Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video we’re gonna talk about what to do if a girlfriend breaks up too quickly, very impulsively. What should you do? So I got a message from a guy and I don’t really like the way that his ex broke up with him. He wants her back, understandable, but let’s see what is my advice for him.
Impulsive Breakup From Women: When She Breaks Up With You For No Reason And Leaves Like It’s Nothing
If a woman breaks up too quickly, if she just dumps you out of nowhere when you don’t expect it because of a small fight, which wasn’t a big fight, then you should think twice if you should get back together. At the very least, if you get her back, you have to be careful. You have to really talk about how do you communicate.
Ultimately, you should want to be with a woman who really appreciates you, who values you. And look, we all have bad days. We all have days when we explode a little bit, get angry, and maybe sometimes we let it out on our partner. Mistakes happen. But in this case, the guy here, he basically… Yeah, he had a bad day and they had a fight and then his ex basically broke up with him because of that fight, which I think was just not a big fight, and clearly, I think she doesn’t have much interest in him, at least, or she just doesn’t value him, in general. Whatever her reason for breaking up, I think all of you, you should be kings, and you should be with a woman who really appreciates you. So if a woman doesn’t appreciate you properly, you gotta let her know. You gotta show her and if you get back together, then you have to make sure that she doesn’t pull these things ever again.
If a woman is willing to break up way too quickly out of the blue, that’s not a good sign, because imagine if you most likely are on my channel, I assume you want to be in a relationship for the long term. Maybe get married. Most of the guys on my channel care about this. This is why I have a lot of videos about getting an ex back. I also throw in a lot of content and ideas on how to maintain healthy relationships, how to communicate with women. It’s about maintaining relationships. This channel here is about maintaining healthy relationships. For me, that’s what I want. If you don’t want that, that is cool. Maybe this channel is for you, maybe it’s not. It’s up to you to decide, but it’s all about maintaining healthy relationships for me, and if your woman can’t do that, if she doesn’t want that, if she runs away way too quickly, can you actually maintain a healthy relationship with her? Food for thought! So the guy who sent me this message might not like my advice in today’s video, but hey let’s get through it.
Dealing With An Unexpected Breakup: I Thought We’d Go On A Date But We Broke Up Instead
Hi coach Andy, I have been broken up with on January 16th after a messy situation, when I bet my ex thought of me as a jealous and anxious guy. Yet I am not. That day I was working late and she was supposed to come over later that night. We shared my car because we live only a few miles away and I didn’t need it that day. She was meant to drive it to my place like we had agreed a few days earlier. I had a pretty bad day at work and wanted to surprise her and kinda relieve myself from that bad experience, so I reserved tickets for us to go to the cinema and after that movie, I planned to take her out to our favorite restaurant.
So that shows you that guy is actually a king. He’s actually quite positive. He had a really bad day at work and instead of being grumpy or letting it out on his girlfriend, the exact opposite happened. He’s like “you know what? I’m gonna make the best out of this. I’m happy to meet my girlfriend after work!” and he’s planning a surprise date for her. That is amazing, dude! That is exactly what you should do as a guy. Anyone who’s watching this, he’s basically got it figured out. This is how you make a woman happy. But this is a breakup video, so let’s see where it goes. And this is also why I’m not satisfied with his breakup and how his ex treated him, because clearly, you can tell he’s doing all the right things, he’s trying to do something good for himself, for her, for both of them. He wants to make sure that the relationship is happy and even in his worst moments, he’s making an effort to do something for each other. Hey, that’s really awesome! You are a king and I know she broke up with you and you don’t feel good about yourself, but you shouldn’t feel bad about yourself because I think you’ve done all the right things here. So let’s see what is going on.
Girlfriend Cancelled Our Date: She Rather Spent Time With Her Friends Than See Me After Work
She texted me after I made those plans, She texts me that she was going with her female college friends for some wine after they got off work. I was upset because they agreed on that a few hours before I spent money on those movie tickets and that she wasn’t arriving by car, but by train.
So basically, you gave her your car, now she’s apparently taking the train to see her friends. So now you can’t have the car, apparently, because you’re not living in the same place, if I understand it properly. Plus, you made plans and she’s basically last-minute ditching you. So what’s gonna happen now is you’re gonna see that she’s the one who’s breaking up with him, but clearly, you can tell he’s not the one who did anything wrong! Actually, it’s her! She doesn’t care about you enough to say “We had a commitment, we had a date.” At the very least she should ask you and only if you say yes, that’s when she would commit to her friends to say, “Hey my boyfriend is okay with me meeting up with you” maybe that would be fine.
I think it really depends on the context, on your relationship, and how everything is going, but she’s clearly not making an effort for you and she would rather spend time with her girlfriends. Look, sometimes, maybe that’s just the only way how it goes. You know, things happen. Sometimes, spontaneous decisions to go out for wine and drinks at work because maybe this only happens once every three months. It can happen, okay, but I think she just didn’t handle this quite well.
A Big Fight Before The Breakup: Me And My Girlfriend Had A Big Fight Over The Phone And I Snapped
I became upset and couldn’t even tell her about those plans because I was working. I am a tower crane operator, so I have to stay focused at all times. We had some argument about her leaving our plans to get together later just so she can go out with friends. I know it came out wrong in her ears. I was too mean on the phone.
You understandably got upset! So yeah, she probably felt like you were a bit too aggressive, maybe, and like you said… You think that she thought that you might have been jealous or anxious, but ultimately you were expressing your boundaries. She didn’t respect your time. You made a clear commitment and if you say that you are a crane operator and you have to stay focused all the time, I don’t know if she already knows that… Maybe you’ve been dating not too long and she hasn’t experienced this yet. Maybe this problem is the very first time that it’s coming up. If it would be the first time that this problem is coming up, and we can clearly tell in a moment she’s going to break up with you, that would be kind of a red flag to me. And on the other side, if she would know that you’re always busy and you can’t just reply immediately, and then she just makes plans with her friends and then ditches you… Again, she’s not respecting your time.
She doesn’t have enough interest and doesn’t respect you enough to say “Sorry I made commitments to my boyfriend. Sorry girls, I can’t go today. Let’s do it another time.” I’m pretty sure she knew what she was doing, and ultimately, she said “You’re not my priority. This is you on the scale of priorities, and these are my girlfriends.” Do you want that? No! I mean, come on! You should typically be the reverse, right? That you’re always the priority. Your partner should always be your highest priority. You should prioritize your woman, because she’s your queen, and you are a king. She should also prioritize you, and then your friends are somewhere further down there, and every now and then maybe you can make an exception, of course, because it’s important to also nurture your friendships, otherwise, you’re going to depend too much on your woman, and vice versa, she’s going to depend too much on you. But that’s really just an exception every once in a while. And I’m not sure if she’s doing that. I think she’s prioritizing her girlfriends a little bit too much because she just didn’t respect you properly.
She Wants Space After A Fight: When Your Ex Girlfriend Doesn’t Care About You Anymore
Next day, though, I went to her house to work things I only wanted to surprise her out but she told me she needed to work on her priorities. That she doesn’t want to be in a relationship and that she’s breaking up with me. I was devastated because I only wanted to surprise her. We didn’t just spend much time together, we also often went to friend’s houses, kind of like a big family. And I knew she doesn’t really like that, so I accepted it, told her about the cinema plans and dinner, yet she didn’t even respond. So I went home, then texted her a few times about if it really is what she wants and she replied ‘yes’…
So think about this. If a woman would hear… You have an argument, I don’t know how bad the argument was, but then the next day, the heat of the moment is gone and then she finds out you only got angry because you actually had something planned for both of you… She was clearly in the wrong here. You had something planned and then you also bought movie tickets. You were trying to surprise her. You told her that and she’s still not giving any fucks, man! What kind of woman is that? I think she doesn’t care a lot about you. I believe you can probably find a better woman. Maybe you can work it out in the future but then you have to really work these things out and you have to have an honest conversation about something like this.
If she can’t appreciate what you’ve tried to do for her and she disrespects you like that, and she’s just immediately going to say “no I don’t want this anymore,” I don’t know if this is the kind of woman that you want to grow old with. A reasonable woman, she might say, okay we had an argument, this wasn’t cool, but then she’s gonna want to talk to you and if she finds out that you tried to make such an effort, most likely, actually she’s probably gonna feel bad about what she’s done. But she doesn’t feel bad about it at all! She doesn’t have any remorse! She’s just like “yeah, fuck it, man. I don’t like that we had an argument.” I don’t know if she doesn’t like it if you tell her off, and you tell her your opinion, maybe. I’m not sure. I don’t know her but it’s a bit extreme, dude.
Honestly, I think the average woman would just be quite relieved to hear why you got so upset, because ultimately, this would actually show to a woman that you care and if a woman can see that you care, she’s actually going to develop more trust and she’s going to understand, okay this was a heat of the moment situation. And ultimately, your situation was just really shitty timing. Shitty circumstances. You’re a crane operator, the timing, everything was just awful. You couldn’t reply to her but it wasn’t the end of the world, basically, right? This was just a small problem! This stuff happens. Sometimes we have misunderstandings. I think you wrote this somewhere that it was basically a misunderstanding but she can’t see it. So yeah, I don’t know if she’s the right woman for you. You should ask yourself do you want her really back? Because she is not very reasonable. So that’s big food for thought!
I Begged After A Bad Breakup: Should You Get Back With Your Ex Girlfriend If She Leaves Ice Cold?
I then kind of begged through text and then I was upset and sent her a text about stuff I have at hers and her stuff in my place. Her father made the exchange later on after some more texts from me looking for closure. She blocked me and everything. Even my phone number.
Okay, look, I don’t know how much you begged, how extreme it was, but then she asked her father for the closure. I have a feeling she might be feeling bad about everything because she probably knows that she’s breaking off way too quickly. So I’m assuming most likely, she didn’t have that much interest for you in the first place anymore and she most likely already made up her mind to leave you some time ago, because otherwise, I mean no normal woman would just leave you like that so quickly with such a small argument. I just don’t think so.
Of course, I have to take you by your word and if you’re sending me this message, I will trust you that this is everything that happened and that you didn’t get extremely loud, angry, or say some pretty disrespectful things. I can never know how you handled all of this but I’m gonna assume that you’re being truthful and this is roughly what happened. And if that is the case and you’ve done probably only some mild begging here and there, and then you want to give her the stuff and she even uses her father to do it… She won’t even give you the closure. It’s a bit red-flaggish and you’ve been completely blocked. I find it a bit extreme. As I said, I don’t know how much you’ve been begging, how extreme it was, but if you haven’t been begging for weeks… It doesn’t sound like it here. You’ve been begging a little bit… You said “you kinda begged“… So that can’t be that much.
You can’t have begged her non-stop, texted her non-stop, emails non-stop, voice messages non-stop, maybe even showing up at her place, or at her work, trying to get to talk to her. Basically, I don’t think you did anything like this. At least it doesn’t sound like it to me. So the fact that she’s already blocking you, that just shows you how little she cares about you, because I don’t think this was a very extreme breakup scenario. Your fight wasn’t really big. I also think your begging wasn’t too extreme. So as I said: I don’t like the way that she broke it off with you. That just shows me that she doesn’t care about you enough and I want you to be with a woman who really cares about you!
No Contact After A Big Fight: The No Contact Rule After A Bad Break Up Can Work If She’s Sorry
I am in no contact since that day, the 16th of January, she reached out through text message on February 5, saying she likes me but that she doesn’t love me and that she doesn’t want our relationship to continue. But we were great before that and I believe she just didn’t get the bigger picture that she misunderstood the situation.
Yeah, well, I don’t know if you’ve been begging all the way until February 5 but you made it sound that you’ve been in no contact since January 16th, so why would she message you on February 5th just to let you know that she doesn’t want to be with you? So either there’s something that you’re not telling me here, or it doesn’t make sense. I mean, she’s clearly just trying to get your attention. So that might actually mean that no contact is working because maybe there could be a case that she actually realizes that she totally fucked this up. I’ve made it pretty clear until now that I really don’t like the way that she broke up with you and how she’s handling all of this.
So either she’s just a woman that you should forget about because she’s just not good for you, or for whatever reason, she totally fucked this up and now she’s realizing “what the fuck have I been doing?! This was really fucking dumb! It was actually my fault and the way that I broke up with him and blocked him and everything this was really bad how I handled this!“… So maybe she’s realizing this. So this might be why she’s reaching out. And in this scenario, you could make it work. If she’s recognizing the heat of the moment. Maybe she had her period. Maybe she also had a bad day, who knows, right? It could always be the case that she just was very impulsive and she just made one mistake after another and now she really regrets everything. Then maybe you can make it work out again.
But of course, you have to be careful about this, and when you get back together, you have to have some clear boundaries, and you have to actually talk about this. “You can’t just break up with me when we have a small fight. And I get it! I got angry, and we had an argument, and it wasn’t perfect, and how this all worked out wasn’t great, but I think we need to talk about these things. You can’t just run away whenever there’s a problem! Next time, when you’re not happy, and next time if maybe I get mad… Maybe I got too mad and I don’t handle it properly, then let me know!”
As I said: A reasonable woman would probably just sit you down. She would say “The way that we had our argument yesterday wasn’t cool. I get it, I broke my commitment to you, and what I did wasn’t good, but I also don’t like how you talked to me.” If you said some really harsh things, she would just reasonably try to explain this to you. This is what a healthy woman would do. She wants to make it work. If she really cares about you. Misunderstandings like you said… This was a misunderstanding! They happen! And if she really cares about you, she’s gonna wanna talk through this. But she didn’t want this, so what does that tell you? That tells you that a lot of the work is on your part and ultimately it should be 50/50. If you’re in a relationship, both of you gotta do equal work!
And to be 50/50 in a relationship, where you take accountability, she takes accountability, both of you do the hard work to make it work… Each one of you has to be at 100% capacity. You take 100% responsibility for your mistakes and your actions that weren’t right for getting angry. And she takes 100% accountability for canceling on you like that. But she didn’t do that at all based on what I can tell! So this is something that you need to work on with her if you get back together.
No Contact After An Argument: Who Reaches Out First After A Fight? Will Your Ex Girlfriend Reach Out?
My question is: Should I keep no contact or should I reach out to her to let her know how it really was? I am losing hope that she won’t reach out to me after what she said. Thanks for your advice and even making it into a video if you can. I am just buying your book, at the moment, by the way. James.
So first of all, thanks for buying my book. Should you keep no contact? So I already gave you all my feedback about what happens if you get back together. You clearly need to talk about it. I would not reach out to her. Based on my understanding, I think you already explained to her what happened, right? You couldn’t talk to her during work, then she ditched on you, you got tickets and ultimately, look, I don’t think that you were the one who was wrong here. Maybe you’ve got too loud. Maybe you became a little bit too aggressive. I don’t know how the argument went down. That could be your fault for sure but I think you took accountability for that already. If you haven’t, yeah, sure, you have to take accountability for this but wait for it, for her to message you. And ultimately, she also needs to take accountability for her actions how she handled this. It also wasn’t perfect. There are always two people in a relationship.
I would not message her at all. You have to wait for her to reach out and if she won’t reach out to you, it’s like I said: She clearly doesn’t respect you enough. She doesn’t love you enough and you should not be with a woman like this. Honestly, if she doesn’t come back, you definitely dodged a bullet, because you deserve much better. You’re a king. It’s about unleashing the king within and the way all of this went down, I just didn’t like it at all! I’m all for getting an ex back and trying to resolve your issues because ultimately, it’s probably even better than just finding a new woman because if you just hop from one woman to another and never work on your problems in the relationship, you’re just gonna repeat the same mistakes again. This is why second marriages often have a higher failure rate because couples just don’t realize that well, actually, your relationships are failing because you’re not working on issues, and because of that, often it’s actually better to get back with an ex and learning how to communicate rather than just hopping from one woman to another, hoping that it’s gonna work out.
But obviously, for that to be the case, she needs to be willing to work on it, just like you are willing to work on it. So all you can do is, you have to wait for her to reach out, then I would probably not even try to explain yourself yet. Just see where it goes. If you can meet up, then probably when you’re gonna meet up, eventually you’re gonna talk about it and this is where you could try to explain yourself one more time. But as I said, you also have to respect yourself, man. There have been mistakes on both sides here. You’re not the only person who has made a mistake here. In fact, she started the mistake, all right? And ultimately, what you’ve been trying to do before the breakup was actually pretty sweet, man! This is basically a happy relationship ritual what you’ve been trying to do. And then you had a bad day and you got angry. Look, shit happens, right? But ultimately, I think you are a good guy! You tried to do the right thing. But I think that maybe you’re letting her push you around a little bit too much. It’s about being dominant, not a doormat.
When She Suddenly Dumped You: Stay No Contact And Walk Away If Your Ex Girlfriend Isn’t Sorry
If she just treats you like shit and doesn’t value and doesn’t appreciate you, and doesn’t appreciate your time, and thinks that she’s so much better than you and she doesn’t have to take accountability for her mistakes, then you probably shouldn’t be with her. Maybe you’ve read this book from what’s his name… Dr. Robert Glover… No More Mr Nice Guy… One of the most essential books ever to read about not being codependent, basically, and you can’t let yourself be pushed around by a woman. So if she keeps this up, I honestly wouldn’t take her back, to be honest. If she accepts that she also made a mistake here and then you work through it, then you get back together, it’s perfectly fine.
Keep up the no contact, wait for her to reach out. You’re not gonna explain yourself to her one more time because she just didn’t make any effort here, all right? I want to see some effort from her and you are a king. You’re actually one of the coolest guys ever in my messages that I ever had! I really liked what I read about the fact that you were trying to be positive! I’m all about positivity! We all have shitty times, and we all have shitty days. And that’s a really important skill… Being able to say when you have a really shit up day and you still choose to be positive, and you still choose to be positive with your woman. I mean, come on, man! This is rare! Any woman is going to want that because a lot of guys lose their temper very quickly. I know you also lost your temper here but it was kind of understandable why you lost your temper. So that’s how I see it.
All right, I think you’re awesome! You made a tiny mistake there but you also did something really great. So don’t let this woman make you feel bad about yourself, because I think you are fucking awesome! What you’ve done was pretty cool and mistakes happen. But you gotta wait for her to reach out to you. But before you wait for that, I also want you to just think about everything that I’ve just said. Do you want to be with her? I think it might make sense to either probably not date at all right now, focus on whatever is important to you right now, or if you’re okay with it, also start dating other women, because maybe you’re going to realize that you can actually have a better woman!
I don’t know how long you’ve been together and how important this relationship is to you. Obviously, if she really means a lot to you, this might not be so easy. But I just think this is something that you should think about because honestly, you are a catch in my opinion, and any woman would be happy to have you! And I’m assuming you don’t have anger issues or anything like that. You just had a bad day, man, it happens! So that’s my advice for you. Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within, like this guy.
