Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video, we’re going to talk about reaching out to an ex for Valentine’s Day. It is V Day or like you like to call it, Vagina Day, where all the women hope that their vaginas will get activated and where all guys hope that they get a piece of that vagina. And Valentine’s Day is one of those days that really hurt when you had a breakup and whether or not you really believe in Valentine’s Day and whether you think it’s an important day or not. Typically, we all fall back to that feeling of “I wish I would be with my ex.” Or even when you’re single and you’re lonely, a lot of people have that mindset of “I wish I would have a girlfriend.” And that’s really a mindset that you got to get away from.
No Contact And Valentine’s Days: The Real Reason Why You Shouldn’t Contact Your Ex On Valentine’s Day
For example, I am about to move in a week from now, basically. I think it’s on Monday that I’m moving, if I remember correctly. And I have no interest in dating right now because I’m moving to a completely different part of Indonesia and I couldn’t care less about Valentine’s Day. And that’s the kind of mindset that you need to have with ex as well, or in general with dating. Yes, Valentine’s Day is a great opportunity to bond with your girlfriend when you have a girlfriend. But if you don’t have a girlfriend, then you know what? It’s just another day and it doesn’t matter. You could show love to your girlfriend, or also your ex girlfriend, and it would be the right thing to do so on every given day, not just Valentine’s Day. But anyways, I have a message from a guy who is wanting to reach out for Valentine’s Day to his ex and he has a reason why he thinks he should be reaching out. So let’s see what is my thoughts on this and well, let’s get into it.
Valentine’s Day Without Your Ex: Stay No Contact To Show Her You Love Her And Want To Change
Hey Andy, I need your advice. My ex and I broke up just recently and I’m seriously considering reaching out for Valentine’s Day. But first, let me tell you the story to give you more context because I’m sure you will think it’s not a good idea. You see, my ex girlfriend and I just broke up three months ago. Just a few weeks before Christmas. This was really hard on both of us. The timing was anything but great. But I guess at that point we had reached a limit in our relationship. I know I messed up big time during the relationship. I was too insecure and jealous and I let those feelings control me. Sometimes I would stalk my ex’s social media and question who some guys were that I would see in her comments. I was too unreasonable. It turns out that there was never anything with any guys. It was all in my head. But back then I couldn’t understand and I just couldn’t help it.
We broke up because of her company’s Christmas party because she came home a few hours later than expected. Or well, rather she had to stay longer than she thought so. She actually let me know that she was going to be late, but I got jealous again. I picked her up from the party and we had an argument in front of some of her coworkers. She was angry because I embarrassed her. That’s how we broke up after we got home. The breakup was rough, to say the least. And of course, because I fucked up a lot, I tried to beg and plead right from day one when everything imploded. And yeah, she was done with me. She fucking hated me. But after all of the fighting, begging and pleading, I decided to start no contact. I thought it would be the best way to show her that I was changing and that I was serious about being less controlling and jealous.
Yes, it is the best way to show to an ex that you’re serious about changing, or at the very least not begging further. It doesn’t necessarily show her yet that you’ve changed. Unless you told her that you’re going to change. But it’s always the best way to let her cool down a little bit. Obviously, you messed up big time. You got too jealous in general. And well, I don’t want to know how she felt when you had an argument or drama in front of her coworkers. It must have been super embarrassing. And that there probably was some talk at the company, for a few days or at least the next day. People were gossiping about this. And so she must have been really pissed. But hey, you can’t really change anything. That’s just how it happened. I hope you obviously learned from this and you will never, ever make a mistake like this ever again.
Hopefully, this was like a one-time thing in your relationship. And if your ex didn’t really properly give you any reason for being jealous, like there were just some random guys sometimes in her DMs. Well, not in her DMs, but on her comments, for example, real normal friends that are part of her friends list, for example, on Facebook. If it’s just something normal like this, it shouldn’t bother you. You can’t do anything about some guys that she’s known for a long time. Obviously, some new guys come into the picture out of nowhere and they seem to be hitting on her. That’s a different topic. But if that was not the case and it was all about the insecurity, fix that. And if you hadn’t fixed it yet further, then keep on doing no contact. And don’t even worry about Valentine’s Day or some other holidays that might be coming up in the future. Now, anyway, let’s continue what you say.
Reaching Out on Valentine’s Day: There Are No Excuses To Contact Your Ex Girlfriend
But now with Valentine’s Day just a few days away, I’m feeling more tempted than ever to reach out to her. Now, here’s why this is shit timing aside from the obvious one. I don’t just want to reach out because Valentine’s Day, but because it sort of has a special meaning to us. We got a puppy spontaneously last year for V-Day. My ex kept our dog, Kiko, because I guess you could say she’s the one who, in quotes, fell in love with her. When she saw Kiko waggling her tail the first time at this farm that we visited on last year’s Valentine’s Day, she desperately wanted to adopt Kiko. She loved that dog. So I couldn’t bring myself to try and fight for Kiko as much as I also love Kiko. So I let her keep Kiko.
And now with Valentine’s Day, I actually miss both of them. I miss her so much, Andy. I miss the way she laughed, the way she smiled and the way we would love all the good memories and our time together with our puppy. It’s like we were a little family already. I miss the conversations we used to have, all the plans we made, and I can’t help but think that if we could just talk again, we could work things out and start fresh. I’m thinking that I could ask about Kiko because Valentine’s Day has like a double meaning. So it’s not even like I’m being obvious about reaching out to her exactly on Valentine’s Day, but I am not sure.
Well, the way that I see it, yes, you kind of have a reason, your dog, and even if you wouldn’t want to have your ex back, you might say, “I want to just one-see my dog,” and you might have a reasonable reason to reach out to an ex. If you wouldn’t care about getting her back and just want to see your dog just one more time, for good old’s sake, you might think that’s reasonable. And yeah, sure, maybe to some extent that’s true, but you should just let it go. Actually, she’s going to ultimately… There are so many reasons why this is the problem. First of all, what if she’s currently seeing someone or dating someone? That’s problem number one. Second, you’re breaking no contact. Third, it’s you who’s reaching out. Fourth, it is on Valentine’s Day, so she has a feeling like, “You probably did this because of Valentine’s Day.” Sometimes something in your head triggers you, and you automatically reach out to an ex on a certain important date, and you might not even realize it. It almost happens on autopilot.
Now, you clearly know that it’s on autopilot. The point is that whether you know about this or you don’t know about this and you randomly reach out on a certain date that actually has a meaning to you and you don’t realize it, but then you’re like, “Oh, why the fuck did I do this? Oh, why was that day?” She will know. And clearly, your ex will know that it was because of Valentine’s Day and not necessarily because of Kiko. Yes, Kiko, your dog is a reason as well, but she knows that the underlying reason is probably her. And so what you should be doing is, well, I agree that your dog is actually a good reason to connect and reconnect, especially if it was during Valentine’s Day, it makes her think about you. But like I said, you don’t know what’s going on with her. Is she seeing someone? What’s going on in her life? Is she just not in the mood yet because she was really angry at you and it’s roughly been three months now? What you should do is: Use this as an opportunity. Actually, wait it out. See what happens.
What you should do is you should let her reach out to you because what’s going to happen is she’s going to remember that it’s going to be that special day when you adopted the dog, so she’s going to think about the good memories. You said that you adopted the dog at a farm. So it probably was a great day. You had a great Valentine’s Day last year and then you got the dog together. And like you said, she really loves that dog. She fell in love with the dog when the dog was waggling the tail. So I’m sure it’s a very sweet dog. And you said it yourself. It was like a family, right? That’s why you want to reach out because you feel like you miss all of this. And guess what? She’s going to feel just like that. Now, of course, there could be the scenario that she’s dating another guy, but she will probably still recall, “Oh, it was that day. Look at this sweet dog. This dog is reminding me of him.” Even if she’s with another guy, at the very least, that will crawl into the front of her head and she might not reach out because she’s currently seeing someone. If she’s not seeing someone, then she might reach out.
But either way, you’ve got to just wait and see what happens. The best thing that can happen is that she reaches out to you and she makes up the excuse and sends you a picture or a video of Kiko, like, “Hey, Kiko is saying hi or something like that, or a cute dog pic.” It’s a perfect conversation starter. If she does that, that’s the perfect sign that she’s thinking about you. So I would not reach out whatsoever. And I don’t care what your reasons are in general with holidays. Man, I don’t care if someone died and you have to express your condolences or if something happened. Not unless someone died right now, but, on that special day, when something important happened on that day. I don’t care. Just move on, let it go. Pretend like this never happened. And you just go on stoically and you basically act like you don’t exist because you want to make sure that she misses you.
And let’s be real: Valentine’s Day… As I said, everybody has that kind of instinct reaction that when we’re alone or when we feel alone and Valentine’s Day comes up and we all see it on TV and so on, on the Internet. We’re supposed to be nice and we should have a great relationship. And we should bring flowers and gifts and all that shit. Everyone else is having a great time. Everyone is happy on Valentine’s Day, except for me. That’s the trigger that makes you want to reach out and you should make sure that it triggers her. Not you. So stay strong, stay stoic and keep moving forward. That’s why you always need to pursue something important in your life, because if you don’t pursue something important in your life, man, you’re always going to find moments of weakness like this one. And well, anyways, let’s continue what you say. You’re not sure what to do. I just told you don’t reach out to her. But anyways, let’s continue.
Patience And Timing: Make Your Ex Girlfriend Miss You On Valentine’s Day Like You Miss her
I want to reach out to her, but I also don’t want to mess things up even more. I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I need your advice. What do you think I should do? Should I stay no contact? I have never heard from her since no contact except for once. But that was mostly just informal chat to take care of some old business. Should I reach out to her for Valentine’s Day? I feel like our dog would be a great conversation starter or should I stick to no contact role and just hope for the best? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for you taking the time to read this email. Thanks, Coach. Your content helps me so much. Best regards, Eric.
Well, I think I already gave you feedback about that you shouldn’t be reaching out on Valentine’s Day. I’m just going to comment on that one last thing here. So you haven’t heard from her except for once about three months ago, right? For roughly three months. And you feel like, OK, what the hell is going on? She doesn’t miss me. And now it’s Valentine’s Day, you’re probably also wondering about some other guy. Is she seeing some other guy? Is she happy with some guy? And so you’re even worrying, trying to want to reach out just to see, hey, what’s up with her? Maybe you want to throw a ball, you want to throw a wrench in the other guy’s thing that’s going on there. And you hope that if you just reach out to her, she will at least remember you again. And then hopefully in the future reach out. But nope! Always stick to no contact. No contact rule + holidays means: Never abort Never abort. I think the only thing that you should abort is, I should have probably started this video with something like “Mission abort! Mission abort!” Do not reach out on Valentine’s Day. That’s the only thing that you should always keep in mind. Never abort the no contact rule. Always stick to it no matter what happens.
And here’s the thing: You said, should I just hope for the best? You said, should I stick to no contact rule and hope for the best? And what I have to say about that is no man don’t hope for the best. I think this is one of the biggest mistake that guys make with no contact. They hope for the best. They wait and they hope for “OK, maybe soon… Now is the day that she’s going to come back.” And of course, days like Valentine’s Day, they trigger your thoughts of, “OK, today must be the day, right? Today she might be thinking about me.” And if you don’t get that or when you get anxiety because you see the day approaching and nothing’s happening and then maybe it’s in the middle of the day and you’re telling yourself, “I’m going to stay strong, I’m going to stay strong,” but then you keep on thinking more and more and then eventually become weak. And you message her. It’s because you hope for the best. Instead of hoping for the best, you know what you’re going to do? You’ve got to be your best. You’ve got to be at your best.
And so that goes back to working on yourself, finding something that’s important to you, so that when it is Valentine’s Day, for example, don’t get distracted, essentially. I posted a video, an Indonesian video on TikTok, I think yesterday. The video was about something like, don’t chase dopamine. If you want a great girlfriend, don’t chase dopamine. Don’t swipe on Tinder so much. Don’t check Hot Girls out on TikTok so much. Don’t play Mobile Legends, which is a video game, which is very popular in Indonesia. And so basically it was a video about stop being such a lazy fuck and get working. And someone in the comments asked me, but how do I do that? How do I actually stop playing Mobile Legends? And he basically didn’t know how to keep himself busy, how to do something better. And I told him, “Dude, it’s not that hard. You just got to uninstall the game and then start something new!” So, a lot of you guys, you just hope for the best and you don’t do something more productive in the meantime. And then you just ruminate, and ruminate, and ruminate. Instead of doing something productive and ruminating, for example, how can I get better at music production, beats production?
My latest client, he is a musician and he likes to play rock music if I remember correctly. I think he said rock music and metal, I think as well. And he used to do some hip hop stuff and beats. And, for example, how can you get better at making beats or how can you get better at promoting one of your songs on TikTok? How can you get better at something that you’re really passionate about? And if you obsess about that, rather than obsessing over your ex and then Valentine’s Day just becomes like random days that you don’t care about and you will go on with your life. And it’s like that day barely exists. Like I said, I’m moving in a week from now to a new place called Yogyakarta, I’m leaving Bali behind and I don’t care that it’s Valentine’s Day. Sure, it would be nice to go on a date on Valentine’s Day, but it’s just not in the cards for me right now. It’s a second week off and it’s just life sometimes. Sometimes you’re not going to have the best days on Valentine’s Day, but you can’t make your life dependent on that because if you’re abundant.
For example, in my case, I’m going to move to Jogja in a week. And then I’m going to start going to running groups, and I’m going to start going to the music scene that I’ve always wanted to explore. And I’m going to start hitting the new gym, and so on and so forth. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. There’s lots of cute girls there. They can’t wait to date a guy like me! And probably in two weeks of being there, I will run into some cute girls or I match with some girls on dating apps. I actually already matched with some cute girls and I will be ready to start dating again. So who cares about Valentine’s Day? You should have the same mindset with your ex. Who cares about Valentine’s Day? She could be back and message you in two weeks. It could also be on Valentine’s Day as well, of course. Or you could be running into a great girl that you might fall in love with in a month from now. So you need an abundance mindset and for getting that abundance mindset, you got to first stop thinking about your ex and focus that energy on something more productive.
Now, for example, picking up the guitar and start playing the guitar. I don’t care what you’re passionate about or what you want to become passionate about, or what you think that would be so cool doing. But don’t limit yourself and don’t think that Valentine’s Day, or like your ex. and that interaction with your ex is the only thing that you need in life. What you need to have is being at your best. Don’t hope for the best. Be at the best. And when you’re at the best or at your best, then your ex will notice. And especially on days like Valentine’s Day, when she doesn’t hear from you because you couldn’t care less. You go forward with your life. You keep moving forward and you’re just happy with everything that’s going on. She’s going to notice it and she’s going to miss you. And then in the case of your dog, she will reach out. She will send you like some excuse message, like a picture of the dog. That’s how you got to look at it. So should you be reaching out for Valentine’s Day? Even if there would be no dog in the picture, anybody who’s watching this… No, never reach out for Valentine’s Day. Bullshit, you’re just making this up. You’re being weak and weak men do not get vagina on V Day. So don’t be weak on V Day. There you go. That’s my advice for you. Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up. Subscribe to the channel and never forget to unleash the king within.
