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Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video, we’re going to talk about mixed signals after a breakup from an ex. Now, mixed signals can be happening with any kind of scenario, whether you fucked up, you didn’t fuck up, sometimes maybe, if you fucked up a little bit more, there might be more mixed signals. The bottom line is mixed signals are always a sign that your ex is not too into you. She’s not sure about you. Yes, sometimes you can increase that and reduce the mixed signals. But ultimately, at the end of the day, if you don’t get what you want from an ex, you got to walk away. You got a signal to her that you don’t take these mixed signals and that you respect yourself and that you love her, you want her. But if she doesn’t want to give that to you, if she doesn’t want to reconcile, or she doesn’t want to get closer to you, then you’re out of the situation. So I got a situation from a guy who is getting mixed signals. He kind of messed up a little bit, if I remember correctly. And yeah, he’s not sure what to do. So let’s see.
When A Man Messed Up With An Ex Girlfriend: Doing No Contact The Right Way
Hey, coach, what is up, king? I hope you can give me advice on whether I’m making progress with my no contact situation or not. I recently broke up with my ex-girlfriend. Yes, I broke up with her. It was a bad call and I made an impulsive debate. We had been fighting and having some problems about relationship responsibilities, and I made the dumb and bad decision to break up. My decision did not last very long, though, and I quickly changed my mind. I have been trying to use the no contact rule to get her interested in me again, and I knew that I shouldn’t chase her. I did apologize to her once pretty substantially, and I tried to let her know that I made a mistake and I asked her to forgive me for breaking up so carelessly. But after that, I stuck to no contact because that didn’t work.
Yeah, that’s exactly how you should do it. So we can see here in your scenario, you did things right. Obviously, the way that you broke up was pretty dumb. You made an impulsive decision, but you apologized and you tried to fix it. The problem is, she doesn’t care. You didn’t apologize too much. You said one time very clearly how you felt you wanted to fix it. And she doesn’t care. And then you pulled back. You did no contact. So that shows you that her interest must be pretty low right now. And you can’t really do much there if you already haven’t screwed up too much and she still isn’t interested. It’s all up to her. The problem is when it’s all up to her, if she doesn’t have very much interest to begin with, yeah, it’s like a waiting game and you are at her whim basically. And that’s not a great place to be in as a guy. You should always be in control of your life. And no contact should be about moving forward with life, being happy.
And if your ex comes back, that is great! But you’re not going to wait for her. You’re not going to be the one who waits for her to make a move. You’re not basically going to be the guy who is only satisfied if she gives you what you want. If she doesn’t give you what you want, you’re OK because you’re focused on yourself. Your no contact journey is about personal growth, getting better in life, feeling happy again, moving past that breakup, moving past that heartbreak because you know that you messed up. That’s painful. You miss her. You want her back, but a true man sticks to his guns. You can’t undo what you’ve done. You apologized. Now you move forward strongly. If she comes back, that’s awesome. If not, you can’t do anything. And so you’ve done it perfectly so far. And so far, I can see that there’s no fault on your side. So let’s continue.
When Your Ex Reaches Out: Don’t Push When Your Ex-Girlfriend Sends Mixed Signals
So I did no contact and I used that to read some books. It’s been about two and a half months of no contact and then bam! A message out of nowhere! Several, in fact. But talking to her has been confusing. I guess you could say that I’m getting mixed signals from her. On one side of the equation, she is the one who tends to message me. But it feels like I’m still the one who needs to chase her attention when we’re talking, like we have some conversation streaks where she messages me and then we talk a bit, often stretching out over several days. But then while we’re talking, she still seems like less eager to chat with me. And it’s me who has to lead the conversation or push for more conversation. If you get what I mean.
Well, it’s important that you’re not pushing. The conversation should be fun. You should be flirting a little bit. You should take it not too serious. You should basically talk to her like you’re just starting to date with her again or like you’re in a relationship with her. Maybe think back to… How did you talk with your girlfriend when you were in a relationship? Sometimes you tease her. Sometimes you make stupid jokes. Made fun of her. You don’t take things too seriously. Maybe you’re not doing that. Basically, you don’t want to push for anything. And ultimately, if she doesn’t want to get closer to you, you can’t do anything. Like I said, if you say some wrong things, obviously, that’s your fault. But it sounds to me as we’re going to go through your message that you’re not really doing anything necessarily wrong. It’s just that she’s not into you enough. So you got to pull it back and perhaps even move forward and find another woman. But we’re going to get to that. So let’s continue.
When Your Ex Isn’t Ready To Talk: Don’t Make Your Ex-Girlfriend Commit To “The Talk”
She makes the first moves, as I understand it should be. Have her reach out. But then when she reaches out, it seems like I have to try so hard to entertain her and keep the conversation going. She also hinted at me once she would like to talk about what happened. She said she’s still disappointed in me, but she’s glad that I apologized and she wants to hear my side of the story, but then we still haven’t met up to talk about it because again, like I said, it’s basically me who has to work to get the conversation going or steer in the right direction. What should I do in such a situation? My ex is generally always the one to reach out to me, but it’s like she feels only half-committed to actually getting anything done. I already suggested to meet up at a coffee shop, which she declined.
So it’s not like I haven’t been trying to make some progress with her, but so far, no success, and I don’t really know what I can still do. It seems like it’s all up to her and I can’t really do anything else any longer. This situation kind of sucks because I have no control and I’m practically bound to wait for her to want to meet up. I don’t get why she would show interest in me, but then act low interest again. I really don’t think that I’m doing anything wrong. Our conversations are relatively normal, just like before, maybe a bit tense because it’s awkward to talk with an ex whom you had feelings for. But I think in retrospective, when I go through our chat history, it’s really nothing bad. So what can I do now? How do you handle these kinds of mixed signals? Thanks, Eden.
Well, there are two things that you should do. Number one, pull back a little bit so that she reaches out again. She needs to see that you’re probably slowly losing interest because she’s not showing interest to you. Number two, you got to ask her out more than once, obviously. If you asked her to meet up for a coffee and I don’t know if this was about, talking about her side of the story or your side of the story, talking about the breakup, that’s one thing. She probably wasn’t ready for that. And she says she wants to talk about that. But then, she probably thinks, okay, we’re going to go to a coffee shop and then we’re going to meet up and then we have to talk there. Weird conversation, the awkward conversation. Not sure if she’s comfy about that. You should just have a normal date, have something normal to do with her. First, get her to go out with you for something normal. Don’t talk about the relationship. You can talk about this later. Now, if that doesn’t work… If you try to suggest a date one or two, maybe three more times… Nah, three is too often! Two more times, and still nothing happening, then you got to pull back and probably I would suggest that you start dating another woman. You can still maybe get back with her in the future.
But the problem is right now, she’s probably really unsure about you. She might not necessarily be narcissistic because you hurt her feelings. It’s not like she dumped you. It’s just she’s really not sure about you. Maybe there’s also another guy in the picture right now. And so she’s struggling. What do I do? Because, well, ultimately, let’s be real. Some women are pretty emotional. These kind of things can really hurt them and they have problems of letting their guard down sometimes. Sometimes it’s like they almost get trauma from this kind of stuff. I’m not saying that you completely traumatized her with this, but you get what I’m saying. Women are really emotional beings and they can’t always control how they feel about you in the moment and their entire emotions about what happened, what went down. They need to take their time and ease into it. Maybe she’s not comfy enough with you.
But the problem is maybe you haven’t been flirting enough and the problem is you haven’t gone out on a normal regular date. Don’t talk about the relationship. Try to basically facilitate a normal meetup, something that got no pressure. Don’t even try to talk about “Hey, you want to meet up and talk about stuff?” Just say, “Hey, there’s something happening here soon.” Like something that you enjoyed maybe. I don’t know what it is that you used to enjoy. Maybe coffee shop hunting. Okay. Coffee shop didn’t work. But me, I like to go coffee shop hunting or hike, or going to a nice place that people like to go for taking selfies, and stuff like that. And just having a good time. Like a couple of place, kind of not too couple-ishy, you get the point, but basically do something that is fun that you used to enjoy. If that doesn’t work, then you got to move forward, find another woman.
When Your Ex Never Opens Up To You: Walking Away From An Ex Girlfriend Who Gives Mixed Signals
Maybe she will come back in the future and she will then commit to something. But if that won’t happen, if she doesn’t commit to anything, you can find another woman as well. I know you messed up. I know you want her back. I know you’re really sorry about what you did and in retrospective, probably you had like some issues about you said, responsibilities in life, probably something that could have been reconciled. Well, life sucks, man. Sometimes you can’t do anything. Sometimes you got to live with your bad choices. And that’s part of growing up.
At least, now in the future, if you ever meet another woman and you have these problems again, it’s definitely going to happen again that you have mixed responsibilities, you know, where do you want to live? What kind of lifestyle do you want to live? What kind of jobs do you want? Everything about your life has to mix and match, right? And sometimes it doesn’t really mix and match because you’re two different people and you need to make these compromises probably again in the future. So now you learned your lesson. Maybe you can make it work with her again. And then obviously now you know how to address it or hopefully you have thought about how to address it. Or if not, you will find a woman where now this wouldn’t be a problem anymore. Or you can actually address it with that new woman relatively quickly. So either way, you are a winner. That’s how you got to see this. The problem is you’re probably too focused on her. You don’t recognize that you are a winner, that either you get her back or another woman. Both scenarios are great, but you’re mostly focused on your ex.
And the problem is right now, the outcome that you’re getting with your ex is basically turning you into a loser. So your mindset is really low. Maybe she can also feel that, but once you see yourself as a winner and you don’t care about which outcome you get, new girl or ex, that’s when you become really confident. You will stop caring too much about her. You won’t care so much about the outcome and it will probably be much more lighthearted. She will also recognize that you are no longer pushing as much or that you are no longer too invested in it. I know that she’s reaching out, but you can’t do anything if she’s not showing more interest once she reached out. So she’s going to notice that something changed with you once you see yourself as a winner, as a king. So what you got to do is you got to ignore this. Don’t try to push too much when she reaches out again. Invite her out on a date. If it doesn’t work out, at some point you become a little bit more distant and you give her some consequence so that she can recognize she fucked up. And either she takes the hint and she really commits to something or you’re going to date another woman or you focus on yourself.
So basically, it’s back to the drawing board and the drawing board is you focus on yourself, develop yourself, have some good time, maybe meet some nice girls, not saying that you need to find a new girlfriend right now, but it wouldn’t hurt to maybe just meet some girls to see that other women actually appreciate you. They probably really do, especially if you keep on working on yourself and she’s low interest. And when you have a low interest woman, whether that’s an ex or any random woman that you’ve recently been dating or that you just matched with on a dating app, you find a woman who is high interest. It’s as simple as that. Sometimes that’s not easy, especially with an ex, but it’s got to be done. So I know that you can do this. Try it out. I know you want her back, but you will only get her back when you give no shit. When you don’t care too much about getting her back. That’s when she will probably come back. And if she doesn’t, who cares? You’re going to get clear signals from another woman. Alright. So that’s my advice for you. Let me know in the comments, what do you think? Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel and never forget to unleash the king within.