’s what I meant when I said in the beginning that I myself used to be a grumpy person. Always looking for flaws. But the thing is yes, you can be pissed at something, or you can be disappointed with something, or with someone… With your partner… But ultimately it’s about character. You have to take the high road and even if she’s really pissed at you because of something that you did or some behavior that you’ve had for a few months like not having a job and worrying too much… I get it. I understand that. But ultimately she gotta take the high road. You just lost your sister or you’re in the process of losing your sister. You were in the process of losing your sister. And she can just take a break and say: “He’s going through something right now. Let me stick through this. I love him and I’ll just be patient. I’ll take the back burner a little bit. He needs to take care of his sister for the next few months. I’ll deal with it. I won’t be happy with it. It won’t be easy but I love this man, and so I’m gonna stay patient and I’m gonna listen to him. And even if he’s worrying, or stressful, or angry, or whatever, I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.”
And that’s what relationships are about because dude, we all get sick at some point. We all have troubles in our lives at some point. And really bad shit like you just went through. And if the woman that you’re with can’t support you in those moments why would you want to be with that woman. I had a great conversation with a friend of mine recently… He met some red pill guys. He’s in Bali and there’s apparently a lot of red pill guys there. And they don’t want to have relationships. They never had relationships and it’s kind of a sad state of life essentially, because what if you get older & you have no relationship? You have no girlfriend. You’re 45 and you never had a girlfriend and dude, life is really sad when you’re lonely. It’s just not nice. And so why would you want to be with a woman who makes you feel like you’re lonely or who can’t support you? You might as well not be with her.
Honestly, in that case, you might as well rather be a red pill guy and just have sex, hook up with women, and you get kind of the same benefits but not the cons. Because this woman is in a relationship with you but she’s not there for you. That is just not the right way how to lead a healthy relationship. And so yeah, that’s my opinion. Let’s continue with your message.
Rightfully Blaming Your Ex: I Got Together With My Ex Girlfriend On Valentine’s Day But It Didn’t Last
I think I could have reacted calmly despite my sister died, or her condition, but instead I blamed her for the first breakup last December, which caused me so much depression. I couldn’t eat and sleep and during that time my sister was asking me to find the best cancer doctors in Singapore for her but my heart was gone. And during January, I didn’t know my sister’s breast cancer became worse and worse. On January 4, my ex unblocked me to pity me and said she just wanted to be friends. On February 14, so on Valentine’s Day, she said she loves me always and I got my ex back on Valentine’s Day. My girlfriend expressed her love for me and we got back together but my sister’s cancer spread into both lungs and that was when I told my girlfriend I can’t act happily ever after with her because my sister will only have a few weeks left and I cried and became emotional. I lashed out at my girlfriend, resulting in my girlfriend being traumatized and mentally affected, and she chose to end our relationship.
Now look, I don’t know how you lashed out on her and what exactly was said. So it’s all about context and exactly what you said, but it’s very understandable that you can’t live happily ever after, or act like everything is fine when your sister is literally dying. And if you look at the timeline I think a month later your sister then actually died. So sorry again about that. And I mean, come on, man. She should be understandable. She should be understanding about this and even if you lash out a little bit… If a woman can’t be patient in this situation… Imagine if you have a normal fight or a normal disagreement about something that’s not so big, not so stressful… Dude, if your best friend dies, if your sister dies, if your mom dies and your girlfriend can’t be understanding, then she’s just not a good woman. She has no fucking heart. She has a heart made of ice and that’s not a good woman for you. So think twice if she’s the right woman for you and if no contact makes sense, or trying to get her back makes any sense.
She Doesn’t Support Me: Your Ex Girlfriend Is Toxic And She Belongs To The Streets
On April 1, I told my girlfriend I was very sad because my sister was dying and I cried. That may have lowered her attraction for me. Then on April 2, my girlfriend said I caused her headaches and she can’t sleep, and on April 3, my ex-girlfriend blamed me for her mental trauma. On April 4, my ex got a bad headache and blamed me again and told me I tortured her with all my worries and accused her of using me and not being there for me when I needed her. On April 4, she called the police to tell them that I couldn’t hang around her apartment.
So dude, look, it’s really fucking messed up. Look, okay, maybe being upset or not being able to deal with everything that you’re going through, that is one thing, but blaming you and saying that you’re the one who is traumatizing her… Like what the fuck bitch, man?! I’m going through this very difficult part in my life and you’re the victim?! Even if you said some stupid shit, is she really the victim? Her life is pretty okay. She still has her job. Nobody died. And I mean, come on… Shut the fuck up… Sorry to say it so bluntly. Usually, I am a very balanced kind of guy where I always try to see both sides of the coin but at the end of the day, I was born in Germany. I’m a German guy and I have a bullshit-o-meter and this is bullshit, man. This is full of shit. This is just fucking garbage.
There are these kinds of women who always think that they deserve everything. They’re super privileged and this sounds like a Singaporean woman. I guess. I’ve never dated a Singaporean woman but everything that I’ve heard from my friends because I live in Asia… I’ve heard very similar things. That they’re very entitled and she seems like she’s entitled to the fact that you should always be there for her. You should always make her feel happy, and you should never traumatize her, or you should never make her feel bad, but well, the thing is… It’s not about her. It’s not about her right now at all. It should be about you. And a good woman she will understand this. I lived for five years in the Philippines and Filipinos are amazing women. One of the reasons why Filipinos are amazing women is because they’re just so caring. When you get sick you’re a king. They will treat you so well. Basically, if you ever get sick in the Philippines… There’s a joke that all Filipinas or Filipinos are nurses. There’s actually some accuracy to that.
And maybe that is because they’re so caring. Because they really know how to care of their men, especially when they’re sick. And I’ve been sick in the past in the Philippines. And these women are just the best. They’re just great. They take care of you when you’re at your worst. They will be there for you and that is loyalty. That is a woman who is worth keeping. But a woman who is not loyal or who can’t be there for you in your worst moments, she’s just not worth keeping. So she’s not a keeper. So keep that in mind.
My Ex Girlfriend Lost Attraction To Me: Is It Loss Of Attraction Or Loss Of Affection?
May I ask if a loss of a family member is a loss of attraction?
Dude, this really depends on the context, but ultimately no, that’s like loss of attraction… Maybe, yes. Obviously, you’re not attractive in this moment because well, you are just at your worst. But loss of affection, loss of love, loss of intimacy, loss of caring for you? No. And so dude… Relationships are not just attraction. And you’ve been in a relationship… Attraction, yes, it matters in a relationship, but obviously, the most the time, when attraction matters the most is when you’re not in the relationship. When you have to convince her to stick together. In the relationship, what matters is loyalty, affection, dedication, and is she dedicated? Nope. I mean what the hell?? You lost a family member and you know she’s like “This is annoying me. This guy is annoying me. He’s giving me headaches. He’s giving me stress.” I thought she just has menopause and it’s really just her who’s getting these headaches? Anyways, yeah, sure maybe you caused her stress but as I said… In this instance she should be understanding. But she’s not. So it doesn’t matter if there’s a loss of attraction. There should still be dedication. But there is none. So she’s not a good woman.
Now I haven’t only lost my sister, I wish I don’t have to lose my girlfriend at this wrong time. It was my emotional weakness and my anger blaming her and because I love her and I want to get her back, should I contact her and let her know my new phone number, and of my sister’s death? Or do you think she will come back to me and contact me? I am in a very deep depression and no contact is killing me. Will she look down on me because of my way too many problems? It seems to have caused her stress. So should I never tell my ex about any of my problems? Regards, Chris from Singapore.
Well, ask yourself this question. If you would talk to any random friend of yours and you would ask them is it okay? Should I never tell my girlfriend about my problems. Just think about this logically. Or what does your gut tell you? I’m pretty sure your gut knows what to think. Your gut is probably telling you if I can’t tell my girlfriend my problems and especially my most important problems, then why the fuck am I with this woman?! Why am I with this person? I don’t know if you’ve grown up with some good parents… You are Asian, I’m assuming, because you’re from Singapore and I’m in this Facebook group called subtle… Well, I’m not gonna say the name because maybe Asian people don’t wanna get all of the white people in this group.
Obviously, it’s a group for Asians basically, and there are a lot of posts about toxic parents. So maybe you grew up with toxic parents who taught you that this kind of stuff is normal to never talk about your problems. But it’s not normal. And will she look down on you because of your depression and because you can’t cope right now? And should you tell her about your sister’s death? Well, first of all, if she doesn’t know that your sister died, I mean what are the odds? What kind of woman is that? Do you have common friends? She should know about this and well, I mean not even just know about this. She saw it coming. It’s not like your sister just died out of nowhere, like an accident or something like that. She knew that your sister was very sick. Maybe she knew that she was about to die. I think she knew that she was about to die. So she should have known that maybe she’s already dead and she should be worried about this. She should be wondering about this and check up on you. Even if you broke up, man, come on, dude. She would probably check up on you.
But this woman just doesn’t fucking care about you and she just cares about herself. And the reality is if you get back with her or talk to her invite her to the funeral… I know the funeral is over already… It was on Saturday, I believe. It’s just gonna make it worse. It’s just gonna make it much, much worse. You’re gonna feel worse about yourself. She’s gonna blame you again. You’re gonna be weak and needy because right now you’re not in a good place. You’re at your worst moment in your life or one of your worst moments in your life and it’s normal and understandable to just cry, to stop, not know what to do with your life, struggle with work, struggle with your friendships, struggle with getting out of bed, struggle with eating, with sleeping. Dude, that is understandable. And any normal healthy human being is going to understand that. And they’re going to be there for you. That’s just how it is. Man, that’s just what normal healthy people do. Normally, healthy people support you in your worst moments. But she’s doing the opposite, man. And if you think about it, your girlfriend should be your support system. She should be the one person that you can lean on for the rest of your life.
So what I meant earlier with the red pillers who never have relationships, dude, when you are in your 60s, for example, or in your 70s, and you’re with a great woman and you’re not feeling good and she’s taking care of you when you’re not feeling good… Maybe you’re lying in bed and everything is hurting. Everything is aching. That is priceless. That’s why love is such a great thing because we dedicate ourselves to each other. That’s why it’s worth keeping it and fighting for it. When it’s hard but she’s not fighting for it at all, when it’s hard & she just wants to throw it away, she wants to throw you in the trash and she only wants to have you when it’s convenient… You could actually argue that this is a little bit of a narcissistic behavior pattern.
Actually, I haven’t seen that many patterns of narcissism in here. Or I didn’t pay so much attention to it because it’s not very repetitive, but overall, this is not a good woman. And I would not tell her about anything. It’s already over now anyway with the funeral. So I couldn’t make a video fast enough and dude, forget this woman. She’s not good for you. I know that you love her and you want to make it work but I know you can find a better woman. And what age do women get their menopause? 50? So she must be a relatively old woman. So you’re probably also relatively old but at your age range, maybe if you’re 40, 50, 60, you can typically date a woman who’s at least 10 years younger than you. 15 years younger. That’s something that I would go for. And find yourself a better woman, especially well, the fact that you can probably get a woman who is more attractive. That’s one thing. Although Asians stay incredibly young even at an older age, but still you can probably find a younger woman.
But the thing that you really need is a woman who takes care of you and who is willing to dedicate herself to you and your feelings. The good ones and the bad ones. If she can’t be there for you when you’re at your worst, then she’s not a good woman. And I think right now actually you should not be focused on any woman at all. You need to be focused on yourself. I think you’re gonna take some time to grieve and process this and you’re gonna be in a very weak state right now. So whatever woman you’re going to date right now, whether it would be your ex or a new woman, it probably won’t work out, honestly, because you’re most likely not able to emotionally open up to it. You need some time for yourself. I would probably just take time for myself. You’re probably gonna need time off. You’re probably gonna need to quit your… Well, not quit your job, but maybe take a vacation or something like this. And yeah, you’re in Singapore and then from Singapore you can go to a lot of great places that are kind of quiet. So I’m in Bali, for example. There are a lot of quiet places in Ubud. You know, in the woods. To be by yourself. Maybe a spiritual retreat. Or you could go to Thailand, for example, and go somewhere with just nature and be by yourself and just reflect. And just process your emotions and take time for yourself to heal from all of this. And it’s going to take a lot of time.
And I don’t think that she’s going to help you at all with healing from this. So that’s why I would not tell her about anything. I would not try to get comfort from her. And I think it’s very tempting, of course. I think at some point most likely, she’s gonna message you because there’s still kind of a human being in there in her, but ultimately, not too much, and so I think you do deserve better. And right now, it’s in general, just not the right thing for you because you need to heal. You need to focus on yourself. You need to get back to being a king. Right now, I’m sure you’re feeling at your worst. I fortunately did not have to go through it yet. Losing a close family member. My parents are still alive. My siblings are still alive. But I can imagine if that would happen it’s just heartbreaking. When my grandma died, that was already painful enough for me. And I’m definitely closer to my parents and my siblings than my grandma, or even though I was close with my grandma as well, but it’s just painful. I know that you need some time to heal and process all of this. And you can process it with a woman who just makes you feel like shit. You’re trying to process this grief and you’re gonna go through worries, and depression, and sleepless nights, and not being able to eat, and not knowing how to cope with work, or whatever.
And imagine if that’s going on, then she’s basically frustrated, and she’s blaming you, and she’s saying “Yo. Man up.” Or say “Don’t be a pussy and stop giving me headaches.” What the fuck, man. I just don’t know if I can do this on YouTube, but I would show the finger right now. If I could. I don’t know if this is good for YouTube or if they don’t promote videos if you do that special finger. But yeah, I would really feel inclined to show the finger right now to this kind of woman. What the hell? She’s just not a good woman. You deserve better. So that is my advice for you. Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up. I would love to know what all of you guys think about this woman. I think you all have your opinions that probably are very similar to mine. So give me your feedback in the comments. Give me a thumbs up. Subscribe to the channel and never forget to unleash the king within.