Table of Contents
Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video, we’re gonna talk about having the confidence to meet the right kind of women. The kind of woman who blows away your mind. And hopefully, also a lot of other things, if you get what I mean. And a lot of this depends on you valuing yourself enough, seeing yourself as a king, knowing exactly what makes you special, because obviously, if you don’t even know what makes you special & what’s unique about you, then why would a woman want you? So if you’re not even clear on that, then no woman could ever be clear on why she should date you. So that’s one thing. And the second thing also to consider about dating in general, is that the truth is there are a lot of great women to date out there. You just gotta make yourself available to these women. And so I’m gonna go through a message from a guy who’s having this problem. He doesn’t know how to find the right girlfriend for himself. He’s been dating a few girls but he’s not really happy. So let’s see what I have to say about this.
Impossible To Date As A Man: How To Find A Good Woman Who’s Sexy, Smart, And No Drama
Servus, Coach Andy. Greetings from Germany.
If you don’t know what “Servus” means, it’s a generic greeting that we have in Germany. It’s just like “Hey, what’s up” or “Goodbye“… It works for everything, basically.
Thanks for all your content. I’m hoping you could make a video about my challenge, which is finding a great girlfriend. You could say that that’s a ‘Ding der Unmöglichkeit’…
So if you don’t know what “‘Ding der Unmöglichkeit” means, it roughly translates to it’s a thing of impossibility. So basically, impossible. And that is a big problem. I can already tell that you’re approaching this whole thing with the wrong mindset. You’re telling yourself that it is impossible, or “unmöglich“, to meet a great woman, or finding a great girlfriend. And so obviously, if you have the wrong mindset, if you approach it with the wrong mindset, then it’s never going to work out. So let me give you an example. I just landed in Bali and I’m currently down in Jimbaran, which is in the south of Bali. Bali is quite big and there are not that many hot women down here in Jimbaran. And so I realized oh shit there are not many great women here on Tinder, but if I extend my radios much further to Canggu, which is the really hipster area where all the nomads are, there are so many hot women there. But if I swipe them, they’re not gonna see my profile. So what am I gonna do? Am I gonna sulk and think this is impossible to meet a hot woman? No.
What did I start doing? I super-liked the really hot women who are really far from me. Not really far from me, but a little bit far away from me. But hey, whatever. I’m gonna super like them and guess what happened? I’m matching with the hot women. So it’s all about your perceptions and what you tell yourself. And another thing, for example, that I could do is… Okay, there are not that many great women here on Tinder in my area, and yes, that’s true. So what I decided to do is well, okay, I can’t meet great women here in this area. At least not through dating apps. But I don’t want to move up north yet because there’s just too much stuff there with nomads going on. I want to wait a little bit and see a little bit more of the local stuff here and so I told myself well, okay, I can’t meet great women here, or at least I think so, but is that really true? So what did I do? I went to coffee shops, or I looked what are some really cool coffee shops that are really hip down in my area, and a little bit more north.
And guess what? You go on Tinder, you go on Instagram and you check out what kind of women go there. You look if this coffee shop is great. Then you go there and you meet some hot women. Now, of course, not everyone is gonna like you. Of course, you’re not gonna talk to all of them. But it’s really about your mindset. Do you tell yourself that finding a great girlfriend is impossible and then you give up? Or are you going to make ways? Are you going to find a way to make this happen? So if you try to find ways to make it happen, of course, at some point, it’s going to work out because your mindset is in the right place. But if you’re already going into this with a negative mindset and you think it’s impossible even though maybe you’re a great guy and maybe you are even standing next to a really beautiful, gorgeous woman, you might tell yourself it can’t be done. I can’t talk to her. Or I can’t meet them. Or whatever. And if you have that mindset, it’s never gonna work out. So that’s some important food for thought.
Why Can’t I Find A Dream Woman: How Do Ugly Guys Get Hot Girlfriends — It’s Just Not Fair
To make it clear: My problem isn’t finding a girlfriend in general. I’ve had two girlfriends before and dated multiple girls as well. I’m 24 right now, but I’m not happy with the type of girls that I have been dating, at least not if I compare it to some of the gorgeous girls that other men date. Some of these guys are even a lot less attractive than me in my opinion.
Well, there are two really important things that I want to mention here. First of all, looks can be really deceiving. On the first or second day that I got here in Bali… When you’re new in a new place, everything is complicated, and you have to try to figure out a lot of things. So how do I get a SIM card here? For example. So I went to a local shop. I went into a mall and there was this really hot woman, or so I thought, in front of me in the escalator, with some guy. Some white guy. And I was like damn! Dude, how did you get this chick?! Because he wasn’t really that hot, but then she turned around and I was like, okay, this is how he got her, because her face was essentially a hot body but just not a good face. So looks can be deceiving.
Another thing that happened to me recently was… I super liked one of the really hot girls and we matched and she’s totally into me, but yeah, I’m probably gonna reject her pretty soon because she’s just not my type in terms of personality. So a woman can be really hot or you can think that she’s really hot and she seems really interesting, maybe even her profile on Tinder seems interesting, but then when you talk to her, she’s boring. She doesn’t entertain you. She’s not very intriguing. She’s not very educated. You can’t have great conversations with her that are inspiring, that inspire you to be with her. And so sometimes, looks can be really deceiving. So if you see other guys with some really attractive women, you don’t know what these women are like. So it doesn’t make sense to compare yourself because it doesn’t mean anything, to be honest.
Now, that’s not to say, of course, that it can’t be the fact that someone can be much less attractive than you and can date a woman that is really hot and you can’t get it done even though you’re much more attractive. And this comes again down to your mindset and to your confidence. So someone can be relatively not attractive and can have his shit together and get this woman. You can be a relatively nerdy guy, maybe you’re a gamer, and you really know stuff about computer hardware. Maybe you have your own shop where you sell hardware and stuff like that. GPUs and all this stuff. And you’re making a lot of money, but you’re basically average looking. You’re a gamer, basically, right? So maybe you’re not that hot. That’s not to say that there aren’t hot gamers, obviously, but maybe you’re a bit of an average build, but you make a lot of money because of your hardware business, and so overall your life is in order.
So sure, maybe you’re not that attractive. Maybe your body type’s not that attractive. But overall, your life is pretty good and so if that’s you, then overall, you’re happy with your life. You’re content with who you are. And a woman is going to notice that. So it doesn’t always just have to do with how attractive you are physically. Yes, being physically attractive is a super huge bonus, for sure, but obviously, there’s also mental confidence, resilience in your heart, in your brain, in your mindset, in how you approach life in general. Now, before I talk about the second thing that I wanted to mention about your situation, I’m first gonna read the next paragraph to give some more context.
How To Date A High Value Woman: Are You Always Approaching The Wrong Women & Wasting Your Time?
The two girlfriends that I had in the past both had some things that just weren’t so great about them. One was a fairly jealous type. So that did not last very long because of it. The other one was… It’s hard to explain. Actually, she was a sweet girl. I suppose the issue with her was just that we ended up not being compatible. She was too conservative and timid. It just wasn’t for me and I got too frustrated with a lot of her small quirks that I did not like. So I think you could say the first girlfriend really had issues. The second one just wasn’t the right one for me. I think I have not yet found the right girl for me and the main problem here is that I am shooting a bit too high, maybe. Like I said… A Ding der Unmöglichkeit.
Well, if you carefully read what you just wrote me, this is actually a contradiction. Because on one side you’ve been dating women who had issues or who didn’t make you happy, but then on the other hand you’re telling yourself you just can’t date these great women that you actually want. So what does that tell me? You’re probably settling for the wrong women. That could be one issue. You’re settling for the wrong women, or you’re just not clear exactly on what you want and you only figure it out when you’re dating. So a lot of guys make the mistake that they start dating a woman and they never really thought about what do they actually want? So for some of you who are watching this, you might think this sounds kind of crazy, but this happens a lot more often than you might think. So for example, if you’ve dated a woman who was very jealous, if you would know exactly what you would want, then you would immediately see if she’s jealous and then you would just say “Nah, I’m out of here. This is not for me and I don’t want to date you.“…
So to give you an example, again of this girl that I mentioned earlier. She’s smoking hot and i would love to have sex with her, to be honest, but I could immediately tell that she’s really, really clingy. So I’m kind of turned off. I’m still trying to make up my mind but most likely I’m just not gonna even go on a date with her because I know exactly what I want. Now, of course, you are relatively young. You’re 24 years old. So maybe you haven’t really experienced enough about what the things that you don’t want or want, but you could be reasonable and just write this down on a piece of pen and paper. Think about this carefully. What do you actually want? And then you have to actually look for this in a woman, because if you essentially blindly just date around and you tell yourself this is the kind of right woman, and I’m assuming your criteria is one who’s really hot, then if that’s your only criteria, you’re probably never gonna find the right woman because guess what? Most women are really hot. So if that is your only problem, most likely, you just don’t have enough confidence to talk to these women yet and it’s about your mindset.
But that’s only one part of the problem. If you don’t really know what you want and then you run into the wrong women, if you can’t spot it obviously, that is a huge issue. And so the same thing happened with the woman who was kind of timid, right? So small quirks here and there that you didn’t like, that didn’t make you happy. She was a timid. This sounds to me that she was not kinky enough, I guess in bed, for example. What else did you mention? Some small things here and there with her that you didn’t like. So obviously, again, you didn’t have a clear picture of what you wanted from a woman. So for example, if kinkiness, I guess being open-minded in the bedroom, for example, is one of your big criteria, why would you ever date a woman like this, right? So if you could tell relatively quickly that this is not for you, that she’s not making you happy because let’s say for example, let’s say she doesn’t want to be spanked in the bedroom, for example. If you could tell this relatively quickly, you should just end it very fast and just not hang on to this relationship and move on to the next woman. And that way you can actually level up your game. You can actually meet more women. You can learn how to become more confident with women.
Most importantly, you can also learn to spot the ones that you don’t like and more quickly spot the ones that you do like and try to go for those that you do like a lot more often. And then because you go for these really hot, attractive, high-value women who have exactly what you want, because of that it becomes more natural to you. It feels a lot easier to you over-time because you’re training yourself. It’s literally like it’s an anime training arc where you have to teach yourself how to date these really great women that you actually want. But first, you got to know what you want. So imagine, you are Naruto in Naruto Shippuden and you want to learn the new Rasengan, but you really don’t know how to do it, then if you wouldn’t have Kakashi, your sensei, who teaches you what you have to focus on and tells you “You need a new jutsu”… Okay, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but if you don’t do this, if you don’t know what you need to focus on, you’re never gonna make the progress, right? You need to have a plan, a goal forward. And so you need to have a plan of how do you actually obtain the things that you want? So if you want, let’s say, for example, a woman who is highly attractive…
Let’s say, for example, how do you get this? Probably, she’s highly attractive. If she’s really fit, gym might be one option. Hitting the gym. In particular, going where these women hang out. So you can go to a running group. Or a gym. Or some activities. And you’re gonna meet more women there. And by working on your body, of course, it’s attractive to them as well. So you’re going to build a synergy. You’re going to attract what they are, because like attracts like. So it’s just really important to remind yourself that nothing is impossible. Nothing is a Ding der Unmöglichkeit. Nothing is a thing of impossibility. Anything that you want, you can create it. Yes, you can create your girlfriend. You can create the perfect version of yourself.
Because if you become the perfect version of yourself, that is going to be wanted by that kind of woman that you want. She’s going to be attracted to that. Of course, you have to think about what kind of man should I be so that my dream woman is actually going to be attracted to me. Because that’s the easiest way to find a woman, or get a girlfriend. You don’t even have to chase her. You become like a magnet that pulls her towards you because your character is exactly what she wants. So that’s some food for thought.
Only Average Matches On Tinder: When Dating Apps Don’t Work Learn How To Approach Beautiful Women
I can get some girlfriend, but I don’t want just any girlfriend. I want the kind of girl who blows me away every single day. But I’m too shy to meet them and talk to them. Right now, most of my dates come from dating apps because of that. And I don’t match enough girls who are my dream woman.
So well, if you’re not matching with the right woman on Tinder… First of all, as I said, super likes are super easy to get matched with the right women. Because most of the time you’re just not being visible to the women who actually want you. And so for example, I can tell you something that I discovered here in Bali. Now, this example is not gonna hold true for every place, for sure, but here in Bali there are a lot of hot women who are single and they’re on Tinder and they’ve been here for a long time and I’ve been asking myself why the hell is that? And I figured it out. They can’t find the right kind of guy. Either the guy here is a tourist, or he’s a fuckboy. They’re really boring and they’re just not entertained by these guys. And so if you have an interesting profile and you super like them and they see your profile, they might like it.
Maybe they won’t like it, honestly, there’s like a 50/50 chance. You gotta take that chance. Super like these hot women and immediately your chances are going to increase to match with these women. You’re not going to meet your dream woman if you don’t say hi to her. And on a dating app, saying hi to your dream woman will basically mean super liking her. She needs to see you. That is basically how Hi works on dating apps. The actual Hi once match with a woman on the dating app is actually already like the second conversation, or the second touching point essentially. And I’m gonna touch on something here in a moment, but first I’m gonna finish your message.
Dating beautiful women: What Do You Bring To The Table? What’s The Best Part About Dating You?
How do I meet the woman who’s just right for me? Or how do I find the confidence to actually meet them? I’m not super shy but there’s just something terrifying about approaching women who seem slightly out of range. From my dating app matches, it’s clear that there’s some secret sauce that I am lacking, but I have no idea what it is. How do I figure out why I can’t find my dream woman? Thanks a lot.
So an important part about getting the confidence to actually meet the kind of woman that you want to meet is to recognize actually that there are so many women who are into you, that maybe you’re not even aware of this. So for example, a few days ago I was going out to get some food and there’s always people on motorbikes here in Bali. Everybody’s driving a motorbike because that’s just how we do it on the beach. That’s how we roll. We don’t drive cars, for the most part. And so I saw this really hot woman. I’m not sure she was maybe Russian or European, and she saw me on the motorbike and I was without a shirt. I just came from a run or whatever. I don’t know if I was going for food or if I was on a run and then going for food… Anyway, basically, she checked me out. I could see as she was driving past me, she was checking me out and probably, if she wouldn’t have been driving with her motorbike, I might have talked to her. And there are a lot of women who just constantly find you hot. And you don’t even realize it.
You have to pay attention to that eye contact. So I could see immediately as she looked at me… Damn! This girl likes me! She’s into me! And so often, it’s just about having that awareness that this woman actually wants you. And all you have to do is say hi. And trust me, there’s not much more that you have to do. The conversation is just gonna flow after a certain while and then the thing is to make it actually flow is to actually be happy with yourself and not to be shy in the sense of you having to make this woman approve of you. You don’t need for this woman to validate you as a person, as a man. So you should know exactly who you are as a man. Because if you know exactly who you are and what is great about you, what is special about you, then you’re never gonna have any problem talking to any woman because one thing that it does when you know exactly who you are as a man, what makes you special, at that point it becomes a lot easier to actually talk about your passions, and who you are, and what excites you, because it comes from your heart. It comes with a passionate mindset. It comes with this kind of fire burning that just excites a woman.
So for example, what are the things that make me special? Obviously, it’s my dating channel. It’s my interest in music. It’s my interest in growth. It is my interest in authenticity. And here for the locals, it’s also my interest in the Indonesian language. I really like learning it and a lot of chicks actually dig it here. So there are a lot of things that I find really interesting. So for example, learning Indonesian is something that is just so fun to me. Fun but also hard at the same time. I just take every opportunity that I can get to speak Indonesian, even though I really suck and I’m embarrassed by it. But I’m always just so excited to go outside and meet someone new. Order something. Whatever. And ask them how do I say this inIindonesian? Learn something new. Maybe I say the wrong thing in Indonesian… Whatever! But it starts the conversation and people are excited by it. And women are excited by it. Now obviously, that might not work in your area where you’re at. You’re just gonna speak your own language, but you get the idea. There’s something about you that is interesting.
So for example, another thing that could happen, and this does happen actually, I love to play the guitar and so sometimes I just hang out at a coffee shop and when I get bored or when I need some distraction because too much work, basically… I love working for you guys or working on content for you guys, but it also gets sometimes very tiring to do all of this stuff, and so I need some distractions. So I go outside, I sit outside with my guitar and I just jam a little bit, or I practice a little bit. And maybe I meet someone who plays guitar as well and I strike up a conversation. It could be a woman, that could not be a woman, it doesn’t really matter. The point is I’m happy with who I am and so now if I actually run into a woman who is into me and then we start a conversation… Guess what? It’s gonna be really easy to have that conversation because I can just tell her exactly who I am. I know exactly what makes me special. There’s only one me on this planet.
Of course, we all have some shared interests and we sometimes think that we are more special than we actually are, but ultimately, there are certain key requirements or characteristics that you have that are special to a woman, that she might find interesting. So what are these three, four, or five touching points or areas of interest of yours that make a woman really excited about you? What are the things that you love talking about? What are the things that you’re really passionate about? If you talk to any woman, you can talk about these five things, and she can tell this is who he is. She might like that. She might not like that at all. It depends on a woman. If she doesn’t like it… Who the fuck cares?! Next woman. There are so many hot women and you just gotta pay attention to that.
The problem is not that there are only a certain amount of hot women to talk to, or great women that you want to talk to, but you’re too shy and so it’s impossible because you’re only talking to one of them. It’s not the problem that there are not enough great women. The problem is that you don’t take every shot. It’s not just about taking every shot. It’s just about being comfortable in your own skin. Because once you become comfortable in your skin, you don’t even have to hit on women anymore. It just happens. At some point you’re gonna strike up that conversation at a coffee shop or at an event that you are at and it’s all about being in the right frame of mind. Because you never know when you’re gonna meet this woman. It could be tomorrow. It could be in a week from now. It could be in a month from now. And all you gotta do is be prepared for that and with preparation, I don’t mean that you have to teach yourself how to talk to women, how to say some cool lines to start the conversation.
No, you have to be prepared by being a king. By being confident with yourself. Because once you’re confident with yourself that’s, going to radiate outside and everybody can see it. And that is going to increase everything in life. It’s going to improve everything in your life. It’s going to improve your friendships. It’s going to improve your career. It’s going to improve the women who are attracted to you. And all of that is kind of like a synergy. If you meet better friends, then you meet hotter women. If you have a better career, guess what? You’re gonna meet hotter women. It always bounces off of each other. If you date a great woman, guess what? You’re probably gonna improve your career. You’re probably also going to improve your social circle as well. It’s always a cycle. And the easiest thing that you can control is yourself. So your inner happiness. And once that starts to build up, you build up other areas in your life, maybe it’s first women, maybe it’s first career, maybe it’s first just in general contentment, but something’s gonna improve. And then it’s gonna spiral and you’re gonna meet more great women.
So you gotta stay patient. You gotta work on yourself and ask yourself what is the greatest thing about dating you? If you would have one thing now… Let’s say… Let’s make it three things. What are the three things that any woman is going to see in you? And let’s say the woman that you are into, she’s gonna meet you and she sees these three things about you. And she’s gonna be inspired. She’s gonna be really amazed. What kind of guy are you? I mentioned this earlier that I matched with this woman who is… Oh she’s cute! I would like to have sex with her, to be honest, but I’m just not inspired. I’m not inspired by her. And so I can’t help it. And guess what? Most guys probably don’t have this mindset.
A lot of guys. And I’ve been this way myself for many, many years as well. I just thought too much with my ding-dong and that’s wrong. That’s a big mistake. And the reason why I no longer do this is because I know this is the wrong approach. And a lot of women do the same thing. They don’t think with their Vivi. Censorship issues here on youtube! A lot of women don’t think with their Vivi, and they think with their brains for the most part, and how they feel about you, and so they want to be inspired by you. So you got to be an inspiring man. A true king. So that is my advice for you. Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within.