Table of Contents
Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video we’re going to talk about no contact in the context of long-distance relationships and particularly, obviously, well, how do you get your ex back in long-distance relationship? What should you do? Is it different than doing no contact in a normal relationship? Maybe you should just stop doing no contact altogether or you should stop getting back with your ex? Let’s see what is my advice. I have a message from a guy who has been in a long-distance relationship and he wants to know what’s up what should he do, so let’s get into it, and you’re gonna see that my opinion about long-distance relationships is not that great because I think a lot of people who do long-distance relationships, they do it for the wrong reasons.
So for example, I have this friend that I noticed that she always dates people from abroad, and if you do this, then it’s like you’re choosing from the pile of people that are readily and easily available for you. It sounds kind of contradictory but you can choose online to date someone and that’s easy. It’s much harder to date someone on Tinder, on Bumble, on dating apps, to match with people, maybe have disappointments, maybe have rejections. Talk to a woman in a bar… It’s just much scarier and so I just want all of you to keep in mind that you all have options and you don’t have to be in a long-distance relationship.
Sometimes it can’t be helped to be in a long-distance relationship. It just kind of happens. It develops in that direction but choosing a long-distance relationship when you would have many other options right in front of you, that is kind of a bit of a red flag that maybe you’re not giving yourself enough credit and that you’re not trying hard enough to find a girlfriend right where you are. In your city, for example. So with that out of the way, let’s get into his message.
LDR No Contact Rule: Does No Contact Work For Long Distance Relationships? Or You Can’t Reattract Her?
Hi coach, I want to ask you if no contact works just the same with a long-distance ex as it works with any other ex? My ex-girlfriend April broke it off with me two months ago after being distant with me for weeks before the breakup. I could feel how she would no longer reply as fast she would, sometimes completely leave me on read when I would share something with her, and I just knew that something was up.
So after several weeks of her being way less responsive than before, I asked her what was going on with her and why she was acting so strange. That’s when she told me that she hasn’t been feeling excited about us and that things aren’t as fun as they used to be. I asked her what she means by ‘not exciting’ but she couldn’t put it into words. She said she just didn’t feel like we were right for each other.
So I want to compliment you that you could tell that there was something wrong, but you got into the situation because exactly like I said at the beginning of this video… Long-distance relationships are really tricky and when she said that it wasn’t fun and exciting anymore, she probably figured out that this is kind of boring because she can’t meet up with you. She can’t meet you. She maybe sees you once a year or something like that. It depends on your situation. Some people meet every six months, some people meet once a year, but I also know of people who have been in long-distance relationships forever and there’s like no prospect to get back together. And you know me, I’ve been living in the Philippines for five years, I’ve also been a lot in Bali, just in Asia and Southeast Asia in general, and it’s very common that women from there find themselves a sugar daddy… Well, not a sugar daddy, but they find themselves a boyfriend from Europe, from the US, Australia, and then they don’t meet up forever. It’s just fucking weird!
And so the question is, of course, you want to know: Can you reverse this? Can you make this work again? And I actually remember a situation with a woman that I’ve been dating, a Filipina, when I was still living in the Philippines, and I was dating her, everything was great, and then I went to Germany to visit my family, and that was just for a winter trip, basically for Christmas, holidays. It was something like two, three months and I noticed the same thing. She started being less interested in me and she almost like, started ghosting me kind of. She didn’t really reply anymore so much to memes that I would share, or something like that. I could tell that something was off but I didn’t chase her. And I guess we then didn’t date anymore, but then we got back together after a while because I came back to the Philippines and we met up again and we had a lot of great sex. A lot of great time again. So can you make it work again, yes. But there’s something important that you need for that ingredient: That is actually physical intimacy.
Why Your LDR Ex Girlfriend Broke Up: Will My Long Distance Ex Come Back If She Was Bored?
So when she says it’s not exciting, she’s really bored and she probably wants to have physical intimacy, or just intimacy in general. So probably the most interesting study about this… I forgot the exact name… Something like “on/off churning with relationships“… It’s a study, one of the only studies ever that talks about the percentage of couples that get back together. And something that was discovered in this study was that sex is really important to get back with an ex. So if you want to get her back, you have to have sex, and then once you have sex, it’s kind of understandable that you are more likely to get back together. And with a long-distance relationship, of course, having sex is not that easy. Cyber sex is just not going to cut it. It has to be actual intimacy and so for that you would actually need to meet up again. So if you get back together, it has to be that way. You have to find a way to make your long-distance relationship more, well, “not-long-distance,” to move together or to see each other very very often.
So for example, you see each other every month, for example. Otherwise, it just can’t work and it’s not just about sex. It’s about… If you take love languages from what’s his name… Gary Chapman… Words of information? Okay, that works online. That can work but it can also work quite well in person. What about acts of service? You can’t do that many acts of service online. Acts of service are more like you’re living together, for example, and you’re taking out the trash for her, or you are running an errand for her, or you’re helping her with a presentation where maybe she has to do some crafts or whatever. Then, of course, there is quality time. And can you have that much quality time over the internet by having video calls? Not really. Real quality time is created in person.
So for example, you go rollerblading, or something like that. Ice skating. Something like this that’s just fun! It’s not about the activity, but it’s about spending time together and you just bond a lot more if you’re in person. That’s just how our bodies work. We didn’t evolve on the internet. We need actual human touch. Real human interaction. We need to be face-to-face with a person. And maybe you’ve been following my channel for quite some time and you know that I’ve been living in the Philippines for roughly five years… Five and a half years or something like this. Then I came to visit my family and I got stuck here.
So I haven’t seen any of my friends for two years and it has been detrimental on all my relationships. 80 percent, I would say. 90, 97% of all my friends in the Philippines are not really friends anymore. I barely know them and that’s why now I’m moving to Bali in a week from now to make a new start. Online relationships are just really tricky because staying in touch and having real meaningful interactions is not that easy. Even zoom calls, they just don’t replace real face-to-face meetings. So you should think hard if a long-distance relationship is really for you.
Long Distance Break Up Dilemma: How To Make Your Long Distance Ex Girlfriend Miss You?
I didn’t really get a useful explanation from her about what her issue with me was, which sucked, but I guess she maybe just didn’t want to hurt my feelings. I don’t know. So anyway, I am wondering if no contact is going to make her miss me?
Yeah, that is relatively accurate. She didn’t want to hurt your feelings. Basically, she’s most likely not even really invested in this anymore at this point, and she just wants to break it off relatively quickly. People don’t want to have that much conflict during breakups. And surprisingly, even couples that are in person often break up over the phone. So she definitely didn’t want to hurt your feelings. Is she going to miss you? Yes, most likely she might miss you, but is that missing strong enough to actually want to get back with you? Because like I said: You have to realize that there are a lot of guys wherever she’s based in.
So she can meet someone by going to the grocery store and some guy is going to hit on her. That’s just the reality of women. A woman can literally go anywhere and the guy will be interested in her. And if the guy has balls to talk to her, then he’s going to hit on her, and then she has a prospect. And even if that is not the case, she can always find a new guy. I talked about this with my friend literally just before this video, that I know this woman who just has a new guy all the time, and that is a toxic thing in itself, but it’s just baffling how easy it is for a woman to get a new guy. And she’s not even that attractive!
So that’s just something that you should keep in mind. That if you’re doing a long-distance relationship and then you have no contact, your ex can very easily find someone else. And that can be the same way, of course, if you’ve been together for a long time in a non-long-distance relationship, actually face-to-face living together, for example, but at least if she wants to get back with you, she can easily just talk to you, message you and then you can meet up for a date. Then you can become intimate. You can have sex. You can hook up. You can spend a lot of time together. Have dates. Great fun again. And then you’re back together. So is it going to work? Probably, she might message you at some point, perhaps, but I would not keep my hopes up that much.
How To Get Your Long Distance Ex Back: There’s Only One Way To Re-Attract Your LDR Ex Back
I guess before the breakup I was the one who was chasing her by talking to her, but she didn’t want that. So I’m thinking if I just stop getting in touch, she may miss me eventually and want us to be a couple again. By the way, she is 22. I don’t know if that is relevant, but maybe she’s just busy or like, finding herself. Thanks. Please let me know what you think.
“Finding yourself” is one of those really dumb excuses that I think a lot of guys just buy from women, that just doesn’t make sense, because I mean if you wanna find yourself then, let’s find yourself together. You can just figure out what you want to do in life and actually pull on one string together. She’s just not into you. She just doesn’t want to be with you right now and if you’re doing no contact, yeah, she’s going to miss you, or rather perhaps I should say that she is realizing that you’re no longer there and no longer giving her the emotional support. But is that all she wants? No, of course, she wants physical intimacy. She wants all her needs fulfilled. And if a woman just isn’t that much into you and she’s not making an effort, then you should also consider dating other women.
So the story that I shared earlier with this ex of mine when I flew to Germany for three months, or four months, and then she got turned off, basically, I didn’t chase her at all. So somehow we reconnected. I think she messaged me again, or maybe we ran into each other in one of those surf towns in the Philippines and then… Yeah, I think that’s how it happened. Then we hooked up and what I was doing in between was that I was just dating other women. I was having sex. I was having fun. I had an abundance mindset. I didn’t mind that she was gone and look dude, if you ever run into her in the future, you can make it work. Like exactly that scenario. Like, for example, let’s say you’re in the same town or you start living in the same city, then great! You can make it work again! But you should also consider dating other women because I think your situation is a little bit… Not hopeless… But the chances of reconciliation are not that high because she doesn’t have the incentive to get back together. I know you probably don’t want to hear this. I just don’t have a good opinion about long-distance relationships.
Maybe I’m a little bit biased, but I had some long-distance stuff myself and if I just look at studies about relationships, I just don’t think that it can work for most people. Now if you are dating someone and for some reason, you have to make long-distance work for some time because you get reassigned for work or something like that… Sure, it can’t be helped! But you need a long-term solution to at some point get back together again. I had this friend a long time ago and she was dating this guy and he was a soldier in the US, and I forgot which war he went to… Afghanistan, or whatever, and he basically was gone for a long time. Five years, or something like this. And the ironic part was that they were together all this time and they tried to make it work, but then when he came back they actually broke up because she realized this wasn’t working at all. So you can also look at this from the perspective that maybe you get back together, then you’re together again and it might not even work out! So that’s something to consider as well.
Definitely, you should keep on doing no contact! It never hurts to do that, but like I said: If she comes back you need to have an actual plan on how to make this work long-term and you would need to seduce her most likely to properly get back together because she wants physical intimacy. She was bored. She wasn’t satisfied with this whole arrangement. So if you just get back to what hasn’t been working before, then why would you expect that you get better results? So that’s something really interesting for you to ponder about. And I would suggest: Open some dating apps in the meantime and try to see if you can find another woman as well while you’re doing no contact. So I hope that was helpful for you. Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within.