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Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video we’re gonna talk about cheating. How to figure out whether or not your girlfriend is actually cheating on you. And in my book this is quite easy. If you can tell that there’s something wrong, you should ask yourself what the hell is going on. I actually watched a TikTok video today about a woman who got murdered by a psychopath. And as I was watching that video, it was a trial and they basically asked the psychopath who killed his girlfriend some questions. And the guy was a total nut job and as I was watching that TikTok video I was like, how does a woman date a guy who clearly has no emotions?! He can’t really emphasize, and she’s dating this guy for the long term basically. And she can’t figure out that this guy is basically a total nut job. Right? How the hell does this happen?
Trusting Your Gut: It’s A Cheating Red Flag If You Feel That She’s Behaving Weird
Unfortunately, we guys, we can be the same with a woman. We can ignore her red flags. Everybody can do that. And so if you can see that there’s a red flag, like your ex or sorry your girlfriend is doing something really fishy, where you can feel something’s off, most of the time you should just listen to your gut. And if you can tell, hmm, there’s something off here, something is weird, how she’s behaving, most of the time your gut is correct and you should probably look the other way, find yourself another one, be single or date another one. Or at the very least address the problem. Alright, so I have a message from a guy who is exactly going through this problem. So let’s see what is my advice for him.
Coach Andi, I seriously need your advice about my girlfriend. Something in our relationship is not right and I am not sure if it is me and I am only imagining things or if my girlfriend isn’t being honest with me. I am afraid that she is not faithful to me but I can’t really tell what is up with her.
Well, the thing is, you have to look at how is she behaving. Now, can you always know that your girlfriend is cheating? No, of course not. You could, for example, just be crazy yourself, crazy jealous. Be very insecure. So if you act like this from the beginning, if you think that there’s something wrong from the beginning, then most of the time she’s actually not cheating. It’s probably rather your insecurity. But if everything in the relationship was fine for quite some time, let’s say you’ve been a couple for a year, let’s say maybe even just six months, everything has been peachy and then all of a sudden something’s weird. She or her behavior is kind of off. You should basically look at that and say, “Yo, something is really strange. The way that she’s been acting in the last two weeks or months has been off.“
And typically that gut feeling is correct. I’m not sure if I ever shared this story here on this channel. I don’t think I have. But probably one of the first women that I ever fell in love with was actually a girl from the Philippines. And I met her online many, many, many years ago. And we were planning to go to a beach on vacation together. And we got along really well and then we were about to go to the beach and then like two weeks before going there I could tell something was weird. She was very distant with me. Then I messaged her and I asked her if something was wrong. And then she said, “Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t think my boyfriend would like it if I would go with you to the beach.” And I was fucking heartbroken. And it’s a long story. But you get the idea. Basically, if you can tell something is wrong, you should address that. You should talk to your girlfriend.
And typically there is something wrong. I mean, if you can feel something is very different from how it’s been so far, clearly something’s different. It’s not just in your imagination. Sometimes it might be in your imagination if you’re really insecure, but most of the time, it’s just common sense. It’s logic. You are a logical person as a man and you observe what’s happening in front of you. And logically you can tell she’s no longer responding to my texts or she is being very distant or she no longer likes to cuddle or she likes to spend more time with friends than rather than me and so on and so forth. And you just look at these patterns. If you can see something is different from before, something is at the very least going on and you should address it. Now, let’s continue what you say.
Cheating Signs: When You Suspect She’s Cheating On You But Can’t Believe She’d Ever Do It
Her name’s Erica, by the way. The reason why I’m not sure what is up is that I can’t believe that she’s cheating on me. She’s a very kind woman and our relationship is the longest and most profound relationship that I’ve ever had. Most of my relationships before that only lasted for barely six months, but this one is different. We’re now together for one and a half years and have a lot of chemistry.
That is great for you. I don’t deny that, but that doesn’t mean that a woman can’t cheat on you. Okay, first of all, this is the longest relationship that you’ve ever had, right? One and a half years. But what does it actually mean? For example, you could work at a company and, just because you’ve worked at a company longer, one and a half years versus just six months, it doesn’t mean that this company is better or that everything at that company is great. Maybe you’re just young and you haven’t really worked very long, you haven’t been long on the field. And so now that one and a half years of work at that company seems long, but if you put it into perspective over your entire life, one and a half years is not that long. With dating, it is the same thing. You basically don’t… You’ve never had a long relationship. So your longest relationship before that was six months.
So just because your relationship is one and a half years ago, sorry, is one and a half years long, doesn’t mean that there can’t be trouble on the horizon. I know it feels really profound to you and I’m sure it is, but it doesn’t mean that there can’t be problems in a relationship. The second thing that we mentioned also was you can’t believe that she could be cheating on you. You say that she is a very kind woman and that doesn’t say anything. Even a very kind woman can cheat on you. And you also, as a man, could cheat on a very great woman. You being a kind guy would never think of cheating on a woman. But if all the things collide, if you feel unloved and so on, you might just cheat on her anyways. By the way, if you can see, if you can hear a cat whining, I’m so sorry about that. The cat is always asking for food. I should probably put the cat in the video maybe soon. Alright, so, you know, that doesn’t say anything at all, quite frankly. She can be really kind, but if she’s really unhappy and if she’s not thinking things through, if she’s inexperienced or if she just lacks integrity, she could still fuck up. So that’s something important to recognize and not get sucked into this belief that there’s no way she would ever cheat on me.
I have seen really terrible things and I’ve seen some horrible women with my clients, some of them that I couldn’t fucking believe that they existed. So, I’ve seen some pretty crazy stuff and people are people. People are, human nature is basically that we all fuck up. And some people fuck up more than others and some people are dumb or some people lack experience and they have to learn from their mistakes. So maybe you’re young. Because you’ve never had a long relationship so far. Maybe you’re still in your 20s and maybe she’s also very young and she’s also in her 20s. So maybe she’s not the “smartest woman“. She doesn’t really know yet what is the right thing to do in life. And so, I’m just saying here, that’s not a guarantee what’s going on with your relationship just because you have a lot of chemistry that she wouldn’t cheat on you. So have a dose of rationality here or otherwise, you might get burned quite a lot. So let’s continue what you say.
The Secretive Girlfriend: When She Hides Things From You There’s Always A Reason
It’s hard for me to imagine that she is a cheater, but her behavior in the last months has been getting weirder and weirder. I don’t know why but I can tell that she is keeping something from me. She’s always very tense around me and often seems surprised when I try to ask her something. I don’t know what is going on. I mean, maybe she has a problem that I’m not aware of but she hasn’t been telling me if there’s something that is bothering her.
Not a good sign. Well, you gotta ask her quite frankly. If you don’t ask, then it’s never gonna get resolved. Some women, unfortunately, when they’re not happy, they will just withdraw. There are two types of women, roughly speaking in relationships, in terms of cheating women. There is the toxic narcissist who will just always cheat because the current boyfriend is never good enough and she will always find or look for a replacement. That woman… Just fucking dump her. You will or could have never avoided that. And there’s the second type of woman who maybe is still a little bit inexperienced and she doesn’t really know how to solve the problem. And then because she feels more and more unloved and maybe she thought that she’s been trying to address the problem, then, eventually she will turn to other guys.
And at first she doesn’t see anything wrong with it and then she goes deeper down that rabbit hole and at some point she fucks up too much. Obviously, that’s not a good thing, but that’s at least a little bit of a more – in quotes – healthier approach of why some women do that, it’s not a really healthy approach, but you get the idea. It’s sort of a defense mechanism. We all do that when we’re unhealthy… When we’re unhappy in relationships. But people with integrity and experience, they just say, “I’m not happy here.” You try to address it and then you move on. Now, from what you’ve been telling me so far, it doesn’t sound to me that she is very unhappy. Well, or that she has been bringing up a lot of problems and trying to communicate with you. So maybe she’s more of a toxic woman in general, but let’s see what you continue saying.
Cheating Women Behavior: When She Starts Partying Even Though She Got A Boyfriend
The one thing that does seem strange to me is that she’s become so distant with me and she’s spending more and more time with some girl friends of hers, pampering themselves and sometimes going partying in the evening. At first, I did not think much of it, but it has become very excessive and has made me more insecure. I’ll also be frank with you, I’m not a fan of all those girl friends. I think especially her new friends are a bad influence on her. She only started doing this once she met a group of girls at a trip that she had met all on her own a few months ago.
So she’s been on a trip all by herself. Who knows what has been going on there? Maybe she’s been partying and now she’s hanging out with these new girl friends. Sounds like she basically ran into some hoes, basically. Bad influence women and you never know what these girls are telling them or telling your girlfriend. Maybe sometimes this happens actually that you are in a relationship and you’re having problems. Your girlfriend might not be happy. Maybe she tried to address it, maybe not. I don’t know. But she’s talking to her girl friends and what happens when girls talk to each other. “You’re a queen girl, you slay, you go girl and you deserve so much better and you should just dump this guy. Come on, just go party with us.” Girls can be really terrible influences with other girl’s in relationships.
So you gotta be really careful of that and it doesn’t sound to me that these women are great women because she met them most likely partying because they’re also going partying now. Maybe they didn’t meet, maybe they didn’t party there or maybe she didn’t meet them when partying. But ultimately these women sound like they’re not a good circle of friends. So that’s basically what changed here. I don’t know if there was something else going on but for some reason, obviously, your girlfriend latched onto that. A healthy happy woman who is not toxic would not latch onto these bad low quality women and look at that as an excuse to go party and to potentially cheat on her boyfriend or at least neglect her boyfriend and make him feel insecure and make him feel unloved and so on. Your girlfriend should know that what she’s doing right now is really terrible and makes you feel like shit. But she would rather hang out with these girl friends, new girl friends, where if you would be rational, if you would be a rational thinker, you would just objectively say, “These girls are not good for me. They’re encouraging me to do bad stuff.” But she’s not doing that. She’s instead probably embracing that. So that is a red flag to me.
Red Flags That She Is Not A Keeper: Confronting A Cheating Girlfriend And Leaving Her If Necessary
So anyway, *sigh* I don’t know what is up with her. There’s no real clear sign that she’s cheating on me. Maybe that assumption was a little bit out there. All I know is that something doesn’t feel right. It’s like there’s space between us. There is something that she is not telling me. I can just feel it. I can’t explain it. Maybe I am just imagining things. How do I know that there’s really a problem here versus me just being insecure because of these girl friends, for example, thanks coach. I’m looking forward to hearing from you.
That’s what I meant earlier. I don’t think that it’s just these girls and you’re being insecure. Clearly, something changed in the behavior pattern from before. So it sounds to me that, wait, when did you meet up? A few months ago or something like that, she started meeting these girl friends, right? And now she’s partying. So let’s just assume for something like a year or so, everything has been peachy. Everything has been great. Obviously, you’ve been in the infatuation phase. Maybe after the infatuation phase disappeared, your girlfriend all of a sudden started being unhappy and she doesn’t address it. And if she’s a bit of a toxic woman, then she, like I said, she latches onto these toxic women who encourage her to do bad stuff and clearly something changed here. So this has not been going on for very long. Something clearly changed in the behavior. So I don’t think that you’re imagining things because it’s not the same, right? It’s just like that girl that I had been lovey-dovey with online for years, not for years, but maybe for a year. We’ve been getting along so well, talking all the time and we just shared so many things together.
And back then, I was a beta male and I was too much of a nice guy, basically. But all of a sudden everything changed. Maybe three or four weeks or so before we were supposed to meet up and I could clearly tell something was different. And when I asked her, she told me straight up how it was. So when you can tell that there’s something different, typically, it’s not just your insecurity. You are being insecure because she changed her behavior. It’s not the other way around. It doesn’t sound to me that you’re the insecure type of guy who just in general will always look for something to happen. There are some guys out there and I’m sure a lot of guys come to my channel who sometimes have these problems because a lot of guys on my channel probably have an anxious attachment style where they just make up problems that don’t even exist. I sometimes have that with my clients as well. And some of my scenarios and my videos also have that problem that guys just create problems that aren’t really there. So that can be a problem, but I don’t think that this is you. So the thing that you have to do is, dude…
The only thing that you can do is you can basically tell her how you feel and tell her that you don’t approve of these girl friends. And you can tell that what she’s doing is not really good and healthy for the relationship and you want her to see your point of view. And then you should ask her, “Babe, is there something wrong? Is there something that you want to tell me? Is there something that you don’t like?” Now you’re saying also that she’s trying to keep something from you. So she might deny that. If she’s just denying it or it feels like she’s rejecting it or projecting away or maybe blaming something on you. You feel like you’re not going anywhere and then you just gotta draw a boundary and tell her, “Look, you told me that everything is fine, but I feel like something is not fine and I can’t stay in a relationship like this.” It’s a bit red flag, to be honest to me. I would, I think something bad is going on here. I can’t say for sure, of course, but you gotta be really careful and I don’t want you to get hurt or get hurt further. I think you’re already kind of hurting because you feel like something’s off and if something really is off, it’s better to get out of this faster than, just feeling like a total idiot for hanging on to a relationship like this for very long.
So try to address it, try to talk with her about it. If she denies it and if you don’t get a satisfying conclusion to the discussion and then maybe you wait a little bit because maybe if it didn’t get the right conclusion, maybe she has to think a little bit and eventually she realize “Okay I have to tell him what is going on,” and whatever is going on, and whatever the reason is why she’s being distant with you. She opens up to you after a few weeks, it’s all good and then you work it out. But if you don’t get the solution, sorry, if you don’t get the outcome that you want and after a few weeks, everything is still the same and she’s still distant, then I would just say, you gotta break up because there’s too much of a risk that she is cheating on you. And I’ve been in a relationship like this before, a long time ago and it has been one of the worst experiences of my life because I always worried what my girlfriend was doing. It’s not a nice feeling. I know exactly how you feel. So I would rather you leave that woman, maybe have a few doubts and regrets and ask yourself, “Did I do the right thing?“
But after a while you will realize, “This was not good for me and whether or not she really cheated on me, I made a clear decision to break up and say this is not good for myself and I can find something else that makes me happier.” Whether it’s being single or another woman, at least you made a clear decision to say, I can do better and that’s what I want for you. So look, if you have to make that decision, it will probably feel… It will sting, it will feel like shit. You will feel like shit for a while, but eventually maybe after a half a year, you will feel good about yourself and know that you’ve done the right thing and then you will find a woman who will make you happier. So I would try to address it first, then when you don’t get the result that you want, move on. I know it’s tough, but you’re a man and sometimes as a man, you have to make a tough call. Even though you don’t like it, but it’s better to make that tough call and being indecisive nonstop and thinking back and forth and just going nowhere. So that’s my advice for you. Let me know in the comments, what do you think? Is she cheating on him? Is he just imagining things? I think most likely she’s cheating on him. At least something is going on here. So let me know what are your thoughts. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel and never forget to unleash the king within.