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Plymouth shooting: Black pill and the incel. Dealing with rejection & the fear of rejection

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What’s up kings? In this video I’m gonna do a bit of a different thing than usual. I’m gonna do more of a social commentary this time. This is a video in response to the recent Plymouth mass shooting in the UK that was related to a man who has been close to the incel movement and so if you don’t know what happened there, let me just quickly read you something, a quick description from the Wikipedia article of that shooting.

What is the Plymouth shooting?

The Plymouth shooting was a mass murder in the Keyham area of Plymouth, Devon, United Kingdom on 12th of August 2021. Six people were killed, including the gunman, identified as 22 year old Jake Davison two other were injured it was the first fatal mass shooting in the UK since the Cumbria shootings of 2010.

So there was a guy who was quite frustrated with his dating life and he essentially took it out on other people. If you don’t know what the incel movement is or what the black pill is, I will get into this in a moment but before that, I want to read you a great quote, one of my favorite quotes of all time. I actually have this in my book in here, so the quote is from Muhammad Ali and the quote goes like this:

Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small men who find it easier to live in the world they’ve been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact, it’s an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It’s a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.

Great quote by Muhammad Ali, who is known as one of the best boxers. Possibly the best boxer to have ever lived, and he understood quite well that nothing is impossible. We can change our lives and our outcomes. And so what this guy has been doing, that incel guy Jake Davison, he basically blamed his misfortunes in life on others or on things that he couldn’t control. And so let me quickly read to you what is the black pill or the incel movement, if you don’t really understand it. I found a description that I found quite fitting from Urban Dictionary.

What is the Black Pill & Incels?

It says a metaphor… so the black pill… and the black pill is basically what the incel movement is based on. “The black pill is a metaphor for the dark realization that the attraction of women toward men primarily stems from genetic features that cannot be controlled (unless plastic surgery is applied)…” so there, you can actually, control this, theoretically based on that logic. It goes on: “…such as height and more particularly facial features.

It is opposed to other logical frameworks such as the red pill and the blue pill, which claim that more modifiable factors such as social status and wealth, or respectively personality, charisma are even more important sources of attraction for women. Black pill logic often goes as far as saying that only the top 10 or 20 of men have facial features necessary to truly be attractive to women and that being any less handsome will force you to live a life of celibacy, or that any relationship you do get is at constant risk of termination, since women will easily dump and cheat on you for a better-looking mate the moment they encounter one and have the option.

So basically what this describes is that you’re screwed, essentially, unless you’ve been born incredibly lucky. Unless you’re one of those super attractive chads, as they call it, then you lost out and there is some truth, of course, to this, obviously. It’s been known that for men particularly, compared to women, on dating apps such as Tinder, if you’re not in the top five percent, top 10, you won’t even be noticed and that’s just because there’s an imbalance of men and women on these dating apps and so the hottest men typically get the most matches, and the other men just don’t show up on matches for the most part because the algorithm just works that way.

Guys, just buy Tinder Premium. It’s too hard to beat the algorithm

Same way how all other kinds of algorithms always show what works. YouTube will present to you content that works. Right now, I’m starting out with my YouTube channel, so it probably won’t be shown to a lot of people. Very few people will be seeing this video, I’m assuming, but the more it works, the more the algorithm will push it. The same way is how it works on Tinder, and Bumble, and all these dating apps.

So there is a little bit of truth, and that’s actually also why I suggest to men when they go on dating apps, just screw all the right-swiping. It’s just completely pointless because most of the time you won’t be noticed. Just buy a freaking Premium whatever, and you do super like on women because ultimately it’s just a matter of being seen by women and that’s nothing that’s simping, or being a nice guy, or beta male, or whatever.

I have been right-swiping with super likes on so many women. On the hottest women. I only do this with super hot women, so they’re 10/10s and it works because you just have to be noticed by these women and unless you are one of those super highly attractive men, you just don’t have a chance. But that does not mean that you don’t have control over your life and your outcomes, because the world is not just Tinder. And just because you’re not the hottest person on the planet doesn’t mean that you can’t date an amazing woman.

And so if you look at this statement that the red pill & the blue pill basically claim that you can modify two things, right? Red pill says it’s all about your social status. How much money you have, the perception that people have about you, that women have about you.

Blue pill is kind of the opposite. It’s about what kind of charisma do you have, how charming are you. And if you look at these two statements, they’re not mutually exclusive, actually. There’s a truth in both of these statements. So obviously, if you have a lot of charisma, then automatically your status is going to improve. If you have a lot of social status, money, great career, then your charisma is going to improve, because obviously, if you have a lot of charisma then you know how to get the right jobs, you know how to negotiate, you know how to get that promotion, and so on and so forth. So that leads to more social status. Vice versa,

if you have a lot of social status, but you’re super socially awkward, so you are just overworking, you’re working like crazy, and having a great career for whatever reason, even though you’re not charismatic, but maybe you’re just so skilled at what you do… Software developers is a great example of this. They are typically very socially awkward but because they’re so good at their technical skills, doesn’t matter because that’s primarily what they need to do and so they build more social status, and through that, then what happens is they become digital nomads, and through traveling more and being more under people they develop their social skills, and develop more charisma.

So these two things are not separate from each other’s and the problem, or the reason why I’m making this video is because all of these movements, all of these ideas, whether you want to call them a movement, a philosophy, or whatever you want to call this, a way of looking at life, I don’t care what you want to call it…There can be toxic people in all of these environments. You can be toxic in the black pill movement, you can be toxic in the red pill movement, and you can be toxic in the blue pill movement.

So for example, in the red pill movement, it’s a lot about social status, and being very assertive, and standing up for yourself, and it’s a lot about just being more forceful with your relationships. And that’s a great thing to do. But at the same time, you can also take it to the extreme levels and just become a total dick, and then it just becomes about fucking as many women as possible. Having sex, being very disrespectful, and treating them as disposable objects. And that’s ultimately, that’s not a philosophy, that’s actually called narcissism. That’s not a good thing.

At the same time, if you’re on the blue pill side, you could also be toxic in a sense, because you could think that you’re always in the need of being charismatic, charming, always being nice to women, doing favors, doing all of these nice things for women in the hopes that the woman then will eventually give you sex, or a relationship. And that same thing can happen there that you try to follow this mindset and then you don’t get what you want, you get a lot of sex… sorry, you don’t get a lot of sex, and then you become frustrated and you let it out on your woman.

So even though you might be in a relationship, or even though you are being a nice guy, you’re not getting as much sex as you want and then you become frustrated, and because you’re frustrated, you become angry and you let it out on other people, and there’s actually a great book written about this topic called “No More Mr Nice Guy“, which is one of the best books any man should ever read.

And I’m sure at some point in the future… obviously, right now the red pill movement is quite new, and there are a lot of men who are not toxic and to take these ideas from the red pill movement and they make the best out of their lives with these ideas, but then you also have men who are super on the extreme spectrum of the red pill movement and they’re toxic. And I bet in five, ten years from now, when the red pill movement is a bit not so uncommon anymore, it’s not new anymore, nothing novel, for sure there’s probably going to be some book by some therapist and maybe it will be called “No more Mr Asshole”, who knows.

But basically, the bottom line here is if you always tread on these spectrums on these extreme sides of the spectrum, you don’t have accountability. You basically say… Okay, it’s essentially putting a label on yourself.

I am a red piller.

I’m a blue piller.

I am a black piller.

And I’m really not a big fan of these labels. And I’m sure some people will probably say I am a purple piller, probably. But honestly, I don’t give a s what people say what kind of label they assign to me, because I just don’t see the world to work like that. There are always truths to everything. Just because there’s a lot of truth to the red pill, doesn’t mean that there are also truths to the blue pill.

If you don’t learn how to become more charismatic, and how to have better communication skills, you’re gonna for sure screw so many women, and you’re gonna have great sex, but that’s it. You’ll basically not be able to maintain your relationship most likely. On the other side, if you are a nice guy who always is super nice and focuses a lot on his communication skills, but doesn’t focus so much on his assertiveness, that is more strongly advocated by the red pill movement, you’re probably not gonna say “no” to your woman.

You’re not gonna be able to stand up for yourself in the same way. You’re gonna have unfulfilled relationships. So the thing with labels… by putting these labels on us… “I’m a red piller, I’m a blue piller, I’m a black piller“… Essentially, it’s a form of tribalism. And I am not a big fan of tribalism or tribes in general. Now, I do believe that we all need tribes, don’t get me wrong. But when we say that we specifically belong to this one tribe, then we automatically often say everything else is wrong.

So a lot of red pillers, and this is where currently a lot of the leftist people have problems with red pillers, is because there’s this very rigid idea of what life should be in the red pill, and anything that’s not in the red pill is dismissed, right?

The same way you can have super leftist people, or liberal people, or blue pillars who say “No, life has to be like this. You have to be really nice and you have to be socially acceptable, and blah blah blah“, all that crap of being a social justice warrior, “and if you don’t do that then you are a piece of shit and something is wrong with you.” And that’s also a very strong thing that you see right now in the world that if you’re not a social justice warrior, then you are automatically canceled, which is totally full of shit and these labels basically separate ourselves from more possibilities.

Essentially, what you’re doing when you put yourself into that one box is you’re saying: “This is the only way how the world works, and anything else is not possible. Anything else is basically not part of my responsibility.

So for example, if you are in the blue pill, you could say “No I don’t want to be assertive. I want to be a nice guy. I want to be good with communication. I want to treat my woman like a queen, or a princess, or whatever you want to call it. I want to be decent.” And then you dismiss that you also need to be assertive and stand up for yourself. And ultimately there is a truth to the fact that women care about your social status and if you don’t get your shit together, then there’s a possibility that the woman is going to leave you.

And same way, if you are on the red pill movement, if you just say “assertiveness over everything else” then you don’t realize or you won’t accept the truth that well, good communication skills are actually also quite important and that’s why all your relationships suck, or why you prescribed to the idea that “yeah relationships are useless” because what is that term in red pill? “It was never your turn… she was never yours, it was just your turn” and there is, of course, some truth to that statement, because we don’t own anyone, and if you have that mantra, it’s actually a good thing because some people get too attached to women.

But at the same time, other people use that statement as an excuse to say “well yeah she was never mine and so it wasn’t my fault that that relationship didn’t work.” No, it was probably your fault. Your fault was because you didn’t work on your communication skills and so just being assertive by itself is not the only solution to life. And so this whole idea that I’m trying to nail down is… Let me just make sure that I get this term properly.

I talk about this in my book. It’s called dialectical theory. And this theory, dialectical theory, basically says that in relationships, friendships, romantic relationships, anything in life actually, anything that’s a personal relationship, whether it’s platonic, or romantic, there are always contradictions to everything. There’s no black and white. There’s only a gray area, and we have to look at all areas of life and see what parts of those areas work for us.

So I’ll give you a good example. I am a yoga teacher, and in yoga, we have this thing called Niyamas and Yamas. They’re essentially philosophies. These are like the the most fundamental principles of yoga in terms of the mindset why people do yoga. Because yoga is not just workout, or asanas, postures. It’s also a lot about breathing techniques and mindset, and so on so forth. And so there are these concepts in yoga such as… Let me just make sure that I say the right words… Brahmacharya, moderation. And Santosha, contentment. So moderation and contentment.

Meaning: You shouldn’t want so much. You shouldn’t want all of these worldly things, and you should be moderate in how you consume everything. So an example could be it’s not good if you do too much porn. It’s not good if you have too much sex. It’s not good if you are too dependent on your woman. It’s not good if you’re too dependent on validation. So that would be moderation and contentment. You have to be happy with what you have, so for example, if you take the red pill movement, or also the blueprint movement, we want to increase our charisma, we want to increase our social status. But you’re not going to get there overnight.

So you have to be happy with what you have. Contentment is important and you’ve heard this all the time, right? You shouldn’t be dependent on the outcome. Sometimes I make videos about how to get an ex back or how to reattract a woman where you screwed up with and if you are too attached to that idea of getting that woman, then you’re never going to get her, because you’re so focused on that, rather than focused on yourself, and that by the way, that by itself just screws up your chances.

Because you are so attached to the idea of reaching that outcome that it’s never going to happen. Same thing, if you’re in the red pill, you could have the mindset of hypergamy. So you want to date a really attractive, very hot, very successful woman. A super high-status woman. And for you to be able to do that, you also need to have a high social status yourself, amongst others. And if you don’t have that and if you don’t date that woman yet, and you are attached to the idea of “I need to date a highly successful woman, a hypogamous woman” then you’re gonna be disappointed because you don’t have it, and so there are two sides of every coin.

So in yoga you need to have… we have this concept of moderation and contentment, these are great ideas. But there’s also a contradicting side that actually also is included in the teachings of yoga, and one of these teachings is discipline. So one of the other rules is discipline. So work on yourself. And so you would think that these things are completely opposite, How how the heck can this work? Well, it can work because the world isn’t just black and white. It’s great in theory to say “I’m not going to have any worldly attachments and I’m going to be whatever the outcome is, I will not be attached to this. So if things work out great. If they don’t work out, I don’t care.

But that’s not really how the world works, of course. You care, and obviously, striving for more things in life is important as well. So even though you shouldn’t make your happiness dependent on the outcomes that you receive in life, obviously it’s normal to want to have outcomes. So everything is… it’s a dance. right? Everything is interwoven. That’s dialectical theory. That you can’t just dismiss one idea for another. Both sides of the coin always have some truth and ultimately there is no right or wrong answer. It’s all up to you whether you are in the red pill or on the blue pill movement, or whatever freaking movement you are in. Actually doesn’t matter. I actually think it’s important to look at all sides of the coin so you should get different ideas from different philosophies in life, and ideas, and social science, and so on, because that way you can make the most informed decisions.

And that way you’re not going to be like this guy who essentially killed six people because he thought he can’t change the outcomes of his life. He thought “well this is how it is. I have been born quite unattractive, and I have no chance.” So he’s been 22 years old, hasn’t been dating, has never kissed a woman, he’s been a virgin and that essentially pissed him off. And he blamed everything on women who didn’t want him. And maybe his looks played some part of that, for sure, but I checked out his pictures…

He didn’t look that unattractive, quite frankly. If he would have just gotten probably a haircut, or a better hairstyle, and maybe just would have worked out a little bit more. Maybe would have needed to lose like five kilos, or something like that. Probably not even that, and then at this weight that would have not been that hard, quite frankly. He would have been quite attractive to be quite frankly.

There are people who are of course arguably born less attractive and they are not as blessed as others, but most of us are not born ugly. We’re not supermodels, but how many people are actually supermodels?! It’s the one percent. That’s why these people get paid for model jobs, and are Instagram influencers, and actors. These people are paid a lot of money because of their exceptionally high beauty. And almost no person on the planet has that level of beauty. So by saying “okay all of this is rigged against me” you basically take no accountability.

I talk about this in my book as well. I call this idea “no-wnership“. No…wnership. And basically, it’s the act of saying everything is someone else’s fault and so I’m not even going to try. And I really don’t like this idea. And that’s why I included this quote from Muhammad Ali at the beginning. Because impossible is just a figment of your imagination. As soon as you tell yourself that something is impossible, you’re not going to take action to prove yourself wrong. So for example, if you prescribe to the red pill idea of social status is important… and this is why even though I don’t agree with everything in the red pill community and I definitely also don’t agree with everything in the blue pill community…

I think both of these communities are much, much better than the black pill community, because if you are prescribing to the ideas of the red pill, you can say “well women care a lot about your money and your social status” and what can you do? You can increase your social status, get another job, work harder, invest, dress nicer. There are a lot of ways how you can increase your social status. Also just learn actually also how to become more charismatic and talk to people and level up your social circle, and hang around higher social status people because that automatically draws in more high social status people. You can influence these things over time. You can work on these things.

And you know, these things take time, obviously. But you can take action steps. Same thing in the blue pill movement. If you want to become more charismatic and if you want to understand how to treat women better, so for example, one idea that I would really like that red pillers might not like but I think is a great… I mean maybe it’s not a blue pill idea, but it’s something that I teach and it’s social science… There’s so much social science about this that women need to trust a man. And you know, the simplest way how to get a woman to trust you is to be assertive, that’s actually red pill, and to always stick up for yourself, be true to your word, be confident, but also know how to communicate without being an asshole, without being a dick, without being disrespectful.

There are many ways how we can communicate in the ways that a woman can trust us and you can learn these things. And that way, you will eventually over time have better relationships. So whatever idea you prescribe to you have the power in your hand to make changes. And so I don’t want anyone to go down that route of the black pill and the incels who say “I am basically unfixable.” Because nobody is unfixable. No matter how much your dating life sucks right now, you can change it.

So to give you a perspective, most likely a lot of extreme blue pillars at some point, they are frustrated with their sex life and their lack of relationships, then eventually they might become red pillers, or they kind of drive more towards the side of red pill. And then they have better sex, but then eventually what you realize as you date more attractive women. I used to be a typical beta male when I was younger. I started dating really hot Instagram models or influencers and that was awesome. That was a completely new life that I never knew could be possible for me. But after a while I also discovered it’s actually quite boring to just have sex and not have a meaningful relationship, and so some red pillers then kind of drive a little bit towards more the blue pill, or the middle ground again, to use both sides of the coin to your biggest advantage.

And so that’s what I’m basically suggesting what you should do. Never make excuses for anything that’s happening in your dating life, and whether you are on the blue pill, or on the red pill, or whatever other labels that are out there, ultimately up to you to take responsibility and work on yourself and whatever part of your life that’s not working. Whether you are too assertive, or whether you are too much of a nice guy, you can change these behaviors and find the right middle ground that works for you. So that was just a little bit of social commentary on this thing that happened with the incels and the black pill.

Let me know what you think in the comments below. Of course, give me a thumbs up and subscribe to my channel. And well, what do you think? Do you agree with the take? Do you not agree with this take? I would love to hear what you think. Both from the blue pillers, and the red pillers, maybe also from the black pillers, maybe also the incels. Everybody in the manosphere is probably going to have to say something here.

So let me know what you think and if you need some more help you can buy my book “Unleash The King Within.” You can also enroll for my confidence king training program or as always book a coaching session with me. And with that I’ll see all of you kings in the next video. Until kingdom come.

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Hi, I’m Andy Graziosi. I help men unleash their confidence and reach their fullest potential. My science-backed philosophy is: “The king is already a winner.” — Amazing women are already attracted to you. All a king has to do is use this attraction to his advantage.

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