Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video, we’re gonna talk about no contact, breakups, the problem of neglecting an ex, when it then gets too late and she just leaves. She wants nothing to do with you, and also about the fact that sometimes you can find dating advice, or you can find breakup advice online that just doesn’t cut it, that is pretty bad, and it typically just makes it worse. So I have a situation from a guy. He broke up with his girlfriend or well, his girlfriend broke up with him, and yeah, he took some advice from another dating coach… I have a feeling dating coaches. I believe I know who they are, and yeah, it didn’t work. So let’s see what my advice is for him.
Don’t Beg Too Much: Why You Shouldn’t Beg Your Ex Girlfriend To Take You Back No Matter What
Hello coach, I would love to get your honest opinion on my breakup fuckup with my ex and I hope you give me a zero BS answer because I actually had a call with a coach before and I honestly wasn’t very happy with the advice I got. It seemed like the advice I got before was very self-deprecating, which is somewhat ironic because the problem I have is that I begged way too much to get back with my ex.
Yeah, that’s a really huge problem when you self-deprecate yourself after a breakup. When you basically put all the blame on you. Just solely on you. You go down on your feet, and you’re basically trying… Or you go down on your knees, and you’re trying to lick the feet of your ex and trying to basically say “Please, please, please, I will do whatever it takes to get back with you!“… If you do that, she can’t respect you. She’s already not happy for whatever reason. You cheated. You neglected her. You fought too much. You became boring and uninteresting. Uninspiring. Lazy. Maybe you didn’t pursue anything with your career anymore.
Whatever the reason is… She doesn’t respect you anymore at that point and she wants to be with you, but she only wants to be with you if she respects you. And so basically, doubling down on the thing that she doesn’t want, obviously does not make sense. And this is why, of course, you always need to stop begging. And this is why you need to stop, actually, just do nothing, actually. You need to stop messaging her. Don’t try to reach out to her. Don’t try to get her attention. Don’t try to prove to her that you’ve improved, that you’re a better version of yourself. Do that for yourself. You don’t have to prove anything. If she can discover that in the future by herself without you pushing for it, that’s perfect! No problem! But you don’t have to flex that in a message. You don’t have to flex that in a letter. You don’t have to flex it in an email. You don’t have to flex it on social media stories. Whatever. Don’t try to get her attention. Just focus your attention on yourself. Improve yourself. That’s how you get an ex back.
I Didn’t Treat My Ex Girlfriend Right: Stop Begging Your Ex To Come Back Even If It Was Your Fault
We broke up seven months ago and a lot of it was my fault, to be honest. I neglected her and she would get very upset about it but I downplayed the issue and didn’t take her seriously. I thought she was overreacting back then and like everything in life, hindsight is 20/20. She broke up with me crying because she said she felt like I would make time for anything except for her. I didn’t see it that way back then and of course, I begged like crazy when we broke up.
Yeah, that’s a very common pattern that I always see with guys that they think: “Don’t overreact. Come on, we’re fine. Our relationship is okay,” and you ignore these small little signs here and there and then she leaves, of course, and then it’s like “Panic! Panic! Panic!” Okay, now the warning signs, all the bells and whistles go off. And finally, you realize this is broken, she’s not happy, and she left, and then, of course, it is way too late. And so then because of that, a lot of guys then try to fix it and they do it with begging. Like he said, he begged like crazy and that’s just very non-congruent, actually. And congruence is so important with women. If you’re not congruent, a woman will always leave. And that is a form of non-congruence essentially because all this time you didn’t care or you felt like “It’s okay, we’re fine,” and you neglected her too much and she actually tried to show you “I need more from you. I need more time from you. I need to spend more time with you. I want to spend more time with you.”
Or maybe more cuddling, more sex, more intimacy. Maybe she wants to talk more with you about things that happened at work or things like that, but you didn’t give her anything of that, which basically signals that you don’t care, but then after the breakup, all of a sudden it seems that you care. So that’s kind of non-congruent. So when that happens, a woman can’t really trust what are you about. Which one is the real version? The one who doesn’t care or the one who cares? And typically, the woman will then just think “Nah! It’s the person who doesn’t care. And this what you’re showing me, the begging, this is just a facade. This is not who you truly are. This is not how you truly feel about me. You’re mostly just concerned about yourself,” and that is actually a true assessment. That is quite accurate because you didn’t care about her back then. Only when it is too bad, when shit hit the fan, that’s when you kind of cared about her, but you really cared about yourself. You’re trying to bring yourself back together because you can’t go on without her, right?
Let’s be real: That’s why you did it. And so she can tell that and that’s exactly why you need to stop begging and why you need to just stop chasing. Focus on yourself. And just focus on yourself, FOR yourself. It’s not about your ex. It’s not about pleasing her. Please yourself. And it’s gonna take time for her to trust you again. And while you’re not with her, there’s no point in trying to convince her that you are going to make everything better. No. It’s better to cool down. Eventually, she comes back, you’ve improved yourself, you’re happy on your own again, then you come back together just like when you first dated. It’s essentially two whole people. You are whole again. She’s whole again. You come back together and then it’s like you’re dating again, that’s how it has to be.
Begging & Ex Back Letters: I Begged And Pleaded For Months And Sent A Handwritten Letter To My Ex
Honestly, I did it pretty poorly. I never did any no contact. I kept on begging her and sending her messages for nearly three months. I know I fucked up back then, but it actually got worse. After those four months of too much begging, I decided to talk to a breakup coach and they made me write a long letter. They actually gave me a template that I could customize related to my situation. It was basically one long letter explaining my mistakes, what I had learned from the breakup experience, and how I wanted us to start again from scratch. The letter didn’t go down too well with her. In fact, it was the last time that I was begging for her attention.
Yeah, the letter didn’t work because there are so many names that you could give a letter like this. You could call it “the simp” letter. Or the “please, do not respect me” letter, or “I’m groveling down on my feet and I do not respect myself” letter, and “I made all the mistakes, you were perfect” letter… There are so many negative ways how you could phrase or how you could call this letter. Some call it the “clean slate” letter, and it’s not really a clean slate. You can’t really undo the things that happened. Quite the opposite. You should just man up to them. Accept them and move forward in life. And hopefully, in the future you’ll do better. Your ex can just tell that you’re trying to do whatever it takes to get her back. And all of this is again, inauthentic, non-congruent, because all of this time you didn’t want to acknowledge any of this and now you’re sending a long letter.
And the other thing that I want to mention why this doesn’t work is you’re being asked to fill out a template. Just think about this rationally. If you would currently not want your ex back and if you would have a friend, and they would be heartbroken, and they are trying to get her back, and then you find out that they downloaded a template… A letter for an ex to get back with her… Do you think that’s gonna work? Of course, it’s not gonna work. Because it doesn’t sound like you. That’s not you. It’s something that someone made up for you. And I never do this when I have coaching calls, for example, with my clients.
If they want to write something, I might look at their message and say “This paragraph here seems needy. Let’s strike that one out,” but I will not write anything specifically for them. I might write like one sentence or something like that, but it’s just ridiculous to get this long template of what you did wrong and send that to your ex. That’s just full of shit, man. What if that template just doesn’t apply to you? Relationships are really complicated and there are many reasons why we break up. And it just does not make sense. And on top of that, it’s just a long letter that screams insecurity which makes her lose any last respect that she still had for you. And so then she pulls away even further.
When Your Ex Girlfriend Reads Your Letter: Writing A Letter To An Ex You Want Back Never Works
She replied to me after reading the letter, saying that she appreciated my honesty but that she thinks I need to stop messaging her, or sending her these things. She said she was disappointed with me that I only realized these things way too late and that I should have paid attention to her when it actually mattered and that now it is too late.
Yeah, so basically, she’s reading that letter and anything in there… Even if this is really heartfelt, even if there’s a lot of truth in that letter, she will read this… Even if she reads it… Who knows if she even reads it? But if she reads it, she will read through this very emotionless, very stoic, giving zero fucks, and quite frankly, it might even annoy her. It might even frustrate her to read these things. So it doesn’t serve any purpose and she said it’s too late, so she’s pulling away.
What To Do After Begging: When Your Ex Says She Is Happier Without You And She Is Dating A New Man
She says she started dating someone else and that he is treating her the way she wants to be treated. That he appreciates her. That he doesn’t make any compromises and that she is his first priority. She said she wishes me well but that she cannot give me anything that I want. After that message I stopped. I cried a lot that day because I recognized that it was all fucked and that no matter what I would do, I could never make it right. I have now started doing real no contact and it’s been seven months since our breakup and I wonder what you think about the situation? Is it hopeless? She was very direct about how she feels about me and this doesn’t give me any hope that there is anything that I can do to save this relationship, but maybe you have some ideas. Thank you so much for your time.
So first of all, you should stay in no contact you should just keep on doing what you’ve been doing now. Give her the space. Now, you think that she’s dating some new guy, and obviously, it’s a rebound, most likely. That guy happened four months after the breakup. So it’s unlikely that this relationship will last. Most likely she will reach out to you eventually again but you gotta be ready for it. So I think you’ve done some reflection already on the relationship, right? You’ve done this letter. So you probably know the things that you’ve done wrong. So now it’s time to stay positive and focus on what you can do right. And with that I mean what can you do right for your life. You don’t know if she’s gonna message you. And if she’s gonna message you, that could be tomorrow, that could also be in three months, and guess what? That could even be in a year from now. So you just focus on yourself.
Right now you can do nothing. This is done. Right now she doesn’t want anything to do with you. Or right now she’s not thinking about you. Most likely, she’s gonna think about you when the rebound doesn’t work. Or she’s gonna think about you when something’s not going great in her life. She’s gonna think about you when she’s not happy with the guys that she’s dating. She’s gonna think about you when life gets tough. That’s how it works. Weakness, that’s how we reach out to an ex because we remember that we felt strong with our ex. And women want strength. Women want stability. So you got to wait for the moment when she doesn’t feel stable, when she basically recognizes that you were pretty good back then. There were some problems, but she hasn’t heard from you for a long time.
So she’s hoping that maybe you’re stronger now. Maybe you have a stronger masculine frame. You’re more centered. You can be her foundation again. That’s what she wants to find out. And you gotta wait for her to think “What if I come back now? What if I message him? Maybe he has improved. Maybe he has changed,” and guess what? A lot of guys neglect their exes. So maybe you were not the first. Maybe you won’t be the last. You’re all kind of equal there. Some guys are worse than others, of course, but if you haven’t been that terrible, if essentially you only neglected her, then she has no reason to not come back and try it one more time, at least, reach out to you and talk to you. So you can’t do anything right now. Focus on yourself. Be a king. Unleash the king within, stay strong, and whatever you want to pursue right now with your life. Focus on that.
And then probably, when you’re in the middle of that, you’re pursuing what you want to do, your career, your passions, your hobbies, or hitting the gym or something like that, and you’re so busy. You’re totally in the zone. You’ve basically forgotten her. And then bam! You get that message, I can guarantee you, when you least expect it. That’s when you will get that message. So you gotta go into the zone. Go into your zone. Be a king, be strong. That’s what you should do. All right, so that’s my advice for you. Let me know in the comments what you think. And just a reminder one more time: Just don’t send this kind of letter. It just never works. It just fires back. She will ignore that letter. She will maybe read that letter and not like what she’s reading. Just give her space. So that’s my advice. Let me know what you think in the comments below, give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within.
