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Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video, we’re gonna talk about no contact & the important realization that you’re doing this for yourself, not for an ex. It’s not about getting her back. You’re mostly doing this for yourself. To feel happy again. To feel content. To be on top of your game. To be confident. To pursue your goals and all the things that are important in your life. And then if your ex comes back on top of that, that is nice! It’s great if you can fix a relationship! Sometimes relationships can be fixed and that’s amazing! Because couples who understand how to fix their problems, they are long-term couples. They can actually stay together as couples for the long term. And that could be literally for the rest of your life.
But if that’s not the case, if you can’t fix it, that’s fine, because there are other women on this planet. And I want all of you to be happy with a great woman. And just because you loved your ex and because you want her back so badly, doesn’t mean that you can’t find another woman in the future. So in today’s video, I have a message from a guy who broke up with an ex and he has been working on himself. He has been doing no contact quite well. But he ran into his ex and now he’s feeling pretty heartbroken and he doesn’t really know what to feel and what to do anymore. So let’s get into the situation.
Ran Into My Ex With Her New Boyfriend: Don’t Panic When You See Your Ex With Her New Man
Dear coach, I don’t know what to do. My ex and I broke up last year and she’s seeing someone else. A part of me still wants her back and it hurts like crazy. I’m feeling lost and confused right now. I saw my ex with another guy tonight. I never felt this hurt before. I was broken up with her over last summer. She was the first girl I’ve ever really cared about. She lost her virginity to me and I felt more comfortable with her than I’ve ever felt with any other girl. She’s the first girl where I can say that I loved her with all my heart. She wasn’t just a small relationship. We were serious.
And absolutely, I believe you that you loved her, but what’s really important is to understand that you can always find another woman. And you’re going to meet and probably love more than one woman in your life. Yes, as I said it’s great if you can get back with an ex. That is perfect. If you can go down that route, awesome! But guess what? You can meet another woman tomorrow, in two days from now, and you never know what happens for you in the future. Because perhaps you had to learn something from your breakup. Your ex also had to learn something from your breakup and maybe you both learned that you both are not right for each other. That could be the case and then maybe you’ve learned from this breakup that another woman with a certain different character trait is much better for you.
So you should never neglect that your ex taught you a lot of important things that are going to help you in life and relationships in the future. And so whatever you took away from your relationship, I know you miss your ex, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’ve grown from this experience. And you can apply this in the future with another woman. If you can apply it with her, that’s great! But if you can apply it with another woman, that’s also amazing! Because that relationship is going to be better than the last one. And a lot of guys don’t realize this. A lot of guys always have this Oneitis mentality with an ex of “I want my ex back. I want my ex back and she is the only woman who can make me happy,” but that is not the truth. You can find happiness with other women.
Just like how you sometimes lose friends, sometimes you drift apart from friends. You’re not like them anymore. You have changed too much with your values, and your behaviors, and your purpose, and your goals in life. And so you drift apart and at some point, you just don’t care about these friends anymore. It’s the same way with women. At some point, you’re going to change how you feel. So, for example, certain exes that I’ve dated from 5-10 years ago, I remember them fondly with the good memories, but I probably wouldn’t want to date them anymore.
I have this one ex actually that I know I would never date her. I’m still friends with her but she doesn’t seem like she has grown that much or she’s grown in a different direction, perhaps let’s say like this. And I’m just not into her. That’s just it. I would just be friends with her and you’re going to have similar experiences like this in your life as well. So it’s important to understand there’s not just one woman on this planet. You can also find another woman, not just your ex. I understand you loved her but there are a lot of women that you can love.
No Contact If She Has A New Boyfriend: Follow No Contact Even If Your Ex Girlfriend Is With Another Guy
The breakup was harder for me than any other in my life but I followed the general no contact advice to the T. I severed all contact, although I had quite a few lapses, even though she wasn’t my Facebook friend anymore and had high privacy settings, I’d find myself looking at her page, which I’ll admit probably didn’t help me as she eventually changed her profile picture to her and the guy she met a few months after the breakup.
So first of all, good job on following no contact and not reaching out to your ex. That’s the right thing. But of course, you kind of failed in the department of checking out your ex because as I said, no contact is not specifically about getting your ex back. It’s about getting your happiness back. And if you’re stalking your ex, if you’re looking at her Facebook profile or whatever social media profiles, it happened to you. You saw some picture that you didn’t like, it really hurts after a breakup to see her happy. It hurts twice to see her happy with another guy. You actually don’t even know how happy she is with that guy, but just the fact that you see a picture with the two of them and mentally, you’re telling yourself “This should be me on this picture“… It hurts like crazy.
So anybody who’s watching this: Never check out your ex’s social media profiles. It serves no purpose. It’s completely useless. Whenever I have a breakup, I just never check out my ex’ profiles because I know it’s gonna hurt me. I unfollow and I let it go because it’s a decision that I make with my life when I have a breakup. I decide it’s over. Even if I didn’t want the breakup to happen, I accept that it’s over. I can’t change that. I can only change myself. I can only change the reasons that led to a breakup. So if I would have a breakup in the future, whether I was the one who broke up or she broke up with me, I would reflect on that relationship and I would let it go. I would not check other social media posts. I would not check out what she’s up to. I would just let it go because I know every time that I would check out her social profile, I would at least become nostalgic.
And while I haven’t gone through a really bad breakup since I’ve become a dating coach, I can assume that I probably have a bit of a better response than a lot of you guys have because I internalize a lot of these facts all the time. So I have a bit of an easier time thinking with my brain rather than with my heart, but still, I want to be on the safe side. I want to make sure that I’m not going to hurt myself when it doesn’t need to be that way. And ultimately, no contact is about being happy. And then when an ex comes back, you’ll feel happy and she can feel that. And then she might be interested to get back with you.
And if you just check out her profile pictures and then feel sad or nostalgic, and reminisce, and maybe reach out to her, or feel like reaching out to her… You’re not happy. You’re not centered in your own purpose. And then if she comes back you’re gonna be in a really bad position and you’re going to say all the wrong things to her. So never check out the pictures of your ex.
No Contact Like An Alpha: Become An Amazing Man Even If You Can’t Stop Thinking About Your Ex
I worked out like crazy and made massive gains. Minus 15 pounds over the course of the summer. Still, I feel like I never really got over her.
Dude, it’s normal to need your time to move on from a woman. If like you said, this woman or this girl meant so much to you, then it must be really hard to move on. Typically, we need some bad relationships or rather some relationships that are really important to us to learn how to cope with breakups. And so I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume this is one of the reasons why it’s really hard for you to move on. But ultimately, it’s only been roughly well, six months or so, right? Since summer. So maybe nine months since the breakup. So it’s okay to still have feelings for her.
But like you said, you had some massive gains. Dude, so you did something great! You lost 15 pounds, right? So that’s in kilos… What’s that like? Probably five to six-ish kilos? Which is not bad! So you did something really good and productive for yourself. So it shows me that no contact has actually been working and why do I know that? Because guess what? There are guys who do no contact but they do nothing else. The only thing that they do is they focus on their ex and all they’re doing is just playing in their head: “What kind of manipulation tactic am I gonna apply today? Is she gonna message me today? When is she going to reach out? What did it mean when she posts this on Facebook?” Or whatever else. So some guys just do no contact just to get their ex back and the harsh pill to swallow about this approach is that it’s not a loving thing because really, you just want your ex back because you want to get something from her. But you’re not interested to work on yourself.
But you actually worked on yourself. So look, you’ve lost six kilos. So perhaps, I don’t know, this might not be the case at all, but maybe your ex wasn’t happy with your physique. That could be. I’m not saying this is the case but if that would have been the case, now she runs into you, she’s going to realize “Wow! This dude has been working out! This guy is fit!” That’s something that really impresses her. But not just that. It impresses yourself and it impresses other women. And as I said, she’s not the only woman on the planet. And if you’ve lost that much weight, you must be much more attractive than before. What does that tell me? It tells me that you can find a better woman, most likely.
I know you can’t think that any woman is better than her but it’s just a fact of life. Now you’re basically higher in the hierarchy level. You’re essentially now more of a competition to other guys because you look hotter. It’s just a fact of life. So you have more options now. That’s something that you should understand. You’ve done something really great with the no-contact that you’ve been going through. I know that right now you’re feeling pretty bad but in the grander scheme of things, this is pretty good.
When You Bump Into Your Ex During No Contact: Seeing Your Ex With Another Guy Doesn’t Matter
I recently got back to San Antonio to start college again. Tonight, as I was walking through the city, I saw her and some guy walking out of a restaurant together. Something about this hurt me in a way I’ve never been hurt before. Just thinking about the two of them stirs up all this rage, and anger, and hurt, inside me. And the thought keeps surfacing. It’s like a splinter. I feel so betrayed that she can just find someone new so fast, yet at the same time, I still wish that she would change her mind and give me another chance.
Well, the thing is, you have no idea how she feels about this guy. First of all, okay, so it’s been roughly nine months since your breakup. I don’t know when she found this guy but most likely he’s a rebound guy, because maybe she started dating him after a few months. She probably hasn’t been properly ready to commit to this guy because like you said, she lost her virginity to you. So probably, the relationship was quite important to her. So what are the odds that the relationship is going to last? Well, there’s a chance that it’s not going to last and it happens very often that an ex seems to be happy with a new guy but really she’s not happy in that situation at all. She’s probably just overcoming her grief. She hasn’t processed the breakup properly. Or she just wanted to jump into something new really quickly because she felt lonely. Some reason that wasn’t the right reason. And while they might look happy right now, they could also not be happy at all right now, or they could be very unhappy in two months from now.
But that doesn’t even matter. What matters is the fact that you’ve been doing quite well, until the day right now when you’ve met her, basically. I mean, it didn’t really matter, right? You just saw her walking by, so of course, it hurts to see her with another guy. You spent a lot of important and intimate time with her, but you felt incredibly great until exactly the moment when you ran into her. So that tells me if you would have never ran into her, nothing would have changed. You would probably not have thought about her for the longest time and you would have gone on with your life. You probably would have continued hitting the gym and losing more pounds, and at some point I can guarantee you, you probably would have been at that gym most likely and some chick probably would have hit on you, or you would have started a conversation with a chick at the gym, or now in San Antonio, at the gym, or while you’re on a run, or something like that.
And this goes back to this Oneitis kind of thinking. Whenever you focus too much on your ex, you’re basically thinking that she’s the one. She’s the one who can make you happy, but of course, there are a lot of women who can make you happy. And by thinking so much about her you stop yourself from meeting other amazing women. And even though I don’t know how you felt in the last few months, you said you’ve been doing quite well, but maybe you still kind of remembered her a little bit, but you definitely have been more open to meeting other women, as well. So I’m sure now that you met her, you’re basically confused. You don’t know what to do and you’re thinking about her all the time. And I can guarantee you, now, if you would run into a great woman, you wouldn’t be as open to date her. So remind yourself that you are a king. You’re amazing and you deserve an incredible queen. And if she doesn’t want you, or if she’s with another guy, if it doesn’t work out, you’re going to find a great woman. I want you to find that great woman but you have to be open for that.
And ultimately you can’t change her mind. She can only change her mind by herself. So all you would have to do is wait for her or for that guy to probably screw up. For her to not be happy and most likely, if you’re both in the same city now in San Antonio, I don’t know how easy it is to run into each other there. I think it’s a big city in the US, no? But you might see her at some point or she would know that you are in San Antonio. I have a feeling if she knows that you’re in San Antonio, something’s gonna happen at some point. So I would not do anything and don’t try to change her mind. Don’t think about this too much. Keep on doing your own thing. I know it was really difficult because you ran into her but keep on going with your routine. Keep on going with your habits. Keep on going with whatever. Your school, right? You’re in college I think, right? So stay focused on that and that’s the important part. Focus on your happiness during no contact.
Move On From Ex Girlfriend: If You See Your Ex With Someone Else Should You Give Up And Let Her Go?
I don’t know what to do. I’m just very hurt and I almost feel immobilized by what just happened. I don’t know how to react to the situation. I am worried that I will run into her again in the future and feel the same way. Is there still hope for the two of us or should I find a way to move on?
Okay, first of all, yes, maybe you’re gonna run into her again and maybe you’re gonna feel like this again. This is why you need to keep on focusing on your own stuff, and also probably why you should start dating, because look at her… She’s dating already and maybe it’s a serious relationship. Maybe it’s just a rebound, who knows. I can’t see that for sure, but it’s helpful for her. What have you been doing? You’ve been focused on yourself, but have you also met women? I think you need to meet some women. Why is that so important? Because actually, guess what? Even if you’re open to meeting women, you’re not gonna meet the woman right away or find the right woman to date right away. So it takes time to find the kind of woman that you wanna date. So if you wouldn’t even be open to dating right now while you’re still hung up on your ex, you’re basically going to postpone the time it takes to meet another great woman.
So for example, let’s say you only decide to date in a year from now, but then it takes you another six months to actually find a great woman, or maybe it takes you a year, right? So you basically wasted two years of your life if you now stay focused on your ex. And so this is exactly why you need to be focused on yourself, not her. Keep on doing what you’ve been doing, what has been working. And so is there still hope for the two of you? Or should you find a way to move on? You should definitely move on. There might be the chance that you could make it work in the future but it has to be up to her. She has to reach out to you. Basically, you gotta wait for that time when she’s ready to make it work. But I really need to find a better word for this because you shouldn’t be waiting for it. You should just moving forward with your life and then when she comes along, that’s great, and then if you’re not taken… perfect!
There is always a chance to reconnect with an ex. Ultimately, it’s really just about the fact that she’s interested in you, reaches out, wants to get to know you, and if you’re both then compatible, you resolved your issues or whatever led to the breakup, then you can make it work again, of course. Some people have this really dumb advice that you shouldn’t get back with an ex because she’s an ex for a reason and didn’t work out but that’s not how relationships work. It’s really just about learning to understand each other. Learning to understand each other’s communication patterns. It’s no different from you if you’re in a relationship and you are not making each other happy and then you learn how to actually make each other happy and bam! You’re happy! It’s same thing. Just that you didn’t break up yet.
So why would it not be possible with an ex? Sure, with an ex, there could be more resentment… Possibly… But there have been studies that this resentment after breakups actually makes it more likely that you can actually get back together, which is ironic, but that’s just how it is, apparently. So the bottom line of all of this is you should move on. There is a chance that you could get back together, but you keep on doing your thing, keep on hitting the gym, man. And maybe you’re gonna find a great woman there. So that is my advice for you. Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within.