Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In this video we’re gonna take about getting an ex back and whether an ex is going to forget you, especially if she has blocked you. So I received a message from a guy from, I believe he’s from India and he has been very, very needy. He has been turning this woman off like crazy. It was a long distance relationship, at least partly, I believe and she doesn’t want to hear anything from him and he’s very concerned about is she going to forget about me and what’s his next step? So let’s look at his situation and let’s see what is my advice for him.
Short LDR No Contact: Does No Contact After LDR Break Up Work Or Will She Forget You?
I was in a short term relationship that was also a long distance relationship that lasted for six months.
So it’s quite short plus it’s long distance so that’s kind of tricky because first of all, you don’t have that much connection. You didn’t bond so much with her and she didn’t bond so much with you and also long distance it’s not… I know for some people long distance really works, especially if it’s the first relationship ever, but as you get more experienced with life you typically realize that being able to see your partner and touching your partner and being able to have sex with your partner, kiss them, all these things are really important. To give you an anecdote about this. I am currently in Germany but I actually live in the Philippines but I’ve been stuck here in Germany for almost two years.
Recently, I actually broke up with my girlfriend because it’s just been so long that we haven’t seen each other and there’s no hope of getting back together and it has been really hard on us. And there are a lot of people in the Philippines… there’s a Facebook group called “love is not tourism” and there’s like ten thousands of people in there who are frustrated and just having a hardship with the fact that they’re all now in long distance relationships and they can’t see their partners. So long distance relationships are really tough and there are also a lot of people in that group particularly who broke up as well because they haven’t seen their partners for two years and why would you be in a long distance relationship if you can just be with someone and wake up next to them in your bed? So something to consider. I’m not saying that you are not going to get your ex back because it was a long distance relationship but it makes it much harder.
I was a super needy and codependent guy as it was my first relationship. My girlfriend has already been in a relationship for five years. She broke up with her ex-boyfriend because he cheated on her.
So she has much more experience than you and that’s also why you essentially screwed up because you don’t really know how to handle relationships yet and she has her shit together quite a lot. You don’t. And the only reason why she broke up with her last ex was because he was a piece of shit who cheated on her, so she has had probably some good relationships in the past. The last one didn’t end so well but it doesn’t necessarily mean that all of it was shit. So obviously, you’re kind of scared because you don’t know what to do and other men, because of that, seem like huge competition most likely.
I Was Needy And Pushed My Ex Girlfriend Away: When Your Ex Lost Feelings For You
After one year she met me. We were very happy as friends and colleagues, so we decided to take one step further into a relationship. As soon as we entered into a relationship I got super needy because I was feeling too much pressure.
So the question is why did you feel too much pressure? Everything was fine you say, that you were happy as friends and colleagues so I’m assuming until that point you were flirting, you were having a good time, there was no problems, but as soon as you got into the relationship you feel that there is pressure. What kind of pressure? You have to ask yourself why did you feel pressured what exactly made you feel pressured? That you’re not good enough? That you’re not providing for her? That you’re making mistakes? Obviously, you have to figure out why did you think that something was wrong, because nothing was wrong until that point. So she, probably, your ex, most likely didn’t have any problems with you but you assumed something, that there were some problems and that actually caused the problems to happen in the first place. So it’s really important to figure out why did you feel pressured because otherwise you will repeat this again in the future.
I was feeling it for the very first time one day when we got into a fight. It was a very small fight but I got insecure about losing her and she saw that I was getting insecure and possessive. She started giving me less time or in other words she started ignoring me.
So you have one small fight and now you’re becoming possessive and insecure and you’re afraid that you’re losing her. That shows that you basically just don’t have enough experience. Just because you have a single fight with a person doesn’t mean that you’re going to lose them. Honestly, women can forgive men a lot of shit. Most men have no idea what the hell they’re doing and they still stay in relationships. There’s this really interesting concept that can kind of be applied to dating as well, called the sunk cost concept, that if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, eventually you don’t even want to get out of it anymore because you invested so much already. So this is very true with relationships for sure that if you stay together with someone long, you stay with that person, you have more incentive to stay with them. So obviously, it’s been a short time for you so far but you shouldn’t be so concerned about this because I mean you’re in a relationship, you’re committed to each other and the single fight won’t break up your relationship. That’s just how it is. You have to realize that your woman won’t just leave you right away just because you had one argument.
Putting Your Girlfriend On A Pedestal: When You’re Addicted To Your Ex Girlfriend But She Isn’t
I started chasing her. All of a sudden, I got less important for her out of her priority list. She pushed me further away the more I used to chase her. We got addicted to each other through daily calling and texting.
Well, I would question this. You’re saying that you started chasing her, that pushes her away, she’s feeling your neediness, your insecurity and you’re saying “we got addicted to each other’s through daily calling and texting“… I think the only person who got addicted through calling and texting was actually you and she has her shit together. She doesn’t have to call and text with you all the time. If she doesn’t hear from you 24/7, she’s fine, but you are possessive, insecure, and you’re probably scared that as soon as you’re not talking to her you think the relationship is gonna fall apart but it’s not. And you have different mindsets here. You have different perspectives on life and she must be more secure, much more secure than you, and obviously that’s a turn off for a woman because a woman wants to feel secure with a man. And so if you are the one who basically is screaming insecurity, she’s gonna want to run because you don’t offer anything for her of value. Because you should be her foundation, her safe haven, where she can come back to if something goes wrong in her life. But you’re the opposite so that’s a bit of a problem.
It became monotonous and resulted in a toxic relationship. Soon we got into a fight because she was not giving me time and attention and taken me for granted.
Well, it became monotonous because you are probably not keeping it exciting. The only reason why you’re messaging and talking to her is because you’re scared but you’re not talking to her to have fun, to have laughs, to have good conversations. You’re just there to maintain the relationship. So she can probably feel that all of it is basically just work at this point. You feel like it’s work because you’re very insecure and trying to make it happen. She is starting to take you for granted, which really just means that she doesn’t care about you so much anymore, and that’s not being taken for granted. That’s more that she’s realizing she doesn’t want that relationship. Being taken for granted is more that you become become complacent and you just don’t value that person so much, but you still want the good things that they offer you. She wasn’t like that. She didn’t want all the things that you still offer. She realized “oh no this guy is insecure. I’m gonna distance myself.” She didn’t even want to have what value you can provide to her. So that’s something to consider.
When Your Ex Wants To Find Herself: When Your Ex Girlfriend Blocks You But You Reach Out
She was not ready for a relationship and felt burdened as per her she needed space to understand herself before she would commit to anything. I got insecure and I chased her even more. She blocked me from all social media accounts but then somehow I contacted her and the conversation turned into an argument.
So she says she wasn’t ready and felt burdened and needed space and that she wasn’t ready to commit. That’s not really true. What she is saying is she’s not ready to commit to anything with you right now. She’s just giving you an excuse. She is feeling burdened that is true, but she’s just really not ready to be in a relationship that is toxic again and you are creating a toxic relationship. So she’s just not ready for a relationship with you. That’s something that you have to be aware of because it really has to do with you. It’s not her, it’s you. It sounds cliche but that’s how it is. And so you have to figure out how can you change this behavior?
So she blocked that number as well and then I went into no contact for two months but she didn’t contact me.
So yeah, she didn’t contact you because she’s really pissed off with you and she’s just really annoyed.
Making Excuses To Break No Contact: My Ex Ignored My Text After No Contact
So then one day I texted her for asking the contact details for our previous company’s HR. She didn’t give it to me and I stepped back for 10 days. Then I texted her again and I offered her to party because of my new job. I was happy that I got a new job but she ignored my messages.
Of course she ignores your messages. Think about this. She blocks you, then you make up a bullshit excuse of you need the number of the HR of the company that you worked at. Like you can’t figure out this from someone else? She clearly knows that you’re trying to manipulate her and as soon as someone can tell that you’re trying to manipulate them, people just want to get away from you because that’s toxic. And then you say “hey I have a new job. Let’s party.” …Why would you do any of these things? Just think about this. It’s really disrespectful and well, imagine you would have something like a restraining order to someone and you lock them out of your house, but then they come back and they just invite themselves back in. There’s this really interesting scene in Breaking Bad where one of the main characters, he gets kicked out of his house and then eventually, he invites himself back in again and then the wife calls the police. But nothing really happens. They can’t do anything and of course the wife is terrified because this guy invites himself into the house and she just wants him out of the house.
So why are you doing this? It makes no sense to push further. You’re basically breaking all her boundaries and she already didn’t want to have anything to do with you. At in the beginning it was quite mild, sure she was a bit turned off, a little bit, maybe a little bit annoyed but that’s it. But then you keep pushing, she blocks you and then when you push and when she blocks you, you push even further. It’s like you walk right into her house. What do you expect? The fact that you’re doing no contact is completely pointless because you’re just doing no contact… you’re saying “I did no contact for two months” and then I’m gonna contact her again.
You think that okay I’m just gonna go no contact, give her space, message her again and all my problems are solved and you’re basically just using no contact as a tool. You’re not using it as a mindset. You’re not using it to focus on yourself. You’re using it so that you can manipulate her and anyone who’s watching this, if you’re trying to get an ex back by manipulating her back, also with no contact, you will never get her back because she can feel that. She clearly knew that you were making up excuses with the HR number. She knew that you don’t need her to get that number from your HR department. It’s completely full of shit, obviously. So you can’t get her back this way. You have to stop thinking like this.
Obsessed With Ex Girlfriend During No Contact: Stop Stalking Your Ex During No Contact
But I saw a strange thing. She read my message and then after 30 minutes she came back and was typing something but it wasn’t delivered. So I thought she was hesitating to communicate, so I pushed her a little bit to communicate but it backfired as I acted impatiently and she blocked me again.
So I don’t know if she unblocked you or if you messaged her with another number which would be really awful of course, because that would mean you have invaded her privacy one more time, but the thing that I can notice here is that you’re really overthinking this and well, so let me just read this one passage here. You’re saying: “She read my message and then after 30 minutes she came back and was typing something but it wasn’t delivered.” Like how the hell do you know that she typed something but it wasn’t delivered? Now if you know messengers, you know obviously you type something, you can just see these speech bubbles or something, typically you can see someone is typing something, but you can only see this if someone is typing if you’re looking at it. So what are the odds that in these 30 minutes where you sent a message, you knew, you saw exactly the moment, the minute, the seconds that she was typing and you realize “well she’s about to type something“? It’s very unlikely that that happened so that tells me that you’re probably constantly staring at your messages, her message thread, which shows me that you’re completely obsessed with this woman and in a state like this you can never win this woman back.
It’s like you’re even just stalking her messages of “Hey, she messaged me! Is she messaging me?! Did she see it?!” It’s not a good way to go. You’re becoming way too focused on this woman and he also says that well, she typed something and then she didn’t send it. So now you’re thinking “Does this mean it’s something good because she was about to send something to me but then she stopped and didn’t send the message. So what does it mean? Maybe she wanted to talk to me?!” This is what you’re telling yourself but I don’t think that is the truth. Honestly, maybe. Maybe she wanted to talk to you but then you pissed her off and then she blocked you but I think it’s a lot more likely that she wanted to send you like a really pissed message and just saying like “You need to stop. You need to stop messaging me and you need to stop reaching out to me with more numbers. And you need to stop making dumb excuses why you want to talk to me and please just stay out of my life.”
So my assumption would actually be that she was writing a really angry message, really pissed, and she wanted to send you what she thinks of you but she didn’t. I don’t know if that is the case but that’s a highly likely scenario. So you know, the fact that you are looking for the positive message “oh she saw my message, she was writing something”… No, that’s not something positive. We can’t know if it was positive or negative but I would actually assume it was negative but she then had something that you don’t have: Self-control. And she realized “nah I’m not gonna be like him. I’m gonna stay calm. I’m just gonna block him and I’m gonna leave it at that.” Okay? If you’ve ever seen something on social media that pissed you off where you just typed something really long, something really angry but then last minute you’re like “Nah I’m gonna leave it. I’m not gonna send this message.” And you feel better about it. So maybe she did that. Could be. I wouldn’t interpret anything into this. It’s not good or bad. She just didn’t send the message. Bottom line is you are blocked again.
What To Do If Your Ex Girlfriend Blocks You: Never Reach Out To Your Ex And Give Her Space
Now she is in a new relationship with this new guy whom she met three months ago. She is not interested in any talks and just ignores my messages.
Yeah obviously, she blocks you and you keep on messaging her. Why would you do that? You’re just reducing your chances more, and more, and more, and more, and more, and more. You’re just making it worse and worse. You need to stop messaging this woman because every time that you message her she feels like she just can’t trust you. It just gets worse and worse. She feels so intruded that if I were her as a woman in her scenario, I would probably call the police on you. I’m gonna be straightforward with you: You’re lucky that she hasn’t done something like this. She probably thinks at this point that you’re crazy. You need to stop what you’re doing. Stop focusing on this woman!
I’m giving her space.
No, you’re not giving her space, just using it as a technique. Messaging her and then realizing “It’s not working, let me give her space” is not giving her space. What you’re doing is you’re trying to manipulate her. Stop giving her space for the sake of giving her space so that you can use no contact. You need to give her space because you respect her and because you love her. And if you love her, if you truly love her, you won’t treat her like this because she feels really scared of you, I’m assuming. So don’t do this.
I’m giving her space as I text her on her second number once in a week or a couple weeks, but no progress. Shall I call her as two months passed away? She’s just ignoring me. Please suggest what I can do now.
You need to stop messaging this woman forever. Never ever, ever message this woman ever again if you want to have even the slightest chance of getting this woman back. You need to stop messaging her forever. The only time that you’re ever going to message this woman is if she sends you a message. She is so turned off at this point that you’re lucky that she hasn’t called the police on you. So what you need to do is need to give her real space. And when I say space, also time. And with time I mean this could be months. This could be years.
You’ve been only together for six months and it was long distance, so she could theoretically forget about you but this is the only choice that you have because you’re just making it worse and worse. And you’re pushing her into the arms of the other man that she’s with. So don’t message her and I swear to God, if you’re gonna message her with another new number where you’re not blocked yet, this woman will probably soon call the police on you. So stop doing it. It’s really creepy. It’s going to creep her out like crazy and you’re lucky nothing bad has happened yet.
Is Your Ex Girlfriend In A New Relationship: Your Ex’s Rebound Relationship Does Not Matter
Oh and one more thing: I haven’t confirmed whether she is in a new relationship or not. I might be overthinking this. I might be overthinking this as well. Maybe they both are just friends or maybe they are in a relationship.
Maybe. Maybe not. It’s probably a relationship. I would be more concerned about the fact that you’re probably stalking her. Stop stalking her. If she’s in a new relationship, leave her be. Hope that he’s maybe a piece of shit like before. Before she dated someone who’s a cheater, so she probably has a pattern of dating men who don’t make her happy and who have issues. And you’re one of them quite frankly. You have insecurity issues. The cheater, maybe he cheated because of insecurity issues as well. Maybe the guy that she’s dating now also has issues. So it doesn’t matter if she is in a relationship. Don’t even think about it because you’re not gonna gain anything valuable from thinking about it. What matters is that she comes back to you in the future and by worrying about this, or talking with her about this, you just make it worse. The only thing you can do is wait for her to come back when this relationship doesn’t work out. And I should actually not say when, I will say if / when.
Most relationships don’t work out but there is a chance that this relationship could work out so you need to be prepared for that scenario because what if it works out with this new guy and you keep on being obsessed with this woman? You’re gonna be so unhappy. So you need to stop trying to use no contact and giving her space and using all these manipulative techniques to win her back. You’re only doing this for your own sake. You’re only doing this because you want her back. And you’re not really doing this out of a place of love. Because if you would be doing it out of a place of love, you would be really working on yourself and you would be giving her the space and respect her boundaries.
Will Your Ex Forget You During No Contact: Won’t She Find A New Boyfriend And Move On?
My big question is if I didn’t contact her forever then how will she come back if she has moved on and forgotten me totally? If I didn’t contact her in the future, then she will go into a new relationship because she is already over me.
Well, you are correct about this but it also means that if she is interested in you again she’s gonna reach out. Is she going to forget you? Maybe. Maybe not. You don’t have that much connection with her compared to other relationships like the guy from five years ago so it definitely is more likely that she for example reaches out to her cheating boyfriend because they have more history. But typically, exes recycle their exes. We come back to our exes over and over. I still remember the reason why I became a dating coach. I kind of got into this because I had a breakup a long time ago as well and I wanted to get an ex back and I was very distraught, very, just anxiety and I couldn’t deal with it. And I remember one day I messaged one of my exes from like a decade ago.
I didn’t even remember this ex anymore but I was so insecure and needy that’s for some reason I wanted to reach out to her and talk to her. And I messaged my ex but she wasn’t interested but the bottom line is, when we are after breakups, when we don’t feel good we often reach out to really old exes that we maybe haven’t even thought of for years because we remember the good parts with them more than we remember the bad parts. So she could forget you but she will probably never completely forget you. There’s always a chance that she comes back. The bottom line is it has to be her idea to want to get back with you because right now all she can remember is how crazy you were. And the best thing that you can do is to stop being so crazy and prove to her that you can actually do better!
Owning Your Mistakes As A Man: Man Up And Be The Best Man You Can Be After The Breakup
Also I have to say that I am very guilty and disappointed in my behavior with her because I even told her that that lie that I needed the HR number. Actually, I was strategically planning to communicate with her but that didn’t work out because I messed up again and was impatient. So I didn’t give her time and space to be ready to talk and I really turned her off. Also my no contact failed as well. Now it’s all up to God. I need to move forward in life hoping she will come back one day by herself. She thinks I can’t change ever and I have not realized my mistake as per her, but that’s not true.
So I understand that you’re religious but you should not only just leave it up to God. I’m not saying you shouldn’t depend on your religion. I’m assuming you are probably Hindu, a Hinduist because you seem to be Indian but you should also take actions, okay? And so you say it quite well, you need to give her the time and the space and to prove to her that you can change and right now she doesn’t believe that. So prove her differently. And she knows of course that you used the HR number just as a strategic method. She’s not stupid. I mean, I knew this right away when I read it that you’re just making up a bullshit reason because if you would want to find the HR number… I mean what the hell, just send an email to your company. It’s so obvious that it’s just a bullshit reason and she knew that.
I have understood my mistakes but don’t know how to show her confidently that I have changed and that I am not impatient, insecure and a mad guy who doesn’t accept his mistakes. She always blames me for everything.
And she blames you for everything, rightfully, because it was your fault. So the best thing that you can do is accept that it was your fault. You know it was your fault. You know that she didn’t do so many mistakes. I don’t know how you broke up. Maybe she made some mistakes probably for sure, I would assume. But well it’s been six months, so maybe not. Maybe you’ve been in the honeymoon period but then you screwed it up and then you pushed her away. But you are to blame for most of it. So take accountability and here’s where it gets interesting.
Accountability Letter To Ex Girlfriend: Should You Apologize To Your Ex After No Contact?
Let me know if by taking accountability and responsibility for our fights will I gain some value and respect in her eye by telling the truth that I was telling a lie with my strategy mode that I never wanted the HR’s contact number. Yes, I got a new job and I never needed her help for anything. I was doing this to get in touch with her. Should I do this to show some integrity? This Sunday will be her birthday.
So should you have integrity and apologize and tell her what mistakes you made, like the HR number? I think a lot of you want to do this and you maybe have you’ve heard of this idea of the clean slate letter, or this long written letter to an ex where you take accountability for everything and apologize for this and this. And in theory it sounds great. You say: Look I made a mistake. This is what it did wrong. This is what I did wrong, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. But basically your ex will just ignore this most likely or it just won’t have that much relevancy for her because she’s currently dating someone else or she has had enough of you. Accountability is great but you should only have this accountability probably later on if she shows interest again. And then when she shows interest you start dating again eventually. You’re probably gonna talk about the mistakes. But I wouldn’t force to talk about these mistakes.
Eventually, you have to be accountable but actually this one particularly… Imagine if a year from now you start dating again and everything is fine. Everything is peachy and you are going out. I hope it’s no longer a long distance. You’re going out, you’re seeing her, you’re having dinner dates and whatnot. Maybe you’re having sex and then she probably doesn’t even care about this anymore. You know, she wouldn’t give two shits about the fact that you did this weird HR thing. So should you tell her that you lied to her and what about the birthday on Sunday? No, you’re probably just looking for a reason again to message her and so you’re thinking “okay I’m gonna show her that I’ve changed. I’m gonna show her that I have integrity. I’m gonna show her that… look at me I’m a changed man! I can do so much better and look: I take responsibility for my fuckups!”
It sounds perfect in in theory but she just doesn’t want to hear about this. What you should do is you should focus on something else than her. So since you are I believe Indian I wanted to share something from my book “Unleash The King Within” So in this book I have this one chapter that I call “the king’s superpower” and I talk about how you have to develop yourself as a man. And this is one idea that I have that actually comes from Hinduism, which is the idea of dharma. So maybe you’re familiar with this idea and it’s essentially the intersection of purpose, passion, and your contribution to society. So basically, what gives you purpose in life, what are you passionate about, and how do you want to help your community? These three things where it intersects in the middle, that’s your dharma.
This is the sweet spot where you as a man want to be because that’s the spot that women love about a man. They want the man who’s passionate, who follows his purpose and who also does good things for the world and for his community. And so you are basically very much off-center. You are very much off-balance. You are probably here. You’re probably in the purpose area right now and you’re thinking this woman is my purpose. This woman is everything that is to my life. And you have to stop first of all making this woman your purpose. You have to make your entire life your purpose. And your goals in life, these have to become your purpose. You have to focus on your passion. What are you passionate about? And again that should not be a woman. Obviously, passion is important and passion with a woman is great but it’s about what are you passionate about for yourself? Hobbies, skills, like playing the guitar or me doing a YouTube channel. What are you passionate about? Surfing and so on so on. Playing chess. I don’t care whatever it is. What’s your passion? And also, of course, your contribution. How do you want to help others?
I’m helping with this YouTube channel. I’m helping with coaching. I’m helping with men’s groups. What are the things that you want to develop so that you end up in your center and reach your dharma? Because if you reach your dharma, the sweet spot where you feel really in your center, in your masculine core, that is the point where women really feel attracted to you. And that’s the point when she would feel attracted to you again. Because she’s going to realize “wow look at this guy! He went from being incredibly crazy, a total creep, to confident, having a good job, a good career, really passionate about something” Maybe you’re working out and she can tell that you’re really buff. Now and look at him! He, whatever, he volunteers in his community. She sees all these great qualities about you. That’s when she wants you back. So you need to stop focusing on this woman stop making this woman your world. This woman is not your world. She should be a tiny, tiny part of your world.
First comes you, which is the 95% of your world and then the woman is just the icing on the cake. So what you need to do is stop focusing on her because that’s what’s not working. And so my verdict on whether she’s going to forget you… Maybe, but most likely she will never fully forget you. What will happen is for sure if you keep on pushing this and keep on messaging her, you will have zero chances. Your best chance right now is to start developing yourself and this is where you could book coaching sessions with me. To work on yourself and really develop something that this woman finds interesting about you. And then maybe she will come back in let’s say a year from now. I would not expect her to message you in the next six months most likely. Because I mean, you really screwed up pretty big time.
So she needs a lot of space from you and she’s most likely dating other men right now because she had enough of you. And I know that hurts but you have to, like you said, take responsibility and accountability, and say, well “This is why I fucked up. I fucked up so bad. So let me take accountability by accepting that right now she doesn’t want me back. Maybe she wants me back in six months or maybe in a year but I need to be ready for this.”
And so maybe you should actually also start dating because like you said this whole situation it started because she had a lot of dating experience and she was your first girlfriend, so of course you were insecure. I’m not telling you to find another girlfriend but maybe you should consider hooking up or just starting to learn to flirt, to realize that you can also have other options than just her. She’s not the only woman on the planet and even though you start dating other women, maybe they’ve never become your girlfriend but at least you start to develop a little bit more security, because otherwise you will turn her off again. So that’s my final verdict for your situation.
