Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
Getting dumped by a woman that you deeply love from the bottom of your heart — it’s the dreaded experience almost every man has to go through at least once in his lifetime. Based on statistics, 4 in 5 women are the ones who break up with their partner. Men almost never do the dumping. Heck, it’s probably more likely that Taylor Swift is going to write a breakup song about you than the chance that you won’t have been dumped at least once by a woman. Men are a lot more forgiving and often more oblivious to the flaws in relationships. And that’s why sometimes, a woman dumps you and you got no idea what the hell just happened.
When it’s the first time that you get dumped by a woman you adore, your mind can play the wildest of tricks on you. You’ll start to see her in every girl that passes by. You’ll think about her when you least expect it, and you’ll get random impulses to reach out to her and change her mind. We all have that urge to solve our unfinished relationship business. We become unable to escape the gravity of the situation. When we get dumped, we turn into Isaac Newton Jr., and in our minds, we try to solve the equation that explains why she left and how to bring her back. But if you’re smart, you’ll act like a real Chad, the OG Isaac Newton, and you’ll escape the gravity of your ex-girlfriend because for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Chasing a woman who dumped you always results in the opposite reaction. If you push her to come closer to you, she is always going to pull away from you. It’s the worst action to perform. But, you can use Newton’s 3rd law of motion to achieve the opposite effect. If you pull away from her, she’s going push to get closer to you. Not always, but if she really cared about you, but just wasn’t happy about one or two small things about you, then she’ll likely come back because your distance from her will pull her in like a black hole swallows everything.
The act of offering your love to a woman is a little bit like a busker playing his songs in public on the streets of a busy town. Your job is to show up, present what you have to offer, and someone is going to appreciate what you have to give. Your love, just like a busker’s talent, is a gift that’s given freely. And when appreciate, is rewarded with kindness and affection. Force is never the right method to re-attract any woman. You have to give your love as a gift. And the woman you love has to want to receive that gift. That’s the frame of mind you should have when getting dumped by a girl.
So, let’s look at the breakup situation of a guy who got dumped by a girl and because he is not forcing himself on the girl, she pulled back. He is acting desperate and needy with her, and his insecurity and his forceful action create a reaction in the opposite direction — she feels forced to distance herself further from him. He made some mistakes and he’s trying to chase her and of course, this is why she’s pushing him away. So, let’s solve this.
How to Get a Girlfriend Like an Alpha Male: Never Ask her to be your Girlfriend — Let her Choose YOU!
I want to understand what exactly went wrong in my relationship with this woman whom I dated recently for 2 1/2 months only. We both were very good friends at first, often spending time together, watching stuff together at home, and eventually cuddling and making out, and so on. It was going pretty great. And then one day I proposed her to be in a relationship with me.
Never apply force with women — even if everything’s going great. A woman chooses a man. It is very likely that you were over-invested in the relationship, while she was still not ready to ask you to be in a relationship with her. Some women will want to be in a relationship really fast. Others will take their time. But in general, it has been studied that on average, women take 134 days to tell their partner that they are in love. Whereas men already do it within 88 days. This is a big problem for the power balance with a woman. A woman wants to choose her man and she wants to be the one to determine the pace of the relationship. When a woman loves you and is ready to be in a committed relationship, she won’t hesitate another moment to tell you.
She must have still considered your relationship as “casual” dating. I’m sure you were exclusive, but she clearly wasn’t ready to ask you to be in a relationship. On top of that, the way you described your relationship is a very common arc of most relationships, that starts with casually spending time together, which eventually turns into intimacy. So I assume that the first 2 or 3 weeks were casual dating, but it was not as intimate as it started to be once you began cuddling and making out. Effectively, this left you with roughly 1 1/2 months of very intimate dating. So you should have waited for her to want to be in a relationship with you. I know it’s tough, but that’s what it means to be a man — to have emotional self-control and discipline to not jump the gun too soon. Delayed gratification is the best way to get results with women.
Why she Lost Interest: What Happens when Attraction is Gone after she Notices your Insecure Nature
Everything was going too good. She used to reciprocate my texts and calls and made time from her busy routine, but as soon as we got into a relationship she all of a sudden got cold and acted weirdly within two weeks of our relationship.
This was pretty confusing because obviously, I expected that things would be even better once we’d officially be a couple, but instead she became more distant with me and I tried to spend more time with her because I thought that maybe she wanted to be together more often now that we were together.
So, everything was fine until you were an official couple, or when you could say that it was a fully-fledged relationship. That can’t be a coincidence. There are only a few scenarios here why she changed her behavior. Maybe she changed her mind. Maybe you did push too soon with the relationship talk, and maybe she is a very agreeable woman, she didn’t want to hurt you and she felt there was nothing wrong with being in a relationship since you were already spending a lot of time together anyways — but maybe her heart just wasn’t in it yet. Maybe she felt pressured into something that was going too fast for her. And yes, she should have told you if that would be the case, but hey, not every woman is a master communicator in her 20s. I assume you’re both pretty young.
Or, perhaps your behavior changed, and what felt effortless, like a low-pressure relationship, all of a sudden changed in the dynamic. And she started to feel that you were insecure in the way how you needed attention and time spent together with her.
- Maybe you started texting her more often.
- Maybe you started wanting to see her more often.
- Maybe you chased her too insecurely instead of letting her come to you.
- Maybe the way that you talked to her changed from a very confident nature to an insecure nature
It’s hard to know for sure what triggered her to become distant, but there is definitely no coincidence with the timing. It probably was a mix of both factors. She felt pressured to be official with you, and on top of that, maybe your behavior changed, and then because she was already not in the right frame of mind in the first place, she began paying more attention to the fluctuations in your communication style with her. But let’s investigate further.
When a Woman Pulls Away: Is she Testing you when she Pulls Away or are you Behaving Insecurely?
She started ignoring me when I chased her. She pushed me into the friend zone and the reason she mentioned was that I acted like her ex who wouldn’t give her enough space. So she got scared of me when I chased her. She was busy with some work as per her, but that’s not true. I know she said this intentionally. She was testing me to see if I’d still act insecure or possessive and I think I failed her test.
Well, it seems like this girl has a history, or maybe even a pattern of dating exes who push too much for attention. That said, it could also be the case that she has an avoidant attachment style. Maybe she often pulls away from men, which understandably triggers some guys. Women with avoidant attachment styles tend to date men with anxious attachment styles, and I bet you got an anxious attachment style yourself because you wanted to pin her down to be in a relationship with you. So people that need a lot of validation, and you are someone who needs validation, and who needs to know that everything is going fine in the relationship
It’s no coincidence that you are like her ex from before. This was a choice on her part, whether it is a conscious or subconscious decision. She is the type of woman who needs a lot more space than your average woman, so even a small amount of pushing can turn her off when she is not yet fully committed to the relationship. Her behavior pattern isn’t necessarly something bad or something that needs fixing — even a moderately securely attached woman is going to pull away when her man becomes too needy. My opinion about her attachment style is pure conjecture. She might as well be a very grounded, secure woman and she just happened to have one needy ex, and now you’re number two. That doesn’t prove yet that this is a pattern for her. Maybe it was purely about your neediness to spend more time with her. I suggest for you to reflect again whether you have been pushing too much, and if not, if you date again in the future, try to identify what her attachment style is. You can talk about this with her in the future. Discussing your attachment style with a girlfriend is incredibly important to understand each other’s needs. It helps you master communication as a couple to avoid turning each other off.
Intimacy and autonomy in relationships are a balancing act that needs careful attention — an effective man leads his relationship and re-calibrates the ratio whenever he feels something’s off in his relationship. Sometimes your girlfriend needs space and me-time, sometimes she wants to spend every single moment with you. Women come in waves. Sometimes you need validation from her that she needs you, and sometimes you just want to be able to spend time with your bros. You need to learn how to communicate your needs without pushing, and you need to learn how to respond to her needs without becoming insecure when they don’t meet your expectations. The goal in relationships is to find a middle ground where both partners are happy.
Lastly, about her testing you: Well, I agree and disagree with your take. A woman will test her man in relationship when she is not happy with him. And such a test is meant for her to be re-assured in your masculine strength, confidence, and unshakeable nature. However, I do not think that she consciously pulled away from you and became distant as a test. It sounds to me that she was generally in a turned-off mood and this was not a test. She genuinely began to lose attraction for you and it is more likely that she began to feel apathetic. At this point, she probably had no desire to test you because she was not heavily invested in the relationship and mentally she was about to exit the relationship already unless you would stop chasing her. When a woman pulls away, it means that you already failed her tests or didn’t meet her standards. Sure, she wasn’t ready to leave yet, and her evaluating your behavior further can be seen as a test, but women tend to be more deliberate in their actions when they test men.
My Ex Dumped me and wants to be Friends: Friend Zoned — What to do when you Get Rejected by a Girl
Then after a few days of normal talking on call when everything got normalized again, I asked her why she did this. So she said yes, she did this intentionally to break our habit of daily calling and texting. She was not feeling free in this relationship. She said she thinks “we are nice as friends but in relationship, you are behaving over-emotional, over-available, and insecure.”
So, it seems that your behavior plays a bigger role than her personality and temperament, such as being avoidantly attached. She calls it out quite clearly that you are too emotional, available, and insecure. Now, this may be confusing when hearing from a woman — after all, why wouldn’t you want to be available for your partner? Well, of course, that is the entire purpose of a relationship, but especially when you are young, infatuated, high on dopamine, and have little experience with women, for inexperienced men it can become a habit to crave the attention and time with a girl.
Whenever you are feeling the urge to spend a lot of time with a girl, you should do an emotional check whether you are only wanting to see her for your own needs —dopamine release — or whether you want to give something in return to her. Remember, love is a gift. No woman wants to be with a man who only blindly wants to be around her to feel good. If you are more emotional than her, then you are not in her masculine and she is not able to be in her feminine. Let her choose and come to you. That’s the way of nurturing a woman’s feminine energy.
You should be a stoic. When she has to be in her masculine because she got a busy schedule at work, or after work she feels exhausted because other things are worrying her, let her deal with them. A woman will return to her feminine, and go into relationship-seeking mode when she is ready to put her guard down. But you cannot force her into this behavior. A woman wants to be free to choose when she opens up to her man.
Women desire autonomy. That’s why the feminism movement is so popular with modern women. It’s why one of the mains reasons of a woman to break up is her desire for more autonomy. Women grow up protected by their mothers and fathers because a woman should be protected. As they grow older, they want to be less protected and explore the world on their own. But a traditional woman in her feminine knows the right balance, and her need for autonomy is just a temporary phase that comes in small intervals. A good woman will return to you quickly when you give her a tiny bit of autonomy, because in the end, she’s still like that little girl who wants to be cherished and protected.
And to protect a woman, you need to be in your masculine. A masculine man never becomes insecure or loses his footing with his woman. You should always be in your masculine with a woman, unless when you need to listen to her struggles in life or when it’s your job to nurture her to become a happier woman. At all other times, you are in your masculine frame and you don’t need to chase her because she’ll come to you as soon as you’re in your confident masculine.
No Contact Rule after Rejection: When you Give her Space to Miss you she Will Come Back to you
Coach, I have noticed one thing as she rejected me indirectly and put me in the friend zone, but after some days she used to reciprocate my calls and texts. I thought now everything is working between us. Now she was into me again and showing interest. So I asked her if she is ready to give commitment. So she replied “Give me space for some days. I’m feeling burdened & no freedom in this relationship and friendship. I want to understand my emotions and feelings for you.”
Things were working as soon as you somewhat went no contact or stopped messaging her all the time. When you gave her space and time, she’s starting to feel she can trust you again. She was beginning to gain some reassurance that you don’t need to constantly gain her attention. Once a woman trusts, she will discover her lust. As soon as you were in your masculine and stopped chasing, she was missing you. That shows you that she overall, she likes you and appreciates your character. But she doesn’t appreciate it when you need re-assurance. A woman wants to get re-assurance that her man loves her. You’re reversing the roles and that is unattractive to a woman.
As soon as she started to trust you again and reached out to you, you tried to put the relationship label on her again. You asked for committment. The only reason why you are asking her to commit to something is because you are insecure. You can’t control yourself. You’re not emotionally abundant. An alpha male — or a sigma male — will go his own way and will let the woman come to him. He doesn’t mind if a woman lost attraction for him. He knows that her attraction for him will likely rise up again. And in the case that she keeps on being disinterested, another woman will come along. You’re too afraid of losing her. You haven’t even been in a fully committed, serious relationship with her yet, so if she doesn’t want to be with you, you should be indifferent and move on with your life.
But, of course, your love is like a gift that you’re giving freely. When she reaches out to you because her interest in you is increasing again, all you have to do is give her what she wants.
- Give her your attention without complicating anything
- Show her affection when she shoes you affection
- Have quality and fun time with her
- Be intimate, sexual and passionate with her
Make out with her and show her that you’re confident. Turn her on, make her horny, get her excited to spend time with you. A confident man isn’t afraid that he’s not making a woman happy. He makes her happy and in return, she will never leave him. You’re trying to skip three steps. You’re trying to start out with the perfect relationship, when all she wants is have a great time with you. Once she has a great time with you, she’ll aks you for commitment. Forget the relationship label. All you got to do is make her feel comfortable in your presence. Presence leads to passion. If you want a woman to be committed to you, make her feel a real bond through sex. Giver her a good dose of Oxytocin by having orgasmic sex and she will be unable to resist you.
Blocked after not Giving Space: Never Chase after being Dumped or Face the Consequences
I decided to give her space, but the thing is after three days I texted her a simple good morning. She ignored my message the same way she did last time. So I got scared that she will reject me so I chased her and she blocked me from everywhere.
She blocked you because you weren’t giving her space. Giving her space isn’t a strategy that you use once and then you congratulate yourself for using tactic X. Giving a woman space is an alpha male mindset — it’s something you do unconsciously. An alpha male doesn’t measure how much or when he gives a woman space. He naturally keeps a little bit of distance from a woman, not because he’s trying to find the right mix that’s necessary to get her to come to him. A man gives a woman the space she needs because he’s a self-developed man. He’s busy on his vision, mission, purpose and legacy. He lives his life without the need to measure his attention he gives to her because she’s thrilled by his energy and comes to him whenever she feels that she’s not close enough with him.
After just three days you were already texting her good morning messages again. It should be the woman who texts a man good morning. Now, of course, eventually as you start dating more seriously and a woman feels less infatuated with you, she’ll want to get some good morning texts or random surprise messages that show her that you take time out of your busy schedule to give her some affection — but this happens once she is head over heels into you and some of the novelty in the relationship has waned.
A good morning text is meant to give a girl re-assurance that she is still appreciated. It sends a message that says: “Babe, you are still my number one, and always will be. I just wanted to let you know that in the most subtle way. Have an amazing day” — In your situation you are the one who’s not sure about her, so your good morning text only gives her re-assurance that you are not the right man for her.
You weren’t in a relationship. She barely was still willing to give you another chance. You shouldn’t have texted her. You should have lived your life like a boss, followed your purpose, maybe shared some cool stuff on your social media and she would have most likely reached out to you if she felt inspired by the things you are up to. Your neediness became such a massive turn-off for her that she felt it’s best to block you. She felt that you’re not mentally stable enough to keep your cool whenever she wouldn’t talk to you and she got tired of your constant need for validation. Yes, need for validation. Your good morning text wasn’t to show her your affection, it was to gain her attention.
Forcing a Girl into a Relationship: Alpha Males NEVER Try to Make a Woman to Commit to a Relationship
After a few days I called her. She acknowledged that she was aware that I was scared and insecure but she didn’t like that. She also asked why I asked her for commitment. “Everything was going good. I was not thinking about our relationship, but all of a sudden you ask for commitment. I think we can’t continue anymore because your behavior scared me. You are too impatient and I don’t want another relationship like with my ex. Im sorry, I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. I think it’s best if we don’t date anymore.”
Ouch! That is an honest and hurtful truth bomb, but at least she is being honest with you instead of just leaving you in the dark. And she is right. She said it herself that she felt Ok again for a while. I am sure before you started dating officially, she never had any doubts about you. She only started having doubts about being with you once you became visibly insecure. She didn’t want you to rush. She thinks you are impatient. This is a clear reflection of both of your mental frameworks. She is your typical woman who is always sexually abundant. Your average sexually abundant woman does not need to force a relationship to happen. She would rather let it unfold naturally over time.
On the other hand, you are being sexually scarce. Your masculine frame is built upon a a lack of self-belief that you are able to attract another woman with relative ease. If you think about this mindset, it is in fact, rooted in feminine energy. You make your relationship with this woman your anchor, instead of being anchored in your own strength. She should feel that you are her anchor — not the other way around. Until you became needy you were her anchor and she was happy. Even after becoming insecure, as soon as you pulled back, she regained interest for you. Whenever you are in your masculine, or at least seemingly in your masculine, she feels drawn to you. She was even ready to commit to you on some level. Spending time together is a commitment. She just wasn’t ready to go all-in with you. You don’t need to ask a woman to be in a relationship with you in order to be in one with her. If she feels safe around you, even if it is not officially labeled, often she will feel like you are in a relationship and everything else is just that — a label.
After Getting Dumped: Stop Treating your Ex-Girlfriend Like she’s your Girlfriend — Walk Away from her
I started begging and pleading, which further turned her off. She unblocked me but then I used to convince her to come back because of which she got angry, and irritated to listen to the same shit again and again. I even asked her some tough questions, like whether she is cheating on me and why she did this intentionally. So she blocked me again. She even got aware that I am viewing her friend’s stories on Instagram. So she asked everyone to turn on their privacy.
This is your signal to walk away from this girl forever. Not because it will help you re-attract her, but rather because you need to learn to keep your dignity and walk away from a woman who doesn’t want you. And let me be clear: It is understandable that she blocked you. You have effectively turned into a stalker and she is feeling uncomfortable that you are viewing the stories of her friends. Now, look: Watching someone else’s stories isn’t a crime. But it is weird. Her friends probably don’t know you, or if they do, they most likely know that she doesn’t want to see you or talk to you. Your behavior not only worsens the situation, but worse than that, your insecure behavior only re-inforces your scarcity mindset. You create the bad outcome that you want to prevent, and as a result of not gaining the outcome that you don’t want to happen, you become more insecure, needy and irrational — desperately chasing a woman is a vicious cycle that lowers your self-esteem and self-confidence.
Begging and pleading repeatedly with a woman is like playing a broken record — the more she listens to it, the more annoying and repetitive it becomes. To be frank, you are quite lucky that she ever unblocked you in the first place. A part of her must have really liked and cared for you. Most women would not easily unblock a man after being too pushy. Perhaps she was hoping that you had learned your lesson, but after unblocking you, you just kept on spinning that broken record again. And there was no cheating going on. You were not a couple anylonger. Even if you were still talking with each other — a woman talking to multiple men until she is in a commited relationship is a part of life. She was simply no longer feeling it because you were acting insecure and she likely started thinking about dating someone else. Don’t get upset if she rejects you because she wants to find the most suitable man for herself. It’s natural — especially for a woman. As a guy, we also want the most attractive woman possible. Instead of getting angry, ask yourself how you can do better with her or another woman in the future. What can you do differently next time?
For starters, don’t accuse a woman of cheating unless you have very strong evidence, such as repeated patterns of suspicious behavior. Non-chalantly throwing around accusations of cheating is quite disrespectful and she will remember this behavior of yours for some time to come. I once got accused by an ex girlfriend that I was cheating, or at the very least, meeting with other women. She was a very jealous woman, and back then I was a shy, introverted young man who was busy trying to make his first startup work — and it failed miserably. I had nothing else on my mind other than startups and having a great time & sex with her. At some point her baseless accusations of unfaithful behavior became so frustrating that I dumped her. Don’t be that guy.
It’s also a counterproductive strategy. Trying to start a fight with a woman or accusing her of bad behavior won’t improve your relationship. You will only escalate her dumping you. She must feel that you were losing your self-control, which reflected in your behavior with her friends. You turned into a mini stalker and she wants nothing to do with you because of your behaviors. Stop your obsession and stop chasing her. Everything was fine until you started becoming obsessive and possessive. You went down a rabbit hole that you likely won’t be able to recover from. Your behavior embarrassed her in front of her friends. If you’re smart, you will stop chasing her, get distance from the situation, and quite frankly, feel embarrassed for your own actions.
I’m not saying this to make you feel bad about yourself. This is for your own good. I don’t intend to kick you when you’re already on the ground. I know this is already hard enough for you, but I want you to grow. I want you to get some perspective from the entire way how you have behaved so that you can learn from this experience. Walking away from a woman is the best thing you can do because it helps you re-assess how you behaved and learn from your mistakes.
Crazy Attached Boyfriend: When a Woman Blocks you it’s 99% of the Time your Behavior’s Fault
She doesn’t want them to get stalked or wants them to get in touch with me, nor does she want anything to do with me. Also, she is acting as a victim in front of her friends and new office colleagues with whom she is hanging out nowadays. She is portraying me as a crazy guy who is behind her and she doesn’t want me anymore. She is not portraying herself as a victim.
That’s because she is the victim in this situation. I consider myself based. I say it as it is. As it stands based on your recollection of events, she has been acting pretty normal. Maybe she has been testing your confidence when you started dating and yes, you clearly didn’t pass her tests — but that’s not her fault.
Here’s what not to do when a woman tests you and you failed her test:
- You don’t fight back & you don’t get angry at her
- You don’t accuse her of cheating or foul behavior
- You don’t chase her & you definitely don’t beg her to stay
- You don’t invade her privacy & you don’t make her feel unsafe
- You don’t re-validate all her concerns about you
She is the victim in this situation because because you’re being a massive burden on her. Men who are a burden to a woman get dumped. You’re supposed to provide value as a boyfriend — not take it away. She said that being with you felt like a burden. She clearly didn’t feel free. Love is given freely without force. Imagine how she feels now compared to back then. This have gotten even worse. On a craziness scale from 1-10, you probably were at 2 when you started dating, then went up to 3 or 4 as you began to be a real couple, and at this point you are all the way up to a 10. You craziness level of 10 is why her attraction level dropped all the way down to 0.
The crazy/hot scale should be reserved for women — men shouldn’t act crazy around women. To re-attract a woman, you need to get as close to level 1 of desperation and craziness to make her regain your respect. However, with that said, this situation is probably done. She was the victim and you need to accept the truth.
That doesn’t mean you need to beat yourself up about it. However, you need to see the error of your ways so you can fine-tune your behavior for the future. This is a great opportunity to learn and do this vastly differently the next time. Pick up a book on codependency, one one attachment styles to learn about your very likely anxious attachment style, and read my book “High Value Male Dating Principles” to master your masculine mindset. I don’t want you to think that you’re a bad man, but you can definitely do better.
When a Woman Dumps you Unexpectedly: Your Insecurity is the Reason why she Dumped you
Coach, I want to understand women. Before coming into a relationship, a woman acts hot and strongly interested. Then what happens to them? Why do they turn cold in a relationship all of a sudden, start testing you, and are acting weird?
Then they push us into the friend zone. They find an issue in our behavior, but they are still interested in us as friends. They use us emotionally and sometimes they’re not physically ready for a relationship. How to convince women to be in a relationship and maintain a relationship with them?
Here’s the truth: There’s never a time when a woman may not test you.
- She will test you in the first week when she first started talking to you
- She will test you on a first date and after a date
- She will test you before you become exclusive
- She will test you once you’re in a relationship if you’re not taking charge
- She will test you when she is ready to get married
- She will test you in marriage if she’s feeling underappreciated
That doesn’t mean a woman will test you at every step of the way. You happened to get tested when you became insecure. That’s life. When a male animal wants to mate, it will get tested by women and sometimes, he’ll get rejected. So get used to a woman testing you, because you’ll keep on being tested for the rest of your life. We can thank technology for prolonging the average life expectancy — more years for us to be driven insane by women. C’est la vie. The messy nature of life is what makes it worth living. The messy nature of dating a woman is what makes her worth dating. Its your job as a man to bring balance and order into your relationship with a woman.
Feminism and modern culture aside, women still want to have children. It’s an inevitable, innate nature for them as they get older. They just wait longer nowadays than in the pre-2000s. So your woman will test you to find the best suiter for raising a child together. When you become weak, needy, desperate, irrational, she will see that you are not fit to impregnate her. Accept the harsh truth that getting dumped unexpectedly almost always revolves around your insecurity which triggers her realization that you won’t provide security for her and her future children.
Why a Woman Friendzones a Man: You are NOT Attractive as a Lover but Good Enough as a Friend
Regarding why women will act hot and then eventually friendzone you: A woman pushes you in the friend zone because she appreciates you emotionally, but not physically and sexually. There may still be a slight possibilty and belief to be in a relationship with you, but since you do not escalate romantically and sexually, there is no downside to simply keeping on as a platonic friend who still provides emotional support. From a woman’s perspective, she believes that she can keep her doors open for dating you in the future, but she can gain a lot of the benefits of a real boyfriend — without having to commit to a relationship. Many guys will stick around in the friendzone and nearly treat a woman as their girlfriend, and meanwhile they provide too much emotional and practical support without getting anything return. Only a fool wouldn’t accept such a great deal. It’s a no-brainer for a woman to friendzone you if you support her even if she shows no romantic and sexual interest in you.
And even being in the friendzone relates to being tested by a woman. A woman who trusts discovers her lust. Women are like the waves. Sometimes they’re calm and sometimes they’re like a wild onslaught. If you’ve ever surfed and have been hit by a huge wave, then you know how easy it is to lose your balance. And once you fall down into the ocean, it is hard to get up. It can even be near-traumatizing. I once surf in a pro area without knowing it when I was still a beginner. After this experience, I was terrified of the waves for some time. There is a similar feeling after being rejected or friendzoned. It makes you feel uncomfortable and insecure. You become insecure when the waves of a woman approach. A woman will direct her energy towards you and she expects you to hold firm against the waves crashing in. And sometimes, you can fail with a woman initially and you can get back on track. That’s attractive to a woman.
- Do you get your composure back?
- Do you become more confident with your words?
- Do your actions become more assertive & congruent?
- Do you stop chasing her for attention?
In your case, it’s likely too late for her to appreciate you again if you fix your behavior. But depending on the woman and the baseline of attraction that you had for each other, it’s possible to recover from pushing too much. Energy can neither be created nor destroyed — only converted from one form of energy to another. So, to wrap it up and going back to Newton’s 3rd law of motion: If you want to recover from rejection and friendzoning, you have to focus on the right force of action — pull instead of push. Pull away and show women that you don’t need them. Retreat. Know which battles aren’t worth fighting. Pull away from her. It doesn’t matter if she’s being cold, distant, or wants nothing to do with you. Maybe she’ll come back, maybe not. In this case, probably not. Learn to be OK with it. Making mistakes in dating is necessary to improve. Your biggest mistake was wanting commitment too quickly. In the rare case that she ever comes back, don’t focus on commitment or a relationship label.
Girls just wanna have fun. Couples who play have a reason to stay. To win with any woman, being with you needs to feel fun, comfortable & exhilarating. Don’t take all of it so serious. Relationships are meant to be fun. Life’s too short to worry about where you stand with the girl you’re dating. Use that negative energy and transform it into positive energy. Once you became fun to be around, she will chase you all the time — guaranteed!
Don’t be afraid if she’s busy with work or her friends on certain days. As a man, you should be chasing your purpose and busy as well. And you’ll make time for your girl when she shows you that she needs you. So find something to keep yourself occupied with instead of overthinking all the time. You’re a man. You got massive amounts of testosterone in blood. That gets you moving. That activates your goal-driven and achievement-driven mindset. Become a masculine force of nature and you’ll become attractive to the feminine nature of a woman.
