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Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video, we’re gonna talk about an ex who’s talking to another guy and you’re thinking that he’s causing problems. And the truth is sometimes he’s just not causing problems. You might think that she’s more into him, but if an ex is reaching out to you, for example, or she’s talking to you while she’s seeing another guy, it’s clear that she’s probably planning to dump that guy. So let’s see what is my advice. Let’s get into the message of a guy who was having that problem. Let’s see what I have to say.
Ex Talking To Someone Else — Your Competition: Fix What Caused The Breakup
Hello, Coach Andy. I’m in a bit of a tricky situation and I was hoping you would give me some advice on what to do. It’s 3 and a half months ago that my ex-girlfriend and I broke up. Well, she broke up with me. I wasn’t really the best boyfriend. I was slightly aggressive at times and didn’t always treat her the way that she deserved to be treated. I never laid a hand on her, but I could be pretty controlling and sometimes slam my hand on a table. This sounds worse than it was though. Like I said, I never laid a hand on her. But yeah, I got too loud with her. This scared her and eventually she left me because she no longer felt comfortable around me.
Yeah, so you gotta obviously fix your anger issues, but I wouldn’t worry too much about it. If you didn’t hurt her, if you just, like whatever, slammed the hand on a table out of anger. Obviously, it’s not a nice thing. A woman will get really scared by something like this because even just a slight… Yesterday I was doing… My girlfriend, she was saying that she’s really strong. I was like, really? Because she plays the bass. And so she’s really strong with her fingers and everything, she thinks that she’s strong. So I used my two fingers and see who’s stronger and obviously, it’s me who’s stronger. As the guys, we are really so much stronger than women. So it can be quite intimidating when you get loud, or when you get angry, or when you touch her. Now, fortunately you didn’t touch her. So I wouldn’t think if it’s too bad, you obviously gotta fix it. And I think we’re gonna see in your message… I believe you mentioned that you are fixing it or you fixed it. So it’s not so bad. She’s gonna come back if you haven’t hurt her, basically. If you didn’t really abuse her and you just were a little bit of angry, had some anger issues, it’s not the worst thing in the world. So anyways, let’s continue.
After You Got Dumped By An Ex Girlfriend: Should You Listen To Your Friends’ Relationship Advice?
After the breakup, I went into no contact and read some books on anger management. This was long overdue. It’s something that I inherited from my dad who also had a short fuse. My parents didn’t give me a good model and I messed it up. I actually adopted meditation and yoga, plus breathing exercises to stop myself from leaning into my anger. So anyway, I didn’t chase my ex during no contact. I tried to convince her to take me back immediately after the breakup, but a mutual friend of mine who is one of my close friends gave me a reality check and he kind of opened my eyes that I had to change something. True friends are so important.
Yeah, typically, I would recommend not listening to friends, but they tend to be accurate with the fact that it is over. At least in that moment when they tell you, “Bro, you gotta back up,” or, “Bro, it’s over. Just accept and move forward.” That’s the right thing. That doesn’t mean that you can’t fix it. Some friends will say that you can’t fix it and just suggest “It’s forever done.” That’s typically not the case, but they are typically right with, when they say, “Look, bro, I know you’re hurting right now and you want her back and you’re hoping that you can fix it or you’re hoping that you can convince her to get back with you.” She’s done with you right now, bro, and you gotta deal with that. They’re typically right with this, and so your mutual friend who convinced you to basically back off, that’s pretty great and everybody who’s listening. In that sense, listening to your friend to back off, and give her space and time, and all that stuff. And just focus on yourself. And just take a breath and get some perspective. That is correct.
Now, in that perspective, you might think, “Yeah, I don’t want her back,” and that’s fine. But you realize, “Okay, I’ve made so many mistakes.” Like he did, and good job, by the way, for trying to fix your anger issues and going to yoga and meditation and deep breathing exercises. So helpful! Recently, I’ve been doing a lot of deep breathing exercises. I’ve been very stressed here with moving and it’s very helpful when you are super stressed, especially with breakups, oh man, or also with anger issues. It’s really helpful to just not let it sink into your body. Just before it even comes in and you embrace that anger, especially with your girlfriend, basically try to hold that. Grasp it before gets too far, because if you can just let it go or express it calmly to your girlfriend, much, much better. All right, so good job so far. Let’s continue.
Talking To Your Ex Again: What To Do If Another Guy Is Hitting On The Girl You Like?
So maybe a month ago, my ex-girlfriend reached out to me and we started talking again. Not a lot at first, but now she’s talking more often to me. I was really happy to hear from her, but I asked her about whether she’s seeing someone and she says she met someone. She’s very low key and won’t clearly tell me what’s going on with this guy.
So probably… She’s probably fucking this guy, but she’s clearly not happy with the guy because otherwise, she wouldn’t be messaging you. Either she’s not… She’s probably not super happy. He’s like some nice guy. Maybe it’s just a hookup or, it is a “relationship“, situationship, dating ship, whatever you want to call it, but it’s not really exciting. He’s not amazing. He basically doesn’t amount to much. He doesn’t give her the same feeling that you gave her. And that’s basically what she’s reaching out to you. So yeah, she’s very low key because she doesn’t want to ruin her chances with you. And at the same time, she doesn’t want to let go of that guy yet because she doesn’t know what’s going on with you. So that’s what’s going on here.
So there’s a new guy in the picture and he is causing some problems. Apparently, this other guy is trying to get my ex girlfriend to be his girlfriend and she seems to be torn. She says she doesn’t want to lead me on, but that she just wanted to talk to me. She missed me. From what my ex-girlfriend has told me, that guy has been pursuing her and he’s basically trying to win her heart with grand gestures and expensive gifts. I’m worried that this is clouding her judgment.
No, I don’t think that is clouding her judgment at all. I mean, if he’s trying really, really hard to make her his girlfriend, maybe because she’s still not opening up, she’s not ready for a relationship and she’s basically just using this guy as a rebound. So now he’s giving her grand gestures, big gifts. Yeah, he’s basically a loser and that’s not gonna work. She’s gonna notice that you’re not trying so hard. Hopefully, I hope you’re not trying so hard. He is trying really hard. You have much more connection. He’s just a rebound and the fact that she reached out to you, she’s already on the fence about this guy and the fact that he’s trying so hard is actually a good thing. So don’t worry so much.
Ex Girlfriend Found Someone Better: Should You Worry About Your Ex Moving On With Someone Else?
I think she may think that this guy’s better than me, not because I really think that he is, but maybe she’s being swayed by this stuff. I don’t want to go down that route because I don’t want to simp or establish that I’ll now do anything for her. I messed up before and I addressed my issues and I feel like she can tell but I feel like at the end of the day, right now, this guy has her interest. There’s probably more attraction because she is still getting to know him.
Again, I don’t believe that she’s being swayed by this and if you’ve addressed your issues and you’ve changed, maybe she can’t see that right now because you’re probably in a normal chat, won’t have anger issues with her, but maybe you’ve communicated a little bit what you fixed. But the thing is, you think that this guy has her interest and especially the attraction is higher. I’m not so sure about that. What I would suggest is that, right now, she has something good going. She’s fucking some guy. She’s all over the place with her emotions. She doesn’t know what to do. She clearly still is hung up on you and she’s like, “This guy that I’m fucking or this guy that I’m not fucking, who had anger issues, I love him, but didn’t work out before.” So she’s going to take a little bit of a risk if she gets back with you. So she doesn’t want to let go of that guy yet, but that doesn’t mean that she is really attracted to this person.
I have this friend, he hooks up a lot with a lot of women and he’s a guy, of course, but he actually is a bit more traditional. He wants to have a long-term girlfriend, but all the hookups that he has, they basically mean nothing to him. They’re actually like a waste of time. It’s just passing time because he’s bored or not happy with his life. And he’s just, in quotes, using these women. It’s just a way to… A means to an end to basically not get bored and not go crazy, essentially being alone and not having a girlfriend or not having the girlfriend that he wants. A woman can be exactly like that. She can be with a guy and that guy can mean absolutely nothing to her. I assume this guy is just rebound and there’s not any attraction. She might be having sex and to an extent, she might appreciate the sex, but it really depends. If there’s no connection, if she’s trying so hard to win her over and she can feel that, then it’s probably just very meaningless sex and it probably doesn’t feel very entertaining to her. And I don’t know about your sex. I’m currently dating a girl and I guess she never had an orgasm and our sex is freaking amazing. Her last ex was not the greatest apparently. And now she’s with me and yeah, I’m a catch. So if a woman is with a guy who’s really great, the sex is great as well and the connection is great, that’s much different from a random meaningless rebound with a guy that means nothing to her. All right, so don’t worry so much about it. All right, so now you wrap it up.
Your Ex-Girlfriend & Her New Lover: Can You Steal An Ex From A Rebound?
I’m not sure what I should do right now. I don’t want to lose my progress I made with her. My ex basically wanted nothing to do with me. I kind of scared her, I guess. But at the same time, I don’t want to hear about this other guy. So what do I do now? Should I make a move and try to meet up with her and seduce her? Or do I back off and let her see what’s up with the guy and make up her mind? It’s a shitty situation. I hope you can give me some good advice.
Well, you already said what you want, basically. You don’t want to hear from this guy or you don’t want to hear about this guy. So tell her that. Tell her, “Hey look, we’ve been dating for a long time. I still have feelings for you. I still care about you and I really don’t want to hear about this guy. Now, either you stop messaging me completely, or you stop messaging me about this guy. Stop talking about this guy.” Just tell her, “Hey, I don’t want to hear about this guy. Stop talking about this guy. Plus on top of that, you shouldn’t be messaging me for all the time.” If she’s fucking another guy, you don’t just message her all the time because she’s probably getting sex from that guy and she’s coming to you for emotional support. So she better dump that guy. So she needs to make up her mind. And for that, she needs to realize that if she doesn’t, you make a move or if she doesn’t dump that guy and then show you that she cares about you more, then you’re just gonna find another woman basically. Or at least it’s what she’s going to think. So that’s what you should do.
I would not try to seduce her at all. This guy is just gonna screw it up all by himself. I’m never a big fan of dating women who are with two guys at the same time or are dating two guys at the same time. Me personally, I’m a little bit more traditional. And even though I say you should date more often, you should date multiple women in the sense of, you should have many options. You should make sure that you become confident so that you can have any options to choose from. It doesn’t mean that you should be dating two women at the same time. It’s just hassle. It’s stressful. The whole time management. For me personally, I also don’t feel good about it. I dedicate my time to one woman. If I can tell really quickly that it doesn’t work out, then I jump to the next woman. But that’s basically it, right? And so right now, for example, I’m dating a woman that’s really great and I have no intention to date another woman. Even though we’re not official or anything like that, we just really get along quite nicely, I’m not gonna date another woman. And if she’s dating a guy right now… Man, dude, no way, no way. Just move on for now, let her come to you and get her some of the consequences of not being with you anymore.
Yes, you fucked up, but you clearly fixed that. At some point, she’s gonna wanna reach out to you or wanna go on a date with you and talk with you about it. Now, she might do that while she’s still seeing that guy. That might be okay, okay? Not a problem, but it’s not like you should be dating or you should not become her pen pal. If it’s a one-time thing, maybe if you don’t talk to her much anymore, then maybe in a month from now, she talks to you, she messages you, she’s still with that guy, she’s still fucking that guy, then it might be fine. Now, it depends on what kind of relationship they have as well, like if she’s basically leading this guy on and she’s treating him like shit, she might also treat you like this in the future. So just something to keep in mind. Make sure that she’s kind of sensible about the whole situation. She can’t just use guys, you, including that other guy, like trash, like disposable objects.
So you gotta evaluate this a little bit. How does she actually perceive both of you? How does she perceive you? Back off, don’t try to change her mind. I don’t think this guy is going to win her heart or whatever you wanna call it because he’s basically a simp. He’s way too try-hard. He’s probably insecure, I assume. That’s why he’s trying to give her gifts and big gestures and all that shit. Who knows, maybe he never had a girlfriend and now he thinks, “Oh, I found a great girl, so I’m gonna do something for her so that she stays with me.” So no, I would not do anything. And yeah, that’s my advice for you. So don’t sweat it so much. Get back on track with your life. You keep doing your meditation, your yoga. Man, yoga is pretty awesome. If you really get into the flow, ironically, yoga flow, isn’t that awesome? It feels so good when you can relieve all your stress, your anger, your anxieties, and you’ve been doing that a lot.
Keep doing that, keep feeling better. You will become more attractive. Other women, to your ex, to yourself. Yoga is also really good for your physique. So man, dude, just stick with this and don’t do anything with her, basically. Don’t try to make a move. Don’t try to be the one who’s trying to win her back. I know it was you who messed up, but now she is with another guy. You expressed your mistakes properly already. You wanted her back and you fixed yourself. Now it’s up to her. If she doesn’t make a move on you… It’s done, you find another woman. I can guarantee you, since you’re doing yoga, you probably go to yoga studios and there are probably a lot of gorgeous women there who probably want to date you. So yeah, man, that’s it. So that’s my advice to you. Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within.