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How To Make Her Melt… You Can Either Be A Flamethrower… Or…?

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Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.

In today’s video, we’re gonna talk about the difficult dating dynamics of push and pull. So if you don’t know it, typically with a woman you should never push. You should always pull, because when you pull away, guess what? She’s going to push. She is going to chase you. And women typically want to chase the man because they have so many options. If they see the man is insecure, they’re not going to chase the guy. And so one interesting analogy that I thought of before this video is how do you make a woman melt? You can either be a flamethrower, you can be really aggressive, you can be really strong, really hot… Let’s face it, actually too hot! Who wants to be in the vicinity of a flamethrower? Nobody! You can either be like that and that’s your way of trying to melt her, and most of the time, that’s not gonna work. You’re gonna melt her, but you’re gonna melt her too fast and it’s just not gonna feel all right for her. Or you’re gonna do it differently.

I am currently in Bali and whenever I go out of my room with the aircon, and I have no shirt on, the sun it’s slowly melting me. It is slowly making me warmer, and warmer. So either you can be like a flame thrower, really close up, close, and really painful, or you’re like the sun. You’re thousands of miles away, basically, the same distance that you have in dating dynamics. You’re quite far away and she can barely still reach you. But she wants to reach you and you’re slowly warming her up with your warmth. So it’s a small, slow process. And that’s how you gotta make a woman melt. Not with a lot of force. Not like a flamethrower. But slowly, just like the sun. So I have a situation from a guy who has been reading my book and he wants to get some advice on exactly this problem, when a woman pulls away. What do you do? So let’s see what is my advice.

Turn A Woman On: Getting A Woman To Want You — Should You Chase Or Let Her Chase You?

Hi coach, I’d like to get your thoughts and advice on finding the right balance with a woman between chasing her and not chasing her. I read your book a while ago it makes sense to me to not chase her, but I’m conflicted about it at times. I think it’s hard to figure out what the right mix is because sometimes I feel like chasing more is actually more efficient than barely chasing, but it doesn’t seem like it’s something that can be applied universally.

Yes, certainly it can’t be applied universally. And there are just some women who will always chase you, and it’s going to be incredibly easy. Of course, in the best-case scenario, you have to do close to nothing. I have this going on right now. I matched with a girl and she’s basically in my inbox every morning. She sends me “Hey, good morning. What’s your plan? What have you been up to? Or how was your day? What’s going on?” Or she replies to one of my messages. It seems extremely easy and she’s also pretty cute. So that’s the perfect scenario, but that’s not always going to be the case. Not every woman is going to be enough into you, or she has different priorities in life. Something is going on. Or she’s dating some guy and so of course, in the best case scenario, you would have the scenario where you have to do nothing, right?

Of course, we all want that. And of course, it should also be the kind of woman that you actually want to be with, who’s really hot, who’s exactly your type, and that’s typically the woman that you should prioritize, but there’s also going to be women who are not that much into you, who have shit going on in their lives. And you gotta chase a little bit, at least, and you gotta make sure that they don’t fall off the hook. You shouldn’t prioritize them, but you also should try your luck, of course, because it can always increase. You can always increase attraction, as long as there is a base level of attraction. So it can’t be said universally, for sure, but that’s just something that you gotta accept. That’s just how dating works.

Melting Her Heart Should Be Easy: Can’t Make A Woman Obsessed With You? Signs Of Low Attraction

I tend to apply your advice of not chasing most of the time, but recently, I dated a woman who was insanely breathtaking and at first, I didn’t chase her at all, but then as we got to know each other more, I started to talk with her more often. trying to vibe with her and open her up more emotionally, which seemed to be going great. We have been flirting a lot. I threw in a lot of funny banter and didn’t shy away from giving her some cocky messages.

Now, on one side, I want to compliment you here. That sounds like you’re doing it right. You’re funny. You’re cocky. You’re not shying away from writing something that is maybe a little bit controversial. That’s okay. But one thing that sounds a little bit like a red flag to me is or maybe not a red flag, but maybe your wrong perception of how this works. You are trying to open her up emotionally and yes it’s true that you gotta open up a woman emotionally, but if you feel like you have to fight, or you have to work for this, then there’s obviously a huge problem. I think maybe you’re a little bit too much focused on pleasing her. You should just try to open her up emotionally by hanging out with her.

She can see your face. She can laugh at you. You can try these jokes right in front of her face. If you do funny banter, or something that is a little bit cocky, or naughty, right in front of her face, holy shit! That is going to turn a woman on because most guys are way too shy to do that. And then she’s going to open up emotionally, but also sexually. Don’t treat her like a project. Don’t treat her like something that you have to achieve or that you have to do. Opening up her emotion shouldn’t be something that is like work. It’s something that is fun and it’s something that also should be natural. So don’t try to vibe with her. Just vibe with her. That’s a small distinction but it’s really a huge distinction, to be honest, and you should do this in person, most of the time. But overall it seems like you’ve been doing a good job. It’s just that maybe you are too much focused on approval-seeking behavior. I don’t know yet for sure. Let’s see what you say.

Make Her Go Crazy About You: When A Girl Lost Interest After Sex Wait For Sexual Innuendo

We also had sex two times, but over time, she became more lackluster and wouldn’t reply to my banter as she used to, and at that point, I then began to chase her too much I think because I felt her pulling back, so I pushed… An amateur mistake, I know, but the question is how do you find the right balance? After all, it makes no sense to not chase or engage with a woman when she’s currently totally into you, no? And I’m really stumped how I could go from completely turning her on, to her being turned off in less than a month.

Well, it does sound like you’ve been doing all the right things and we just go back to the thing that it can’t be universal. Sometimes you really don’t know what turned a woman off, because I can’t find too many indicators here that you did something wrong. You even had sex two times, eventually. So okay, you actually lead it in the right direction, but maybe, honestly, maybe this was just a rebound for her. Maybe this was just something after a breakup. Maybe it’s just a fling. Maybe she doesn’t want the relationship. You never know. And you said it yourself: She is breathtaking! So she probably has multiple options, and especially if this wouldn’t be something that’s serious for her, well, then she’s always going to choose the guy who turns her on the most, who is most attractive. If she wants emotional connection, then you try to open her up emotionally, right? But maybe she doesn’t even want that too much. Maybe she just wants to have her fun.

Maybe she’s currently not in a place of being in a relationship. You never know. The bottom line is, I can’t tell too many things that you’ve done wrong, except for the fact that of course, then you tried pushing. You always gotta mirror her behavior back. And if it has been working quite well, and maybe she hasn’t been emotionally attached to you yet, okay, fine, well then you pull back. You mirror her behavior of her pulling back, and then hopefully she comes back, you seduce her again, you have sex again, then at some point you can hopefully tell as you have more sex that she is actually in it, not just for the sex, she’s also in it for the relationship. I don’t think you can gauge this right now, at this point, but it sounds to me that she probably is just not in it with her heart. She either just wants to have fun, or maybe it’s a rebound. Maybe she just had a breakup recently. Maybe she’s just emotionally unavailable.

Getting A Woman’s Attention: You Can’t Gain A Woman’s Attention — You Either Have It Or Walk Away

I really thought that we were going somewhere and that we’d be dating more seriously over the coming months, but she just pulled back all of a sudden and I really hate myself for chasing when she pulled back. She was a very great woman. She’s in her mid-30s but still looks like she’s in her 20s. She’s absolutely gorgeous and I loved her wits and our conversations. I wish I could turn the situation around but I doubt I can. I can’t chase her and try to banter with her, nor does chasing really have an effect now since she’s turned off. She’s not just a little turned off. It seems she’s just generally not interested anymore. So I’m not sure if there’s anything that I can possibly do at this point in time.

The only thing that you can do right now is to date another woman. She is probably doing the same thing with another guy. It’s just like I said in the beginning: It can’t be used universally applied. Sometimes you just gotta basically accept your losses and keep on dating more women. And the more women that you date, the more you’re going to not care about this. This stuff just sometimes happens and in the beginning when you’re still very young, and especially when you seek approval, this kind of stuff really hurts you and you try to make it work so much. The older you get or the more experience you get, the more you realize… Whatever! She’s just one woman. There are millions of women on the planet! So who cares? And as soon as you have a gorgeous woman who always chases you, then you just don’t care because you have options. You can choose. So maybe you can’t choose right now. This is why you’re maybe investing too much into her. I know she was great but there are also other women who are really great.

The Secret To A Woman’s Heart: She Wants To Feel Desired But Chase You At Th Same Time

I really wonder if sometimes it’s possible to chase too little? Because she was such a great woman. Could it be that when you don’t put enough heat on the relationship, it could fade away because she’s got a lot of orbiters? Maybe it’s possible that a woman will pull back if she’s not excited enough due to too little chasing? So could it be that she initially lost interest because I wasn’t persistent enough with her? Then, obviously, my further chasing then made it worse. So I’d love to hear your thoughts. Thanks a lot.

No, there actually has been a study that has been talking about the fact that you gotta show some interest in a woman, but not too much. Basically, she just needs to know that you kind of like her, but she doesn’t need to know exactly, because women also like it when they don’t really know how much you like them. There has to be a middle ground. You’ve been basically in the middle ground, I think, unless you’ve been chasing too much, but it doesn’t sound like it to me. So as long as she knows that you have some feelings for her, you really like to hang out with her, that is good enough. Ultimately, when she’s really into you and she knows that you like her, she wants to know more how much you like her, and then she’s then going to invest more into you. Or for some reason, she just wasn’t into you enough. So can you do something? Or well, the question is: Did you chase too much? I do not think that you’ve been chasing too much! You chased too much after you became insecure, basically, but overall it doesn’t sound to me like you’ve been chasing too much.

It’s all relative. Maybe she has literally five guys that she talks to at the same time, or let’s say three guys, or even if it would just be two guys. That is a lot to handle. And she’s just at some point gotta make up her mind who she wants to keep on dating. And maybe for some reason, you just didn’t have what she wanted and that’s not to say that there’s something wrong about you, or that you gotta change something about yourself. It’s maybe just was not the right woman for you. Again, it’s not universal. Not every woman is right for you. Not every woman is going to feel that you’re right for her and that’s okay. You gotta be okay with that. So you can’t change anything. You just gotta pull back now. You gotta see, maybe she comes back in the future, but you should most importantly just keep on dating other women. It seems to me that you’re relatively secure. You know how to flirt. You know how to banter.

So look, sometimes you just gotta choose your battles and this was a loss, probably. But hey, overall you know how to treat women. So I don’t think you’re gonna have a problem having many, many more wins in the future. And so a lot of guys, of course, make exactly that mistake. They focus so much on that one loss, instead of focusing on 10 wins. So get out there. Stop focusing on that loss. You probably won’t get the situation back. If you get, then it’s great, but maybe it’s just gonna be a fuckbuddy or something casual from the sounds of it. You never know, but I think you can find a woman who is a lot more into you and who’s hopefully also, of course, as breathtaking, and funny, and witty as her. And there are a lot of great and breathtaking women out there. So focus on the wins. That is my advice to you. Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within.

by | Aug 5, 2022 | Dating & Attraction

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Hi, I’m Andy Graziosi. I help men unleash their confidence and reach their fullest potential. My science-backed philosophy is: “The king is already a winner.” — Amazing women are already attracted to you. All a king has to do is use this attraction to his advantage.

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