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Is it a rebound relationship? Or maybe she is cheating on you? Am I her backup plan?

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Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.

Today’s topic is a tough pill to swallow. Some might even say it’s a red pill to swallow. Maybe that’s why the background is red but no, actually it’s just because I have a new studio set up and I’m playing around. So today we’re going to talk about rebounds and is an ex actually in a rebound, or maybe the truth is rather, she’s cheating on you. She has been cheating on you. And she has no integrity. This is the topic of today’s video and my channel is all about unleashing the king within.

You want to be a king. You don’t want to be a tyrant. You want to treat women nicely. You want to treat everyone nicely. But of course, you also want to be dominant, not a doormat. So it’s all about having integrity. Being a king, treating people nicely, but also asserting your needs. It’s all about doing the right thing and then you’re also going to receive the right things in life that you want. But some people just lack integrity. Some people never treat people right and so that’s for example, cheaters. Some people, men and women, just have problems with acting with integrity and doing the hard things. Doing the honest things. Doing the things that are right and so that’s why some people cheat, for example.

And at least for me, I would always rather be honest, not date a woman, tell her what I don’t like, things like that, rather than cheat on her. So the guy in today’s video, he wants his ex back and he’s wondering what’s going on. He’s not really sure what his ex is thinking. Is she confused? And it’s tempting to think that your ex is confused. We all get confused from time to time. I think everybody at least once had a breakup, then they’ve been in rebounds, they’ve been confused, they wanted their ex back, they talk to their ex again, they reach out to them, because you’re not over them, or maybe you’ve been in a relationship and you haven’t been over your ex yet and then the woman that you’re with suffers because of that. That’s normal!

But like I say: It’s about being a king. And eventually, we learn what are the right things to do, where are the boundaries, and for example, when do I break up with a woman because I don’t want to hurt her. And so this guy has been dating a woman who is really integrity-less and she’s basically been cheating on him, but he probably doesn’t want to accept that. And so he’s been asking me for advice. The too long didn’t watch this video advice is dump this woman. Forget this woman. Never get back with her. I don’t think that she’s good for you. Let’s get into the situation.

Hi, I seem to have a problem understanding my ex in a certain situation. We have been together for six years, almost seven. But I found out she was dating someone else and after I did, she left me for that guy. That was at the end of May of 2021. We were living together for three years.

So it’s a really long relationship. Obviously, six years or almost seven, and so it’s natural why he is unable to see the red flags but he’s not able to recognize that this woman is probably just using him and she’s using him as a backup. That’s just a harsh truth. It’s not 100% clear here yet if she has been dating this guy while you were together. Let’s assume she’s not been doing that and she just started dating someone after the breakup. But let’s keep going.

Then I made the biggest mistake in interfering with that rebound. I know now that that was the dumbest thing I could have done. In August, the guy left her saying it was too much drama for him. I had moved out right before that.

So that guy probably was a king, because he couldn’t deal with the drama of you probably interfering and he was like I’m out of this. Because any king who has his boundaries clear, he says: “Hey look: Either you commit to me and you tell your ex that this is over and you need to keep him out of your life or I’m out of here. I’m going to find another woman.” So this guy is a man of integrity. So she actually lost a true catch here. So you’re honestly quite lucky in this situation. Because if this guy would have been a bit more weak, needy, and a bit more integrity-less, he probably would have stayed in that situation. He wouldn’t have minded that drama and then eventually your ex probably would have been turned off. So just some advice for everybody watching, but of course, I don’t suggest getting back with this ex and we’re gonna see why.

She then got with someone else about two weeks later. This other guy I have not interfered with. She has stayed in contact with me. At times we hooked up while she was seeing this other guy.

So what’s going on with the other guy? Are they exclusive or not? How serious is it? So you can see that your ex is basically jumping to other relationships relatively fast. This can happen, of course. Rebounds happen. But I think your ex is definitely doing it a bit too fast and she’s hooking up with you, with the ex while she’s dating some other guy. Now, we don’t know how serious they are. We don’t know if that guy even wants to be serious, but let’s be under the assumption that this guy is hoping to eventually be in a relationship with your girlfriend… Your ex-girlfriend.

So now she’s also hooking up with you, Imagine how that guy must be feeling and now think about what your ex is doing. Is this the kind of woman that you want to be with? Probably not. You’re just not seeing it clearly because you obviously care a lot about her because it’s been seven years that you’ve been together. There’s a lot of attachment. It’s very natural. But if you probably would be on the outside… If you let’s say, for example, would be one of your friends looking at the situation, they would probably tell you that this ex is not good for you. She’s just using you. She’s using the other guy that she’s hooking up with as well. So an integrity-less woman. Not good for you. So let’s see where it goes.

She has been going on dates with him every weekend since September. I couldn’t bear the fact that she was seeing both of us so I began no contact. I stopped seeing her in November. She has tried texting me and still wants to keep me around. I am focusing on myself and yet she is still talking to this other guy.

So kudos for doing no contact and you shouldn’t be doing no contact because you wanna get her back. You should be doing no contact because this woman is not good for you! And she is basically hooking up with other guys but at the same time, she’s also texting you, so she’s basically doing whatever is convenient for her. And so, clearly, you don’t want that. You’re focusing on yourself, she’s talking to the other guys while she’s texting you. That is a low-quality kind of woman. Look, if she’s confused, that is fine. But she can’t just use any guy that she wants to her heart’s content. She needs to make up her mind. And she’s not making up her mind. She’s going the easy route.

Like I said: Some people get emotional seizures when they have to act with integrity and I think your ex is this kind of woman because if she would have integrity, she would either start dating this new guy and not talk to you anymore, or she would talk to you and then not date other guys. Of course, you can’t generalize that hundred percent. There could be always that one rebound situation but it seems to me that this is a pattern. So she’s probably aware of what she’s doing. She knows how she’s hurting you. She probably knows how she hurt the last guy and how she’s now hurting the new guy. She knows exactly what she’s doing. She’s using all of you and even if we could throw in a sprinkle of her being confused and not knowing what she’s doing…

Well, you know, at some point you have to draw the line and recognize that what you’re doing is hurting other people. Because you can only prioritize your own needs for so long before you have a pile of corpses of people whose emotions and feelings and hearts you’ve hurt. It’s not a cool thing to do. So think about that. Do you want to be with a woman who treats you so poorly? Who doesn’t have any regard for your emotions and how she’s hurting you?

Well, think about if you get back with her, what’s gonna happen? She might just dump you again and then she treats you like this again. And I don’t know if she has been cheating on you while you were together. It’s not 100% clear on your situation here in the beginning of your message but there could be a scenario that she might cheat on you again when things don’t work out and she’s already lining up your replacements and then she’s hopping on to the next guy and you’re back into the cycle again of being used, basically. So that is something for you to ponder about!

The other day I saw that she is still talking to the first guy on Instagram. I don’t seem to understand what she is going through or what she really wants. A week ago she was crying and telling me that she misses me but doesn’t want to start dating.

Well, I don’t buy that because if she’s crying and she really misses you, well then what the hell is she doing? Why is she not back with you? Why is she not dating you? Why is she not meeting you? And if she’s that emotional, well what the hell is going on?I had a really bad breakup a few years ago and I’ve been crying and sobbing like crazy and I wanted this woman back like crazy. And I would have done anything to get her back and the way that I expressed my emotions, that reflected that. But her emotions that she’s displaying, but what she’s actually doing, these two things are completely separate from each other! Totally non-congruent! So I don’t buy it! Plus, she’s talking to the other first guy on Instagram who dumped her. So she’s basically using two people now as a backup plan. You and the current guy that she’s hooking up with. And she really actually probably wants the guy who dumped her because of all the drama that you caused. So she’s probably a cheater. Sorry to say it so bluntly.

I’m getting to a point of exhaustion and trying to just live my life as much as it hurts because I still have a lot of feelings for her.

It’s understandable! So you’re really kind of getting enough now. It’s really exhausting and I understand why it is so exhausting because she is basically giving you tons of mixed signals and she knows exactly what she’s doing. She’s hurting you on purpose because she doesn’t want to make up her mind because she doesn’t give a shit about you. She doesn’t give a shit about anyone. She just cares about her needs. That is an integrity-less woman. You are a king! You should always unleash the king within. And if the woman that you’re with is not a queen, then you should forget her! I know it’s really difficult after six years, almost seven years. You must feel like if you let go of this relationship then you’re losing so much because you’ve invested so much time. You must be at least in the late 20s, probably. So you spent so much time with her. Starting a new life is really scary but you should keep on doing what you’ve been doing: Focus on yourself. Forget this woman!

There are days when I think I would give her another chance but other days I feel great being on my own. Any advice for the situation would be greatly appreciated and taken with seriousness.

Well, you know what? I think you’re already mentioning the solution that’s right for you at the end of this message. You’re saying it here: I feel great being on my own. Some other days. On some days you’re feeling great on your own.I bet you the days that you’re feeling the worst are when you’ve heard from her. When she messaged you. And then, probably, it takes weeks to recover from that because she messaged you. You get some false hope but clearly, she’s not really committing to you. So without her you’re much better. What you probably need to do is, you need to get distance from her. She knows exactly what she’s doing.

She knows that if she doesn’t reach out to you, if she doesn’t give you some false hope, you’re gonna forget her because this has been going on for I don’t know…I can’t figure out the timetable right now but it must have been a few months already. So at least, you’ve been slowly getting over this but then she comes back all the time. This is kind of a narcissistic behavior pattern, it’s called hoovering. She’s sucking you back in. Sucking the life out of you.

Because otherwise, she knows that you’re going to move on, and clearly, during the times when you’re moving on, when you’re feeling better, things are great! You get the time to focus on yourself! You get to unleash the king within! And this is the time when you finally can breathe and achieve your goals. Maybe meet other women. Meet other people. Meet new friends. Focus on your hobbies. Focus on your work. But then, magically, miraculously! She’s always back again and then you’re falling back again into this deep pit. This is where all your progress is stopping. She’s doing this on purpose.

There are only two options here: I believe she’s generally, probably, a cheater and I would generally most likely not take her back at all. But just in the rare case that she might be really confused, I would just clearly say “Look this has been going on for a long time. It seems that you can’t really commit to me and you’ve been dating other guys. I don’t think that we should be talking anymore. I don’t think I want to date you anymore. If you ever change your mind then fine we could go on dates again, but not if you’re dating other guys.

Something like this. But honestly, I wouldn’t even do this most likely, because I have a really bad feeling about this. Star Wars reference! I just don’t think that this is the kind of woman that you should be dating and you probably don’t see all the red flags because you’ve been with her for so long. There are so many red flags here.

I don’t think that she’s right for you. Honestly, I think you should start to date again and I believe that you can find a better woman that is much better. Who treats you with respect. Who would do something like this and then would stop it pretty quickly. If I would do something like this, if I had a breakup with someone that I’ve been in a relationship with for a long time, then I’d be confused, and then I started a rebound, I would probably eventually realize that I’m hurting the woman that I’m with. And then I would stop what I’m doing because I feel bad, man! This is really bad behavior! I would know how I would be hurting the woman that I’m dating and I think she has no conscience. She doesn’t care about how you feel.

So I suggest moving on. Do what you’ve been doing:Focus on yourself. Stop talking to her. Because those are the days when you finally feel better about yourself and this is what I want for you. This is what I want for everybody on this channel: To feel better. Whether you get back with an ex or not, the goal is to have a good relationship. And there’s no point of getting back with an ex if she treats you like shit! Sometimes we just shouldn’t get back with an ex. Sometimes it’s hopeless and it has nothing to do with you. It has to do with her.

As I said: Emotional seizures about having integrity. Some people just can’t take accountability. Some people just can’t do the right things. And that’s probably because they’re afraid to confront themselves. They’re afraid to confront the things that they don’t like about themselves. I talk about this in my book. You have to poke the bear. You have to confront the things that are not right about you because we all make mistakes. We all treat people badly. We all sometimes have things that we regret.

But good people, kings and queens, they realize they are making mistakes and then they fix them and then they change their behavior for the future. So this is the kind of woman that I want all of you to have. So this is my final advice for you. I think you should stop talking to this woman. You should stop seeing her. You should stop getting mixed messages from her and if you have to give her a clear signal, clear boundaries, that you don’t want this anymore.

But I think the easiest way how you can do it is just to ignore her when she reaches out to you. Be relatively cold. In narcissism terms this is often called gray rock. You become like a gray, boring, rock where your ex has not much to go with, and eventually, she will realize there’s no chance of getting any response from you. There’s nothing that she gets out of you. No emotional validation and then she will stop abusing you. She will stop using you and then she will just continue using the other two guys that she’s clearly using, in my opinion. So that is my final advice for you. Let me know in the comments what you think. Of course, give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within.

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Hi, I’m Andy Graziosi. I help men unleash their confidence and reach their fullest potential. My science-backed philosophy is: “The king is already a winner.” — Amazing women are already attracted to you. All a king has to do is use this attraction to his advantage.

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