50% Off The PhoenEx 3-Step-Blueprint

Ex Pulling Away Again After She Reached Out During No Contact?

Get the ultimate science-based guide to the no contact rule. Massive YouTube promo inside👇

PhoenEx 3-Step-Blueprint - Sign Up Now

Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.

In today’s video, we’re going to talk about shots not taken with an ex. So if you’re doing no contact and you’re basically just waiting for her to come back, or maybe if you’re hopefully doing it right, you’re not just waiting, you’re actually working on yourself in the best-case scenario, you actually forget your ex and you don’t realize that you’re waiting for her anymore. You’re living your life and then one day, she just comes back. That’s the best-case scenario of how you do no contact and that is perfect. But what if she then comes back but you don’t shoot your shot? What if you don’t take action? What if you don’t invite her out for a date? Well, then it’s never gonna go anywhere.

So clearly, no contact is only part of the game. The real hard part is the seduction. Getting her to go on dates with you. Getting her to feel comfortable talking to you again regularly, so that it feels like she’s just dating you like you’ve dated in the past, basically. So I have a message from a guy who’s been going through this challenge. He has not been doing it right and he messed it up, basically. So let’s see what is my advice.

Hot & Cold Bad Breakup: She Reached Out After No Contact But My Ex Pulled Away Again

Coach, I don’t know if I did something wrong with my ex-girlfriend because I was doing no contact after a pretty bad dramatic breakup, and for almost three months, I didn’t hear anything from her, but then she reached out to me, but she pulled back again after a bit of talking.

So that is actually a really good sign if you’ve had a dramatic breakup, a lot of fighting, most likely. Maybe things are thrown through the room. Lots of screaming. Lots of anger. Actually, that’s not so bad. And if she then comes back after just three months, that’s a pretty good sign. That tells you that she really misses you. That she’s hoping to get back together. She probably already forgot all of the dramatic stuff, or at least she’s thinking that it wasn’t so bad. She probably can’t remember it so much and she’s mostly remembering all the good stuff with you. So that is a really good sign. But the problem is, of course, you say it here: She pulled back after a bit of talking. So let’s see what went wrong.

So what happened between us was that we had a big fight. Several bigger fights, actually. But the last one was the worst. My ex accused me of not even loving her anymore because she said I would not show her any affection at all any longer, and that I was mad at her very often. That’s not true. Yes, things have become too much drama between the two of us but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love her.

Yeah, exactly. That’s why she actually messaged you, because she realized: “Well, okay, we had a lot of fights, but it doesn’t mean that he didn’t love me.” Most women, most happy women, will understand that love is not perfect. Relationships aren’t perfect. And God knows, holy shit, humans are not perfect. We make mistakes all the time. We’re fucking flawed like crazy, and sometimes we can just have a bad day, and then we lash out at our partner, or people in general. Sometimes you can just have the worst fucking day, or something bad happened, and when it happens, a healthy person knows that however you acted in that one moment, it doesn’t define you, right? So she knows that you love her. And I’m assuming she probably thinks that well… I don’t know how long were you together. I don’t think you mentioned it here, but let’s say you were together for three months, for example. Sorry, for three years. So three years. Most of the time everything was good. Yes, there were fights but if you compare that to the times that things were good, how many fights did you really have? How often was it bad versus how often was it good?

And yeah, of course, it’s not just about the fights. It’s about the general vibe or the mood in the relationship. Is it very negative? Or is it more positive to neutral? Of course, if it’s more neutral or positive. That’s really good. If it’s just negative all the time, then she’s probably not gonna want to have it back. But most of the time, I assume for most relationships it’s not that bad. Yes, there is a little bit of negative mood here and there, but it’s not a constant thing. If it has been a constant thing, then you should ask yourself why would you want to get back to this woman? You’re probably not compatible or you just don’t know yet how to have healthy relationships. So it’s better to learn it with another woman. Just learn, educate yourself, and I think you’re going to mention this actually, you’ve been educating yourself. So that’s pretty good. So anyway, let’s continue. Let’s see what you have to say.

I Chased My Ex A Little: My Ex Girlfriend Ignored My Text So I Started No Contact To Work On Myself

So anyway, that night she cried a lot and said that she wanted to break up. It was a very painful breakup. I cried as well because I could tell that she was really serious about breaking up. I begged her not to go and that we could work it out, but she didn’t want to. To be, clear aside from that, I did not beg and plead at all. For sure, I was messaging her more than once to ask if we could talk in the first two weeks. But that was about it. Maybe it was a bit weak but I did not go over the top. At least that’s what I think.

After two weeks, and I think messaging her three times, I decided that I had to focus on myself because I was struggling so much with the breakup and I also watched several no-contact videos. So I decided to go no contact. So then I just focused on myself. I went to Crossfit and also picked up some books about relationships. This was a really good decision for me because it kept me a little bit optimistic for the future and perhaps it was a false consolation, but I told myself that I could fix our relationship and that I would take it into my own hands to do better and figure out what I could have done better.

No, I don’t think it was a false consolation at all. To read a relationship book, for example, or work on yourself and actually feel good about it. It’s momentum. It’s good momentum. You feel really good about yourself and you should really use that momentum and look, there are two types of how you can bullshit yourself. There are two types of people who do no contact. People who just do no contact and never improve themselves and they’re bullshitting themselves. You just, just wait, then they’re just going to come back and then it’s going to be fixed, basically. That is full of shit. But then there’s the other way of doing no contact: You work on yourself. You recognize “There were a lot of flaws on my side,” or “The way that I communicated wasn’t the right way, and I played a part in that,” and you learn to grow as a man. You become a better man. A better version of yourself.

And as you’re growing, as you’re learning, as you’re picking up books, as you’re reading, as you’re watching videos, you’re actually taking steps forward. You feel so good about yourself. And yes, maybe you’re too optimistic. Perhaps. But ultimately, you’re growing. You’re moving forward. You’re improving yourself. That is better than just bullshitting yourself to do nothing and telling yourself that you’re getting better, versus actually doing something and getting better. Even if you’re not making drastic changes, even if you’re not getting a 100% better, even if you just got 5% better in those three months after the breakup… That is worth complimenting you for. That is very good, man. You’ve become 5% better as a man, as a person. So whether it works out with her or not, you can now level up your game. You can now date a better woman, because you are a better man. So there’s nothing wrong with that. And the way that you’ve done your breakup was really well done.

So yes, you’ve been talking to her a little bit after the breakup… You know… “Hey, can we talk about this? Let’s just talk about this.” That’s kind of natural. Some guys do it very beggy, very pleadingly, and they do it very weak. I don’t know how much you did it but you said you didn’t do it so much, so I think it was just common sense of “Let’s work this out,” so not going on your knees. Basically, not being very pathetic. Not being a simp. So from what I can tell, you did all the right things and it seems to me that you’ve had a relatively good approach with your breakup. So I wouldn’t be too worried about this and actually, she messaged you after three months. So that kind of affirms that you’ve been doing things right and that things are working out.

I could not forget the way she cried at our breakup and I had no idea how hurt she was about how our relationship had slowly gone off the rails. I guess I did not show her enough how much she meant to me.

Yeah, that’s about it. Women want to be cherished and now you’re realizing the mistakes that you’ve made. You’ve also corrected yourself, or you fixed some of the things. You’ve tried to learn and figure out what went wrong. So I think you’ve done everything at this point with your growth, at least in particular to make sure if you get back together you can improve, you can work together to improve this. So that’s fine. I think now if you get back together she’s going to see much more clearly that you love her because I think you’re probably a lot more conscious. So kudos. Thumbs up. It’s the right way to do it. So let’s see how you continue.

I Chased My Ex A Little: My Ex Cried When We Broke Up But She Was Done With The Relationship

My Ex Messaged Me: My Ex Asked How I Was Doing — Signs Your Ex Girlfriend Still Wants You

So long story short: A month ago, she messaged me quite unexpectedly. I didn’t message her first, didn’t talk with her about our relationship or anything like that, but just out of nowhere, she asked me how I was doing. I told her what I just told you. That I was doing okay and that I was busy hitting the gym and reading some books. I didn’t tell her that they were relationship books though, cause I didn’t want to seem needy or desperate. I just said that they were personal growth books. She also told me what she was up to.

Well, it might have been okay to tell her that they are relationship books, actually. If she can tell that you’re working on yourself, maybe she thinks that you’re doing this for her, perhaps. But if she remembers this and let’s say three months from now if things didn’t work out, she will remember “He’s been reading relationship books, so he’s been working on himself. So maybe I should really give it another shot.” So should you tell her or not? I think it’s not so bad if you told her that you read some relationship books. Whatever! If she doesn’t like that, yeah, whatever. man! Screw her. Well, not screw her, but it’s her loss! It doesn’t matter.

Awkward Conversation With Ex Girlfriend: What To Talk About With Ex After No Contact To Get Her Back

She also told me what she was up to. She said that she went back to ballet classes. The conversation was a bit weird. I think both of us didn’t really know what to say or what to talk about. So we did not talk for that long.

So you kind of missed an opportunity here. So I guess she’s been doing ballet in the past and maybe she was a ballerina, a professional ballerina, or whatever, maybe just for her hobby. I guess a lot of women also do it as a hobby. And she stopped doing it. So now she’s back to it. So you could have said “That’s awesome. I would love to see you doing ballet again,” and see if she might actually want to hang out. So it would have been a good opportunity just to see & test the waters, and if she wants to see you, she’s going to say yes. Maybe she’s not gonna say yes to ballet, perhaps, but maybe she’s gonna be okay with something else. But I would have tried it, honestly, because if she’s passionate about it and this is something that you love about her or you used to love about her, then she wants to be appreciated. You appreciate her. She might actually really like it. And it might be fun for her. And if she would have said no, then yeah, whatever. You’d just try it again the next time when she messages you again.

Why Your Ex Pulls Away: When Your Ex Girlfriend Pulls Away She’s Not Ready Yet To Get Back

She then started viewing my IG stories again and replied to one of my funny stories, which was a repost of a hilarious cat. That got us talking and this conversation actually was kind of normal and fun. So I thought things were going in the right direction but it’s now been a while and she hasn’t reached out to me again. So maybe I should stop doing no contact and reach out to her again? I don’t know if I did something wrong. I couldn’t think of anything in particular because we were just talking normal. No relationship talk. Nothing serious, etc. but now it seems that she has gone cold again and I haven’t heard from her in two and a half weeks. What do I do now?

Well, the problem is that maybe she’s dating someone else right now. And again, you didn’t take a shot. So if she messaged you again and you had a good time, everything was fun, it seemed kind of natural, that would have been the time to just ask her out. And if it really felt natural to her as well, just like it felt natural to you, most likely she definitely would have said yes. Maybe she wouldn’t have said yes with the ballet thing, but I think with the second time, she definitely would have said yes. But now you didn’t ask her out again. So now, maybe she’s dating someone else. Maybe she’s busy with life. Should you message her now and see if you could try it? I think, I suppose you could try it, but you have to be prepared for the fact that maybe she says no. And I think the most likely scenario is really because she might be dating someone else. So if that would have just been like a week ago, or maybe five days ago, something like that, I would have said yeah why not. Try it. You just talked recently, so send her a message and tell her something that you’re going to something and you want to invite her out, and you want to invite her to go with you to this place. Then yeah, it might be fine.

I think now it might be a little bit too late. So I would just wait. Things have improved for sure and look, you’ve gone from completely big fights, something was really wrong, to now it’s fun again. At first, it was kind of awkward. Now it’s fun. Now, I can’t guarantee you that she’s ever gonna message you again, of course, but I think she’s probably gonna message you again. But the thing is: You gotta ask her out. If things are relatively normal now and you still haven’t asked her out, at some point, she’s gonna give up. So now is your chance to make this work. So your situation is a clear sign of no contact going great. Working on yourself is great. But you also got to have the balls to actually ask her out and I think you’ve got this in the bag. She knows that you’ve been working on yourself. I think she misses you. I think she values you a lot. And she’s been trying to connect with you, but obviously, you have to walk through that door. She opens the door for you and she wants you to make a move as well.

So messaging you is actually a move. It is not just a move, it is scary. It takes courage because she doesn’t really know what to expect. So she’s taking a risk here. So risk-reward. We all want to get rewarded for taking risks. So if she’s taking a risk, then you should say “I appreciate that she took some risks. I appreciate that she talked to me. So let’s go out. I’ll treat you!” Do some great food. “I’ll treat you do some great wine!” or “I’ll treat you to a ballet show!” I don’t know, maybe she likes contemporary dance, or something like that. Maybe there is an art festival in your town, or something like that, right? Something that she’s going to appreciate. Risk-reward. She took a risk. Reward her! So that’s what you should do! So next time that she reaches out just, man… Invite her out for something! Then, I think you’re gonna be able to seduce her relatively quickly or go on dates and have fun & make out again. And at some point, you’re gonna be a couple again. So let me know in the comments what you think, give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within.

Home » Blog » Breakup Advice & Get Your Ex Back » Ex Pulling Away Again After She Reached Out During No Contact?

* Disclosure: I only recommend products I would use myself. Product/book recommendations may contain affiliate links that at no additional cost to you, may earn me a small commission if you purchase one of the products.

Get the ultimate science-based guide to the no contact rule. Massive YouTube promo inside👇

PhoenEx 3-Step-Blueprint - Sign Up Now

Need More Help?

If this was helpful, book a coaching session with me. Coaching sessions are available in English & German.

If you cannot afford coaching sessions, send me an e-mail (max. 900 characters long, English language) and if I find the time, I will make a free video about your situation. I cannot guarantee a video since I receive a lot of e-mails.

If you can’t afford coaching sessions, my book Unleash The King Within or my training program Confidence King are great self-help tools that you can use to improve your personal life and your dating experiences.

Hi, I’m Andy Graziosi. I help men unleash their confidence and reach their fullest potential. My science-backed philosophy is: “The king is already a winner.” — Amazing women are already attracted to you. All a king has to do is use this attraction to his advantage.

You can date your dream woman. I help you develop & maintain a strong masculine frame. This helps you overcome your dating insecurities & become a force to be reckoned with.

If you need help, feel free to reach out to me.

Unleash The King Within Dating Book

In Unleash The King Within, you’ll learn the mindsets, principles, and mental models to not only to gain confidence around women, but also to tap deep into it, and to take advantage of it to create the life that you want to live together with your dream woman.

The key here is the mindset shift that this book will install. It’s a new lens that clarifies and helps you see the king within you who is always surrounded by women who want to be with him.

Once you have this new mindset, you literally start attracting breathtaking women everywhere you go without having to lift a finger.

Get To Know me

Dating Advice On YouTube

Follow my dating advice for men. I post daily content on how to attract women.

Relevant Blog Posts

Is There A Window Of Opportunity To Get Ex Back?

Is There A Window Of Opportunity To Get Ex Back?

https://youtu.be/Ze2RShMkN2c Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice. In today's video, we're going to talk about the window of opportunity to get an ex back. Is there actually something such a window of opportunity? Is it 30 days, 60...

Do Dumpers Feel Pain & Do They Have Dumpers Remorse?

Do Dumpers Feel Pain & Do They Have Dumpers Remorse?

Let’s talk about dumper’s pain and dumper’s remorse. Does your ex girlfriend actually feel remorse? Does she feel pain? Does she actually miss you? Or does she really move on that fast? Sometimes your ex will very explicitly state on social media that she is over you, she’s done, she’s so happy and she can’t…

Are There Any Exceptions To The No Contact Rule?

Are There Any Exceptions To The No Contact Rule?

Let’s talk about exceptions to the no contact rule. Should you be reaching out to your ex? Is there a reason when you should be reaching out to your ex? The truth is you should almost always do no contact. There are only very limited reasons why you wouldn’t do it or break no contact…

Blog Categories