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No more mr nice guy! Avoid friendzone heartbreak and unrequited love

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Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.

So with this dating advice we’re gonna answer the question can you be too nice to a woman? I have a message from a guy who is showcasing that yes you can be too nice with a woman. Even if you meet her on a dating app.

Hey coach, I need your help with a woman who has friend zoned me and doesn’t want to be with me. I feel like I invested so much into this relationship yet nothing came out of it. I met Nina roughly four months ago online on a dating app and when we first met up in person after a month or so we really got along well. Before that we would talk to each other via messenger all the time and we shared fun memes and pictures with each other.

So what can you tell what’s going on here? He only met this woman after one month and there was a lot of back and forth talking. You met her on a dating app but you’re kind of treating the entire situation like she is your friend. If you meet a woman on a dating app she doesn’t want to become your pen pal. If you want to seduce her you need to show her that you have romantic interest in her and if you just never take action, back and forth messaging, being too friendly with her, then she will probably have other guys who are doing the exact opposite. They are hitting her up. They’re telling her probably some nasty jokes. They’re trying to seduce her. They’re trying to meet up with her. They’re trying to get her in the bedroom. And you’re not doing that. So one month has passed and you’re barely meeting up. That’s a big problem.

I really felt as if we had a strong connection and that our relationship was going in the right direction and I tried to share my life with her and she would also share stuff with me, like things she’d be up to.

So that’s a good approach, obviously, if the woman shares a lot of stuff with you. That shows that she is invested in you. And I’m sure in the beginning she was really invested in you. But the problem is you have a bit of a wrong perception of the whole thing. You are saying “I thought we had a strong connection and that our relationship was going in the right direction” but at this point it is not yet a relationship. You haven’t even kissed this woman. So you are coming from the wrong frame of mind. She would expect you to turn it into a relationship because you met up on was it Tinder, I think? On a dating app. And so of course, she expects to date you because she met on a dating app. But if you don’t make it happen, if you don’t meet up with her, eventually she’s going to come to the frame of mind of “well, this guy doesn’t want to seduce me” or “this guy isn’t very confident” and then she has a lot of other options. A lot of other guys who are actually actively hitting on her. So most likely, after a while she’s going to lose interest.

She would often ask me to hang out and we spent a lot of time together working at local coffee shops, even often late throughout the night. We are both fairly young. She’s 25, I’m 26, and we both decided to become freelancers in the middle of the pandemic to become our own bosses. This is one of the reasons why we got along so well and why we spent so much time together working on our careers. I really felt that we had a lot of things in common and I always felt validated when she would ask me for my opinion or help with her business.

So she’s kind of getting favors out from you. She’s getting a lot of benefits by hanging out with you because you have kind of the same career goals, or you’re kind of in the same mode right now. You’re relatively young. You probably want to climb the career ladder. You want to climb the success ladder. You want to earn more money. You want to be your own boss. Be financially independent. You want to hustle. And that connects you but the problem is you’re hanging out with her at coffee shops kind of like a good friend. Essentially like good friend that you met in college, for example, and you’re just working on each other’s goals together. When I was younger I would work a lot at co-working spaces, trying to get my own startup done. And I would hang out with my friends who also worked at these co-working spaces because we were all hustling. So this girl is kind of like your hustle buddy. She’s treating you as a hustle buddy. She’s treating you as a buddy. A friend. That’s your problem. You’re not taking it to the next level. You’re just hanging out at coffee shops.

I really felt that we had a lot of things in common and I always felt validated when she would ask me for my opinion to help with her business. We are both working in marketing. I’m an Amazon FBA marketer and she’s a social marketer. they’re technically really different types of marketing but still, we kind of do the same thing. We help clients sell themselves or their products and services. This is why she would often ask me for help and asked me for my opinion about her social media strategies. I felt really good about helping her because I felt like she really needed, like she really appreciated me and my insight.

Well, yes. She valued, she values your insight. You are really convenient for her. She can use you in a way to get benefits out of her career. So she’s using you kind of like a stepping ladder to improve. Improve her business. So that’s no surprise that she likes hanging out with you because she met you on a dating app. She probably realized “Well, this guy is not going to seduce me. He’s kind of insecure. He doesn’t have game.” And now she’s like “Well, it’s kind of nice hanging out with him. He’s nice and he’s helping me out with my business. I can ask him to help me out with my business and give me some feedback on my, I guess social media campaigns.” So it’s kind of convenient. So you’re in the friend zone right now, buddy, and she’s using you for succeeding in life. And that’s the only thing that she seems to be interested in right now.

I’ve known her for nearly five months now and we spend so much time together that I thought I would try to make my move with her.

So notice this. It’s been five months and you still haven’t made your move. What do you expect, man? This woman probably had interest in you in the beginning and then she’s evaluating “Well. does this guy have game? Is he confident? Can I trust this guy? Does this guy know what he’s doing?” And if after a month or two months you haven’t made your move, she probably already zoned out of this like two months ago, three months ago, and she decided “Nah!” There were probably other men who have been trying to seduce her and honestly, I’m assuming probably, there are probably other guys or another guy who right now most likely is fucking her and she’s getting her brains fucked out and this guy that she’s with most likely is getting his brains fucked out.

And she’s getting all the benefits being with you with the marketing stuff and improving her business. And then she can meet other guys who actually want to seduce her and who are making their moves. You’re making your move way, way too late. You’re so overdue with this that she probably lost all her physical attraction that she had for you in the beginning. And then she ranks you lower in the social ladder and realizes this guy doesn’t have game. He’s not really attractive.

So now he’s trying to make a move. After five months! He says: “The last time we worked together late at night at our coffee shop, I decided to try and move closer to her. I sat right next to her and tried to be physical with her and I tried to touch her shoulder, or make contact with her hand when possible. I thought she would reciprocate and maybe touch me as well but she didn’t. When we left the coffee shop I tried hugging her and gave her a kiss but when I tried to kiss her she just turned the cheek and then she said good night.

So she totally cock-blocked you! The thing that you’re doing here right now with trying to be physical… You should have tried to do this months ago. And you should also wait for her to make the first move. So my assumption probably is that maybe when you met her in the beginning, maybe she gave you those signals. You were working at the coffee shop and maybe she came close to you, she touched your shoulder, or she touched your arm, or your leg. There’s all kinds of ways how a woman might want to touch you to show you “Hey, I like you and you have an invitation to touch me as well.” So you are touching her now when there is basically no sign that she wants to invite you into her physical space. So it’s way too late!

You should have probably paid attention to this two, three months ago. And obviously, she already doesn’t want you anymore at this point. So now, when she least expects it, this is when you start touching her. So it feels really uncomfortable with her because she already decided friend-zone material! This guy is not going to be my boyfriend. So now she turns the cheek and she just wants to get out of this situation because she’s like “Shit what do I do?” Everything was convenient for her all this time because you didn’t really date properly and she already got accustomed to the thought of… she got used to the thought that she’s gonna use you as a friend. You’re gonna be her friend and now you’re making a move way too late and she doesn’t want you. So now she has to turn you down.

This was almost a week ago. After that night, she started seenzoning my messages. She’s barely replying to my messages now and she’s no longer initiating any contact. I also haven’t seen her work at the coffee shop, which is one of the few 24/7 coffee shops in the area where we live. I feel as if she is avoiding me and I feel really disappointed.

So if it’s one of the few coffee shops where you can work 24/7 and you used to do that all the time… Yeah, she’s kind of avoiding you. She knows that now you are trying to push for a relationship but she doesn’t want to and the worst thing that you can do probably is to go back to this coffee shop and try to run into her, because she’s trying to avoid you. So don’t try to make a move on her because now would be the worst time. She is essentially friend zoning you right now and trying to confront her or try to push your luck one more time, that’s going to achieve the opposite of what you want to get done. So don’t even bother trying to send more messages, or meeting up with her, or running into her. Don’t do that. You know where she hangs out. Don’t go there. Start working somewhere else for a while.

I invested so much time into this relationship and now she’s acting like I don’t matter anymore. It’s not like I have been too pushy with her. I just tried to be nice and not rush into anything but as soon as I finally made my move, she all of a sudden no longer shows any interest in me.

But that is actually your problem! You are stating this as a good thing, but this is actually your problem statement. You try to be not too pushy. You try to be nice. You try to be the nice guy who respects her. Who doesn’t force her into anything. Who doesn’t push her into anything. But the bottom line is this woman matched with you on a dating app. That says “Hey, I like you! Let’s meet up! And if I like you even more, let’s meet up again! And then, if I like you even more, I would like you to kiss me. And then I would like you to take off my clothes. And then I would like you to have sex with me.” But you didn’t push. You didn’t make a move. Women want this. Maybe you’ve been… you know, there’s so much bullshit these days in society with men have to be respectful. And all of the social justice warrior crap. We shouldn’t make a move on women. And women should get to make a move themselves. And women should be empowered. And all this crap. And maybe this is why you’re being too nice.

Maybe you’re telling yourself that this is how a man should behave. A man should not force a woman to date him. But you’re not forcing her by just making a move. And making a move fast, if a woman likes you, if she’s attracted to you, she will be really into this. If she’s into you and she can see how confident you are, and you are making a move on her, and you’re trying to kiss her, you’re trying to touch her… Obviously, you have to pay attention to her attraction for you and her body language… Well, she’s gonna be so into this and she will she will basically get wet. Man, if she’s really into you and she can tell that you’re confident, it’s going to turn her on like crazy! But you didn’t make your move. You didn’t push. You tried to be Mr Nice Guy and that’s why she’s friend zoning you and why she is now in effect essentially ghosting you.

I don’t understand why. We had such great chemistry all this time but then as soon as I show real interest in her she’s starting to reject my approaches. It doesn’t make sense to me because after all, we did meet through a dating app and I thought it would be obvious to her that I’m romantically interested in her. But I guess that wasn’t really the case. So I am wondering if she just used me all this time or maybe she is only distant with me because I wasn’t clear on my intentions. Should I let her know how I feel about her?

Well, no, at no cost tell her how you feel about her. She knows that by now. She doesn’t like it. So by telling her how you feel about her you just seem more needy. So you kind of are onto something here. You ask like well, why doesn’t she reciprocate? We met through a dating app! So she should expect that I’m into her, no? And she probably did! She probably knew okay, this guy likes me. And even while you were hanging out in the coffee shop she noticed that you like her. But because you didn’t make your move and because you took five months to do anything… I mean, what do you expect? She’s probably at this point just either bored and kind of turned off by the fact that you’re really into her but not making a move, or she just really likes to… She doesn’t care and she just likes to hang out with you because you are convenient for her, and her business, and her career goals.

Like I said: Someone else probably made a move long ago. Maybe she’s dating someone. I don’t know. You don’t know. Maybe she’s not seriously dating someone but whatever is going on, she’s probably still with someone. She’s talking to someone on Tinder most likely. Because you’re not giving her what she wants. She liked you. She matched up with you on Tinder and she was hoping most likely for you to seduce her. You had good chemistry. In fact: I mean, you are very similar with your business. You like to hang out at the same places. It wouldn’t have been so hard to seduce her. But because you didn’t try or because you waited too long to try, she got turned off.

I would love your thoughts on what I can do. I have been falling hard for her and I miss her. And I miss her and spending time with her. I don’t know what I have done wrong. I think that I am a nice guy and she had told me before on the first time we met that she had dated some pretty shitty guys in the past. So I expected that this would mean that I would score some major plus points with her, especially compared to one of her last exes who had a drinking problem and was smoking pot. It doesn’t add up at all. Please, let me know what you would suggest I should do.

Well, again, you’re being too nice. And there’s something really interesting here. So the last ex was having a drinking problem and he was smoking pot. So I want to give you a bit of an analogy here. When I was younger I thought that smoking pot is really bad. I was one of those nice guys who was trying to be politically correct and I thought “oh no, you can’t be a drug addict” and whatever, but honestly, smoking pot is not that bad. It’s not as bad as doing whatever, crystal meth. Or something like this. There’s so many people that do that. Smoke pot. It’s legal in many places in the world now. So you are assuming that this guy was that awful and yeah okay, he has a drinking problem. Her last ex had a drinking problem but he must have had something that you didn’t have: Confidence. Game. So a woman is going to forgive you for your weaknesses, your flaws. Nobody is perfect. And some people are more flawed than others.

Obviously, a drinking problem is a pretty big problem and she still dated this guy because he had game. Because he was confident. Because I can assure you this guy with the drinking problem, he probably did not wait five months to seduce her. I’m assuming this guy probably didn’t even wait a month. I bet she fucked this guy after less than a month. So you’re thinking that being nice is the best quality that you can have but being nice is not that great. Being confident, not letting yourself pushed around is great.

But there are a lot of nice qualities about a person that have nothing to do with being respectful, with being very accommodating, or having no boundaries, and always treating people nice, and doing favors like you did with your help with the social media stuff. That’s a nice thing, sure. But it’s not attractive. Because a woman wants to be challenged by a man. And how are you challenging her if you’re always there like “Hey, can I help you? Hey, I’m going to help you with your business! And you need some advice? I’m here. Here’s my advice for you.” You know, it’s like you’re seeking approval and validation from this woman. And this is why she got turned off.

So what would be my my advice for you? Quite frankly, honestly, I would say probably file this woman in particular, into your category of lesson learned. You probably will not get this woman back. She could be back in the future but you should stop messaging her. You should stop talking to her. You had some good chemistry but obviously right now she’s turned off. So trying to push for it or like I said, trying to meet her and run into her at the coffee shop, that really won’t lead to anything. It won’t achieve anything. So what you should do is start dating new women. And maybe you run into her in the future. Maybe she reaches out to you. But I think this is just a lesson for you to not try to get into a woman’s pants by doing good stuff for her. I get it. You have chemistry and you’re both marketers, so you can kind of talk about the same things. It’s of course natural to help if she needs some advice. It’s fine to give her some advice.

But you have to make a move. You have to seduce her. And you have to do this fast within a month, as soon as you meet up with her. You need to have proper dates and not just hang out at a coffee shop all the time. I mean, how are you gonna seduce a woman at a coffee shop? Invite her to your place, man. Invite her to cook or whatever. Watch documentaries. You seem like you’re smart people, so you probably like stimulating yourself. Maybe documentaries. That just came up on top of my head. So do something as an excuse to meet up and hang out in private where you can seduce her. So probably, just distance yourself from this woman. Maybe she’ll be back. But it’s your lesson learned, basically.

And I hope that was helpful. Let me know in the comments what you think. Do you agree with this take, or you do you not agree? Of course, subscribe to my YouTube channel. And of course, if you need some more help, well, first of all, let me know what you think about this take. Do you agree or not? And then if you need more help, you can get my book “Unleash The King Within” from Amazon. And this will help you to make a move much, much quicker. Typically, you can seduce a woman on the first night or date that you meet her. And you waited way too long. So get my book and find out how to make a move and how to read a woman’s body language, and just get it out of the way real, real fast. Way quicker than you did! You can also enroll in my training programs “Confidence King” and “Financial Freedom King” and of course, you can always book a coaching session with me. And with that, I will see all of you kings in the next video. I’ll see all of you kings and don’t forget to stay sharp. Don’t forget to stay kings. And with that I will see all of you in the next video. See you. Unleash the king within!

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Hi, I’m Andy Graziosi. I help men unleash their confidence and reach their fullest potential. My science-backed philosophy is: “The king is already a winner.” — Amazing women are already attracted to you. All a king has to do is use this attraction to his advantage.

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