Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video, we’re going to talk about confidence with women, making women chase you. But I’m going to look at it from a very different angle today. So perhaps if you’re younger, but also maybe if you’re in your 30s or 40s, if you’re relatively shy or you don’t have successful experiences with women, you might ask yourself: How do guys do it? How do guys have threesomes? How do guys have women just walk up to them? How can guys just talk to any random woman anywhere, wherever they go? If they go to a coffee shop, they’re able to start a conversation, or at the grocery store, how do they do it? How are they so confident? And there, of course, are a lot of ways of how you can go about this.
Becoming The Attractive Man: You Can Learn And Train How To Get A Girl To Like You
You can learn a lot about attraction and how women look at men. For example, eye contact. You can look at figuring out that a woman is actually attracted to you and only going for the women who are attracted to you. There are a lot of things that you can learn. But the first thing that you always gotta develop, before anything else as a guy, is you gotta develop yourself. Not your confidence with women, not your pickup lines, not the way that you walk over to a woman, or your posture, or your eye contact, or your smile, or the sound of your voice, how deep it is. Sure, there are a lot of things that you can work on, but at the end of the day, what matters is how confident you feel inside. Because if you have inner game, you’re going to develop outer game eventually. So, I have something slightly different today. Usually, the kind of messages that I get are about a guy who sends a specific scenario with a girl.
But in this scenario, he sent me a message, and he’s more talking about, he’s looking at other guys or at one specific guy, and he’s like, “How the fuck does he do that?” And I mentioned the example earlier, threesomes. That guy, for example, is able to have threesomes, and he’s like, “Wow, how does he do it?” And if you want to get exactly these things in life, threesomes, a naughty girlfriend, a girlfriend who does exactly what you want, or you are able to seduce her very fast. You know, some guys, they take forever to seduce a woman, and they just can’t get to the point, basically. And then there are other people who just talk to a woman and they turn her on, and they relatively quickly escalate. And when they have sex, they get exactly what they want with sex. And the same thing with the relationship. They get exactly what they want. And obviously, that’s what you want to be. That’s the kind of man that you want to be. And for that, you have to first have inner game. Alright, so with all that out of the way, let’s look at this situation.
What Women Want From A Man: No Happy Woman Dumps A Self Confident Male
Hi coach, I suck at dating, and I am really frustrated by my lack of success with girls. I need your advice. What I’m doing wrong? I am 24 years old, but I have never had a proper long-term girlfriend. I have been dating two girls before, but both relationships were very short, and I got dumped by both of my exes very unexpectedly. That was some time ago, though.
Okay, first of all: This is not a video about maintaining healthy relationships but you’re clearly young, at 24, and you had two relationships. I’m not sure when you had them, but it sounds to me like something very typical that a lot of guys do, especially when they’re very inexperienced. You gotta understand that. So you got them twice, right? And unexpectedly, right? You didn’t see it coming. So what that tells me was these two girls that you were dating in the past, they were very unhappy. Maybe they didn’t know how to express it, especially when they’re young. They don’t really know always what to say to a guy to make him listen and to actually get him to see what they want. But also, very typically, women also just want to basically want you to figure it out. Women expect you to know what’s going on within them, to an extent. It is toxic to an extent. That’s just how women work. They want to feel like you care about them.
And so the fact that you got dumped unexpectedly twice tells me that you probably just didn’t pay attention to the way that she felt and the things that she wanted or the way that she talked to you. So, for example, if I look back at probably the first girlfriend that I ever dated, the same thing happened to me. She dumped me out of the blue. And that was like when it happened, I was like “Why are you doing this?! How could you do this?!” I was very distraught. And I mean, basically, the only thing that I could think of back then when I was dating that girl was probably I was just thinking about sex, but I didn’t even seduce her. Um, and that girl probably was really fucking bored and annoyed with me because the only thing that we would do is we would hang out and we would make out, and there was not really much going on. So it was really fucking boring for her. And I couldn’t really see that. All I could see were my sexual desires that I had as a young guy. And I didn’t see her as a whole person. I didn’t see myself as a whole person. I didn’t really see what was going on in our dynamic.
And so at some point, if you don’t see what’s going on in the relationship, if you don’t really pay attention to your girlfriend, she’s just gonna dump you, especially if she’s unhappy. So just very important to note, you know, if you are with a woman, you always have to pay attention to what’s actually going on, how does she actually look at you? Typically if you are with a woman, dude, if the woman is happy, if she loves you, if she’s excited, she is going to see you, and whenever she sees you, she is SO happy to see you! She’s going to smile, she’s going to hug you, she’s going to hold your hands, all kinds of things, and you don’t have to force them. She will do all of these things by herself. But if you’re, for example always the guy who has to make that stuff happen, that’s a problem. So that’s just something important to mention. So you were young, and you know, you gotta pay more attention to what the women that you’re dating actually feel.
Women’s Preferences: Women Want Older Guys, So How To Be More Attractive In Your 20s As A Man
My last relationship was two and a half years ago, and ever since then, I actually feel like I have gotten worse at dating than before. Girls are not interested in me anymore, and most girls in my age group are dating older guys like 28, 29. It’s hard to compete with older guys who are much more confident. I just do not feel confident with girls at all right now.
So, first of all, that’s kind of a natural thing, especially when girls get into their 20s. When girls are still like 18, 19, 20, they might still date guys that are a little bit closer to their age range, especially because they’re in college or they’re in high school, and so they meet guys where they hang out. But then as they go into college or into a job, they get exposed to a lot more guys, and they’re also just a bit more mature, so they get more attention from older guys. Because, if you are, let’s say, for example, 29, and you see a hot 20-year-old or a hot 19-year-old, you might go for that. You don’t care that she’s that young, you know? But if you’re 29 and you see a 17-year-old, she might look cute, but really, nah, she’s a little bit too young for me. So sometimes, for example, I see young girls, and they look really hot, but I’m like, they might actually not be underage. They’re probably in their 20s. You know, here in Asia, they all look super young, but I see a girl, and she’s really hot, and she’s probably around 20, but I’m like, you know, maybe she’s a little bit young. As women get a little bit older in their 22, 23, they get more attention from older guys, and women want those older guys. They want those guys who are really confident, who’ve developed themselves. That’s just attractive to them. So that’s something natural that you should just understand.
It’s not necessarily that you’re getting worse with dating. That could be the case, but probably more likely what’s happening is that these women that you’re dating now, or that you want to date now, they are raising their standards. So when you are, like, when I was 17, for example, the girls that I was dating, they had relatively low standards. They didn’t really know what they wanted, right? So they just wanted a nice guy who makes them happy. And so perhaps I wasn’t the first boyfriend of my girlfriend back then, but not much experience, not much exposure to new things. And so of course, the more things you experience, the more you want them. I was talking to a friend yesterday. He told me that I’m making a lot of money, and I told him, “No, I’m not. I’m actually still figuring things out.”
But I explained to him, “Look, you know, if you’ve been making a shitton of money in the past, then you know the more you make money, the more money you make, the more you realize how much money actually is out there in the world that you can make.” So if you have no perspective when you’re young and you haven’t really experienced how much money you can make, then you think, “Wow, this dude is making a lot of money!” But I’m actually currently making less money than when I was full-time employed working in tech, so I’m still figuring things out. But for him it’s like it’s a lot of money, but for me it’s like, no dude, I’m still like in the learning process, in the learning stage personally, right. So it’s all a matter of perspective. So you know, these women have not yet experienced everything and now they’re starting to experience new things. So they want different kind of guys and probably you’re not that kind of guy yet. So let’s continue. Let’s see where this goes.
Sigma Male Attraction Secret: Sigma Males Are More Attractive And Drive Women Crazy
Just a few weeks ago, I was sitting down with an older friend of mine who I met at an event a long time ago. He’s a guy, by the way. I’m not sure what his exact age is, but he’s in his 30s, I think. When we were sitting down to talk about women and dating, I was honestly intimidated by his confidence and approach with women. He told me about these two girls who wanted to go with him to the beach and have a threesome, and I just couldn’t believe his story. And he even said that he rejected the offer because he said they were too crazy. And I was just in complete disbelief.
Look at that contrast. You are in complete disbelief. Now, personally, I would probably not turn down this threesome, but it always depends on your stage in life. This guy is in his 30s, probably, right? So, I don’t know, maybe he could be also in his 40s, but let’s say he’s maybe in his middle 30s to maybe late 30s. And maybe he’s had a lot of hookups, maybe he had a lot of threesomes, and maybe he doesn’t really care that much anymore. That might sound crazy to you, but if he’s already experienced a lot of stuff, he has a lot of frame of reference for what he wants or what he doesn’t want. So, maybe he doesn’t want those crazy chicks anymore. Maybe he’s actually now looking for a woman who is a little bit more grounded, who doesn’t mess around so much, who just wants to have one guy, wants to be loyal, and someone that he can basically bring home to your mom. And would you want to bring home a woman who wants to have a threesome with you? Maybe, maybe not.
I’m not saying that you couldn’t do that, but certainly, the woman who’s a little bit more modest, doesn’t hook up so much, it’s definitely the one that I would be more confident…. It’s definitely the woman that I would be more confident to bring home with me. And so, look, he’s not intimidated by these women. I guess one of the big differences is that he doesn’t give a shit, probably, most likely, right? So, the fact that he’s not intimidated tells me that he’s had so many women and he can have his choice! If he can have this threesome, cool. But if he doesn’t get this threesome, he doesn’t care because he’s probably already had some threesomes. And maybe he doesn’t like threesomes. Maybe they are actually too much work for him. Honestly, a threesome is nice the first few times when you have it. But for me personally, sex with one woman that is really great and really intimate is just better. For me personally, in general, sex that is intimate, in general, not just threesomes, is better. Could be different for other people. For me, that’s how I see it. Some guys might think differently.
And it also depends on how much sex you’ve had in the past. So, he’s probably just gone through this phase and now he’s like, “Yeah, whatever, yeah, I wouldn’t mind the threesome,” but maybe he just wasn’t in the mood for whatever reason. There are many, many reasons. But he said that they were too crazy and whatever his reason is for that kind of stuff, you never know. Maybe he dated some chick where he had a threesome in the past with that chick and maybe she wasn’t like fucking batshit crazy and he basically has seen some of the craziest chicks he could possibly believe exist on the planet. And he’s like “I’m done with this shit! I’ve did some crazy chicks. I fucked some crazy chicks. I fucked some chicks that are very easy and too easy to have,” that are a bit of promiscuous, that reveal themselves and give their bodies away too much, and very often honestly, the truth is these kinds of women, they are trouble! They are trouble. I mean if he just wants to have fun for a short while maybe he could have gone for it but maybe that’s just not his priority, so that’s something to put into perspective.
When You Don’t Care: The Simple Ways To Make Any Girl Chase You By Being A High Value Man
He said that I should open up. That I shouldn’t overcomplicate dating so much, and that I am overthinking everything too much when I go on dates. He says, ‘It’s not that hard to talk to a woman, and that I should just be myself.’ But that’s easier said than done. On a side note, that guy is very tall and bulky, plus he’s Spanish, so he’s not exactly the most unattractive guy on the planet, if you get what I’m saying. It’s just not that easy to be so self-assured as he is, especially when you don’t look like a literal model. Yes, no kidding. Even as a guy, I can tell that he is attractive.
Okay, I actually don’t deny that. Actually, Spanish guys are typically very attractive. Like, if I sit with a Spanish guy, it’s very rare that he’s not more attractive than me. That’s just the reality. I’ve met a lot of Spanish guys, and they just got good genes. You can’t deny that. So, is he attractive? Most likely. He’s also in his 30s, he’s very bulky, he’s very tall, you know? He just got that body. He’s been blessed with good genes. Sure, no denying there. But she’s telling you to chill the fuck out, right? So he’s telling you, “Dude, you’re taking all of this too seriously. It’s not that hard to talk to women.”
You’re telling yourself, “Well, what does that even mean? It’s really hard to be myself. And it is actually hard to talk to women.”
Again, you’re overthinking. Now, let me give you an example. This has nothing to do with women, but it is a good example. I can probably imagine how this guy has been talking to you, right? You were talking where? I don’t know, where you were talking. Maybe it was at a coffee shop or something like that, but let me give an example. So, I was recently sitting down with a friend who’s relatively young. I think he’s 24, and I’m 33, so I have a lot more experience, and I’m like his mentor, I guess you could say. I give him a lot of advice. And dating is definitely one of them, but anything with success and with money and with, just thinking more critically. I’m his mentor, essentially. And so, that was about a month ago. I still had long hair, and here in Indonesia, everyone used to make fun of me. Not make fun of me, but basically, when people would see my long hair, they would be like, “Oh, it’s Jesus!” And yeah, and basically, I did look like Jesus!
So back then, I still had my long hair. I was sitting there at the coffee shop, and we were talking about something. I think we were talking about business or money or confidence, something like that. I was basically teaching him a little bit about something. I forgot what it was, but someone took a video of the two of us sitting there from the side, and then he posted that video in a story later on. And you could clearly see him, 24 years old, me 33 years old. I’m sitting there, giving zero fucks. I’m articulating. I’m using my hands. I’m very relaxed. I’m just like gesturing a lot and I just don’t care what I look like, how do I sit there, what am I saying. I think I was leaning on the chair and I was like very open with my legs and my arms and just confidently expressing myself. I gave zero fucks.. Like who was there in the coffee shop, or who was looking at me, or who was around me, what was going on, I was just focused on speaking my truth, speaking whatever the hell I thought was meaningful to say right now to that little kid. Not little kid but up to me he’s a little kid and I’m his mentor, so I was just trying to tell him whatever I thought was important.
Oh and I remember why he made that story because he said his November looked like learning something from Jesus! I thought it was kind of a funny story. So anyway, meanwhile, he was sitting there and, me, Jesus, I was teaching him, gesturing, and expressing some thoughts, and just super chill AF basically. And his body posture was just, he was like arms very like just, like sitting there, like a little baby, like, he was paying close attention, and for that, I’m very grateful. But you could see in his body language how he was so tense, and just caring so much about how he looked like and how he was presenting himself. And there was just a big difference in the body language. He was just tenser and more uptight and not relaxed essentially, right. And so, me, I was like super chill, just having a conversation and he was very focused, which was good. But he was just very tense, you could see it in his body, right? And so, I’m assuming that guy, he’s in his 30s. When he goes anywhere, if I go to a… It doesn’t matter where I go, if I go to the grocer, if I go surfing, if I go shopping, if I go to any coffee shop or any, wherever I go, I’m not tense, I’m chill AF and I don’t really care what is going on, or if someone is looking at me, or something like that. It just doesn’t bother me. And yes, actually, when I was younger, this kind of stuff did bother me.
So that’s just something that you need to learn, that anything, anything how anyone would judge you, or how things can go wrong in life, it doesn’t really matter. So, how things can go, with how things can go wrong with women doesn’t matter, how things go wrong in business doesn’t matter, how someone looks at you because you’re failing a business doesn’t matter, how your friends look at you, doesn’t matter, how the people that you know or are close to you, what they think about you, what they’re trying to do with your life, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you live a badass life and do exactly what you want, and you just move forward with confidence with life, and that’s all you need, and you don’t have to please anyone, including women. So, my assumption is this guy does not need to please any women. I mean, that’s why he literally rejected the threesome, basically, right? Maybe there were more reasons for the rejection, but basically look, this guy can say there’s a threesome here or whatever, I’m busy or something, or like I’m dating this other girl, he has options.
He doesn’t care if he rejects these girls. So he is very abundant with his confidence, he knows that whatever is going to happen in the future, he can just find another woman or maybe it’s just not for him, he’s focused on something else right now. So, he’s really focused, he has a lot of inner game, he’s really abundant, whatever he cares about right now, whether that’s women or something else, something is filling him up inside, and because of that, he doesn’t need the validation from women. So, that’s how I roughly think this guy is thinking. Of course, I don’t really know him exactly, but you know, obviously he’s also very bulky and attractive, so that makes it a bit easier for him, for sure, but I think it’s definitely more about his age and the fact that he developed himself, right. So once you hit your 30s, you know exactly what you want. You kind of know in which direction you want to go. You know what you want to pursue, and you know you probably already went in some wrong directions for some time. Now, you find you have some exact focus of what kind of lifestyle you want, what kind of job you want. Maybe you switch careers. So, that makes him a lot more attractive because he has very clear focus inside, and that then radiates outside. So that’s something to consider.
Never Focus On Women: How To Attract Any Girl You Want By Developing A Self Confident Male Foundation
So I want to be like him. To be honest, I want girls to chase me like that. Not necessarily threesomes. I’m kind of nervous about that LOL. But I want to be able to have effortless dating success like he does. But I don’t know how to achieve that. He says, ‘Just be yourself.’ But I don’t know what that really means. I’m already myself. Who else would I be? There’s obviously something special about this guy that draws women to him. So, I know you don’t know the guy, and it’s a tough question to answer, but how do you reach that kind of level with women, how to become a player?
So, I don’t know exactly this guy. I already gave you a lot of feedback. What I do think what you should do is stop focusing so much on women. You gotta develop yourself. What is his advantage? He probably has a good career. Maybe he is in some managerial position. Maybe he has his own business. He basically is making a lot of money, right? So, he’s got it all figured out. So, whoever he meets, he knows exactly what he wants. He’s very confident, for example, to say, “You know, this is what I do. I make a lot of money.” So you should be… He’s not saying that, but he knows that people will respect him, right? So, he knows that he’s a respectable person most likely, and based on what you’ve told me, right? So, you gotta work on yourself, develop yourself. You don’t need to focus so much on women. I know that’s what you want right now, but the problem is when you were, you make it so much about “I need to be something very specific for a woman, and I need to be more attractive, more confident. I want them to chase me. There’s something that is missing in me.” That’s what you’re telling yourself. That is technically true. There’s something missing. You haven’t developed yourself enough yet.
But the problem is that you’re thinking, you’re thinking “Woman First, Development second.” For you, it should be development first, self-development first, woman secondary. So, what I would suggest, for example, I wouldn’t say don’t date, but if you want to date, choose carefully who do you want today? For example, when I was new in the Philippines, so about five, six years ago, relatively new, maybe two years after I moved to the Philippines, my second girlfriend, she was a very ambitious woman. She worked at a really good company. She didn’t have a good salary, but she had high ambitions. She was incredibly smart. She was also beautiful. She was also… Filipinos are great women. They have a lot of good qualities, not just with intelligence and English skills, but also sex. For example, Filipinos are pretty great! Anyway, she was a really ambitious and smart woman, and she wouldn’t take no for an answer. She was like, “I want to be successful in life, and I’m gonna work hard for it,” and she worked hard for it. And that’s why I liked her, because I was also trying to make a name for myself. I was also trying to develop myself to become exactly who I wanted to be. So, the first girlfriend in the Philippines that I dated was a disaster. She didn’t develop herself, at least emotionally, as a person. She was good with her career, I suppose you could say, but she wasn’t very self-developed with her inner game. So, she was very immature, insecure, she was a bit crazy.
So, that was a stark contrast between these two women. The second woman had some problems as well, but what was great about her was that we both vibed together. We worked together; I mean, we didn’t work together, but we spent time together, and we both pursued our goals together. And then we came together and dated as well, so that was great. But if you’re only focused on “I want that great woman” for the sake of wanting a great woman, why do you want her? What’s your purpose of having a woman? Why do you want to date a woman? This is just so you have a girlfriend, and so that someone loves you, and so that someone gives you affection. There’s gotta be a deeper purpose behind that. For example, for me, I wanted a woman who’s on my wavelength, who’s on my confidence or ambition level, who wants to dream big because when you’re young, you’re kind of excited. You want to do new things, right? And so, I’m sure you are also very excited right now. You’re 24. You probably have some big dream that are probably a little bit unrealistic and crazy, but you want to achieve it, and you can achieve it if you work hard for that. And you should find yourself a woman who has kind of the same wavelength.
So, now work towards your goals, your dreams, and a lot of guys don’t do that. They just focus on having a girlfriend for the sake of having a girlfriend, or they just focus on “I just want some pussy,” and they think that will solve all their problems. But, you know, like that 33-year-old guy, he realized, “Pussy is not everything on the planet.” It’s not the only thing that we need in life, obviously, because it’s great. There’s no denying that the power of the pussy is irreplaceable, I guess you could say in a way, but it’s not everything. Women are great to have in your life, but they have to come after you develop yourself. So, focus more on yourself. Focus on what’s important to you. You can still date and work on your confidence, but I can guarantee you, if you would be a little bit more confident in your own skin because maybe you are really good at the gym or maybe you’re really good at, music or something like that. Maybe a great musician, maybe you are popular because you are a really good soccer player, whatever your hobby or your interests are, or maybe you’re really good at technology. I used to be very good with technology, and when I was new in the Philippines, I did a lot of community organizing and stuff like that. I became basically a local famous person in the Philippines in the tech industry, so I made a name for myself. I became a leader and I had something about me that was really attractive, and so that’s why women liked me even though I was very insecure. Now, women like me a lot more than back then because I also worked on my confidence.
So yes, confidence with women plus self-development, self-confidence. These two things are both important, but if I would tell a guy who’s insecure, maybe young, what do I focus on? Do I focus on my confidence with women or do I focus on my confidence with myself? I would always tell you to focus on yourself first because the confidence with women is very easy to learn, but it’s almost impossible to be confident with women when you are not feeling confident inside of yourself. Because if you have something really shitty going on in your life, no matter how confident you are, you’re gonna fail with a woman. That is just the harsh reality of life. You can be as confident as anyone you’ve ever met, like that 33-year-old guy, super confident AF, and I can guarantee you, if this guy goes bankrupt, for example, in the next month or something like that happens, something really terrible happens, or maybe God forbid, one of his parents died, something really bad basically happens that he didn’t anticipate, he’s gonna be really bad with women. He’s going to no longer have game because he himself is no longer self-developed or no longer happy with himself. So, focus on your own happiness first, and then you focus on the women. So yes, you can still date, and I think it’s actually a good idea to continue dating, but stop making it your priority.
For example, ask yourself, how often do you open dating apps? I’m on dating apps like Bumble or Tinder, but I really do not open them very often. Like maybe, I don’t know, it’s super sporadic. It’s probably maybe every two or three weeks or something like that. But sometimes there are times where I haven’t opened a dating app for a really long time. I didn’t even realize that I still had it. Well, I know that I have them, but I just, they’re not on my mind, right? So, how often do you open a dating app, for example? You know, if you’re opening a dating app more often than you’re working on yourself, for example, there’s something going wrong. They say something very similar with YouTubers, if you are spending more time consuming content on YouTube than creating content, then you won’t be successful with YouTube. And yeah, actually, right now, I feel like I’m actually guilty of that. Right now, I’m consuming too much YouTube content, so I gotta stop doing that a little bit. You gotta be real of yourself and not bullshit yourself. Are you doing the wrong habits? So, are you pursuing habits that help you build inner game or are you pursuing habits that you think will give you game, right?
So, you know, are you trying to pursue these women because you think once you have these women, everything will be so much better? Nope, everything will be so much better once you work on yourself. So, work on your career, your goals, whatever you want to achieve right now, if it’s a PhD or if you want to build your own company or your own startup. Or if you want to join a startup or if you want to work at one of the big, whatever at Google or something like that, or I have no idea what it is but I would focus on that 80/ 20 rule. You should focus 80% on that, 20% on women. So that’s my advice for you. I know that’s kind of a lot of vague stuff here but that’s just the reality man. What matters is your own confidence about yourself because once you no longer give a fuck about that, you’re going to sit in a coffee shop and tell some dude, “Yeah these tricks wanted a threesome with me but I got a soccer game.” You get the idea. Once you no longer give a shit because your life is great, because everything overall is good, then you have abundance to also choose more women. So that’s my advice for you. Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within.
