Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video, we’re gonna talk about an ex who’s just using you, and in the scenario of this guy here, he’s been used for money. In general, you should probably never give a woman money, especially not an ex, but really no woman ever, because once you give a woman money, she kind of knows that she can probably do this over and over again. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be giving money to the girl that you’re dating, and you’re supporting her and you’re helping her out, and she needs something like that. My girlfriend helps me out all the time when I need something when I’m in a pinch, and so if she would ever need money, no, it’s not a lot of money, obviously, I would help her out. But the point is in a scenario like this, it’s a mutual relationship, mutual understanding that you love each other and that you support each other.
But if you just give money to someone, like your ex or any other woman who just doesn’t really care about you, she’s not really attached to you, I can guarantee you you’re not gonna get that money back. If there’s one thing that I’ve learned from living in Asia, it’s not necessarily just an Asian thing, but some of my friends, two of my friends, they asked me for money. And that money is gone, so it’s a lesson learned. People who don’t know how to take care of money or how to live responsibly, they will ask you for money and you will never see that money. You will never get it back, most likely. Sometimes, maybe there’s a chance if you’re really close to the person, but I gave one of that money to my best friend in the Philippines. I never saw that money ever again. I’m also not best friends with that person anymore. That should tell you something. So anyways, let’s get into the message and let’s see what he has to say.
I Got Tempted by Really Good Sex: Being Attracted to a Woman for the “WRONG” Reasons
Hello, coach, I need advice from you. I’m really feeling like shit right now because I felt like my ex just used me and my kindness to her advantage. I wanted my ex girlfriend back, but I feel like she only lead me on and I don’t know how to not feel like trash right now. So here’s the story. My ex and I broke up a few months ago. Our relationship was pretty much a rollercoaster. She’s a very passionate woman, contemporary dancer. You know, dancers are very emotional. A little bit hyper emotional, you could say. The sex was also really amazing, but yeah, the relationship was pretty messy, a lot of jealousy or like lots of mini complaints.
Yea, I know that. One of my first girlfriends ever was a ballerina. I don’t know what a contemporary dancer is like, but ballerinas are very flexible. Let’s just say it like that. And yes, they’re also very passionate. That girl was also very jealous. I think that just runs in the nature of what they do. They’re very artistic. Yeah, so it comes with its pros and cons. In a relationship like this, where she’s very passionate, artsy, whatever, it comes with its pros and cons. If she’s not crazy jealous, it’s really amazing. The sex will just be bombastic. But if she is nuts, jealous, controlling, whatever, it will make your life a living hell. So that should probably already be a bit of a red flag. I can just say to everybody who’s never dated a woman like this, you will probably only date her once. You will exhaust all your tolerance for this bullshit because probably there was good sex. And then after that, you’re done. So you probably could have seen this coming that there will be trouble with this woman. Anyway, let’s continue. You say there were complaints, then you say,
Maybe not the right word, but I don’t know how to phrase it. Basically, my ex would often play/act like she’s mad and wanting me to make it up to her. Our relationship was kind of either super amazing, crazy good sex, and then at other times, she would drive me crazy with her childish behaviors. But despite that, I really loved her. It was a very passionate relationship.
So it sounds like the typical overly emotional woman who thinks that the only thing that matters is this play of emotions and words don’t matter, actions don’t matter. And so they will drive you crazy and they will do these things like stonewalling or getting upset or being childish, and they will expect you to fix it. Again, red flag. You should have probably never dated this woman in the first place, but hey, you were thinking with your dick and that’s totally cool. We all gotta go through that phase.
Choosing the Wrong Woman: The Woman you Date will be a Reflection of your Inner Mental State
But then eventually we broke up. It was actually me who broke up. Now I know with everything that I just said. It seems that she was very clingy and yeah, she was. What led to the breakup was actually me being jealous of another guy. Some random dude from another country actually. It’s very common that dance companies get performers from other countries visiting and collaborating together. So there was this guy, anyway, long story short, I got very jealous and we broke up.
So you’re also not in check of your own emotions. So probably you chose a woman who was exactly like you. I’m not saying that you’re exactly like her, but probably you got your own issues. And so you probably dated in your comfort zone. And when you date in your comfort zone, you will reap what you sow. If you feel like you’re average, then you’re going to date an average woman. If you feel like you’re jealous, you’re going to get a jealous woman. Now that analogy won’t always work one-to-one, but you get the point. If you’re going to choose what you feel like is okay, what you can currently have, what’s within your league, what’s reasonable for you, that’s what you’re gonna get. And then you’re gonna be pretty miserable.
So you should probably reflect a little bit on do you appreciate yourself? Why did you choose a woman like this? I know she probably looked hot when she was dancing, kind of exotic. It’s really interesting when you see that kind of stuff. When we see really beautiful women, yeah, it’s tricky, but never just look at the looks of a woman. You gotta make sure that she also has great character. And it gets really hard when you’re beginning to date a woman, when you just see her, she will always look after you. Always be fucking attractive to you, especially when she’s naked. And so you gotta be careful, always activate the rational brain of yours. If you can’t activate it in the first week or two or three, you need to activate it after one or two or three months. Don’t just blindly love a woman without looking if she’s the full package versus just being the sexy package. Anyways, let’s continue.
After Going No Contact: Hooking Up with an Ex after a Breakup — Is she Using Me or Does she Love Me?
Now here’s the thing: I really did do no contact for myself. After a breakup, I really wanted to find some time for myself because of the nature of our relationship. We spent so much time together. And that’s not as a judgment to say it was bad. We had our good and our bad moments. And yeah, the sex was super good. And maybe I would not have stayed in the relationship if she wouldn’t have been so sexually active. And so anyway, because of that, I tried to reflect on the relationship and also figure out what I want to do next. Now, of course, I missed her quite a lot. We were together for almost one and a half years. We had a lot of great memories together.
Now, anyway, no contact wasn’t easy. I still missed her and a part of me always wanted her back, but I tried to stay focused on myself. But then my ex started reaching out to me again. And that kind of got my hopes up that maybe we could give the relationship another try. Things were kind of different after the breakup. We would talk with each other every now and then, more like catch up. Not too often. Basically sometimes replying to stories on IG or WhatsApp, or sometimes also some random message here or there. And then one time we actually hooked up. The sex was fucking amazing again. But back then I wasn’t really sure about us. I kind of felt insecure about us getting together because it wasn’t really clear yet what we were doing. But nevertheless, we stayed in touch and I was kind of excited to have sex with her again.
Now, anyway, she then once asked me for money, but I said that I couldn’t give her any because I didn’t feel comfortable giving any money. I gave money once to her friend and never got it back. So it wasn’t even an excuse. But that was that. We stayed in touch, even had sex one more time. And this time the sex was even better. And then maybe a few weeks later, she asked me again if I could lend her some money for a medical procedure for her mom. And I guess I kind of got weak in the knees and gave her money. It wasn’t a lot, just 500 bucks, which was nothing compared to the cost of the procedure. But anyway, after I gave her the money, she basically has been replying a lot less to me. It’s almost as if she’s ghosting. Now I want to be clear, she’s not really ghosting me. She still replies, but her behavior towards me has changed. She’s no longer actively trying to pursue me or talk to me. I think she just used me for money.
Yeah, probably. Most likely, when she reached out the first time and then eventually had sex. I’m not saying that she reached out to the money initially, but she probably thought that she had something good going. You were supportive, you were there for her. She could count on you. So probably what she thought is, she can’t respect you, she doesn’t respect you, but she appreciates what you give to her. And she knew that probably if she opens up a little bit to you, gives you a little bit what you want, you will be more receptive to giving her some favors. Like I said, she probably didn’t think about the money back then. But eventually, she realized, well, he likes it when if I fuck him. I’m not committed to him. Maybe there is someone else also in the picture that she’s coordinating that you don’t even know about. And she’s like, let me just give it a try with the money. And unfortunately you give her the money. So let’s see where this goes.
Ex Girlfriend Gold Digger: No Contact but Ex asked for Money — Recognize your ex is Treating you Like Crap
I feel kind of stupid that I gave her the money. I already asked her when I can have it back and she said that she will give it back to me soon. She just doesn’t have the money yet to pay me back. And basically ever since then, she’s pretty much barely reachable and I feel like an idiot. I know that I probably will never get the money back, but what’s worse is my hurt ego. This really hurt my pride and I don’t know what I do about the situation. I really feel treated without respect by her and I’m not sure what I should do. Do I ask about the money again? Do I try to pursue her? Maybe she’s really just having money issues and she will give it back to me if I stay persistent with her.
I don’t know what she’s thinking right now, but I don’t know, man. I know it’s weird. This isn’t even like really relationship advice that I’m seeking. More like assertiveness advice or something like that. While I can afford it, $500 isn’t a small amount to owe someone and I definitely think I should get it back from her. I’m not sure what to think about her right now. I guess if she gives the money back, it’s all good, but then I don’t know if I should ever date her again. I guess it’s different now that we are not together. When we were together, money was never like an issue or something she would ask me for. So maybe she just really trusts me and that’s why she asked me. Anyway, I would like to hear what you think. Thanks so much, Jared.
Well, yeah, maybe she asked because she trusts you, but I think it’s really just about money and she thinks that she can basically do it so she doesn’t respect you. Now about the money, can you get the money back? I would still try to ask her a few times, maybe two or three times, in regular intervals because she had a procedure with her mom, so it could be reasonable that she can’t afford to give it back right now. So ask every three or four months, maybe ask two times. Then on the third time, the last time, ask one more time, you are very assertive. So you say exactly what you think. You feel like she owes you the money and if she doesn’t want to give you the money back, then at least let her say so. And then if that’s it, then you just cut off all ties with her. I believe you probably will never see that money and it’s okay. Sometimes you just gotta learn that women will sometimes push you around, sometimes they will treat you like shit, and you gotta keep your boundaries up.
The problem is, basically, like you said, you got weak knees, the sex was good, and you’re like, “Ah, this is pretty good,” and, “maybe I can fuck her again.” Who knows how fucking awesome that sex was? And you made that mistake, you made that wrong call. Sometimes you make really bad calls with women. Typically, when you can tell that, you know, when your gut tells you that you shouldn’t be doing something with a woman, yeah, you should not be doing it. If she asks you something that you’re not comfortable with, just be honest, man, and stick to your guns. It’s better to just tell her straight up what you feel and then lose out on it and never hear from her again, and that’s that.. I had a woman ask me for money once, and I said no, and, yeah, she’s gone, like, I don’t know what she’s up to right now. I couldn’t give a shit, I’m dating a great girl right now. Yeah, I mean, dude, if the woman only cares about the value that you provide and the money that you can give her or something like that, then she’s just not worth it. At the end of the day, you want to be with a woman who appreciates your value and your love, your character, the things that you bring to the table that are not related to financials or, I guess, life stability, excluding emotional stability.
So I know it sucks that you’re not gonna get that money back and I know it hurts your ego and your pride, and you feel like, you know, you’re being walked all over. You made that mistake, it’s okay, dude, we all make mistakes, you don’t have to beat yourself up about it, you said it yourself, it’s only 500 bucks. Now, for some people watching this, 500 bucks is crazy to give another person. I personally also think giving a person 500 bucks is a lot, even though I could afford it, not a problem, but I think that’s just too much to give to a person. I would give this to my girlfriend if I would know that my girlfriend, her mom is sick, and she needs that money for a procedure, I would give it to my girlfriend anytime, I wouldn’t care. If her mom can get healthy and be good again and my girlfriend will be happy again, I will be so glad to give her that money. But to a random ex, you got your hopes up, basically she was using you probably a little bit, and that said, man, you probably will never get back with her, I probably also think you should never get back with her because she ghosted you or she’s kind of ghosting you, she’s not getting back with you, she’s not honest with you, so it reveals you what kind of woman she is.
Maybe she didn’t mean badly, maybe she really just has money issues, maybe she didn’t know when she can get it back, maybe she overestimated how quickly she could get the money back and then give it back to you. It could be perfectly fine, it could be the case, of course, but we’ll never know and the odds are just that she just looked for the easy way to get some money. Shit happens, man, move forward, ask her a few more times about it, then on the third time, maybe, or on the second time, based on what you wanna do, basically have a very clear message about the money and it’s not like you can do anything, maybe depending on where you live, maybe you can do something about this, but yeah, whatever. Usually when you borrow, when you lend money to a person, you don’t get it back and yeah, whatever, man, just find another woman who won’t do something like this.
So my suggestion is actually next time when you date, yes, you wanna date a hot woman who is passionate and sexy and sexual, you gotta also be careful, man. You gotta date a woman who doesn’t have these batshit, weird things, like we’re just like a screw loose in there and they’re too jealous. Yes, you also have your jealousy issues, you probably should work on that as well, by the way. And yeah, I mean, date a woman who feels like she’s out of your comfort zone, who feels like a little bit out of reach, and then you take that extra step to actually get that woman. Because she probably is not as crazy as that girl that you dated. Typically, maybe that’s a bit stereotypical, but yeah, the answers are, they are crazy people a little bit. Now, yeah, they use their bodies, you know, so they know how to use their bodies for their work and also to get what they want from a guy. So be careful with that kind of stuff.
