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How to handle a breakup like a man? Don’t be in breakup denial or you’ll never get your ex back!

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Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.

In today’s video we’re gonna talk about how to handle a breakup. How to handle a breakup like a man and I think one way how men have to treat their breakups is, they have to accept the reality that the breakup is actually happening. A lot of guys, after a breakup, they are in denial. That’s not the right way to go. I think one part of being a man is the fact that we deal with hardships. We accept them and we don’t shrug them under the rug. And we see how things are and we take accountability for it.

And so if you have a breakup, you have to accept your current reality and so before we get into today’s situation of a guy who basically isn’t handling the breakup very well, I want to, first of all, say sorry that I didn’t post videos for two days in a row. I was really sick. I actually recorded a video on Friday and some of you who watch my videos, probably know that I like to put in some analogies about my personal life into these videos. And I posted, I recorded a video on Friday, and I forgot to put on my mic and the audio was fucking horrible and I felt really dizzy, really bad, and I was like fuck it! Am I gonna publish this video or not?

And eventually, I accepted the reality that no, you know what? This video fucking sucks! I probably could have published it but I was like “Nah! I’m not gonna do this. This is not good. The state of this is not good. I’m going to accept that this video sucks.” Maybe I’m going to re-record it at another time. I know that a lot of you guys like to binge my channel, so I’ll probably record a few more extra videos in the next few weeks to make up for the last time that I had with my videos, and you have to do the same thing with your breakup. Sometimes you just gotta accept that things are really shitty right now. They’re not working out.

Your breakup is happening. It’s for real. Your ex doesn’t want anything to do with you right now and you gotta let it go. You can’t fight it. You can’t do anything about this and so last Friday, I was really feeling like shit and then I saw that the video had shit audio and I was just struggling with do I post this? But eventually, I decided no, I’m gonna let this go. Whatever! Just let it go! Sometimes you just gotta let it go and come to it at another time when you’re feeling better. It’s the same way with an ex. If you’re feeling like shit right now, it’s probably not the best idea to get in touch with your ex. It’s probably not the best idea to try to convince her to get back together because everything you do in that state is not gonna work out. And I could have tried to record this video one more time, maybe I actually could have had time possibly and post it on Saturday instead, but I was just like I’m just not feeling good.

I’m gonna leave this and when I feel better again, I’m gonna re-record some additional videos for you guys. So you have to learn to let things go and handle things like a man. You have to accept when you’re not at your best and then just let it slide. Let it go and wait for the time when you’re at your best again and then you make a new move! So I have a message from a guy, he’s not handling his breakup very well and he’s pretty much in denial. He’s not accepting the reality of the breakup and he’s just making things much, much worse because he’s trying to fight what’s going on so much. So let’s see what’s happening here.

Hey coach, please help me with my ex-girlfriend. She broke up with me five weeks ago and she’s gone completely MIA and ignores all my messages. I tried anything I could think of but no matter how I tried to plead and ask her to hear me out, she just won’t listen or talk to me.

Obviously, if she just broke up, she’s not gonna listen to you. It’s like let’s say, for example, you decided to quit your job and for whatever reasons, a variety of reasons, and you tell your boss you’re gonna quit. And your boss is trying to change your mind but he can’t change your mind. You made up your mind. Unless there’s a huge incentive, you’re gonna quit that job. It’s the same thing with an ex. If she made up her mind, there’s nothing you can do because she’s already made up her mind. She already planned this upfront and she basically told herself “I’m gonna stick with this!

Breaking up with a person is not an easy thing to do. It is really difficult! It makes you feel weak and so that’s why you need to have a real resolve to say “I’m gonna go through with this! I decided for myself that this is not good for me anymore and now I’m going to move forward with my life without this person.” … Without you! So your ex, when she broke up with you, it was not easy for her, and so she doesn’t want to turn back. She doesn’t want to change her opinion. She doesn’t want to change her mind because she wants to know that she’s making the right choice and so she’s trying to convince herself really, really hard that she’s making the right choice right now. Breaking up is the right thing for her. That’s what she thinks. So begging and pleading and trying to convince her mind exactly at the time when she just made up her mind is not gonna work out.

She broke up with me because I had become very insecure in the last weeks before the breakup. We have been having a lot of fights in the months prior to the breakup, there has been a lot of resentment floating around the house for at least a few months. Things have been up and down for us and moving to a new city wasn’t helpful either. I had a difficult time adjusting to our new environment, whereas my ex seemed to thrive and started making a lot of new friends.

This made me more needy than usual and eventually, the mood in the house got so bad that she no longer wanted us to be together. She said that she wasn’t happy with the relationship at all anymore and she felt that we’ve only been a couple in the last months because we had planned to have a better life in the new city but she knew that things weren’t right and she said she’s sorry and regrets not breaking up before moving. She said it was a mistake trying to make our relationship work.

So it’s basically what I said earlier. She already made up her mind and chances are based on what you say here, things weren’t going well for a while, so she wasn’t happy for a while, but you made plans together. You thought okay, let’s move to a new city. Maybe she thought things are gonna get better. Starting a new life, it’s exciting! There are lots of possibilities and you hope that things will get better. I don’t know, maybe you’ve been stressed in your current city, maybe it’s a shitty city, maybe your job there sucked.

There are all kinds of reasons why she might think you know what, if we’re gonna move to a new city, it’s gonna be better. And so she probably most likely only stayed in this relationship because of that. She was basically, actually, both of you, were bullshitting each other. You bullshitted yourself that everything is fine and she was bullshitting herself that it’s gonna get better when you move, and then what happened was most likely is she realized no, things are not getting better! But actually, things got better for her. She met some new people there. She made friends, as you said, but you didn’t. You basically became more insecure, needier, you felt that the relationship is falling apart, your social circle was completely messed up, and now you felt all alone, whereas she was doing quite well. She was meeting new friends. She’s feeling happy, even though the relationship is not getting better.

So now she’s realizing “You know what? I probably should have broken up sooner. It’s time to leave the relationship and let me start afresh. These people are great! I’m having a good time. The breakup is gonna hurt but it’s what I have to do.” So I think this was her last shot to see if this is gonna work out, but she felt no, it’s not gonna work out and she accepted the reality, and then she broke up.

She left me and said that I should keep our apartment because it wouldn’t be fair to me and she left. I don’t know where she went after that but she’s still in the same city.

So based on this, I think she probably has a guilty conscience. She must feel quite bad about not breaking up with you sooner, but she basically didn’t want to do it. She was scared of breaking up and she thought things were going to get better and so of course, that’s really hurtful, because she could have broken up with you in your previous city. Maybe you have friends there. Maybe the breakup would have been a little bit easier for you. So she knows that she didn’t make the right decision there and now you’re hurting, basically. And she probably doesn’t want you to hurt. So she’s basically trying to make it easier for you by moving out and it must be much easier for her.

She probably already resigned to the fact that this relationship is not working out. It doesn’t mean that she’s not also hurting with the breakup, but I think she’s bouncing off a little bit easier. She just has a bit of a cushion. She has friends there. They can probably help her out. So you know, it’s much easier for her. So she’s like, you know what? Okay, keep the apartment. I’m really sorry about everything that happened. So she’s quite civil about everything. It doesn’t seem like she has resentment or is really angry at you. I think she was just really disappointed with the relationship and she just wanted to let it go and now let’s see where it goes. This is where it gets bad because he’s not letting it go and that’s why he’s failing with getting his ex back.

Our breakup happened five weeks ago and I feel like she’s in complete denial and won’t confront our breakup at all. I actually sent her a voice message telling her that. I said that I feel like she’s just running away and is in complete denial to actually work through things with the breakup, but she also ignored that message.

Nope, I don’t think that she’s in denial. She might be in denial to process things more, you know, she might be shrugging the pain under the rug because right now everything is great. She’s with her friends. Life is actually better than before, most likely. So she probably isn’t really processing the loss of you so much yet, but I think you’re more in denial right now than she is because you’re not accepting that this breakup happened. You’re not accepting that it’s over right now for her. Right now it is over.

That doesn’t mean that she won’t change her mind in the future and then say “Oh shit! This was a bad decision! I actually miss him!” but right now everything is good for her. She wants to move on with her life and she’s not in denial. The one who’s in denial right now is you who is trying to get her back when it’s just the worst time to try to get her back. What you should do is pull back and accept that this is done right now. Let it go. You’re currently not in a good spot. You’re not feeling happy. You’re feeling very insecure. You already felt very insecure even before the breakup.

So imagine what kind of state of mind you are in. What kind of image you are projecting to her. I’m assuming every time that you interact with her, every time that you beg and plead, every time that you try to talk to her and saying something like this, you’re in denial. It’s kind of rude actually, it even sounds a little bit mean, or like “What the fuck , man…?! Leave me alone!” That’s probably what she’s thinking right now. I’m sorry to be so blunt but she probably feels something like this and that just doesn’t project any strength. So she basically just gets turned off more because she can see it was the right decision to break up. “Look at him… He just doesn’t have his shit together!” She wants to be with a king who knows what he’s doing. Who is confident and even if he falls down, he’s gonna get back up.

It’s like what I said earlier with the video. Okay, you know, last week, basically was the worst week on my YouTube channel ever. This was the first time ever that I broke my streak of publishing videos but what am I gonna do? Am I gonna become depressed and sad, and like whatever…?! Shit I didn’t post my videos…. Now I screwed everything up…! Whatever man! It’s just a few videos. I’m gonna get some new videos out in the future and everything is gonna be fine. You gotta get back up when you fall down and that is what any woman wants to see from any man. Whether that’s from an ex or a new woman that you’re dating. If you screw up with another woman, maybe you’ve turned her off. You said something and became insecure and needy on chat messenger. It doesn’t matter what it was…

She wants to see that if you make a mistake… Everybody makes mistakes! If you fall down, if you really feel bad about yourself, you’re gonna be like, okay, what went wrong here? Let me analyze this. I’m gonna figure out why I acted like this. Why did I screw up so much and then you’re gonna fix it and move on with your life. That’s what she wants to see from you but right now she’s not seeing that from you at all. So you need to get back on track with your life. Unleash the king within! You can’t focus on her right now at all. That’s the wrong priority!

She only replied to me one time when I tried to ask her why she wouldn’t want to talk with me about everything, to which she replied ‘I’m sorry. I really can’t be with you right now. I don’t know if we can ever be together again but I know that right now is not the right time. If we can make things work in the future, we will cross that bridge when we get there. Please just give me some time to be by myself. I need some space to think about everything that’s happened’…

Yeah, so basically, she’s trying to keep her options open. So that shows you she still cares about you. She’s basically not making any promises. She’s basically just saying, well let’s see, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there, so you know, she could just tell you no, we’re never gonna get back together! Maybe she also just doesn’t want to hurt your feelings but most likely she actually does mean that. She doesn’t want to be with you right now but she of course cares about you. But the way that you’re acting right now does not give her any confidence and then she says it…

The dreadful words: “I need some time. I need space.” Which means: “Yo, you need some space from me right now. You’re really making me feel very uncomfortable. I don’t want this. I want the guy who I fell in love with in the first place.” But that guy doesn’t exist right now. So you need to become that guy again and stop doing what you’re doing right now. She wants space. She’s not gonna reciprocate to anything that you say or do right now. It has to be her who reaches out to you.

That is the only time she actually replied to me. I tried messaging her one more time after two weeks of giving her some space but she just read the message and never said anything. I didn’t even put any pressure. I just asked her how she was doing.

Yeah, she knows exactly what you’re doing. She knows that you’re just poking and this is what a girl would do if she screwed up with you, or if she hasn’t heard from you, she will just say something like “Hey how are you doing?“… She knows that you don’t care about how is she doing because she has been doing fine. She knows that you have not been doing fine. So what you’re saying right now is just an excuse and that’s why she’s ignoring it and you’re not really giving her space because two weeks of giving her space is not giving her space!

If you want to give a woman space, it’s gotta be weeks, months, could be honestly half a year. It has to be whatever time she needs to decide okay this was enough time, I actually do miss you & I haven’t heard from you. But this way is not the way to go. So that’s not leading to anything. So now she’s basically ignoring you again. So nothing that you say or do right now is gonna have any effect. So stop doing it.

I feel like my heart has been ripped out and she’s broken it into a thousand tiny pieces. She’s acting as if we never were a couple but we were together for almost two years. We had our life planned together and things were supposed to get better after moving, not worse.

Yeah, that’s what she was hoping for but didn’t happen. So that’s exactly why she broke up.

We had plans to have our own property and have a family in the future, but now it’s like all of it means nothing to her at all anymore. What should I do to convince her to give us another chance? I really need to win her back but I don’t know what I can do to stop her from just moving on like that? Thank you a lot for your help.

Well, what you have to do to convince her to get back together, is stop trying to convince her to get back together. Because it just makes it worse and you know, she’s moving on, and the more you message her, the more she’s going to move on, and anytime that she hears from you and you’re very insecure…. She might be dating some new guy and she’s going to see “I should definitely date this new guy because this guy makes me happy and my old ex, even though we have a lot of things in common and we spent a lot of time together… This guy doesn’t make me happy. He makes me feel very uncomfortable. This guy, the new guy makes me feel like I’m on cloud nine. He really appreciates me. Me makes me very happy. Every moment with him is great.

Whereas right now, every moment with you is horrible. So stop messaging her. Stop pressuring her. Stop trying to force her so hard into something that she doesn’t like, that she doesn’t want. It reminds me of a situation that I had a few years ago. I was in a small surf town in La Union, Philippines, and you know, there, basically, you’re just wearing shorts and surfing non-stop, essentially, and I was sitting there with some friends with one of my girl-friend I think… Not my girlfriend, but a girl-friend and we were just sitting there, having a good time, and I wasn’t really minding anyone’s business. Just chilling and checking out the beach, basically, and some chick came over to me and she was just not very hot. I was definitely not into her. Her English was not really great and I just didn’t want to talk to her and she just couldn’t get it. She couldn’t see how I was really turned off, but she just tried to keep on hitting on me and my girl-friends, they were basically laughing and she just didn’t get it. And I just wanted to get out of this situation. I just wanted to get away from this woman so bad and this is how she feels right now.

She feels like you’re forcing it on her. That’s how any woman actually feels when she’s being hit on by a guy who she’s not into. And she just wants to escape! And then she finds an excuse. This is what you have to accept. You have to accept the reality that right now she’s so done with this. She doesn’t want any of this right now. But I think there is a silver lining here based on how you ended this message: Basically, you had your life planned. You feel like your heart has been ripped out into tiny pieces and how could she ever do this?! Breakups suck!

But you know, it’s just gotta be done sometimes and there’s no way how to do this in any nice way where it doesn’t hurt you. And the reason why it hurts you so much is because you say you’ve been a couple for almost two years. You had your life planned together and you know, you thought that this it. This is the thing! This is it! We’re gonna move somewhere else. We’re gonna build a new life. You wanted to have your own house, your own family, probably get married, all of this stuff. You basically were in it for the long term and she on some level also still wanted that. So you have a strong attachment. She definitely cares about you, just like you care about her. It’s just that she didn’t see any hope anymore. She thought that it’s not going anywhere, and of course, she wants to build a life with a guy where she can see her future.

So if you build a house in the future and get married and have kids, all that good stuff… That is a huge investment! That is scary and you want to make it with the right person because there’s nothing worse than having a divorce! There’s nothing worse than breaking up if you have children. It’s just so difficult if you build your entire life… You center your entire life around another person, and then it’s just gone! Nobody wants to do that! Women don’t want to do that. Men don’t want to do that. So she thought it was the best thing to break up because otherwise there’s just going to be more pain in the future. But she had these plans with you initially. You both had these plans. It’s just, it didn’t work out.

But it doesn’t mean that it can’t work out in the future, but for that to work out in the future, you gotta work on yourself. You gotta unleash the king within. You gotta stop focusing on her. You gotta stop trying to convince her and my guess is, I have this feeling that all of this time, the breakup happened five weeks ago right? You probably haven’t really done anything productive. You probably haven’t made that many friends. You spent most of your time basically being in denial, like I said. And being very depressed. Being very anxious. And you’re not meeting any new people. You’re not doing anything new. You’re in this new city, she is basically moving on, or at least she’s moving forward. She’s having a good time and it’s much easier for her because of that because there are a lot of great people that she met.

Who have you met? I bet you haven’t met many people yet because you’re so busy being miserable and so of course, your entire energy is just rock-bottom right now. You gotta get your energy back. She wants to be with a king! So stop focusing on her and start meeting some new people. Go and focus on your hobbies. What is it that you liked in your old city? Or do something new in the new city. What can you explore there? So for example, me, you probably heard of it by now… I’m moving finally to Bali on May 24, and I have only been in Bali once and I want to explore! I’m gonna probably meet some musicians there and start jamming. I’ve never done this in my life but now I’m playing a lot of guitar so I can’t wait! There are so many things that I’m gonna explore in Bali.

I’m gonna focus on my purpose, my joy, my passions, and then if a woman comes along later, I’m gonna be happy about that but I don’t really care if I’m not gonna have a girlfriend for any time soon. I won’t mind hooking up but you know, I’m gonna take it easy. I’m just gonna enjoy myself. I’m gonna enjoy Bali. The scenery. The beautiful beaches. The bars. I’m probably gonna enjoy having sex with some women and if it goes somewhere great, if not, it’s fine… That’s what you have to do. Focus on yourself. Stop focusing on her and then she’s gonna come back because she will only come back if you radiate positivity. To you, she’s a queen. This is why you want her back. She’s amazing!

But you, right now, I think you’re probably not that amazing because you basically neglect yourself. You have forgotten that you are incredible! You are a king! And just because you’re feeling down right now doesn’t mean that you can’t feel better, but you have to take some action to feel better. When you feel better, that’s when she’s going to come back, trust me! You have to focus on your own growth, on your own happiness, and then she can see that and that’s when she will reach out to you. And if she doesn’t, even if she doesn’t reach out to you, then you’re gonna be on top of your game and you can’t wait to meet another woman! So that’s what you have to do.

Stop being in denial! This relationship, for now, is over. It could start from scratch again in the future but right now it’s done. So move forward because you are a king! So that is my advice for you and everybody else watching. Let me know what you think in the comments. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within!

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Hi, I’m Andy Graziosi. I help men unleash their confidence and reach their fullest potential. My science-backed philosophy is: “The king is already a winner.” — Amazing women are already attracted to you. All a king has to do is use this attraction to his advantage.

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